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ariadne
Member   Posts: 107 Registered: 26/9/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/9/2005 at 04:48 PM |
This is a stupid topic so be warned. This a superficial one but I am
posting it anyway because it happened to me today and it made me think. I
am 33 years old. I still play the subculture game but I have toned my look
way down. I was out with my daughters and these red necks, yes they were
true blue red necks,I live in alabama because my husband is stationed here,
came out of this restaurant just freaking out over my appearance. I looked
over at the guy after I got my kids out of the car and the guy was eyeing
me down like he wanted to start some shit with me. I am a 33 year old mom
with 3 little girls standing here, ok. This guy looked at me like he hated
my guts. I know ridicule goes with looking like a freak but things change
when you are older and you have kids. You don't want somebody coming up to
you and starting shit and possibly scaring your children. That is what I
was worried about. The only reason I eyed the guy down that was staring at
me is I was making sure he got in the car and left. I didn't want my girls
to be scared by anyone. The thing is They were just a bunch of ignorant
bastards but my daughters are very sensitive and if someone started yelling
and screaming things at me I know it would scare them. So I could
understand this If I was in highschool. None of us were. These people were
adults too. It really pisses me off that people can't act like they have
some home training. Especially when there are little kids around. I am just
glad that one guy didn't start saying something else. I really thought he
was going to.
[ I just wanted to add something here. I don't think I made my intent very
clear when I started this forum and that is where I went wrong because so
far there have been insults thrown my way which is the way of Shmeng where
a subject such as this is concerned. Bear with me and please try to see
what I mean. I am talking about what ifs here. I know that had this
situation escalated that my kids would have been scared. They would have
been scared just because a complete stranger said something nasty to their
mommy. Don't come up with maybe you should give up the look altogether
nonsense. I know you guys are more creative than that. I would like to know
if other parents have had similar run ins. Maybe run ins that have
escalated. This is just something that made me curious. The story I told
above is just what got me to thinking about this whole thing. I am not
necessarily that concerned with the incident itself. I am more concerned
with the what ifs like I mentioned before. This has nothing to do with me
being perturbed because two morons chuckled at me, big deal. This is really
about freaks with kids.]
[Edited on 13/9/2005 by ariadne] ____________________
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gothicmorman
Fanatic  Posts: 233 Registered: 11/7/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/9/2005 at 12:53 PM |
what did they actually say to you? at first it seemed like they just wanted
to and did not say anything but then you said that you were glad they
didn't say anything else.
maybe if you have children you should give up "the look" alltogether.
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ariadne
Member Posts: 107 Registered: 26/9/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/9/2005 at 03:24 PM |
| It wasn't that they said anything to me in this case which was fine. They
were talking to eachother which is fine because what they say to eachother
doesn't hurt my feelings one bit. The only thing that bothered me really
was one of the guys hesitated to get into the car as they were leaving and
the only reason I was looking in their direction at all was because I have
kids and I was just being aware of my surroundings. He was staring at me as
if he were about to say something directly to me but decided against it
thankfully because of my kids. As far as giving up the "look" altogether,
as I stated above I have really toned down my look because I am a mother
and do not go out clubbing anymore. What I am trying to say here is that
even being and individiual in itself can get some people riled up. My whole
thing here is really wondering if other parents here on Shmeng have had
similar situations and such. I definitely do not think I should change who
I am as a person over a few idiots. ____________________
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Kira
Member  Posts: 149 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 13/9/2005 at 11:52 AM |
So, lemme get this straight. Two redneck guys were talking about you to
each other and you overheard them. One was getting into his car and
hesitated, which you interpreted as some kind of threat. You were looking
at him, and he "stared you down" with some kind of nasty look. Then you
both left without saying anything to each other?
Call me crazy, but this is the kind of thing I would expect a 13 year old
who just wore his first fishnet shirt out in public to post. What? Rednecks
making fun of someone different? Call Ripley's!
Toned down or not, if you look like a freak people will react to you like
one. Right or wrong, that's part of the sacrifice you make to look however
you want to look. The whole "OMG those men could have totally scared
my kids" angle is stretching it in my mind. If you're really that worried
about other people freaking your kids out, then maybe you should tone it
ALL the way down. ____________________
Wind me up and make me crawl to you, tie me up until I call to you.
