Most of the conversations halted abruptly, although three of the delegates, Poseidon, Tangaroa and Ægir were entirely absorbed in a discussion about the El Niño from the previous year and continued their animated debate until Pyerun, a Slavic delegate from Kiev, was able to catch their attention by banging his shoe on the table. Once order in the Hallowed Hall was finally achieved, Mithras spoke into the microphone.“Distinguished spirits and immortals, both seelie and unseelie, I hereby call to order the three thousand and sixty first Third Annual Meeting of the United Supernaturals General Assembly.” Mithras cleared his throat and took a sip from his water glass before continuing. “We have some pressing business with which we must attend, and I move that we skip the reading of the aeons from our last assembly. All in favour?” Several appendages shot into the air and the Hall was filled with shouts of “Aye!”, “Hear, hear!” and “Sucks!”

Mithras pretended to count their votes for a moment before asking “Those opposed?” Lit, who was one of the representatives of the Duergar dwarves stood up to vote at this, but the Asa delegate Thor stomped him into one of the floor tiles before Mithras had taken any notice.

“Motion carries!” Mithras announced. He gave a dismissive glance to Hermes Psychopompous who angrily stowed away the ten scrolls that he had hoped to read before the assembly. It was not that there was anything important to share from the previous assembly, but Hermes Psychopompous felt that as long as he was undersecretary and had to transcribe the aeons in the first place, he should, at least, be allowed to subject everyone else to them as well. Mithras quickly began speaking again in an attempt to quell the buzz of whispers that invariably followed every pause. Several small, irritable-looking spirits began passing slips of parchment out to the delegates.

“The Lemures are now handing out copies of U.S. resolution fourteen forty-one, which was passed by the two thousand and nineteenth Third Annual Body of the U.S. General Assembly by a vote of...” Mithras paused and shuffled through his papers until Hermes Psychopompous whispered something to him that could have been “Pfmeh”, “Fnord” or “Radical Two”. “By a majority vote.” Mithras finished sheepishly. “It was resolved by this august body that no mortal inhabitant of the planet Earth shall, by magical or technological means, either through negligence or wanton...”“Get on with it!” came a bellowing voice from one of the upper tiers. The various immortals craned around before it was apparent that the interruption came from Irra, who was Nergal’s ancillary. Realizing that he was now the center of attention, Irra continued. “While we’re still young! Pestilence doesn’t spread itself, you windbag!”“The assembly does not recognize the Assyrian Underworld delegate...” Mithras responded angrily. “Now where was I?” The stack of papers in front of him was hopelessly shuffled. “Right. Er, right.” Hermes Psychopompous inserted his hand into the stack of loose notes, drew out a parchment, which he handed it to Mithras, whispering something to him that sounded a bit like “buttonhole”.

Mithras glanced at the parchment and seemed to find his place again. “All right. We have charges that certain of the Earth’s mortal inhabitants are in violation of United Supernaturals security council resolution fourteen forty-one. Insofar as they are, in the first place: expanding rapidly beyond a fair and justifiable territory at the expense of their fellow inhabitants. In the second, they are sending or threatening to send unjustified numbers of their kind into Underworld territories without the express written consent of the rulers or guardians of the aforementioned Underworlds; and in the third place, they are rapidly rendering the planet uninhabitable through abuse, neglect and greenhouse gases. Who proffers these charges?” Mithras looked expectantly over the assembled beings. A dusky-coloured god whose shape was ill defined stood up. “And it pleases the assembly, Secretary-General.” The god said. “The assembly recognizes Orenda, the Iroquois delegate.”“I am the Manitou. I have seen the tribes of men and of plants and of animals since early times and have guided all that is within my domain,” Orenda began.

Some of the Japanese Kami delegates whispered agitatedly to one another in anticipation of an unnecessarily long and boring preamble.

