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Author: Subject: Need of Opinion

Occasional Poster





Posts: 46
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/12/2004 at 10:21 AM
OKAY, this is my situation:

We have a 25 year old roomate who has graduated from college whose mother still pays all his bills each month. He quit his job which was at Hot Topic because he just didn't ever show up (he still hasn't told us about this) We had to go behind his back and go to his work and ask a friend if she had seen him. She said not for over a month. That's because he's been sitting at our apartment the whole time.
Anyway, my boyfriend supposedly owes him $450 dollars for bills that he(roomate) paid for a long time ago (didn't even ask my boyfriend if it was okay that he paid more than his share and now says he owes him money). A couple of months ago his mother chipped in $150 for a portion of my boyfriend's half of rent because he was getting dicked over at work.
My boyfriend has supposedly owed at least $300 since before I came here. When I came here, our roomate didn't have a job for 3 months. We bought over $300 worth of food and he ate the majority of it. He kept a job from the end of August til (we are estimating) the end of October (he worked maybe twice a week for 6 hrs at a time). Now, he is eating our food again. We NEVER eat ANY of his food if he buys it, even if we don't have food. The last two days we have seen him go through half a loaf of bread, half a chunk of cheese (which costs over $6), bacon, turkey, coffee, and various other things.
So, my boyfriend and I have decided we are going to pay $150 more dollars for what his mom has given him and that's it. That would equal to $250 because he's already paid $100. We are going to pentalize him due to the excessive eating he has done and cost us for eating our food.
Do you think this is reasonable? Tell me what you think.

[Edited on 12/12/2004 by SindelChaos]

[Edited on 12/12/2004 by SindelChaos]

 

Occasional Poster




Posts: 46
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/12/2004 at 10:30 AM
Addition: This morning I caught him cooking my $5 soup!!! I took all the pantry food out of the kitchen and placed it in our bedroom. This just has to stop!
 

Fanatic




Posts: 478
Registered: 22/9/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/12/2004 at 10:08 PM
personally i dont see why you havenít kicked him out yet. he owes you money. he's eating your food. he's lying to you. he's being obnoxious. in my opinion. give him his 2 weeks notice... wait thats quitting... o well. kick him out.


And no I donít think what your doing in unreasonable

 

____________________
fucking classy.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 247
Registered: 19/1/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/12/2004 at 11:28 PM
I think what your doing is unreasonable in that you are putting up with it! That is unreasonable! And the fact that you don't see your getting used!

I have my own apartment in a really nice neighborhood. I pay $925 a month in rent for a two bedroom in yuppyville plus all the bills.

Over the years I have tried to help people out in the hopes that I could get some help back. At one point... I was in a one bedroom paying about $700 a month in rent plus bills and only receiving $200 a month in unemployment and I had a kid. I let two people stay with me. Both had a job.

In the end.. both looked out for each other. They both bought each other food and helped each other out but they never paid me a dime for rent, bought food for my daughter and I or anything. I ended up kicking them both out.

Then I let a friend stay with me because he got layed off at the same time I did and then got layed off again when another company went under. I felt bad for him and figured he would be able to take care of himself. I was in my present apartment paying $895 at the time (rent has gone up since then). He was here for 4 months, never paid a cent to me. Never got off his ass to find another job and had the balls to call me a user when I tried to toss him out!

The reality is that you are going to be the bad person no matter what you do with this person. Just either toss him out or get your own place ASAP. Keep your food hidden (I was once forced to lock my food in a cabinet because my roomies let a friend of their stay with us who helped themselves to our food). Get your own place and ignore any of his "you owe me money" bullshit. Look at him like someone you don't know and don't let it get you down.

Walk away now and don't feel like you owe him anything. He is used living as though everyone owes him a life and you don't. Get away as quickly as possible and don't get another roomie. You can't live in a situation where you have to count on other people to be honest. Most people are not.

That is the lesson I have learned since being on my own since I was 16 (now I am 30 and I got another lesson of that recently when I let an old friend I have known for 10 years stay with me. He said he no longer drinks. He house sitted for Devin for a few days and now Amanda is missing an old ring and we found a bottle of vodka under Devin's couch). Plus he owes me over $400 and he screwed another friend of mine who helped him out.

