Stranger than Fiction?
Date Friday, March 29, 2024 - 03:59 AM PST
Topic Experiences


My life is playing out like a bad novel; or rather, a novel that bogs you down midway through, with no ability to foresee what might lurk ahead. I am terrified of life after high school. I have not yet been accepted to any colleges, and I only have four… no, three (is it really that soon?) months until graduation. I desperately desire to leave the house I feel entombed in, but I do not know where to go. And that is just the beginning of my issues.
Anything can happen in a fictional book, but I doubt a book has ever been written about such a strange subject as my life. For starters, I am in love with a lesbian. Now, I am sure this has happened to others before, but has the lesbian ever said to them, “I love you too” and passionately embraced them in a gesture only lovers should be able to share? Is it because I am the only one who seems to care about her? Is it because of my personality? I know not what it is, only that I have strong feelings towards her and, by her own admission, the feeling is mutual.

My latest experience in this dream of a life that I sleep through was the first taste of marijuana. Now I know why people do drugs. The feeling was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before of course, a combination of light-headedness coupled with a sense of having every nerve in my body ultra-sensitive, reacting not as a whole being but as an individual cell. Looking back at that night, questions arise in my mind as to whether or not this really is the good thing all my stoner friends say it is. Perhaps it is because they have parents who don’t pay attention to their kids. Lord knows my dad would kill me if he found out.

There are other things, sure, like daily school life. The administration just beat down the drama department over our choice in plays this year. We decided on Equus, but were told it was too controversial. We told the administration to shove it, and the head honchos told us we might be cancelled. Now we're doing Our Town, because it's a "wholesome play the whole family can enjoy." I don't have a problem with Our Town, but damn it, I wanted to do Equus! And then there was the scandal with the band director... So much has happened this year, it almost hurts to reflect on some of it.

My only solace is in the arms of the lesbian and one other girl. I don't know what is happening, but everyone is changing now. People I once liked and admired have become sadists prone to verbal abuse. Others who I would rely on for a reprieve of common sense in times of madness have made bad decisions and lost my respect. The strongest blow to my constitution was when my mother joined a cult of sorts. I have also lost two great grandparents and a grandfather over the past six months, and though they lived 750 miles away, it was still a shock to the system. I know it's clichéd, but family really is the most important thing. Seeing relatives break down over the casket, crying to heaven why he had to die before they made peace with him, that does something to a person.

And now here I am, typing in what seems like a stupor, a tale of life almost monstrous in it's intricacies, which I have stopped paying attention to.

I have no car, I have no job, and all I really want to do is get out of the suburbs of Atlanta. How am I going to go about doing this? I don’t know. All I want to do is lead a happy peaceful life. How hard is that?


This article comes from Shmeng
http://www.shmeng.com/

The URL for this story is:
http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=657