Bring Bring Bring
Date Thursday, March 28, 2024 - 11:34 PM PST
Topic Humor


As many of you know, Shade and I have been having a really weird time the last few months. Lots of it has been really bad, much of it has been so strange as to be almost unbelievable. Some of it has been down right funny. I have tried to keep my sense of humor in all this, and I want to share part of a conversation Shade and I had one night after a day of flinching every time the phone rang.



“You answer it, I cant take anymore news today.”

“No way. Last time I answered it someone was dead.”

“Yeah but last time I answered it FEMA said WE were dead.”

  • pause*

“Ok then you check the voice mail.”

(with fingers in ears and humming) “I cant hear you and we don’t have a phone!”

We then got to talking about the worst things you can hear when you answer the phone. Many of these have happen to us over the last 10 years. The rest have happened to a close friend. They weren’t funny at the time (well not that funny), but after time and therapy (and some cognac) they are funny.

1. Your mother is in intensive care
2. Your father’s lungs collapsed on the phone
3. Your brother just killed someone, accidentally
4. This is the IRS
5. Your father is in emergency
6. Your mother is in emergency
7. hi, um… I have hepatitis
8. oh hey, I want a divorce
9. Your cat is dead
10. Your other cat is dead
11. There is a category 5 hurricane coming straight at you
12. Hi, I’m in jail
13. Hi, I’m out of jail
14. This is Officer Cooper and I want to talk to you about the death of…
15. Hi this is your insurance company
16. I got the test results back.
17. Is Felix there? (after the 15th time it rings after midnight night one night)
18. *pant* *pant* *pant* I think he is dead for real this time *click*
19. Hi, my name is john doe and I am calling from FEMA
20. Good afternoon, my name is agent Foster and I am calling about your friend…
21. your brother is on heroin
22. your uncle is on heroin
23. Hi, I am on heroin right now
24. Hi, its grandpa. I’m dying and I want to you come visit me.
25. I need some money for bail and cigarettes. I promise I won’t spend it on heroin this time.
26. I’m getting a divorce and I want to see you again.
27. Hi, I’m calling from the embassy in Morocco. I need bail money and a ticket home. Please.
28. OH MY GOD!!! They are are beating on the door *click*
29. Your brother is missing have you heard from him? (this is really bad when that brother is out of the country at the time)
30. Hi this is your dad. (you all KNOW how bad this one can be,)
31. HI this is your mommy, can you come bail me out?
32. Hi I can have visitors finally here at jail. Wanna come visit me?


I am sure we have forgotten at least two or three. maybe you guys can think of them? Double dog dare ya'!

This article comes from Shmeng
http://www.shmeng.com/

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