[Edited on 12/13/04 by EyeCandyRayce]

 

____________________
Suicide Hotline - Please Hold

 

Occasional Poster




Posts: 46
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 13/12/2004 at 03:31 AM
Thanks for the advice so far. I thought I would ask because I don't like being unreasonable in situations like this. You're absolutely right, though. No matter what we do, we are going to be the bad people in the situation. I guess that's what happens when you end up living with someone with a 14 year old mentality. Here is something that is really funny. This morning (its 4:25 am right now) around 2:00a.m, our electricity went out. We got up and looked around the rest of the house to find that our room was the only one that had been shut off. We only had a lamp and the computer on. We asked Michael, our other roomate, if his electricity had went off at all and he said no. The bad roomate's room was lit up like it was unnaffected, so we didn't even bother asking him. We went to the breaker box which is right in front of our bedroom door to find all the switches untouched except for the breaker to our room. It was shut off. Now, who do you think did that?
 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 13/12/2004 at 06:21 AM
two words... curb stomp

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.

Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Fanatic




Posts: 247
Registered: 19/1/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 13/12/2004 at 10:13 AM
followed by another two words...

move quickly

 

____________________
Suicide Hotline - Please Hold

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 759
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 13/12/2004 at 03:22 PM
so you are haunted/in a bad electromagentic field and you have a bad roomamte? and you are getting "move" as advice from multiple people?

Seems like there is one good solution that solves more than one problem

 

____________________
Real goths wear silver and crosses to keep the werewolves and vampires away.

 

Occasional Poster




Posts: 46
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 14/12/2004 at 08:56 AM
Yes, seems like the logical thing to do. It's also the impossible thing to do right now because we don't have the money for it.

We found a note on our door this afternoon from him saying to my bf "If our friendship means anything to you, you'll come and have a talk with me ASAP!" My boyfriend had a talk with him and he is just so MORONIC. He LIED about eating our food when we caught him over 3 times. He lied to my bf's face and swears up and down he didn't do it. Ugghhh....

 

Fanatic




Posts: 478
Registered: 22/9/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 14/12/2004 at 04:19 PM
looks like your going to have to beat some sense into him.

 

____________________
fucking classy.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 14/12/2004 at 07:34 PM
The only way to have confidence in being "the bad person" and get over the yucky feeling of being "the bad person" is to get really GOOD at being the bad person. I love being the bad person because it means I rarely get stepped on by lousy grubbing people. I got to be the bad person in a house my husband was living in when we were dating, because I was the only one who could do it. His roomate let his sister and her shitheel boyfriend move in, and all was fine, we all had preset "cupboards" for our food...until he moved in. I had made a pitcher of tea, and found him drinking HALF OF IT overnight, and making sandwiches out of our hotdog buns because "there's no f ing bread in this house" etc. I didn't live there but I cleaned the house almost daily, and cooked for people there. Then he started freaking out on his girlfriend's sister, how I was always there, and how I should pay rent, and how I should do this and that, how I was always watching television and they couldn't (never mind he never said anything to me at all about it, and when I saw them coming into the tv room I always told them to watch what they wanted, and they always said "it's ok"). So, we ended up speaking in a group (after my husband left notes all over things that said "counters cleaned by laurie, floor vaccumed by laurie, laundry done by laurie, cats fed, loved, and looked after by laurie, groceries bought by laurie", which made him wig out), and I said "So, I should pay rent when you come iin, eat the food *I* bought and the things *I* cook, I don't park AT the house, but out on the street or to the side of the driveway so I wouldn't block anybody, fed YOUR cat and everyone else's, did YOUR dishes, cleaned up the parts of the house YOU messed up! I told him I didnt' live there but I at least respected it like I did, and that I was there first anyway. I told him he could love it or leave it or shut up and act like a man. That was the end of it, believe it or not.

Be mean, no matter how nice you try to be, you'll be an asshole, so get good at it QUICK, and learn to enjoy it.

and move.

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 897
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 15/12/2004 at 03:32 AM
Good advice, Bettie!

I used to be the nice girl who always got the doormat's end of the deal. I let people shit all over me because I didn't know how to speak up. Something changed somewhere along the line, and I've learned to embrace my inner bitch. It's not always fun, and it's not always easy, but if you don't learn, you'll spend the rest of your life giving things up for other people to trample. Personally, I'd rather just live and let live, but there comes a point when other people just aren't letting YOU live, and they need to be brought up short and told that they just can't do that anymore.

And yes, you will get the reputation of being a bitch. But let me give you examples of who in my life thinks I am a bitch:

1. My drunk bastard neighbor, who used to throw loud parties all night, block my car in, and even just walked right into my house without knocking because he wanted my husband to take him to the store to buy more beer.

2. My co-worker, who became jealous of my success at work and tried to stop me from doing my job at every turn, and also, when that didn't work, tried to hoard supplies so people (especially me) would have to go to her for them.

