We have a 25 year old roomate who has graduated from college whose mother
still pays all his bills each month. He quit his job which was at Hot
Topic because he just didn't ever show up (he still hasn't told us about
this) We had to go behind his back and go to his work and ask a friend if
she had seen him. She said not for over a month. That's because he's been
sitting at our apartment the whole time.
Anyway, my boyfriend supposedly owes him $450 dollars for bills that
he(roomate) paid for a long time ago (didn't even ask my boyfriend if it
was okay that he paid more than his share and now says he owes him money).
A couple of months ago his mother chipped in $150 for a portion of my
boyfriend's half of rent because he was getting dicked over at work.
My boyfriend has supposedly owed at least $300 since before I came here.
When I came here, our roomate didn't have a job for 3 months. We bought
over $300 worth of food and he ate the majority of it. He kept a job from
the end of August til (we are estimating) the end of October (he worked
maybe twice a week for 6 hrs at a time). Now, he is eating our food again.
We NEVER eat ANY of his food if he buys it, even if we don't have food.
The last two days we have seen him go through half a loaf of bread, half a
chunk of cheese (which costs over $6), bacon, turkey, coffee, and various
other things.
So, my boyfriend and I have decided we are going to pay $150 more dollars
for what his mom has given him and that's it. That would equal to $250
because he's already paid $100. We are going to pentalize him due to the
excessive eating he has done and cost us for eating our food.
Do you think this is reasonable? Tell me what you think.
[Edited on 12/12/2004 by SindelChaos]
[Edited on 12/12/2004 by SindelChaos]
SindelChaos
Occasional Poster
Posts: 46 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 12/12/2004 at 10:30 AM
Addition: This morning I caught him cooking my $5 soup!!! I took all the
pantry food out of the kitchen and placed it in our bedroom. This just has
to stop!
pale-face
Fanatic
Posts: 478 Registered: 22/9/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 12/12/2004 at 10:08 PM
personally i dont see why you haven’t kicked him out yet. he owes you
money. he's eating your food. he's lying to you. he's being obnoxious. in
my opinion. give him his 2 weeks notice... wait thats quitting... o well.
kick him out.
And no I don’t think what your doing in unreasonable
____________________ fucking classy.
EyeCandyRayce
Fanatic
Posts: 247 Registered: 19/1/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 12/12/2004 at 11:28 PM
I think what your doing is unreasonable in that you are putting up with it!
That is unreasonable! And the fact that you don't see your getting used!
I have my own apartment in a really nice neighborhood. I pay $925 a month
in rent for a two bedroom in yuppyville plus all the bills.
Over the years I have tried to help people out in the hopes that I could
get some help back. At one point... I was in a one bedroom paying about
$700 a month in rent plus bills and only receiving $200 a month in
unemployment and I had a kid. I let two people stay with me. Both had a
job.
In the end.. both looked out for each other. They both bought each other
food and helped each other out but they never paid me a dime for rent,
bought food for my daughter and I or anything. I ended up kicking them both
out.
Then I let a friend stay with me because he got layed off at the same time
I did and then got layed off again when another company went under. I felt
bad for him and figured he would be able to take care of himself. I was in
my present apartment paying $895 at the time (rent has gone up since then).
He was here for 4 months, never paid a cent to me. Never got off his ass to
find another job and had the balls to call me a user when I tried to toss
him out!
The reality is that you are going to be the bad person no matter what you
do with this person. Just either toss him out or get your own place ASAP.
Keep your food hidden (I was once forced to lock my food in a cabinet
because my roomies let a friend of their stay with us who helped themselves
to our food). Get your own place and ignore any of his "you owe me money"
bullshit. Look at him like someone you don't know and don't let it get you
down.
Walk away now and don't feel like you owe him anything. He is used living
as though everyone owes him a life and you don't. Get away as quickly as
possible and don't get another roomie. You can't live in a situation where
you have to count on other people to be honest. Most people are not.
That is the lesson I have learned since being on my own since I was 16 (now
I am 30 and I got another lesson of that recently when I let an old friend
I have known for 10 years stay with me. He said he no longer drinks. He
house sitted for Devin for a few days and now Amanda is missing an old ring
and we found a bottle of vodka under Devin's couch). Plus he owes me over
$400 and he screwed another friend of mine who helped him out.
[Edited on 12/13/04 by EyeCandyRayce]
____________________ Suicide Hotline - Please Hold
SindelChaos
Occasional Poster
Posts: 46 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 13/12/2004 at 03:31 AM
Thanks for the advice so far. I thought I would ask because I don't like
being unreasonable in situations like this. You're absolutely right,
though. No matter what we do, we are going to be the bad people in the
situation. I guess that's what happens when you end up living with someone
with a 14 year old mentality. Here is something that is really funny.
