Well....Do you ever find yourself up at 8:00 in the morning, smoking
unfiltered-Camel's, having not slept for a solid, oh, I dunno, 28 hours.
And do you ever find that during this time of almost euphoric hatred for
mankind, you realize that, oh, you're still smoking the Camel's, you
realize that this whole "Shmeng" thing, is kind of pointless, in the long
run? I mean Callei? Bettie-X, IamSquid, Feralucce? Shade, Devin,
Lady_Cygnet? When in the hell will I ever meet these people, you wonder.
Sure I know some of them pretty well; sure I know Callei prefers a Benz to
any American muscle car, hands down. And that Bettie hates the fact that I
hunt. Or that magic happens when Devin enters a room. Yes, that's right, I
can kiss ass; but what does it matter. Because, you know, you're sitting
there thinking, "When will I ever meet these people?". Shemngfest?
Hahhaaha, oh thats swell. Shit, why don't you just adopt them. Shmengfest
costs money, and you don't have it. A chance meeting? Oh thats friggin
rich. In your dreams, me. Prison? Maybe, no, wait, listen I'm off track.
The bottom line is, do you ever sit there, smoking the aforementioned
cigarettes, in your depressed, coma-like atrophy towards any living being,
and despite the fact that you'll never meet them, these avatars, these
online identities, these posts on a paltry grey forum in a sea of porn
refferences and online brokerage, they really matter to you? I mean
honestly, you ever look around in your life, and say, "jeez next to my
girlfriend, I trust these people more than any other living being I know."
Well except Feral, I'm sorry I don't trust truck drivers. One time one of
them blew that big assed horn at me while I was crossing the street, and he
did it for fun. It's mostly the trucks that scare me. Kidding of course,
but still. I trust my bad writing to you guys, I trust my sexual
dysfunctions with you guys, I've seen some of you naked, I come crying to
some of you when my girlfriend leaves me, and damnit, we share recipes! I
know I'm not a pantheon guy, I'm just a newb moving up the ranks of
hoodlums, ubergoths, and guys named Gary, but I still feel a serious
conections with this site. Thanks, I'm in love. Great. More flowers to
buy.
So what I'm asking is: Do you ever smoke and think exactly what I think?
____________________ “The only thing that can alter the good writer is death.”
“You know that if I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a buzzard.
Nothing hates him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat
anything.”
Faulkner
Meranda_Jade
Fanatic
Posts: 511 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 20/5/2004 at 05:59 AM
It's cause we're not just a web community... we're a family. Sure,
sometimes we call each other names and get into spats about the silliest
things, but that's generally what happens in families, even the best of
them. We also make up after spats, just like a family. We tell each other
our hopes and dreams, about what annoys us and what pisses us off. When one
of us spazzes about something, there are three or four people right there
to calm the spazzy person down, and another three or four to give them a
kick in the pants to see that the spazzing really wasn't necessary. There
are people you can go to for advice and people you can go to for hugs.
There are people you can go to for interesting conversation, or for just
fooling around and playing. To a lot of us, the people here, in this
family mean more to us than the family we were born into. This is a family
of choice. I'm attached to everyone here, it's more than just a website.
It's a home.
____________________
Zero
Fanatic
Posts: 459 Registered: 15/2/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 20/5/2004 at 06:56 AM
I've had some of the same thoughts....only i wasn't smoking. how i found
this place was weird too...i just stumbled over it...like fate or
something.
anyway my first thoughts were i was haveing a mental break down because i
had no social outlet and Shmeng was just a figment of my imagination and
really i was stareing at a blank screen with my computer turned off....but
then again i don't think i could've come up with such interesting
characters....Anyhow i've also asked myself that question.."Will I ever
meet these people?"...i figure i'll have to wait and find out...
...Anybody else thinking about shmeng party 2.0?
[Edited on 20/5/2004 by Zero]
____________________ "It is a fool's prerogative to utter truths that no one else will speak." ~
The Sandman, Dream Country
Dolorosa
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 856 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 20/5/2004 at 08:12 AM
I have thought that actually...and th first time I did I was disturbed by
it. For some damned reason the folks here do matter to me...it may sound
kind of lame, but I give a rat's ass about the people around here, even the
ones I don't like...shit, even the very few I've loathed.
There isn't a single person here I wouldn't give or take a punch or six
for...