3. My husband's ex, who has been the nosiest, controllingest, lyingest infestation who has ever tried to sabotage anyone's life.

Yes, these three will all swear up and down that I'm the nastiest bitch on the planet. But when it comes right down to it, I don't give a flying frick about their good opinion. Yes, I am a bitch to them, but you know what, #1 has quieted down and kept out of our house and his vehicles away, #2 stayed at the same position while I got promoted away (incidentally, to the very same position, at the very same desk that she got demoted from to my previous area), and #3 is staying the hell away from me, on pain of harrassment charges.

And if you balance all this by being equally nice and giving to those who deserve it, then you really won't have to worry about having a bad rep. Assholes will fear you, and decent people will respect you. And life will go a hell of a lot smoother.

But I hear you, Sindel, about the moving bit. When I turned up highly allergic to mildew, I can't count how many people told me I should move out of my mildew-ridden apartment - but it's not always that easy. Moving takes a hell of a lot of time, money, and just plain energy, and if you don't have that, then you're screwed. You may just have to find a way to make your present apartment livable. That's how life is sometimes - you change the things you can, and you accept the things you can't, and learn to live around them until you find a way to make it better. You might not be able to do much about the spooks right now, but something needs to be done about that roommate. If he's not on the lease, and you can afford to do so, kick him out, and if you can't do that, then be a bitch. Go psycho on him (it won't really be psycho, but it may seem like it to you if you're not used to it) until he either gets the picture and shapes up, or moves out himself.

 

____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest of girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"

 

Occasional Poster




Posts: 46
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 15/12/2004 at 04:00 AM
Yeah, we are estimating that we will be able to leave the earliest by Feb. if we want to break our lease. If not, we're stuck here until May. The spook hasn't been spookin' in awhile, so maybe it left after doing some stuff to try to get it to leave or maybe it was a figment of my imagination and all of it was just plain stress. I have done my best to ignore our roomate. I stay in my room most of the time. I only come out when I leave or to use something in the kitchen. We got up just a few min ago to make some dinner, to find out that we don't have milk to make it. We had a whole gallon not a week ago. I didn't use any of it, my bf had 1 cup that he had with some cookies.
 

Fanatic




Posts: 355
Registered: 5/8/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 15/12/2004 at 11:55 PM
Slight voice of reason thing here, may not be my place but I've been on both ends of this sort of situation.
I know he has now lied about eating your food, but had you previously told him not to? With the people I live with it is usually pretty much share and share alike (within reason of course) until some small dispute or other means that someone will not want another taking their food, but usually we are not told and the other person just simmers, ditto using others pots etc. This leads to either embarassment or defensiveness (or both) on the part of the 'theif' when the situation blows up, which could well be why he lied, and also leads to suspicions above and beyond what is reasonable. It could simply be that he didn't at first realise that he was doing something particularly wrong, though unlikely by the sounds of it.
This leads to my second point, blaming your housy for the circuit breaker thing could easily have been your impression. In a room which may have bad wiring and knowing how electrical things don't always bother to act sensibly is it not possible that the breaker just flipped, as the ones in my place sometimes do if you turn a light on while thinking something mean, or whatever? Thats what they are there for.
To make your place liveable I would say that you ought to see if you can get out of your lease and move as soon as possible (the mere fact that you know that you are out of there can help), and either isolate yourself completely in your house (fine if you like that but it can be crappy, very crappy), play the bitch (some people actively enjoy this, which is why they are called bitches but others cant or wont do it) or try and get along as best you can, politely lay down some ground rules with the guy and hum happily to yourself knowing that you can live in the house without too much acrimony and will be out asap anyway (could backfire though, I don't know this guy and he sounds like a bit of a turd and could just totally ignore you, in which case use one of the other options).
My tips for domestic bliss (come over to my place one day and watch them in action, its a treat, like watching Big Brother but with friends). Oh, by the way, though it may sound a bit like it, I don't think you are being any more unreasonable than any normal person would.

 

____________________
Eritis sicut Deus scientes bonum et malum.

And the third angel sounded, and a troll army did descend upon the world.

 

Occasional Poster




Posts: 46
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 16/12/2004 at 09:55 AM
No, he admitted to shutting the breaker off. If it were bad wiring it would occur more often. The fact that we had only 2 appliances on in the whole room wouldn't even begin to explain a breaker blowing unless of course it was a very old breaker. He's an idiot. We had brought up food before to him, but it went over his head, I guess. I've been looking for apartments. We found a couple in the $500 range, so we can possibly make it out by Feb. We won't have the money until we get our income taxes. I sure hope Bush doesn't fuck that up. I am just so sick of this.
 
 


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