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ariadne
Member Posts: 107 Registered: 26/9/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 13/9/2005 at 02:49 PM |
| Kira, Of course it appears as you say, but let me set the record straight.
When I first posted this I said this was a stupid topic so be warned. I
said the experience got me to thinking about some things. I wasn't
necessarily that worried about these guys. I was more or less thinking
about the what if scenarios if you will. I only brought this up to see if
by chance if other Shmeng parents have ever had run ins with people that
did escalate. I didn't post this as some childish rant about somebody
hurting my feelings because they laughed at me because since I have been a
freak since the age of 13, they did not. I was just trying to see things
from another perspective for a minute. This is not some teenage rant about
rednecks and such. This is about how what we do may affect our kids. It was
out of sheer curiousity that I bought it up to begin with. I don't
necessarily think that personal attacks against me is really exploring what
I am truly getting at here. Telling me that I should tone it all the way
down and such is just throwing insults my way when you don't even have a
clue as to who the hell I am. So why not step back a minute and try to take
a deep breath and try to see what I was trying to open the forum for. I
wanted to know if anybody here had kids and ever had issues where things
did indeed escalated where their kids were frightened. I wanted to talk
about this matter. Hopefully now I have simplified the matter for you and
there will be no further misunderstandings and you can go and insult some
teenager some where who is just angry at the preps at school. The fact that
these guys were rednecks is insignificant. It could have been anybody. The
guy behaved in a threatening manner. It looked though that he was going to
say something to me but thought the better of it because of my kids maybe,
I don't know. In either case, I got to thinking about what would I do if he
had started shit with me and scared my kids. Do you get it now? ____________________
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Anonymous
Posts: 116 Registered: 14/4/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 13/9/2005 at 06:57 PM |
I certainly did not mean to insult, and I have read my post a few times and
can't find anywhere where I personally attacked you. If I were going to
insult you, you would know.
That said, perhaps the topic sentence of your original post should have
been something like, "have any parents here experienced an uncomfortable
situation due to their physical appearance in front of their kids." I don't
think you said anything like that in there before you edited it. Hey, sorry
if toning it down is an obvious solution. I don't have kids, don't plan on
having kids, and so I will most likely never have to worry about this
situation. In fact, I'm sorry I bothered to post at all. Best of luck in
finding something that works out for you.
Sheesh. Now I remember why I don't read the forums anymore.
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Kira
Member Posts: 149 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 13/9/2005 at 06:58 PM |
| D'oh. I swear I logged in. Or maybe not. ____________________
Wind me up and make me crawl to you, tie me up until I call to you.
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Anonymous
Posts: 116 Registered: 14/4/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 13/9/2005 at 07:26 PM |
"Call me crazy, but this is the kind of thing I would expect a 13 year old
who just wore his first fishnet shirt out in public to post. What? Rednecks
making fun of someone different? Call Ripley's!"
I know I have editted it since then but before I did mention that this was
kind of stupid and superficial but I was going to post it anyway. I did say
the incident made me think and that I was thinking about the possibility of
things that could have happened and scaring my kids. I was insulted by your
statement above because I don't think this forum comes even close to such
as that. I wasn't even moved by a couple of morons chuckling at me, more
power to them. I was thinking of an incident where things did go wrong. A
situation where I might meet up with the wrong people, do you follow. It
doesn't necessarily have to be about what I am wearing. It just has to be
me alone with my kids period. I am not one to keep my mouth shut. That is
probably why I should worry. A guy almost hit my kids in a parking lot one
time because he was speeding. I literally had to move my 3 girls out of his
way. I was furious and I CONFRONTED HIM. I couldn't not confront him. This
even scared my girls. It was my fault that my girls were scared but he was
speeding and if I had not paid attention he would have hit my girls. So
regardless of the consequences I got in his face about that. I am sure if
someone said something to me and my girls got scared I would probably open
my mouth again. That is why I brought this up at all . I was wondering how
many other parents on here were like me and how far they would go if
someone did scare their kids by saying f'd up shit to them.
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scissors
Coward  Posts: 7 Registered: 9/6/2005 Status: Offline
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posted on 14/9/2005 at 05:50 PM |
I'm not red neck, but I'm white trash.
