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Devin
Administrator Posts: 317 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Online
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posted on 2/2/2004 at 02:00 PM |
I think this is always something that people need to watch out for. Even
if one person doesn't always tend toward the veto, people have phases. I
remember a phase where the person I was with was having a little flashback
to her previous party girl phase, and was picking really bad playmates for
a little while. She didn't see that they were bad, because if she was
single and in her partygirl phase, they would have been fine. I HATE having
to veto people, but in that phase, I had to veto quite a few. I ended up
not even asking about some people that I wanted to play with just out of
guilt over those veto's. Once we were able to talk about it enough, and she
really understood why I was veto'ing them, she was able to change what she
was doing. She started making better choices, and I didnt' have to veto
them.
It goes both ways. When you're involved with somebody and you're picking
playmates, you're not just picking ones that would be fun for you. You
have to pick ones that will be comfortable for your partner. It limits
your options a bit, and you don't get to play with all of the same people
you would if you were single. But your options are already limited by the
fact that so few people will even play with you when you're with someone
else - what's a little more limitation going to matter?
If one person is veto'ing out of jealousy or insecurity, than that's
something that needs to be adressed seperately of the veto issue. If you
find your playmates getting veto'd a lot, it might be worth examining your
choices as well. If your partners are veto'ing a lot of people that would
be bad for you, then they are doing what they are supposed to be doing.
That's what veto's are for. If that's what's going on, you might need to
find a way to chase different kind of playmates.
Uneven veto's shouldn't be a problem in themselves - they should be an
indication of another problem that needs to be looked at (and talked about
way more than either of you probably want to). If a couple (or more) can't
solve these kind of problems this way, they're probably not going to be
together long anyway, so probably shouldn't worry about it. ____________________ So Sayeth Me |
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