On writing a Shmeng article Date Friday, April 19, 2024 - 05:57 PM PST Topic Rant OK, I know there are still a few of you holding out hope for the next episode of Toy Dolls, and I salute you. It is still forth coming in fact. Just for the record, I was in the middle of working out the kinks when I decided this piece needed writing first. As my mind is still entrenched in the universe of Xeno, RG, Rose and the rest I am going to be using them for my exemplary base. What am I rambling on about you ask. I am talking about the quality of writing here on Shmeng. Devin, God of all that he is has been very kind in his own way. He hints about the edges and gives us all a nudge when our self-expression makes us look like yokels. However, is it really his job (and the job of those other poor sods he's roped into editing for him) to improve our writing? I say not. Moreover, when He finds himself in a position that requires more than a simple nudge...well, where have we all been wedging our literary heads? First example and case in point: Toy Dolls. I am in the process of tossing out a large chunk of material I had intended to submit as parts five and six of Toy Dolls. Why you ask? Well, they were forced. I started writing the story because it speaks to me and I felt it spoke to us as a cohesive group. I still do. However, the half of part five that is written and the story up through part six that I had formulated but was struggling to put to paper was no longer the story I began. It was an ephemeral piece of ghostly (ghastly?) realism...being forced into a rusty iron box. I had begun with characters and a setting within which, while many of you have said "why the hell don't I live in a town like that", most of you have recognized some piece of yourselves and your own lives. I'm not just referring to those select few whose lives I feel I know well enough to play havoc with in my pages. I'm referring to the overall sense of recognition. These last few chapters had lost that feeling and so, as I look back over the pieces that I have written and those plot twists I have devised, I'm giving them a proper burial and starting chapter five anew. This brings me to the reason I'm sharing this rather self-indulgent ramble with all of you. If it sucks, if in your mind, it is a thing of poignant beauty, but when you reread it, it is a lump of unformed clay, don't ask the editors to make it into a sculpture of mystic proportions. It is not going to happen. To take the metaphor one step too far, think of the editors as your kiln. OK, forget I said that. I can't even begin to work that back into reality. What I mean is this, when I write something to publish on Shmeng, or anywhere for that matter, I start with three simple steps. I write the piece, either on paper, or in a simple text editor. I then run the thing through spell check. I prefer to use Microsoft word mostly because it so bloody uptight I can't sneak petty little grammatical faux pas past it. That and it makes certain I re-evaluate every instance of colloquial language I use. I have to decide whether I feel each and every little speech impediment I give my characters is a step up for the story or an obstacle for the reader. Finally, I re-read the article to catch the grammatically correct but literarily wrong issues. (From callei: this has saved out love life by the way. If you love your editor, or even like them a little bit, then bloody check your writing before I have to read it!) Real life examples and the thoughts I have about them: Squid, you are the foremost in my mind for no other reason than I devised a pun with which to surround your foibles. In what school (groan, bad fish pun here) did they teach you to whine so effectively? Spelling 'you' and 'me' "yoo" and "mee" may seem like a cute little insight into your personality, or some other form of self-expression, but to me it reads, "will youuuuuuu pleeeease listen to meeeeeee?" Generally, if someone wants me to listen to them while they beg, they had bloody well be either naked and kneeling, or tied to something I deem appropriate. In an otherwise well spoken and occasionally insightful member of a group based entirely on it's ability to communicate through the spoken word, it comes out as a massive failing. This goes for those of you who affect other little personalizing touches in your written communiqués as well. Next victim. These will remain nameless, in part because their examples speak for themselves, in part because this is not an article in which I feel the need to bash by name, but mostly because I am in no mood to go spiraling through the backlogs of callei and Ick Girl's misfortune in order to prove this point. Short and sweet may seem like a wonderful excuse when your teacher asks why your essay is a thousand words under the minimum. Here, however, let us take a momentary look at the idea of a Shmeng article; start with a look at the published articles, are they a: one paragraph; b: free of a point; c: full of leet, or [of course] d: poetry? Umm, e: none of the above. This does not mean be original and submit a short, pointless poem written in leet speak. It means that your article will sit there next to the three dozen other short, pointless poems written in leet speak that will never be published for the single reason that they are not suitable for publication! (Imagine me a bit red faced and leaning over a desk shouting at the end of that last sentence) I'm not insinuating that only those of you who are on a par with Joyce or Kafka should bother submitting an article. What I am saying is that when you have something to say, be it a short story, a thought, a rant, or just a sharing of yourself, make it readable, give it a beginning, a middle, and an end, and for the sake of your audience, make it readable. Don't wrap it up in insider jokes. You're speaking to a larger audience than just those three people you always go to Denny's or Shoney's or wherever with on Friday nights. Remember that you are writing for an audience and remember who that audience is. If you just want to shout into the night and hope we see it, start a forum entry. Who knows, it may turn out to be the next dueling banjos, or maybe, just maybe, it will help you to crystallize the thought that was so important you couldn't see the edges until you opened it up for discussion. Maybe the forum will help you shape that thought into an article. I almost done here, but I have a major point to make about the most useless argument I have ever used in an attempt to get something published elsewhere when I was a teenager. I call it the "you just don't understand me" defense. If, for whatever reason, you feel the need to write stream of consciousness psychobabble, do not expect to get it published as an article. Once again, the key word is 'published'. Devin may not be paying any of us, but he is creating a rather well known (if google rank and the number of unregistered visitors we almost always have are any indication) avenue in which to share our talents. The editors sift through enough cannon fodder that the act of getting published here on Shmeng is in fact a bit of an accomplishment. And based on the rather high standards of those doing the editing, it's also an honor in it's way. So, keep that in mind when you sit down to scribble out something to share with your friends. One final...group of parting thoughts. I am certainly not writing this to discourage anyone else from putting pen to paper or finger to keyboard. For that matter, I'm not in any position to make demands either way, I just submit articles, and I don't edit them. I am in fact writing this to encourage you to improve your writing and to perhaps give an idea of what I look at before I decide if I should submit something I have written. And yes, I have in fact written one very short haiku in leet, all I can say is the world should be thankful for matches. So keep writing, keep thinking, and do not forget to re-read what you have written before you declare it a finished product. This article comes from Shmeng http://www.shmeng.com/ The URL for this story is: http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=354