And I'm.. hmm.. not goth0rz, but.. I'm.. I'm a Michelle. And thats a pretty
neat combination.
I always enjoy when people do the "ooohhh, you're scurrrryyy" look and gab
about me. If I was going to let it bother me, I wouldn't dress the way I
do.. so I usually play it up and do some weird foaming hiss.
I suggest that in future instances. Kids or not. Foaming hisses work.
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gothicmorman
Fanatic Posts: 233 Registered: 11/7/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 23/9/2005 at 05:06 PM |
or if somebody ever does say something to you just ignore them? people say
stuff to me all the time even when i am in my school "business dress"
clothes. they comment because me and my friend Reki (who i introduced to
this site... i think he posted a comment on an articles once.. but he
lurks) walk around attached by a chain, people comment when i wear my
housecoat out, people in this town comment on EVERYTHING i find ignoring
them works best.
you can't protect your girls from ever getting scared, like when a idiot in
a big truck nearly runs you all over getting mad and confrontation is
acceptable i would say. not fun to nearly be run over. but getting scared
is a part of life they will get scared in their lives, though some random
guy talking to you and being ignored is prolly not much of a worry to them
unless he tries to get in your face in which case what scissors said is
definitly a good thing to try...
still if you really want to avoid that kind of thing maybe you should
consider toning dress all the way down. the way to dress doesn't make who
you are so us saying that has nothing to do with knowing or not knowing
you.
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Meranda_Jade
Fanatic  Posts: 511 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 24/9/2005 at 08:02 AM |
quote:
[ I just wanted to add
something here. I don't think I made my intent very clear when I started
this forum and that is where I went wrong because so far there have been
insults thrown my way which is the way of Shmeng where a subject such as
this is concerned. Bear with me and please try to see what I mean. I am
talking about what ifs here. I know that had this situation escalated that
my kids would have been scared. They would have been scared just because a
complete stranger said something nasty to their mommy. Don't come up with
maybe you should give up the look altogether nonsense. I know you guys are
more creative than that. I would like to know if other parents have had
similar run ins. Maybe run ins that have escalated. This is just something
that made me curious. The story I told above is just what got me to
thinking about this whole thing. I am not necessarily that concerned with
the incident itself. I am more concerned with the what ifs like I mentioned
before. This has nothing to do with me being perturbed because two morons
chuckled at me, big deal. This is really about freaks with kids.]
[Edited on 13/9/2005 by ariadne]
Personally, I only "dress up" when I go out for an evening. This has
nothing to do with what other people might think of me; I have four kids
and don't have the time for elaborate costuming every day. Plus, I don't
want my good clothes getting dirty and ruined when I do housework or play
with the kids. As you know, kids are messy, so I usually wear jeans and a
t- shirt when I'm being Mommy. When I go out and I'm not being Mommy, I
don't have the kids with me, so I'm not concerned about them getting
scared. It's not an issue anyway. Nobody has ever said anything mean to me
about how I was dressed.
Sometimes, when I go to the grocery store or run errands, I'll wear velvet
skirts and t-shirts with funny sayings on them and I'll get complimented on
my clothes by several people. The thing is, I really don't care what people
think of how I look. I'm not skulking around, waiting for someone to
persecute me. I could go to the store here, with all four kids in tow, in
full costume and makeup and I'm pretty sure that instead of mean glances,
I'd get people making admiring comments. If, by some chance, someone ever
did say something nasty to me, I would laugh it off. It wouldn't scare my
kids; they're far too resilient to be frightened by name-calling.
The point is, if you're not worrying about and expecting persecution, it's
far less likely to be like that. Be confident and happy. Wear what makes
you comfortable... you're wearing it to make you happy, not to prove to all
the world that you're a freak and different and to get strange looks from
people. Or are you? ____________________
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ariadne
Member Posts: 107 Registered: 26/9/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 24/9/2005 at 05:45 PM |
| Actually, I am about the same as you, I don't get all decked out for
housework and such. I don't have time either. I don't even wear costume
attire myself. I am pretty toned down and most of the time I find that I
too am complimented on the way I dress as well. Not everyone is an idiot.