This morning (its 4:25 am right now) around 2:00a.m, our electricity went
out. We got up and looked around the rest of the house to find that our
room was the only one that had been shut off. We only had a lamp and the
computer on. We asked Michael, our other roomate, if his electricity had
went off at all and he said no. The bad roomate's room was lit up like it
was unnaffected, so we didn't even bother asking him. We went to the
breaker box which is right in front of our bedroom door to find all the
switches untouched except for the breaker to our room. It was shut off.
Now, who do you think did that?
____________________ The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist
EyeCandyRayce
Fanatic
Posts: 247 Registered: 19/1/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 13/12/2004 at 10:13 AM
followed by another two words...
move quickly
____________________ Suicide Hotline - Please Hold
callei
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 759 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 13/12/2004 at 03:22 PM
so you are haunted/in a bad electromagentic field and you have a bad
roomamte? and you are getting "move" as advice from multiple people?
Seems like there is one good solution that solves more than one problem
____________________ Real goths wear silver and crosses to keep the werewolves and vampires
away.
SindelChaos
Occasional Poster
Posts: 46 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 14/12/2004 at 08:56 AM
Yes, seems like the logical thing to do. It's also the impossible thing to
do right now because we don't have the money for it.
We found a note on our door this afternoon from him saying to my bf "If our
friendship means anything to you, you'll come and have a talk with me
ASAP!" My boyfriend had a talk with him and he is just so MORONIC. He
LIED about eating our food when we caught him over 3 times. He lied to my
bf's face and swears up and down he didn't do it. Ugghhh....
pale-face
Fanatic
Posts: 478 Registered: 22/9/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 14/12/2004 at 04:19 PM
looks like your going to have to beat some sense into him.
The only way to have confidence in being "the bad person" and get over the
yucky feeling of being "the bad person" is to get really GOOD at being the
bad person. I love being the bad person because it means I rarely get
stepped on by lousy grubbing people. I got to be the bad person in a house
my husband was living in when we were dating, because I was the only one
who could do it. His roomate let his sister and her shitheel boyfriend
move in, and all was fine, we all had preset "cupboards" for our
food...until he moved in. I had made a pitcher of tea, and found him
drinking HALF OF IT overnight, and making sandwiches out of our hotdog buns
because "there's no f ing bread in this house" etc. I didn't live there
but I cleaned the house almost daily, and cooked for people there. Then he
started freaking out on his girlfriend's sister, how I was always there,
and how I should pay rent, and how I should do this and that, how I was
always watching television and they couldn't (never mind he never said
anything to me at all about it, and when I saw them coming into the tv room
I always told them to watch what they wanted, and they always said "it's
ok"). So, we ended up speaking in a group (after my husband left notes all
over things that said "counters cleaned by laurie, floor vaccumed by
laurie, laundry done by laurie, cats fed, loved, and looked after by
laurie, groceries bought by laurie", which made him wig out), and I said
"So, I should pay rent when you come iin, eat the food *I* bought and the
things *I* cook, I don't park AT the house, but out on the street or to the
side of the driveway so I wouldn't block anybody, fed YOUR cat and everyone
else's, did YOUR dishes, cleaned up the parts of the house YOU messed up!
I told him I didnt' live there but I at least respected it like I did, and
that I was there first anyway. I told him he could love it or leave it or
shut up and act like a man. That was the end of it, believe it or not.
Be mean, no matter how nice you try to be, you'll be an asshole, so get
good at it QUICK, and learn to enjoy it.
and move.
____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.
Schizo
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 15/12/2004 at 03:32 AM
Good advice, Bettie!
I used to be the nice girl who always got the doormat's end of the deal. I
let people shit all over me because I didn't know how to speak up.
Something changed somewhere along the line, and I've learned to embrace my
inner bitch. It's not always fun, and it's not always easy, but if you
don't learn, you'll spend the rest of your life giving things up for other
people to trample. Personally, I'd rather just live and let live, but
there comes a point when other people just aren't letting YOU live, and
they need to be brought up short and told that they just can't do that
anymore.
And yes, you will get the reputation of being a bitch. But let me give you
examples of who in my life thinks I am a bitch:
1. My drunk bastard neighbor, who used to throw loud parties all night,
block my car in, and even just walked right into my house without knocking
because he wanted my husband to take him to the store to buy more beer.
2. My co-worker, who became jealous of my success at work and tried to
stop me from doing my job at every turn, and also, when that didn't work,
tried to hoard supplies so people (especially me) would have to go to her
for them.
3. My husband's ex, who has been the nosiest, controllingest, lyingest
infestation who has ever tried to sabotage anyone's life.