“Through good and through ill I have seen and I have guided, but never in all the time that night has followed day have I seen men that are so terminally stupid as these!” Orenda continued. Many of the older immortals nudged one another in agreement with the sentiment and offered supportive hoots. “Order!” Mithras bellowed. “the Iroquois delegate will continue, please.”“As many immortals here can attest, the present tribes of men, in flagrant violation of U.S. resolutions and sanctions, will, left to their own devices, eradicate all life from the planet. As you are no doubt aware, teams of angelic and daemonic inspectors from the U.S. security council have submitted findings that the race of men has constituted several unnecessarily large weapons programs and we have reliable intelligence from the Devas that they have even attempted to obtain anti-matter from the parallel dimensions.” Orenda continued. “And this is the entire race of mankind, then?” Mithras asked. A large tortoise from the Hindi section rose in response.“If I may address the assembly, Secretary-General?” the tortoise wheezed.“Kurma, the second avatar of Vishnu has the floor.” Mithras answered. “It is all humankind who are in violation,” Kurma responded. “Even those devout souls under my own jurisdiction and in my own dominion have expanded beyond their allotted spaces and have acquired nuclear weaponry with which to potentially annihilate the followers of the Muslim faith who are their neighbours... however...” Kurma began to hurry his usual slow, methodical speech to deter the Islamic delegates and Babylonian Peris from interjecting.

“However... without pointing fingers, mind you... if I may say, and I am not suggesting that there is not fair blame to go around... it would seem that the Christians in North America are the primary aggressors here. Ahem. Thank ou.” Kurma coughed into a pocket-handkerchief and sat back down.Mithras glanced at an earth map and then looked back at Orenda. “North America...? Isn’t that in your territory, Orenda?” Mithras seemed genuinely puzzled.“A part of it was. However the most grievous offenders belong to the Christian sect.” Orenda explained patiently.“Then the delegate for the Christians should make a statement.” Mithras decided.“Not possible...” came a voice from the Egyptian section of the Hall. All heads turned to see Khenti Amenti standing and waving a piece of parchment.

“The Christian delegate should be one Jesus the Nazarene, but he refuses to be associated with the sect of Christianity. He says he’s Jewish. I have a note here from his mother, Mary. I was going to mention it before, but you never called the roll.”Mithras looked irritated. “Well, they have to have some representation here. Who is the deputy delegate then?”“It should be the archangel Michael. None of the other archangels would volunteer for it on the same grounds this Jesus gave. Unfortunately, Michael is currently seeking asylum with the Buddhists.” Khenti Amenti explained. A rotund, bald headed god with drooping earlobes shifted a bit at this and muttered “And he’ll keep on applying until he beats that flaming sword of his into a flaming plowshare.”“So there is nobody here to represent the Christians or speak in their defense?” Mithras grumbled rhetorically. He was not entirely sure how to proceed; Kittu's Rules of Order didn't cover this situation.

