How to get laid Date Friday, April 19, 2024 - 12:29 AM PST Topic Smut Ok kiddies, this is a series of articles about how to get laid and how to put that sex in perspective, how to make lasting and dear friends and how to keep their love, and how to have more fun with your life. Lets start with the easy part: How to get laid. You don’t need to be caring, loving, interesting, deep, or much of anything other than horney. In fact, most of those things will get in the way. Getting laid is about masturbation with someone else in the room. Its not about relationship building, interesting or involved sex or trust games, or finding your true family. It’s about using someone else’s hand for one night. Selfish? Yes. Wrong? No! Be ready You'd be amazed by how often people go out looking to score and come home unfulfilled because they weren't actually ready for what they thought they wanted. You are not looking for love; you are looking to get off. So leave the fluffy daydreams at home. This is not how to find the love of your life. Be willing If your goal is to get laid, keep that in mind, adjust your standards accordingly, and don't play hard to get when the man/woman of your dreams (and your dreams in this case are those wet dreams that you have, not those dreams that you see on TV where they live “happily ever after”.) walks up, looks you in the eyes and compliments your boots. Be available Seventeen layers of clothes, a two-hour synopsis of your life story, and/or a complex and difficult path between point A and point Bed (or other place of sex) is not going to help you achieve your goals. Instead, try putting the effort into being friendly, direct, and using open body language. If the answer to "your place or mine" is "Mine", make sure you have cleared a path to the bed, couch, or floor. Make sure you have transportation, and remember to inform any other parties who may turn up unannounced in your bed, on your floor, or on your couch. Be willing to try You can never depend on your potential bedmates to make the first move. Eye contact, verbal contact, contact of any sort is the key to the door of physical contact. Don’t try pickup lines, don’t try to manipulate them, just talk to everyone that will talk to you and ask if they are ready to go home with you now. Everyone likes different things, so be ready to try something new, or even something that doesn’t do it for you, if they ask nicely. Chances are that you will be having “show off sex” so you can try out new tricks and show off your new lingerie. This is, of course, not “good” sex, but it is what you get the first time you sleep with someone, especially someone you don’t know. Be willing to get naked Many people are visually stimulated. Wear something sexy, and be ready for it to come off (the easier the better). I don’t mean sort of sexy, or looks good on you. I mean actually sexy, something that fits well shows off your best features (not hints at them) and in which you feel very comfortable. You want to see them naked and writhing on your new satin sheets? Get over any hang-ups you may have about YOUR body and remember that you are in this for the sex. They are either also interested in writhing against your new satin sheets, or they are carrying some baggage that you may want to ask them to check at the door. Be willing to get sweaty If you go to a restaurant and buy a nice dinner and the first bite is completely flavorless, are you going to go back for a second bite? Not likely. If you are starving you may finish the meal, but you aren't going to enjoy it and you most certainly are not going to compliment the chef. Once the time comes to do the deed, make sure you are putting out at least as much effort as your partner(s). Sex is hard work and its teamwork. Don’t expect them to do all the work while you just lay there. Move, kiss, pet, hug, lick, fondle, praise, instruct, in short, get sweaty. Show off. Its not like you are going to talk to this person again anyways. Be willing to play with new people This is where I say, "kiss a lot of frogs". Meet a person; that is the best way to find someone that you want to have sex with that also wants to have sex with you. It doesn’t matter how hot you are, what kind of sex you want to have, or what you are looking for, there will always be people that want to play with YOU. You just have to find them. Move outside your regular circle to find new people. Don’t limit yourself or your chances by silly things like if your friends think they are "cool". You need to be ready and wiling to go out, meet, greet, and get sweet with new people. You can't do it with repeat friends. On the flip side, if you are in with a group of people who are in the habit of regular sex, you are probably reading this for amusement value and you should know many people hate you right now. While it would be nice if we all had and were part of a huge crowd of people who had sex on a regular basis and never had any drama about the act, it just doesn’t happen. Swingers clubs have their little soaps going on in the background. Most free love groups are rife with the kind of Drama that makes actors run screaming, and don't get me started about the regulars at most meat market nightclubs. Be willing to share Don’t expect them to read your mind about what you want. Don’t play coy about what you want in bed and after. Tell them that what you like, what you want to try, what you think they would like, and what you like for breakfast. And don’t just say it once in passing; make sure they understand what you have said. You would (possibly) be surprised how thrilled your new friend will be when you tell them clearly and openly that you want to have sex right now sand to have it this way. Don’t expect them to marry you the next day. Don’t expect them to stay the whole night even. Don’t even expect them to call you or accept your phone calls. They have a life. It was there before they met you and it will still be there once they have had a shower. This wasn’t about a new romance; this was about getting sticky. If you hit the club on Monday, get lucky with that cute bartender and then see them making eyes as someone else on Wednesday, ask yourself, why do you care if your past playmate is looking at someone else? If they are more interested in the new option, be happy. That means that you can look for someone else too! Be willing to keep trying If the first one you talk to is not going to play, move on to the next one, and the next and the next. Don’t give up. You can always depend on the fact that you are not the only person on the face of the planet, in your town, or even in the club/bar/venue/whatever that is looking to get laid. The first thing you have to be willing to do is just 'Try'. And if you don't hit your stride in the first ten seconds, so what? Just keep trying. Remember that annoying guy from school that got on everyone's nerves, but always had a date for the dance? You know how he got his dates? He kept trying and didn’t have strange ideas about love and relationships coming from sex. Be sure you are ready If you are feeling all romantic and fluffy, don’t go looking for easy sex. If you are looking for a new relationship, again, don’t go looking for easy sex. If you are unsure if you can handle never talking to the person you just slept with again, don’t sleep with them. If you are feeling fat or ugly or stupid or unhappy with your life, call your friends and leave strangers out of it. Don’t set yourself up for heartbreak. It is mean to do this to yourself or to the people with whom you sleep. This is where most people make their mistake. They think that they “just want to get laid”, and in fact they “just want to be in the second or third week of a new and tender relationship” or “just want to have the best sex of their life and live out some great fantasy”. In the worst cases they “just want to prove that they are sexier than the person their ex lover has taken up with” or “just be loved by someone again”. These are called hidden agendas. These are bad and will totally fuck up the experience for you. In the next article I will talk about how to get well laid, and what you can do to take this to the next and more fun level, when you and your playmates are grown up enough to risk emotion, trust, and personal need. Written by (in alphabetic order) callei, Devin, and Shade This article comes from Shmeng http://www.shmeng.com/ The URL for this story is: http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=648