I haven't cried enough yet, but I'm done anyway Date Thursday, April 25, 2024 - 02:44 AM PST Topic Whining It's been 3 weeks since he decided I wasn't good enough. I've never been dumped before. This was a brand new thing for me. We'd been Boy/Girl since shortly before Christmas. I had no idea anything was wrong. I was perfectly happy. I was just a sex toy, nothing more. Maybe he was my toy. I'm not sure. But, the drill went like this. I'd show up at his house, we'd hang out and talk for a bit, and always end up naked. Then I'd go home and the process would repeat every couple of days, at least once a week anyway. We'd support each other on major decisions, be there for comfort when something sucked, but we never spent any time outside of the bedroom. I didn't mind. I'm 20 years old. What more do I need from a relationship? But secretly, deep inside, I loved him. I loved him so much it made my heart ache when I went home. I always waited so much longer than I wanted to before I called. I hid everything from him because he'd told me up front he didn't want to get serious. Well, apparently he did want to get serious. Just not with me. He toyed with me until my batteries ran out, and rather than fix me, he goes out behind my back and seeks out a new toy. And this one gets to sleep in his bed with him. The worst part? He didn't call, or ask me out for coffee to break it to me. He tells me in IMs. And for the first three days all he told me was "my interests have taken me elsewhere" like I was just supposed to accept that. God, did I freak out. Like I said, nobody's ever dumped me before. This was a brand new hurt. It felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. Or plunged a knife through my heart. I almost killed myself over it. How could I allow someone so much power over me? I'd never allowed anyone to control my emotions like that before. I'm developing a lovely scar on my arm from that night. It almost went further than that. But I looked over at my son sleeping, and I couldn't. I don't live just for myself. If I did, I don't think I'd be here. I'd be cold and stiff and ripe with decay. The real question is would he even care? I doubt it. I loved him, but he never saw me as a real person. I was just a plaything. So now I'm wiping up the tears. I've stopped my sniveling. I'm over it. It helped a lot when I went up to Vashon Island to spend time with a beautiful Boy. I gained a lot of peace from that visit. Maybe now that I've moved I can finish making peace with this. He's not worth it. This article comes from Shmeng http://www.shmeng.com/ The URL for this story is: http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=331