The glorious Lawmakers of the United Kingdom...
Date Thursday, March 28, 2024 - 02:15 AM PST
Topic Lemmings on Parade


After looking back trhough some of my older work...I stumbled across a piece that I meant to be a multiparter... and decided to give it teh spit and polish adn dump it into the box....


I've always wanted to visit the UK... but since researching this piece... my opinion has changed conesiderably... they are jsut as retarded in their laws as we are... for your enjoyment... more dumb laws...

-No cows may be driven down the roadway between 10 AM and 7 PM unless there is prior approval from the Commissioner of Police. (I can understand this... honestly, it's a mess and a nuisance... but where is the gas pedal on a cow?)
-Since 1313, MPs are not allowed to don armor in Parliament. (I have seen some of the parlimental meetings... these guys NEED armor)
-With the exception of carrots, most goods may not be sold on Sunday.(ummmm.... what?)
-London Hackney Carriages (taxis/cabs) must carry a bale of hay and a sack of oats.(in a lot of situations, with a little thought, you can see what the original intent was... this one... i .. anybody got a clue?)
-You cannot be drunk in a business liscensed to sell alcohol. (whoa)
-It is illegal to leave baggage unattended. (I can kinda see this one)
-it is considered an act of terrorism to pick up abandoned luggage. (O.o)
-It is a capital crime (punishable by death) to commit suicide. (this one actually made blood shoot out of my eyes as the vessel popped in my brain)
-It is illegal for a woman to be topless in public except as a clerk in a tropical fish store. (wha??)
-Excluding Sundays, it is perfectly legal to shoot a Scotsman with a bow and arrow. (wait for it!)
-You can only shoot a Welsh person with a bow and arrow inside the city walls and after midnight. (there's more!)
-You may not shoot a Welsh person on Sunday with a longbow in the Cathedral Close. (soooo... what about the irish!?!)
-A license is required to keep a lunatic.(do they need tags and their shots too?)
-It is illegal to be a drunk in possession of a cow. (...)

and lastly...

- If a steam locomotive is driven on roads, a man must walk in front of the vehicle with a red flag during the day and a red lantern at night to warn passersby. (i, literally... have thought about this for two hours.... this had to be based ona prank at sometime... but fuck me, what a joke)


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