angel_of_death
Member Posts: 119 Registered: 4/4/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 5/11/2004 at 04:47 AM |
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After
mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, " When
I am worried about getting nervous, on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka
next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next
Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he
got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his
return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the
door:
Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and
the spook.
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he
was stoned off his ass.
We do not refer to the c as the "Big T."
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat
it for it is my body." He did not say " Eat me".
The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry.
The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the
grub, Yeah God.
Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at ST. Peter's not a
peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
____________________ I know whats it like to want to die, how it hurts to smile, how you try to
fit in but you can't, how you hurt yourself on the outside, to try to kill
the pain in the inside. |
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Ironboots
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 893 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 5/11/2004 at 09:13 AM |
lol... I heard that before, but its good to hear it again... ____________________ Piggy's got the Conch! |
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Loewyn
Coward Posts: 5 Registered: 7/11/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 7/11/2004 at 01:13 AM |
lol, thats pretty good.. I can see how it would be pretty easy to mix up
the numbers, 10 commandments, 12 disciples and 7 sacraments... thats a lot
of numbers to remember, especially if you're a 'tactile' learner or
something |
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pale-face
Fanatic Posts: 478 Registered: 22/9/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 8/11/2004 at 02:47 PM |
i like it ____________________ fucking classy. |
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Wok
Occasional Poster Posts: 25 Registered: 14/11/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 14/11/2004 at 07:40 AM |
Reminds me of a joke I heard awhile ago.
quote: Of course Jesus was
Black;
he called people brothers,
he liked gospel,
and he couldn't get a fair trial
[Edited on 14/11/2004 by Wok]
[Edited on 14/11/2004 by Wok] |
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MystryssRavynDarque
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 648 Registered: 24/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 15/11/2004 at 09:27 AM |
My favorite part was Mary with a Cherry. ____________________ "People always say what we are looking for is a meaning for life…I don't
think that's what we're looking for. I think what we're looking for is the
experience of being alive." -Joseph Campbell |
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hellhound666
Coward Posts: 3 Registered: 12/2/2005 Status: Offline
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posted on 21/8/2005 at 03:31 PM |
i like it ____________________ don\\\'t do anything that i would do or have done |
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bettie_x
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 1570 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 21/8/2005 at 07:23 PM |
Unfortunately Wok, he really WASN'T black, in the same way he isn't white
either. He was of middle eastern jewish descent, which is brown, not
black. Everyone wants to portray him one way or the other, but I've yet to
see an actually arabic looking jesus rendition. ____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas. |
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Dolorosa
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 856 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 23/8/2005 at 05:07 AM |
My favorite alternative version of that joke ends with
And no matter how much wine you drink, do not, do NOT tell the flock that
we're "Just fucking with you." ____________________ In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King |
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gothicmorman
Fanatic Posts: 233 Registered: 11/7/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 30/8/2005 at 02:39 PM |
quote: Unfortunately Wok, he
really WASN'T black, in the same way he isn't white either.
that reminds me of a joke i heard a few years ago comparing Jesus to
Michael Jackson - not black nor white, not female nor male!
[Edited on 8/31/2005 by gothicmorman] |
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