What not to do as a Dominant Date Thursday, April 18, 2024 - 04:52 AM PST Topic Smut I recently ran into the first and only Master I ever had. We were together for eight years and while I learned alot about who I was as a person and a slave while collared by him. I also learned what shouldn't be done to a slave in a lifestyle relationship. So I decided to write up this little "What not to do" list for Dominants. 1. There is a very fine line between degradation play and verbal abuse. One is play and the other is not. So your slave likes to be called a dirty little slut? If that is what you both enjoy then great! But don’t tell them they are ugly or they don’t please you. This can quickly destroy a person especially when they have given themselves to someone. It is important to understand what exactly it is to be a ‘slave’. It is a very vulnerable position to be in and very important that every Master or Mistress understand how delicate their slave is in this state. Now understand that there is a difference between a bottom and a slave. Even a Dominant can bottom to someone, but they are not submitting. A slave is a submissive. They are submitting their mind, body, heart and soul to you. Doing so brings on a stronger level of love and trust then any vanilla relationship could ever give. Don’t take that for granted. Example of this situation: A Dominant has had a bad day at work. He goes home to find his slave has not done the tasks he set for her or has not done them to his satisfaction. In his state of frustration he begins telling her she is worthless and a horrible slave. We all say things we don’t mean when we are angry or frustrated. This is an area where you should really try to not do that which is why it is listed as #1. 2. Never use your position as a Dominant during an argument with your slave. This will quickly take a healthy growing experience that the two of you are sharing into a painful and resentful situation. The thing to keep in mind is that while you have a bondage style relationship, it is still a ‘relationship’. Fights are going to happen and harsh words said. Anything said during a fight or argument should not be held against the slave. Forget the collar completely and remember that is a human being standing in front of you. This also goes for the slave as well. I have watched the reputations of safe and sane Dominants get destroyed because a slave said something about him as a Dominant when she was angry with him. Say something about him as a person but leave the anger of your relationship separate from the bondage relationship. 3. Don’t take away their life. So you don’t like this friend or that friend? Don’t order them to stop being involved with those they care about. Even if you feel that the relationship they have with them is unhealthy. Tell them what you think of the situation and then step back and let them live their life and learn from their mistakes. Show yourself the better person by being there if things go wrong and not saying “I told you so”. It is understandable to want to protect your slave from pain and hurt but you cannot protect your slave from life. To do so cheats them of who they are and who they will become. To do so cheats them of life experiences they will need to keep from making the same mistakes twice. 4. Remember that they have needs to. While they will probably do everything in their power to please you, even things they don’t really want to do sometimes, it is important to return that. Many Dominants forget that it is not a give / receive relationship. It is a give / give relationship. When they are good, reward them with things they would enjoy. Even if they are things you would not normally like as they have probably done so for you. 5. Listen to your submissive. Let them know that their feelings, fears and misgivings should be voiced. Don’t punish them for voicing that they disagree with something you said or did. This does not mean that you should allow a submissive to mouth off or be rude to you but you should try and set up a way for them to get out their frustrations. Example: A Mistress and her slave are enjoying an evening with other like-minded people. Something going on is making her uncomfortable. A previous hand signal has been established between the Mistress and her slave that she can use when things get overwhelming. She makes the signal and the two of them excuse themselves outside or to a private room to discuss what is making her uncomfortable. 6. Don’t make them change things about themselves they are not willing to change. The most confusing and most difficult to figure out as a new Dominant is what is ok to change about your slave. Maybe you don’t like smoking and he or she smokes. Do you force them to stop smoking or do you tolerate it? Say they complain about their weight. Do you force them to lose the weight so they will stop complaining about it and feel better about themselves? If it is something you just cannot stand that they do but they are not willing to give up, then like many relationships, you just may not be compatible. Example: You dislike the smell of cigarettes and want your slave to stop smoking. First you discuss with the slave if they are willing to stop smoking or not. If they wish to quit then you set up rules and punishments for smoking. If they are not willing to stop then you set up the rule that you do not wish them to do it around you. I have seen Master’s who do this with their slaves and they will sometimes allow them to go smoke with friends at parties they are both at together as a reward. 7. Never lie to each other: Lying destroys trust and trust is very important in a relationship like this. If there is something going on that you think your slave or Master would not like to hear then your best bet is to just be honest. Don’t be mean but be honest. If you make a mistake, admit to it, don’t try to hide it from each other. This rule applies to all relationships but is even more important in a lifestyle relationship. It takes a lot of trust to put your life and body into the hands of another. 8. Don’t force away their feelings or become angry with them for having emotions you don’t understand: Don’t forget that the person at the end of that leash has a personality in there. Suppressing that will either break the submissive or make them very angry. Either is not good. I have seen and experienced so many mistakes made in this lifestyle. Just remember the responsibility you take when you snap the lock on that collar and make sure you are ready for it. I don’t want to turn any new Dominants away from this by scaring them but a damaged sub takes a long time to heal. I have always found it sad to see a new submissive walk away from the lifestyle with a bad impression of what it is because of Dominants who do the above. Some of these Dominants do it without realizing and others do it without caring. The trick to having a healthy and growing relationship in this lifestyle is to pay very careful attention to EVERYTHING you do. This rule applies to both the Dominant as well as the submissive. This article comes from Shmeng http://www.shmeng.com/ The URL for this story is: http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=671