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< Last Thread   Next Thread ><<  1    2    3  >>Ascending sortDescending sorting  
Author: Subject: NEW GAME: Worst Personals EVER

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 618
Registered: 27/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/10/2004 at 11:43 PM
I am: male farmer with sheep, cattle, chickens and horses on 300+ acres of land 40 miles from the nearest big town.
You be: female harboring an unexplored bestiality fetish who is not afraid of isolated locations.

 

____________________
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." ~Mae West


 

Fanatic




Posts: 478
Registered: 22/9/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 27/10/2004 at 05:28 PM
I am: outrageously horny white female with fetish involving garden gnomes and several of those sticky hands you buy from candy machines (difficult to explain).

you be: mad with penis that weighs more than body. net weight must be over 100 pounds.

 

____________________
fucking classy.

 

Member




Posts: 98
Registered: 18/10/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 28/10/2004 at 08:15 AM
Middle-Aged, Sexually Repressed Male History Teacher seeks a Caligula. Will bring own bronze collar, flail, chain, and horse.

 

____________________
Today's liberals are tomorrow's conservatives. When my generation is the conservatives, we'll be fine letting gays get married and creationism vs. evolution in schools will be a laughable issue.

But by god we'll be sticking it to the damn cyborgs!

 

Fanatic




Posts: 355
Registered: 5/8/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 28/10/2004 at 07:22 PM
one handed one legged sailor with whale obsessions wltm male with a gsoh, slim build and a moby dick.
must be willing to be harpooned. also must be willing to call me ishmael.

 

____________________
Eritis sicut Deus scientes bonum et malum.

And the third angel sounded, and a troll army did descend upon the world.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 355
Registered: 5/8/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 28/10/2004 at 07:23 PM
oh god, that was terrible, i do apologise to all involved.

 

____________________
Eritis sicut Deus scientes bonum et malum.



And the third angel sounded, and a troll army did descend upon the world.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 206
Registered: 1/1/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 29/10/2004 at 03:35 AM
SWM, 27, mergers and aquisitions, rich, good looking, extremely good looking, seeking SWF, no family, preferably hardbody, and blonde, I can't stress that enough, BLONDE. Must enjoy Hughey Lewis and the News, Talking Heads, Donald Trump, nightly walks through the zoo, and clumps of sand. First Date: PITCH BLACK. A table at Dorsia, me in a black double breasted suit with houndstooth pin stripes, all by Brooks Brothers, perfect hair. You in high heels, prefferably black, and a sleek evening gown by Dulcay and Gabana. Me again, looking stunning, holding a salad fork...and maybe a coat hanger. Must accept that I need my space, and please, don't touch the watch. Send all inquiries to my secretary Jean, care of the offices of Patrick Bateman, Price and Price, Wall street, NY, NY.

 

____________________
“The only thing that can alter the good writer is death.”
“You know that if I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a buzzard. Nothing hates him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat anything.”
Faulkner

 

Fanatic




Posts: 478
Registered: 22/9/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 29/10/2004 at 01:28 PM
this isnt directly related to all of this, but it has to do with it. what if a prostitute were to have sex with a gigilo. who would pay who?

 

____________________
fucking classy.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 618
Registered: 27/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 29/10/2004 at 06:10 PM
Pale-face: Neither would pay. It would be professional courtesy.

 

____________________
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never
tried before." ~Mae West




 

Fanatic




Posts: 478
Registered: 22/9/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 29/10/2004 at 06:56 PM
good call. sorry bout that. someone asked be and I had to ask someone.

 

____________________
fucking classy.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 344
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 29/10/2004 at 10:56 PM
Obscure ageing 50's actress w/ acute ichthyphilia seeks rubber fetish Male "furry" (more to point "scaly") willing to penetrate the orgasmic aquatic. Ability to hold breath for long periods of time and adept in scuba a must!

 

____________________
co-worker: "Your gay!?"
myself: "Didn't you see my rainbow pin?"
co-worker: "I just thought you liked skettles."
-(yes, it actually happened to me)

 

Fanatic




Posts: 206
Registered: 1/1/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 30/10/2004 at 05:49 AM
If only that last one was real.....A BOY CAN DREAM!

Spam was welcomed, and so it commeth.

Oh, and I'm so jazzed to be back in my formative stomping grounds.

 

____________________
“The only thing that can alter the good writer is death.”

“You know that if I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a buzzard.
Nothing hates him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat
anything.”

Faulkner

 

Coward




Posts: 1
Registered: 30/10/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 30/10/2004 at 11:58 AM
40-something male seeking a woman just like mother

Must not have issues with: Sneaking in and out of my love-pad after my "roommate" falls asleep, cold dusty cellars, and should this relationship lead to something beautiful- my mother moving in with us

 

____________________
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 289
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 31/10/2004 at 10:22 AM
Single white prostitute in search of rich white male with wife and small child. You must be willing to take me on as baby sitter and house keeper and keep me long after your wife figures out that we are having an affair. If things work out, possible psychotic stalking opportunities and kidnapping.

 

____________________
It is only through the lack of sex that humanity derives the need for an all encompassing blind love. And in that moment of extreme horniness with no relief in sight, in that moment can be found the birth of religion.
-Me

 

Fanatic




Posts: 246
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/11/2004 at 01:23 PM
Swf seeking sweet innocent and unsuspecting m or f. must like piercing, long walks in the woods enjoy the comedy of life, and also must enjoy the fact that a flaky artist can have a perfectly legitimate cause for taking a walk alone at night with a bag of lime, a shovel and dragging a parcel that is larger than her.

 

____________________
When the world is over, will we wonder how it began?

 





Posts: 116
Registered: 14/4/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 27/12/2004 at 08:01 PM
20 something SWM seeks attractive, loving, nurturing, maternally inclined female. Must like concerts, long walks, and changing dirty diapers. Piss/scat fetish a plus!

Girls over 14 need not apply.


Sadly, this is based upon a guy I actually know. Iiiieech!

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 28/12/2004 at 06:18 AM
do you have a name?

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.

Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 648
Registered: 24/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 28/12/2004 at 09:14 AM
Does it matter if that one has a name? I mean, there are so many anonymous posts flying around shmeng all of the time, why does this particular one matter? There are better things to spend your time worrying about. MRD's tip of the day. Not harshing. Just stating.

 

____________________
"People always say what we are looking for is a meaning for life…I don't think that's what we're looking for. I think what we're looking for is the experience of being alive." -Joseph Campbell

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 30/12/2004 at 10:14 PM
so... I am not allowed to aska question out of curiosity??
and
1) it matters because Iwanted to know who I was talking to
2) and ALL OF THEM should have names... i am not singling this one out...

[Edited on 1/2/2005 by feralucce]

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.



Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Fanatic




Posts: 233
Registered: 11/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 3/1/2005 at 12:39 AM
20yo enj lng wks on bch & gntl cndl lt. app in prs w/ res mst b ^13 & @ lst 32C
 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 648
Registered: 24/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 3/1/2005 at 01:01 AM
Well as long as you think they should all have names.

 

____________________
"People always say what we are looking for is a meaning for life…I don't
think that's what we're looking for. I think what we're looking for is the
experience of being alive." -Joseph Campbell

 
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