As for shmengfest 2.0...there damn well better be.
In any case, if anyone here ever needs floor space and a meal, if they can
get to me, I'll give it.
____________________ In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King
and yes I've thought those same thoughts before. I've thought about going
through and deleting every forum post I've ever made, asking devin to wipe
out my gallery, my user ID, the whole yard of it, just disappear off the
face of the net entirely. No particular reason for it, I think it just
dirived from the same wierded out feeling of "WHY does a website mean so
much?", and then I realise that it isn't just "some website", I actually
give a shit about some of the people here, even those I don't know very
well. Court is probably about the best friend I have. We drove 10 hours
round trip to see her for three pitchers of beer and karaoke, and I got
home at 7:30 am in time to shower and go to work and it was the best time
I've ever had. If we hadn't had that initial argument here ages ago, we'd
never have met.
I've never met Schitzo, or Callei, or Shade, Meranda, or Devin but I know
that should that chance meeting occur, I'd be grateful for it. And if I
ever ran into Feral or Comedian, I don't think I'd even knock his lights
out like I might have a couple years ago*wink*
It probably made me realise the most how much people here mean to each
other when Meranda was PMing me about trying out veganism, and when she
couldn't do it anymore I had been busy and not checking my PM's here. She
actually thought that because I hadn't returned her latest PM in a while
that I was angry that she gave it up! ANd I remember thinking "oh my god
she actually knows me enough to know how important veganism is to me and
thinks I'd be upset with HER as a person because she couldn't do it!" (I
wasn't of course, duh)
So every time I feel the need to wallow in the pit of "to hell with it all"
I remember being booted to disneyland from the "goth test" five years ago
and cracking up, then ripping the shit out of some username called "hicks"
in the snivelling forum before shmeng was even born, and being dragged here
kicking and screaming by callei, devin, and schitzo. It's good times, even
when they're bad.
____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.
IamSquid
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 658 Registered: 27/5/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 20/5/2004 at 12:12 PM
Some of yoo I will meet. Plans have gotten screwed trying to meet some of
yoo. Some of yoo I keep almost meeting. For example, just recently, Court
and I were in the same airport at the same time, only different sections.
To date I have met two of the better-known Shmenglings, one of whom I
consider one of my dearest friends.
I like just about everyone here, even those of yoo who I have threatened
and insulted as personally as I could. I have argued relentlessly with
some of yoo and still love yoo just as much.
Do I think about this? Not really. If it's right then we will surely
meet. For now, this is just fine. I won't be able to make it to the
gathering of the Shmeng next month but I wish yoo all the best of times.
[Edited on 5/21/2004 by IamSquid]
____________________
i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to
die so i could watch, and then me die.
-ickgirl
MystryssRavynDarque
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 648 Registered: 24/9/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 20/5/2004 at 01:18 PM
I've met two people from Shmeng so far, and I am trying to get things
hooked up to meet a third before the shmeng party and then I will meet more
there. I am so happy to have somehow stumbled across this site and fallen
face first into it all. Everyone here is, like it has been said, a chosen
famiily. I love this family. Sometimes I think I would rather live with
everyone here, even those I don't have a fondness for, rather than with the
family I do. Oh wait, I do that a lot. Well, I love everyone, I am so
glad I know you all even if we haven't talked, and I hope to have fun with
those shmengians who will be at shmeng fest.
____________________ "People always say what we are looking for is a meaning for life…I don't
think that's what we're looking for. I think what we're looking for is the
experience of being alive." -Joseph Campbell
LadyCygnet
Fanatic
Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
posted on 20/5/2004 at 02:35 PM
Wow...I guess I'm not insane after all.
Or if I am, I'm in good company.
I've had similar thoughts about all of you. Some people and I still don't
really understand each other, but stuff like that takes time and patience
to overcome.
I never thought I would encounter a community of people who accept each
other so readily. It was refreshing to find a place where people could
have intellectual debates and still be friends. It's great to see people
that care so much about each other come together to support each other in
times of stress (rayce's stalker springs to mind).
And it's really wonderful that, in spite of lots of grumbling and griping
on various topics, some people post stuff that is so incredibly postive and
beautiful, without being sappy or saccharine. Seeing what goes on here
gives me hope that people can come to understand each other and have fun
together.
If not, we could form our own country.
