Relationships Date Tuesday, April 23, 2024 - 10:07 AM PST Topic Rant A committed, monogamous relationship is almost guaranteed to fail. From the initial throes of love-struck passion, all the way to the final exchange of hostages, the relationship seems doomed. Round #1 : The Courtship In the beginning, everything is peaches and cream. The female takes great pains to be beautiful, she does have to snare her man. She plots her stratagy while she strokes his ego. The male knows that to get laid, he's expected to bring flowers and candy and unending compliments all the way to the bedroom door. Ah, viva la romance! They play their roles well, more convincingly than in any stage production. So, illusions firmly in place, they move on to the next stage of the game... Round #2 : The Awakening Our poor fools are now an official, card-carrying, committed couple. The female has won her man, why should she shave her legs this week? The male thinks, "Screw the flowers, she has to sleep with me now, isn't it in the rules?" One day they look at each other and see strangers. They accuse each other of changing, but what they don't see is that neither has changed, they're just now being themselves. Once this horrible revelation has come to light, what do they do? Once they realize everything has been a fantasy, how do they handle it? Once the figure out they don't even really like each other, what will happen? They will stay together!!! Why? Because our young couple have made a commitment to each other. They've promised to stay together, and by damn they will, even if it kills the both of them. By this time, the novelty has obviously worn off... Round #3 : The Coping Our couple have accepted their fate. They've settled into their routines of expectation and disappointment. Each new day brings another unsatisfied desire. There is not even a pretense of affection anymore. Sex is mechanical, if existant. No more flowers, no more compliments, just day after day of emptiness. Things cannot go on like this forever... Round #4 : The Degeneration By this time, our couple have cultivated a healthy dislike for each other. Those qualities that were once endearing now grate with amazing intensity. The "How Did I Ever Think That Was Cute" syndrome comes into play. From the moment they meet to the second they part, our couple annoys the hell out of each other. Conversations, which began as long affirmations of teary-eyed love and everlasting commitment, have been reduced to curt nods and apathetic grunts forced through clenched teeth. Our couple begins to think of greener pastures... Round #5 : The Wandering No longer able to stand the sight of each other, our couple begins to eye up others. The female's legs are shaved and skirts are shortened. The male's water cooler conversations wit the new temp get longer and always seem to end with one of his many sports victories. Mentally, each are fooling around on the other, but neither will make the first move to end it. Of course this only creates more friction between them... Round #6 : The Dissolution At this stage, one or both have decided to take steps to end things. They are amazed how many tears and angry words are shared over something they both want. Neither wants to be at fault, to be blamed for the failure of the relationship. But they finally head their separate ways. Neither wants to stay together, but neither wants to be alone... Round #7 : The Reconciliation Overwhelmed by new found freedom, both go a little crazy. Then the novelty wears off and they are alone. "Absense makes the heart grow fonder." The fights, the annoying habits, the hurtful words seem to disolve in the lonliness. They see each other at the market, or maybe a party and start to talk again. She wonders, "How did I ever let him slip away?" He thinks, "What was I thinking?" One thing leads to another and they are a couple again... Round #8 : The End Actually, they may repeat Rounds 6 and 7 several times. Eventually they decide to part ways and never be together again. Things have grown so bad, instead of avoiding blame for the breakup, each are scrambling to get credit for it. Nothing is left but the final exchange of hostages. It's like a divorce with no lawyers. Who gets what? With much bitterness, they divvy up belongings that were acquired together. But the real pettiness begins when they start tracking down every single item brought into the relationship. "Hey, that's my refillable pencil!" Neither is ever completely happy with the outcome, but with luck it hasn't come to blows. They head out, in different directions, thinking they are a little older, a little wiser...until next time. Ah, viva la romance... This article comes from Shmeng http://www.shmeng.com/ The URL for this story is: http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=688