A Series of Unfortunate Online Dating Experiences Date Thursday, April 25, 2024 - 01:33 AM PST Topic Humor You've gotta laugh. People marketing themselves online. I'm sure a lot of you have tried this and I wonder how many of you have had a good laugh over it. I figured I'd share a few of my stories... There once was a junior high math teacher that winked at me. We chatted a bit online then planned a date. We met and I thought how much safer can you get than a junior high school teacher. We hit it off, ate lunch at the park, walked the trails, played games with each other, and ate snowcones together. He took me to his place where I met his parents. Yes, on the first date! Their house was still decorated for Christmas even though this was the middle of June. He explained to me that they leave their decorations up year-round. Wrapped fake presents were still under the tree. We left and he took me to another park where stood an old fire tower. It was very high and stood on a ridge above the Missouri trees. The date was going well until we got to the top of that tower. We shared our first kiss and then he whipped it out and demanded that I suck him! I thought things were going well but not THAT well. I told him to put it away and to slow down. He took offense to that and became angry. So, we're five stories off the ground on a rickety old tower, not a very good place to be at a time like that. I remember I kept thinking that he could push me off and he would tell the police that I fell. Or maybe he was some lunatic that would drag my body into the woods and have sex with it before hiding it. He kept being very pushy and I of course kept backing away from him, but you can only back away so far before you get to the edge of the platform. So, it ended up with me giving him a hand-job to please him. What kind of person does this type of thing? The date ended with him dropping me off at my vehicle and never seeing him again. He did end up calling me twice and emailing me once more to ask for another date... Not a chance in hell, buddy. Next date was with a girl named Mandy. She was a hottie with long waist-length hair in her online photo. We ate lunch at a little cafe and went roller-blading in the park. Her hair was shorter now than in her picture. She told me stories about volunteering at a wildlife preserve and how much she loved reptiles. We held hands as we skated despite all the looks we received. It was the end of June and a beautiful sunny day. We too stopped for snowcones. She told me about her marriage, yes, she was married. And they never even slept in the same bed. Her husband slept on the basement floor. Our date was awesome and it ended well. The next day I received a call that her husband did not want her associating with me ever again. I have not seen or heard from her since. Few weeks and couple emails later, I had a date with another boy. We agreed to meet for a light lunch then go running on one of the park trails. After we met, I ordered a bowl of soup and an iced tea. He ordered nothing. I asked him if he was going to eat anything. He said that he had just had lunch before the date. (?) Since I was hungry, I went ahead and paid my bill and ate my soup while he sat looking at me. It was pretty awkward. Afterwards, we did go to the park, but he would not stay off his cell phone long enough for us to do anything. By the time he hung up it had started to rain. Scratch him off. He too continues to call every so often for another date. Since I work a lot and have terrible hours, I don't get out much to date. The next boy was ridiculous. He lied about his age, used an old photograph, and was in terrible shape. He was ten to fifteen years older than he claimed, had children in their late teens, and had spent the majority of his life in the sun. You know the look. He was a dark dried up prune. He spent the date complaining about how much his back hurt while sweating profusely. That is very unattractive! I don't like long-distance dating, it never works out. I gave this one guy a chance because he had such a great personality over the phone and a very sexy voice. He lived in Ohio and I in Missouri. He came to St. Louis to visit and we had a fantastic time. When he went home to Ohio, he apparently told his family about how nice it was here. I received a phone call from him telling me that he had such a good time he wanted to move here... and his family was coming too. Talk about scaring a girl! He told me all about his plans and I told him not to bother. But I said it nicely. I also discovered that he was not the narcotics detective that he claimed he was. He was an automobile painter. This was in July and I'm still receiving texts from him. It is almost Christmas now. So, during the month of August, I added to my profile that I was looking for friends to workout with. So, I agreed to run in the park everyday with this new boy. I made it clear from the beginning that I had no romantic interest in him and that I only wanted someone to workout with. Our runs were great! Working-out makes me feel so damn good! September he starts telling me more and more personal things on our runs. He constantly thinks of suicide. He owns lots of guns and other weapons. He believes that he was put on the earth to kill people. He wants to know what is wrong with him because I won't date him. Finally I put a stop to the workouts. He kept calling me though. One night I think he followed me home from work. He called me on the phone asking me to go outside. That he just wanted to see my face. He had had a fight with his parents and something was terribly wrong. It dawned on me that he was at my house when he said he could toss a rock at my window. I talked him down, never stepping foot outside, until he left. I don't know whatever happened. I don't want to know. Fast forward a month. I met another boy. He was hot and seemed to have a good personality. After two dates however, he became really possessive. I cancelled on a lunch date because I could not get away from work. He sent me a terrible email attacking me for seeing another guy and that he didn't want to play second. If he's like this after two dates, can you imagine how crazy he'd be after another two dates? He continued calling me for weeks, apologizing for jumping to conclusions. He still sends me emails and winks online. Well, there are lots more but none nearly as interesting. I imagine that there are some good guys out there, but can't seem to find them. Maybe I'll have better luck with the girls... I have met some magical people and have had some really good online experiences, this article is only about those that just didn't go right... hopefully you find a laugh in at least one story This article comes from Shmeng http://www.shmeng.com/ The URL for this story is: http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=743