How not to take things personally, A.K.A. being a nurse Date Thursday, April 25, 2024 - 11:52 PM PST Topic Work Somebody told me a joke the other day, "A body was found in an alleyway and the police were sent to investigate. There was no I.D. no witnesses, no hope for finding out the victims name. Perplexed, the police were flabbergasted when the coroner arrived and pronounce the profession of the victim. "That's easy," the coroner laughed. Think about it. Iron stomache, Her bladder is full and 3x the normal size, her hands are red and chapped, clean fingernails, there's varicose veins on her legs, burn holes and blisters on her feet, and her butt's been chewed on all day." The chief policeman smacked himself on his forehead with the heel of his palm and replied with chagrin, "You're damn right, she's a nurse". Let me explain why these clues were significant in solving the victim's identity: Iron stomach: Blood and body fluids, need I say more? Full bladder: Over the course of a few years the nurse, who rarely has time to even take a leak, has learned that it is more important to help your patients to the bathroom before yourself. Not because of a desire to be selfless and self-abused, necessarily, but because if you don't prioritize the needs of others, you will be considered a bitch, and will end up changing a wet bed. It must be included that night shift nurses are highly coffee dependent, and coffee, of course, has the unfortunate side effect of creating a full bladder due to it's diuretic properties. Professionals in the field have recommended that all nurses should have indwelling urinary catheters placed to avoid bladder discomfort, however, one must note you'd still have to take time to empty the bag, and patients report that catheters make promenading sincerely unjoyful. Chapped hands and clean fingernails: From washing your hands approximately every 10 minutes during your 8 hour shift (approximately 48x) and the avoidance of hand lotion which just feels nastily slimy under rubber gloves while you sweat from exertion. Or sweat as you try to start an IV or draw blood in front of a crowd of 10 or so friends and family members watching you torture a loved one with a small needle. (That in itself is a motive for murder) Blisters, burn holes, varicose veins: High patient loads were designed and insured to guarantee that a nurse will be on their feet (a.k.a. work standing up) for 8-12 hours at a time. Only smoking nurses are allowed breaks, and the rest of us hope we have the time to drink a slimfast for our dinner, as we sit down for a full 5 minutes of our 8 hour shift, fearing that our sore backs and arthritic knees with affix us to the chair if we dally any longer. The rule in the hospital is "Don't walk, RUN!"- leading to burnt feet and blisters DR SO AND SO IS HERE! STOP THE BEEPING! I'M BLEEDING/CAN'T BREATHE! GET ME TO THE BATHROOM HURRY! PHONE CALL! PATIENT IS VOMITING (family members assume you are better at holding an emesis bucket than they are- what we really need to know is "Nurse, the patient is nauseated, could you by chance obtain an antiemetic so that we may avoid an incident" (hoping the doctor was nice enough to order one). Most hospitals use tile floors because it is easier to clean, doesn't burn as easily, and furniture rolls better. Unfortunately, this adds to the varicose vein problem. If you think pantyhose were invented for torture, you haven't met support hose yet! Chewed butt: This comes from everyone, the doctors, the patients, the families, the coworkers. Usually it's because they don't think you are moving fast enough to suit them (all), you call them too many times (doctors- if only they'd write legibly), they've been waiting too long for a box of kleenex while you did CPR next door - or worse, they've been waiting for pain medicine and you had to page the doctor to get an order (who bitched at you for calling them) fax the order to pharmacy (who bitched at you because they need the patient's height, weight and allergies) get bitched at by the family for taking too long while you wait for pharmacy to send you the medicine, get bitched at by the patient because they didn't like the pain medicine the doctor ordered, and then get bitched at by your coworkers who are waiting for your report/or for you to answer the phone call/or to help Dr. So and So, and where's that box of kleenex? Being a real life nurse I can honestly say that ALL these things have happened to me! Now, the poor victim, the nurse, was actually either a victim of drop dead exhaustion or suicide. She'd been worked too hard and just dropped dead, or perhaps she felt unloved and unappreciated and disillusioned from her ideal of caring for others turned to "mistress of pain and suffering". Now after all this, why would I still want to be a nurse? Well, because those poor people who are having a hell of a worse day because they have tubes sticking out of them and they just found out they had cancer, and are in much pain, need me. Nurses by nature are self-abusing because they will bust their ass to try and help someone else because they care. All it takes are the few times when I get a thank you, or when a patient who has recovered comes back to visit, or the times when I personally have prevented a major break down in a patient's condition because I know what I'm doing. Lastly, it's because I'm doing the work God intended for me to do, and I pledged myself to it long ago. But I tell you, this job makes you appreciate the little things in life, like taking a leak, sitting down for a long dinner, being able to walk, breathing real air. It also toughens your skin so you don't take things personally! This article comes from Shmeng http://www.shmeng.com/ The URL for this story is: http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=635