“I suppose then... that we should put it to a vote to form an ad hoc subcommittee to get their attention...”“Already ahead of you. We’ve been tossing plagues at them, throwing sandstorms in their way at auspicious times, entire species are disappearing, we punched a hole in their ozone layer...” interjected the Roman delegate Lupercus.“I even knocked one of their space vehicles all over the homeland of one of their most vociferous mouthpieces... it was the clearest omen I could think of that we weren’t happy with them. They didn’t get it.” shouted the Chilean delegate Pilan. “Of course they don’t get it,” said Athaena of the Greek delegation. She cast a perspicuous glance to the Roman delegates. “They’re playing ‘the games’ again.” Mithras shot a puzzled look to the Roman representative.Favonius stood up and tried to explain. “And it please the assembly, Secretary-General,” he began in an attempt to preserve the decorum of the Hall. “When the Romans expanded beyond their territories and conquered peoples simply for the sake of conquest, they could not really justify themselves to themselves. What the people of Rome did in order to stop thinking about the ‘rightness and wrongness’ of their actions were to organize gladiatorial games which trivialized life and distracted them from thinking of their friends and family who were fighting and dying on the frontier. Mankind buries itself in spectacular and inhumane ‘entertainment” when they know they are behaving in ways they shouldn’t. The more spectacular their transgressions, the larger and more absurd their ‘games’ become.”From the Mesoamerican corner, the grotesque form of Xipe Totec stood up. “I have to agree, Secretary-General.” He gurgled. “Even my dear Toltecs placed greater and greater value on the bloodshed of their ballgames, imbuing them with religious significance, as their empire grew and their conquests became more unnecessary. The slaughter at home made them feel better about the slaughter on the frontiers.” Lugh, from the Celtic contingent threw in his two cents well. “Our islanders in the north had a tiny empire for a bit as well. They also sanctioned their blood sports in this time, although it was mostly fox hunting.” Some members of the assembly looked quizzically at one another, certain that they had missed something here.“All right, all right, I understand.” Mithras said finally. “So you are saying that you have tried to send omens but these people are too busy watching each other kill one another in the arenas to notice?”“In a manner of speaking, Secretary-General.” Athaena clarified. “Although in these more ‘enlightened’ times, they have traded the dueling arena for ‘reality television’ and debase and humiliate one another rather than killing each other outright. It works the same way, though, debasing and trivializing life. I am sure that Priapus might have recorded some dating shows if you wanted to see one.”“No, no, that’s all right, I get the point.” Mithras said. “I’m afraid I’m at something of a loss. Mankind is destroying the planet they have stewardship over and all that dwell therein, but they are too absorbed in their pettiness to read the omens you have sent. If it were a small group of them, we might find some way to halt them,” he paused and gave a stern look towards the Elohim delegates who returned his glance somewhat guiltily.

“However, I am reluctant to sign a second resolution here ordering their extinction if there is no Christian delegate to speak in their defense.”“And why would you need a Christian delegate?” Came a smooth voice from the back. Everybody turned to see who had spoken.

“These people are Christians in name only. You need only speak to somebody who represents their objects of worship... and we are right here.” The assembled Supernaturals watched as seven strange figures strode into the Hallowed Hall, stopping before the central dais upon which Secretary-General Mithras stood.

Hermes Psychopompous stopped scribbling on to his parchment and leaned towards them before the light of recognition broke across his features. He shook his head in a gesture of dissatisfaction and resumed writing. It took only a moment before most of the assembly of Supernaturals did the same. Each of them recognized the figures of Avarice, Wrath, Lust, Sloth, Gluttony, Pride and Envy.“I presume that all immortals are welcome here...?” Gulveig/Avarice continued in her smooth tones. “I must confess that we felt a little snubbed when we hadn’t received our invitations.”“So you represent the... er, deities that the people of Earth are now worshipping?” Mithras asked in an attempt to be cordial in spite of the calculated disruption that the Vices had made with their entrance.“Of course! We fulfill a spiritual niche that the U.S. has left void.” responded Behemoth/Gluttony, while chewing noisily on a large, roasted ostrich leg.“Taken humankind under our own ægis, you might say.” Iblis/Lust clarified. “Since they’re doomed to the Underworlds anyway, we decided that we preferred to have them in ours.” Iblis had to put his hand on Demogorgon/Wrath’s shoulder to prevent him from launching himself at Mithras.An angry murmuring filled the Hallowed Hall now as the Supernaturals realized how these rogue entities had usurped their followers. Mithras banged a gavel in an attempt to restore order. He sat for a moment in thought before he finally spoke again.“Hermes Psychopompous, take down the following proposed resolution...” He began. “Since humankind has exhibited a complete and total disregard for their own welfare and the lives and well beings of the inhabitants of planet Earth, and in light of the pre-emptive strike that the rogue Vices have made for the souls of humankind, I, Mithras, Secretary-General of the United Supernaturals move that we disband this august body and leave the denizens of Earth to their own devices. We shall no more be compelled to provide balance or direction for that planet and hereby leave them to their own certain extinction.”

There was no sound to be heard in the Hallowed Hall for several moments. Mithras narrowed his eyes as he scanned the thousands upon thousands of gathered celestial delegates. “All in favour...?”