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Author: Subject: Is it okay?

Coward





Posts: 5
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 21/1/2004 at 02:35 PM
Is it okay if when someone close to you, say- a family member, dies and you aren't upset... At all... You just aren't really effected by it...
And is it different if it's a suicide?

 

____________________
~*True death is life without love*~

 

Coward




Posts: 2
Registered: 23/9/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 21/1/2004 at 03:30 PM
Hmmm... Well it sort of depends i guess. I would think that this person couldn't have been very close to you if you are not affected by their death at all. But say it is a family member, perhaps, that dies and you didn't know them very well then, to me, it seems a logical thing.
Or perhaps you know in your mind that they are going to a better place (or wherever you feel based on your spiritual beliefs) and you just don't see reason to be upset by it.

I think the same would apply for a suicide. But that is just my little 2 cents worth.

 

____________________
Seduce and let loose the Vision and the Void.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 580
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/1/2004 at 04:42 AM
Nope. Not remotely okay. Symptomatic of larger, societal problems.

~M.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 580
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/1/2004 at 04:43 AM
Although it affected you enough to post something about it, so I doubt there's a real dissociation problem here.

~M.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 893
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/1/2004 at 11:02 AM
I detect a little bit of sarcasm in that first post of yours, Mono...

But yeah, not everyone feels depressed and pouty... When my mom died, I just wanted the damn funeral to get over with so I could stop pretending that I was sad. It sounds mean, but it wasn't that... I just didn't get anything, emotion-wise.
My mother's dead. Out of this crappy world. Doesn't have to fight cancer anymore. The rest of the world will go on without her. I tried to think of one logical reason to cry, and came up with nothing. So I didn't cry. I just went on with my life.

So that's my little story. Glad to see there's at least one other person out there who went through that, too.

 

____________________
Piggy's got the Conch!

 

Fanatic




Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/1/2004 at 02:40 PM
Deaths in general mess me up in the strangest ways. When my brother died, I got very upset. I felt like my heart was broken. I only saw this boy one day of his life, but we had a connection. I was very sad, angry and upset that I only had one day with that wonderful boy. I cried a lot over him.

My Grandma was someone I was very close to. She was the person in my family who cared for me. She took care of me when I was little, comforted me when I was sick, stood up for me when I was a rebellious teen. When she died, I sorta went numb. I knew I was supposed to be sad and cry, but I only managed a few tears when I heard she'd passed on, and that was just because I thought I was supposed to. At her funeral, I kept thinking of the line from "The Little Prince". There was nothing sad about an old shell. That Christmas, my aunt gave me some framed pictures of Grandma when she was in her 20's. When I was told who it was, that's when the dam burst. That's when I cried and when I was sad and when I missed her.

The most messed up I ever got over a death though, was when my dog died. He had bitten a neighbor and I had to have him put down. I had to watch them do it. I had to help them do it by putting a muzzle and a slipknot on him. I went into a series of hysterics that lasted for hours over it.

Death is a funny thing. Nobody ever knows how they'll really react to it until someone they know dies. The reaction could be different with every circumstance. Every reaction has its own reason for being the reaction you have at the time, and your reaction to it could change later. You may feel like mourning at another time. I know I didn't feel much like mourning at my Grandma's viewing because people were watching me for a reaction and an excuse to latch onto me by "grieving" with me. You may have different reasons for feeling strongly about a death. Or for not feeling strongly. With my grandma, I was glad she was no longer in pain. With my brother, I was bitterly disappointed and felt cheated. With my dog, I felt guilty. How you feel may have a lot to do with whatever else you're feeling that's associated with the death.

And it's perfectly normal to wonder about yourself and your reactions, especially if you have one that you consider to be weird or "not right".

 

____________________

 

Fanatic




Posts: 287
Registered: 31/10/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/1/2004 at 08:41 AM
Of course it's okay. Actually, it's pretty common to feel the way you do when a loved one dies...and perhaps even moreso, if they death was a suicide.

Feeling numb is part of the grieving process. For some people, it can last a few seconds before they burst into tears. For others, it can take days, weeks, months, even years before the reality of death fully sinks in.

I'm kind of slow on the uptake when it comes to accepting death, so I fall into the latter group myself. *wry smile* I can calmly sit through a funeral, and then, months later, I'll burst into a cry jag over the person I lost

Things like these are the reason that we have chocolate, fuzzy blankets, and good friends. *soft smile* You aren't alone...and you have my condolences for your loss.

 

____________________
"To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey

 

Fanatic




Posts: 246
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/1/2004 at 12:38 PM
most of the time if you were really close to the person, you go through stages of not-caring, disbelief, anger... yada yadda yadda. however, everyone deals with everything in their own way.

 

____________________
When the world is over, will we wonder how it began?

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/1/2004 at 11:17 PM
Mono I think the main problem can be summed up by the airheaded dimwitt cheerleader from daria:

"but I feel bad that I DON"T feel bad because I SHOULD feel bad and knowing that I should FEEL bad about not feeling bad MAKES me feel bad and eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Coward




Posts: 5
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/1/2004 at 11:23 AM
Bettie: Yep thats just about exactly what I said to my friend Elyse... Eeeeee included... but silent *smiles*.

 

____________________
~*True death is life without love*~

 
 


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