Oh, and we do need to be sure to have another shmengfest next year. My
divorce will be final, I'll be in my new house, and I've got high hopes
that I'll be able to afford a visit. Like most everyone else, I'm really
eager to meet everyone. *evil grin*
____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey
callei
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 759 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 20/5/2004 at 03:03 PM
let me just toss my two cents in and say that this is the most judgemental
and accepting group of people i know. judgemental because they use
judgement to decide how to react to things or people or spam or llamas or
whatever else. and accepting because people here tend to accept you as you
are, not as who you wish you were, fear you are, or what your job title is.
just who you are.
the worst fights i have had in the last 4 years have been with people on
shmeng. I talk to at least 4 or 5 people from here each day. the best
friends i have made in the last 4-5 years are here too. at least the ones i
can stand to talk to everyday.
____________________ Real goths wear silver and crosses to keep the werewolves and vampires
away.
Anya
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 656 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 20/5/2004 at 04:07 PM
There were times I was tempted to leave (mainly because I'm faithless at
times and often enough felt people here just wanted me to go away), but
something just keeps bringing me back here. Maybe it's the people that do
find me intelligent and are willing to deal with me, maybe it's hope that I
still have a purpose here.
A long time ago I wonder why places like this matter a lot to me. I think
much of it has to do with the fact that I feel out of place in the real
world and need to go someplace where I feel "more" of me. Either way, I'm
still here. I've met some really good people here and hope to meet
more...not in the real world yet, but on here. I also thank those who have
taken the time to try to get to know me, including the Devine.
I cannot say that I agree with everyone on this site, but that's when we
agree to disagree, eh? Besides, if everyone thought completely alike,
things would be a bit boring, no?
Monolycus
Fanatic
Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 20/5/2004 at 05:06 PM
I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention. What was that middle part again?
~M.
____________________ "I believe that woman is planning to shoot me again."
Shade
Fanatic
Posts: 289 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 20/5/2004 at 05:57 PM
Marlboro Lights, my fifth glass of Johnny Walker black label and the rays
of the sun as it rises over the canal. I know exactly what you mean Squire.
I've been there more than once, trying to convince myself that the world
doesn't matter and realizing that it must t least matter where Shmeng is
concerned because it's the one community that I am trying to make-believe I
don't care about. Depression doen't make it easier to believe the lie that
the family you have here doesn't matter, it just makes it easier to "feel"
it more. And that intensity of emotion, just like anything that breaks us
out of this blase white existance, is addictive.
____________________ It is only through the lack of sex that humanity derives the need for an
all encompassing blind love. And in that moment of extreme horniness with
no relief in sight, in that moment can be found the birth of religion.
-Me
Starlight
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 618 Registered: 27/9/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 20/5/2004 at 07:05 PM
I'd be hard pressed to dream up such an interesting mix of people. Let
alone the fact that even though many of us have opposite views on some
topics, it all seems to fit together somehow to form a beautifully deranged
community.
*Warning: Long sentence to follow*
I think, for me, one of the most endearing things about this community is
that I can see someone express how much she or he can't stand people who
belong to "such and such" sort of group, or believe "such and such" sort of
thing, etc. , and for me to be one of those people they are talking about,
and for me to still consider that person to be a good friend or family
member. (I like to believe vice versa as well.)
I can't count the number of times I've read something someone posted and
thought this or that about that person. Then read a few more posts, and
felt like I understood that person a little more than I did before. Then
read a few more posts and thought to myself how much more interesting the
world is with that person in it.
Just a few of the many reasons I love this place and those who inhabit it.
____________________ "When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never
tried before." ~Mae West
Alugarde
Member
Posts: 185 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 20/5/2004 at 08:27 PM
Actually..I have thought that a number of times. I left the site for a long
while, and only recently came back...and I haven't spoken to nearly as many
people here as I like to, mainly because I worry I sound extremely awkward
in asking "Do you want to talk some time?"...but I do feel that way, even
though I doubt I've made much of an impression on anyone else here besides
the few people I've spoken with.
____________________ l33t is the bastard cousin of contractions.
Monolycus
Fanatic
Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 20/5/2004 at 11:10 PM
Alugarde: No need to feel awkward. I'll talk to you. As long as you don't
mind my chain smoking, drinking heavily and getting existential while I do
it. Same goes for everyone. I've got two ears; I wasn't using both of
them. My mailbox is always open.
