Sometimes when you're "paranoid" They really are out to get you!
Date Friday, March 29, 2024 - 07:23 AM PST
Topic Rant


Okay...now I know I suffer from anxiety, and yes, I am even taking all the prescribed meds (I won't even go there...) but I really have to get this off my chest; and I hope that you will bear with me on this, because I don't really want to get into any long philosophical conversations about "Where do you get your information from..." and all that crap. The facts are out there if you have already looked, or are willing to expand your mind and spend some time observing.
At any rate, I am beginning to get really scared of all the stuff I see in the world going on around me. Now I know that's probably normal, but my rational concerns and fears are beginning to rise every day, until I am almost paralyzed. This could be agoraphobia...except I'm not afraid to go out of the house or be in social situations (at least any more than normal; I've always been leery of humans.) It's the news (before you tell me to turn off the TV. let me go on.) I feel as if what they are showing us is not real (duh) but worse than that I have almost empathic feelings or something about what is really going on between their double-double speak. Maybe I've read too much Orwell...I admit it could be...however This is all getting too much on me: These wars; the US's involvement; society's sheepdom in general (willful ignorance); all the murder and genocide and suicides...Gaia-cyde. I just can't go on because it's all messed up in my head somehow. I AM NOT schizophrenic...the shrinks say not, and I am not on meds for that. I think maybe just my sensitivities are catching up to me.

I don't know what to think anymore, living in a world like this and knowing that it's only going to get worse...being more afraid of our own Government than afraid of terrorists; being as much afraid of our Society as the Societies of those who outwardly espouse misogyny and violence. Maybe more afraid because our society does spend so much time covering up and denying (etc) what the truth of our world is. It's insane. If it's insane then I must be reacting normally to an abnormal situation...which would make me saner than the rest of the unenlightened (not that everyone is unenlightened...don't put me there.)

Is any of this making sense?

I don't know how to get the feelings out into words...which is amazing for me, if you knew me. I just know that I am afraid and it keeps getting worse. Even when I watch a commercial, and my "normal" cynicism is activated, it seems to be turned on to "ultra-high", instead of "apathetic". Now this stuff is starting to affect my (few) social interactions as well...like going to coffee for instance. Just driving down the street and watching the bloody rednecks I live around sends me into spasms of rage. They don't even know I exist! Yet, their existence bothers me.

Maybe I'm just hormonal. I hope so...if that's it, then some Black Cohosh will do the trick. Or maybe the World really is out to get us all.

Thank you for listening to my insanity...I certainly needed to vent.


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