Yes, these three will all swear up and down that I'm the nastiest bitch on
the planet. But when it comes right down to it, I don't give a flying
frick about their good opinion. Yes, I am a bitch to them, but you know
what, #1 has quieted down and kept out of our house and his vehicles away,
#2 stayed at the same position while I got promoted away (incidentally, to
the very same position, at the very same desk that she got demoted from to
my previous area), and #3 is staying the hell away from me, on pain of
harrassment charges.
And if you balance all this by being equally nice and giving to those who
deserve it, then you really won't have to worry about having a bad rep.
Assholes will fear you, and decent people will respect you. And life will
go a hell of a lot smoother.
But I hear you, Sindel, about the moving bit. When I turned up highly
allergic to mildew, I can't count how many people told me I should move out
of my mildew-ridden apartment - but it's not always that easy. Moving
takes a hell of a lot of time, money, and just plain energy, and if you
don't have that, then you're screwed. You may just have to find a way to
make your present apartment livable. That's how life is sometimes - you
change the things you can, and you accept the things you can't, and learn
to live around them until you find a way to make it better. You might not
be able to do much about the spooks right now, but something needs to be
done about that roommate. If he's not on the lease, and you can afford to
do so, kick him out, and if you can't do that, then be a bitch. Go psycho
on him (it won't really be psycho, but it may seem like it to you if you're
not used to it) until he either gets the picture and shapes up, or moves
out himself.
____________________ "You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"
SindelChaos
Occasional Poster
Posts: 46 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 15/12/2004 at 04:00 AM
Yeah, we are estimating that we will be able to leave the earliest by Feb.
if we want to break our lease. If not, we're stuck here until May. The
spook hasn't been spookin' in awhile, so maybe it left after doing some
stuff to try to get it to leave or maybe it was a figment of my imagination
and all of it was just plain stress. I have done my best to ignore our
roomate. I stay in my room most of the time. I only come out when I leave
or to use something in the kitchen. We got up just a few min ago to make
some dinner, to find out that we don't have milk to make it. We had a
whole gallon not a week ago. I didn't use any of it, my bf had 1 cup that
he had with some cookies.
W0rmW00d
Fanatic
Posts: 355 Registered: 5/8/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 15/12/2004 at 11:55 PM
Slight voice of reason thing here, may not be my place but I've been on
both ends of this sort of situation.
I know he has now lied about eating your food, but had you previously told
him not to? With the people I live with it is usually pretty much share and
share alike (within reason of course) until some small dispute or other
means that someone will not want another taking their food, but usually we
are not told and the other person just simmers, ditto using others pots
etc. This leads to either embarassment or defensiveness (or both) on the
part of the 'theif' when the situation blows up, which could well be why he
lied, and also leads to suspicions above and beyond what is reasonable. It
could simply be that he didn't at first realise that he was doing something
particularly wrong, though unlikely by the sounds of it.
This leads to my second point, blaming your housy for the circuit breaker
thing could easily have been your impression. In a room which may have bad
wiring and knowing how electrical things don't always bother to act
sensibly is it not possible that the breaker just flipped, as the ones in
my place sometimes do if you turn a light on while thinking something mean,
or whatever? Thats what they are there for.
To make your place liveable I would say that you ought to see if you can
get out of your lease and move as soon as possible (the mere fact that you
know that you are out of there can help), and either isolate yourself
completely in your house (fine if you like that but it can be crappy, very
crappy), play the bitch (some people actively enjoy this, which is why they
are called bitches but others cant or wont do it) or try and get along as
best you can, politely lay down some ground rules with the guy and hum
happily to yourself knowing that you can live in the house without too much
acrimony and will be out asap anyway (could backfire though, I don't know
this guy and he sounds like a bit of a turd and could just totally ignore
you, in which case use one of the other options).
My tips for domestic bliss (come over to my place one day and watch them in
action, its a treat, like watching Big Brother but with friends). Oh, by
the way, though it may sound a bit like it, I don't think you are being any
more unreasonable than any normal person would.
____________________ Eritis sicut Deus scientes bonum et malum.
And the third angel sounded, and a troll army did descend upon the world.
SindelChaos
Occasional Poster
Posts: 46 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 16/12/2004 at 09:55 AM
No, he admitted to shutting the breaker off. If it were bad wiring it
would occur more often. The fact that we had only 2 appliances on in the
whole room wouldn't even begin to explain a breaker blowing unless of
course it was a very old breaker. He's an idiot. We had brought up food
before to him, but it went over his head, I guess. I've been looking for
apartments. We found a couple in the $500 range, so we can possibly make
it out by Feb. We won't have the money until we get our income taxes. I
sure hope Bush doesn't fuck that up. I am just so sick of this.