~M.
____________________ "I believe that woman is planning to shoot me again."
angel_of_death
Member
Posts: 119 Registered: 4/4/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 21/5/2004 at 01:34 AM
i have never thought that this place was just a web site, at the start i
did, but now, it keep me sane, i come here to vent, to show my many
personalities, to put my foot in it, becasue here unlike the real world, i
will be slapped for it, hated for it, but at the end of the day (hopefully)
forgiven for it.
i come home and dive at the computer, juts to see what happned since i
left, even after a mere 4 hrs.
this place is where i come to keep my self from going mad, even tho i have
not been here long, i really love this place because here i can be me.
*looks meek and prays that no one decides to tease me for being honest*
____________________ I know whats it like to want to die, how it hurts to smile, how you try to
fit in but you can't, how you hurt yourself on the outside, to try to kill
the pain in the inside.
Schizo
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 897 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 21/5/2004 at 02:41 AM
Hell, this site is the reason I bother to have a computer. All the other
stuff is just fringe benefits.
I stumbled on this site in it's larval stage back in the day when I was
researching the goth lifestyle, and for some reason it stuck. Devin,
Callei, Bettie X, Rogue, Meranda Jade, Ickgirl, and a few others - these
were the Smengies in that day. I think Arthegarn came in about the same
time I did.
When you think about it, yes, it is odd. Here are some people, many whose
real names I have never heard, who I have never met, who are just a bunch
of words and a couple of pictures on a computer screen. How did it get to
the point where words and pictures matter more to me than many
flesh-and-blood friends? Maybe because these are people who have bared
their souls to me, and whether I've met them or not, I know them and they
know me. They've gotten on my case when I'm stupid, praised me when I'm
praiseworthy, made me feel sexy and beautiful, given me advice, given me
help, back in the day, a couple of them even offered to take me in when I
needed a home. I feel their support, even when I'm not on the computer,
like an invisible army behind me, when I face my daily nasties. I know
that, although we only meet online, these people will shed actual, not just
virtual, blood for me if I need them to.
Out in the "real" world, your friends are limited to the people who live
within a few miles of you. You have to go out and find them, and if you're
lucky, you may find a couple true friends who will stand by you, maybe a
couple who are powerful enough to make an impact in your behalf. But here
on Shmeng, distance is transcended. My friends and allies circle the
globe. Shmeng, due to the genius and incredible vibe of Devin, seems to
draw powerful, intelligent, big-hearted people, people who have become my
posse. People, the likes of whom I never otherwise would have met. People
who strengthen me, and I hope I strengthen them back.
Thankyou, Shmeng, for being. Thankyou Devin, for creating it and keeping
it alive. Thankyou, all of you out there, you know who you are, just for
being you. Thankyou, fate, for bringing me here. Thankyou India...
thankyou frailteeeee...
____________________ "You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"
tallidaho
Member
Posts: 50 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 21/5/2004 at 07:52 AM
I see this site in two lights, really--
The first is when I first found Shmeng, following another individual, being
completely and totally unsure of who and what I was. I played around, was
tolerated, then in an attempt to "cleanse" my life, I left Shmeng, along
with almost everything in my life.
Years later, I came blundering back. Once again, I was tolerated. I
relearned the rules, reaquainted myself with the family, and have been
welcomed back. Shmeng is not only a family of sorts, but a connection to
the person I was and the person I am working to become. Shmeng is the only
place I know that so redily accepts individuals while at the same time
being very true to itself.
____________________ Being Passionate is the only way to survive
Squire-of-Gothos
Fanatic
Posts: 206 Registered: 1/1/2003 Status: Offline
posted on 21/5/2004 at 11:11 AM
I figured.
Hehe, sorry. Yeah, I hate to get all caught up in hopes and dreams and
fantasies like true love, and paradise, and me using a whip and a machine
gun to save hot swedish women who repay me in back rubs and subordinance.
One of those magical movie concepts, is a "club" of smart, interesting,
sexy, cool, and LITERATE people one can easily get along with. Of course, I
don't always get along with you all, but none the less.
It rocks to be here.
And to hell with your filters!
____________________ “The only thing that can alter the good writer is death.”
“You know that if I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a buzzard.
Nothing hates him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat
anything.”