This one instance just made me wonder what if. I wasn't necessarily
thinking that something like this could happen all the time or anything
like that. I was talking about people looking to start shit just to do so
really more than anything. This group of guys in this instance, well one
guy looked at me like he was waiting for me to say something, which of
course I wouldn't have because I didn't find it that important. I was just
thinking what if they would have been more belligerent. It could happen. I
have had no more problems since then. Most of the time people have been
very nice to me. I think it goes along with how you present yourself to the
world as well. The way you carry yourself in the world says a lot about
yourself. I am normally a pretty friendly person so I think most of the
time the people around here have no problem with me at all. I was just told
the other day by some lady that she thought I dressed so cute and she
wondered what my girls thought of all of that. Most of the time people just
don't know how I am able to walk in my shoes. Other than that no insults.
So maybe it was just a one time deal. Maybe these guys had just had a few
drinks at the restaurant and they were a little more out spoken. Who knows? ____________________
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Dolorosa
Extreme Fanatic   Posts: 856 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/9/2005 at 04:25 AM |
You know...I read all the way through this and not ONCE are there any
tits...
freaking deliver!
And dead horses deserve sound beatings...
It's nice to know subcultural/cultural stereotyping goes both ways, if it
didn't I'd feel sorry for those left out. ____________________
In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King
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ariadne
Member Posts: 107 Registered: 26/9/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/9/2005 at 06:58 AM |
| About the tits, let me clarify, you are right I should have cleared this up
sooner. The guys guilty of said offense were walking out of a nice
restaurant wearing tanktops, all of them, and every one of these dudes had
tits. There you go. Sorry not to appease the inquiring mind sooner. They
were stereoptypical white trash looking red necks and the reason I said
anything at all about their appearance was the fact that they had no
business laughing at anyone else. They needed to do some cleaning up of
their own back yard so to speak. ____________________
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Monolycus
Fanatic  Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/9/2005 at 03:17 PM |
quote:
You know...I read all the
way through this and not ONCE are there any tits...
freaking deliver!
And dead horses deserve sound beatings...
It's nice to know subcultural/cultural stereotyping goes both ways, if it
didn't I'd feel sorry for those left out.
Dolo, you ignorant slut (because all well-written counterpoints must begin
that way),
You missed the point entirely. Yes, the goth chick glared malevolently at
the redneckmen who were glaring malevolently, and yes, we have no idea who
started the malevolent glaring or what might have really been going on in
the minds of complete strangers if it doesn't fall within our narrow ideas
of what "those types" must be thinking... but that isn't even what all of
this is about! This is a discussion about what could have
happened!
I have spent every night of my life sleeplessly trying to penetrate the
fiction of what might have gone wrong! Why, when I was younger,
so much younger than today, I compiled an alphabetical list of every
clinical pathology that I could possibly develop. I worried about
contracting one ailment per week until my friends stopped listening (I had
gotten to ovarian cysts) because they did not understand the vital
importance of agonising over contingies that fail to actually happen. And,
Dolo, my sweet Dolo... there weren't even children involved in my imaginary
worries! Sweet baked potatoes, won't somebody please think of the
children ?!
Those redneckmen could have, but didn't, walk up and sell crack cocaine to
those kids! They might have, but failed to, utter profanities that would
land those kids in therapy until their mid-fifties... Dolo... think of all
the possibile things that failed to materialize here, man! They had
the potential to smoke cigarettes in front of impressionable kids! Why
are these monsters still walking around in our streets instead of
being wrapped up in razor wire and confined to a crater on Jupiter's
furthest moon with a detachment of machine-gun wielding security guards
trained on them to make sure they never get the chance to perform any of
the grisly and terrifying, but mostly imaginary, things we know they are
capable of doing ??? I am very, very disappointed in you for not
seeing the larger picture here, Dolo.
I agree with you about the tits, though. ____________________
"I believe that woman is planning to shoot me again."
