The Wall
Date Thursday, March 28, 2024 - 02:19 PM PST
Topic Whining


The other day I danced with a wall.

I closed my eyes during the song we danced to, R.E.M's "Country Feedback." The wall held me tightly, but I believe I held it more. I had it firmly in my hands. Sometimes, I'd squeeze what would be its hand if it were a real person.


When my eyes were closed, I imagined the cold, rough cement was a breathing, pulsating human male. He would be...no, he was tall and had dark hair. His hands were smooth and firmly held mine. His eyes were deep, and they were every color and yet no color. He smelled like the fresh flowers I'd pick when I was younger; when I'd roam through my grandmother's garden. All this he was, and I put my cheek to his chest, and he carressed my hair. For a moment, there was silence. Beautiful silence.

The tear came when I realized I didn't know if I was doing it right. Imagining, that is. I wouldn't know; wouldn't know what it's like to be that close to someone.

I'm sure this reveals a lot about me now.

The wall fulfilled a longing I had been having for a while. The longing of having someone to touch. No sexual deeds were done; the wall and I just had a short dance. A dance interrupted by the jingling of my roommate's keys.

She didn't catch me, er, us.
Besides, it was a one time thing.
At least I hope it is.

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