Differences In Opinion, or Child-Rearing Basics Date Friday, April 19, 2024 - 08:33 PM PST Topic Drama I have a friend; we've been friends since high school. Our paths went different ways, and we recently started hanging around each other again. She has gone through a lot in her life; her husband was addicted to crack and as a result, her family suffered dysfunction that was beyond her control. She stood by her husband and supported him and got him off the drugs. I think she is very strong and brave for being able to do this. Unfortunately, in the process, her children were damaged. She was at my house recently, and she and my 13 year old daughter started discussing whether or not my daughter could come spend the night with her 14 year old daughter. (The two girls had met before, but are not close.) My first, immediate gut reaction was "No." Her 14 year old daughter is sexually active and has recently started experimenting with cigarettes. Her husband is a recent crack addict. She wasn't going to be there for the first two hours due to a work commitment, and her husband's brother was going to be there alone with the two girls. Her daughter tends to go where she wants and do what she wants, regardless of her wishes. Plus, she and her husband have arguments and he beats her. There was so much wrong with the whole thing. I tried very gently to explain that I know that she has had hardship and that things were beyond her control and that I do not in any way look down on her, but that I didn't want my child exposed to that environment. She got all offended and said, "She's going to be exposed to this sort of thing eventually. You can't protect her forever." What? So, my 13 year old child should be exposed to domestic violence and potential nicotine use because SHE'LL BE EXPOSED TO IT EVENTUALLY ANYWAY??? I've struggled to not raise my children in the manner in which I was raised... I am NOT going to toss them into situations that I have worked hard to keep them out of. They can be exposed to violence and drugs all on their own when they grow up, if that's what they choose. (And don't think I'm throwing them into life unaware. I talk to them about everything. I TEACH my kids... I don't let them learn through hardship and neglect.) She then went one step further. "Your children are coddled and sheltered too much." Okay. This one I have heard from two friends now, as well as my sister. Both of the friend arguments stemmed from the fact that I get up with my kids on weekday mornings, make sure they have a good breakfast and get to school on time, wearing clean and matching clothes. I also pack the little ones lunches. "Aren't your kids capable of getting themselves a bowl of cereal and dressing themselves?" Of course they are. All I do is set the bowls and cereal and milk on the table, and I only pick out the 9 year old boys clothes. The girls pick out their own clothes. When the boys are a bit older, they will pick out their clothes too. Right now, it makes things run more smoothly if I do it. On weekends, one of my 9 year old boys cooks eggs for breakfast.... because he asked to learn and I taught him how. They are all learning all the valuable life skills I can teach them. How to cook, clean up after themselves, do laundry, take care of themselves, do what is right for themselves... and it doesn't take a life of hardship or neglect or being forced to do these things on a regular basis at a young age, for them to learn these things. My kids are healthy and happy. They have chores and responsibilities, they are told to do their homework and take care of their own pets. They are told to not smoke cigarettes or use drugs or have sex before they're ready for it. They're given allowances and taught to budget their money and make sure they can pay their bills (They're responsible for their pets' food and care.) They are being raised in a calm, peaceful household in which their every need is met. They sleep over at friends' houses and are well socialized. I don't have any net nanny software on my computer and all of the kids use it... and none of them know what porn is. The few times they've run into anything inappropriate, they've immediately shut it off and come and talked to me or Rogue about it. So why is it that everyone seems to think that I'm doing them such a great disservice when I don't allow them to be exposed to things that I consider harmful and age-inappropriate? I'm pretty damned satisfied with the way my kids are turning out. They are good, intelligent people. They know right from wrong. They will be able to take care of themselves and make good personal decisions by the time they are ready to go out into the world. And if they aren't, it won't be for my lack of trying. This article comes from Shmeng http://www.shmeng.com/ The URL for this story is: http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=845