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ariadne
Member Posts: 107 Registered: 26/9/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/9/2005 at 05:32 PM |
| Since you don't have kids and have never been in a confrontation in front
of your kids then perhaps you are not at liberty to be so judgemental about
such a situation. I was in a confrontation once and that IS why this
situation made me think of such an event. There was an ocassion where a guy
almost hit my kids in a parking lot because he was speeding and I literally
had to move my children out of the way so he would not him them because he
came out of nowhere. I confronted him that time and rightly so. What I am
discussing here is that if they would have started yelling things and being
belligerent about anything I know personally that MY KIDS would have been
scared because some complete stranger was saying stuff to me. I know it
just blows some of your intellectual non reproducing minds that that could
actually be true but it is. So have a few kids and then come back with some
way to one up the concerned parent who worries about their kids. Since you
obviously have no kids it is quite evident that you wouldn't ever have a
need to concern yourself with such scenarios because you have nobody to
think of other than yourself. Therefore this little superiority complex of
your has no place unless you have either given birth or fathered a child
and have known the actual emotional bonds associated with rearing children.
With such bonds comes added worry and new ways of looking at life in
general. So go ahead and be critical if you like but if you have no
children yourself I actually see that you have no right to your opinion
since you don't even seem capable of an understanding of where I might be
coming from. It seems beyond your understanding and maybe Mono, as superior
as you seem to think you are in some areas, this might not be an area where
you are in authority. Oh, and I don't claim to be goth. Let's just clear
that up right away. Once upon a time I might have but I don't use that word
at all anymore. So let there be no misunderstandings because I am not a
goth. I am too versatile for such a label. ____________________
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Merry_Widow
Fanatic  Posts: 598 Registered: 24/8/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/9/2005 at 06:21 PM |
Actually, Dolo is a parent.
Ariadne, if a possible confrontation in front of your kids due to the way
you are dressed is such a big concern, then don't do it. Sure, it would
mean that the opinions and the actions of others are going to alter the way
you live your God-given, freedom-loving, apple pie-eating, crotchless
panty-wearing life, but that's the way it goes. Whether we like it or not,
the choices we make are going to be affected by things outside of our
control. If you honestly think your mode of dress is going to put your
children in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, then suck it the fuck
up and don't dress like that.
Second, no matter what the parental or familial situations of the other
members of this site, they have every right in the world to express them,
whether they piss you off or not. Just because Mono didn't jump on your
bandwagon doesn't mean you can come on and say he has no right to his
opinion. This is an open forum, not an "Everybody agree with me" forum. ____________________
Okay, dazzle me.
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Monolycus
Fanatic Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/9/2005 at 06:28 PM |
While we are talking about people jumping to unwarranted conclusions...
where did I ever say I don't have kids? Is this an exclusive club
that someone like me wouldn't be allowed to join...? First it's the
redneckmen (sic) that you never spoke to but just knew were bad
people, now you just know I am childless and have no
understanding.
I think you've done a good job of making any point I might have had for me,
spidergirl. ____________________
"I believe that woman is planning to shoot me again."
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ariadne
Member Posts: 107 Registered: 26/9/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 27/9/2005 at 08:48 PM |
ANNOUNCEMENT: Since there is a lot of misunderstanding about how
toned down I need to be let me just say I was wearing a band t-shirt and a
pair of pants and converse. Oh and I happen to have a nostril piercing, big
deal. I have bleached blonde hair that at the time had a few streaks of
pink in it but nothing very obvious, it was very subtle, so I was about as
toned down as I could get. Ok. when I am getting my kids out of my van and
a guy is standing by his car glaring at me , I can kind of guess what kind
of look he is shooting my way. There was no mistake about it. I know a lot
of you are wanting to spin your opinion about what actually took place but
NONE OF YOU WERE THERE. So making fun of the scenario is really straying
from the subject. The subject is really about parents finding themselves in
a situation where there was some type of altercation because of their
appearance when their children were present. Wow! how easy was that. Had
some people read where I editted the beginning of this forum I wouldn't
have to keep explaining myself. Hopefully now that you are reading this
there will be no further misunderstandings about neither my appearance nor
anything else. I think by now we should know what the question is here. Any
other parents ever find yourselves in similar situations? Did those
situations escalate to the point where your children were scared? Is that
better?
[Edited on 28/9/2005 by ariadne]
[Edited on 28/9/2005 by ariadne] ____________________
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Kira
Member Posts: 149 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 28/9/2005 at 07:57 AM |
quote:
Sweet baked potatoes,
won't somebody please think of the children ?!
I read this in falsetto for some reason. It made me almost spit coffee
everywhere. ____________________
Wind me up and make me crawl to you, tie me up until I call to you.
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