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Author: Subject: Damn Backstabbing Friends.

Extreme Fanatic





Posts: 656
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/12/2003 at 12:58 AM
To give some background here, I am actually pretty closed. I may be a tiny bit open in the online world, but even then there are certain boundaries that I build walls at. These boundaries are meant to not only keep unwanted people away from me, but to assure that I am safe and sound. Those who are able to pass those boundaries, obviously, have my utter-most loyalty.

Anyway, one core thing that turns me off is the fact that a lot of people act like they fear me. Their actions show it. When they do not tell me something, like if they have a problem with me, then that shows fear in my eyes. I'm quite forgiving and actually take criticism pretty well, but once I got the vibe that they're keeping something from me and I am sure, I tend to confront them. Then if they act like a coward, then I have even lower respect for them.

Do not get me wrong, I practice reservation myself, but when something is an issue and when someone asks if there's an issue, I will tell them if there is one or not. No bullshit there. Unfortunately, a lot of people seem to not understand when I want them to tell me what the Hells I do wrong anymore. It pisses me off. Not only does it hurt, but it makes me build greater and greater walls. *sigh*

So much for Holidays...then again, happy Holidays ended years ago on my part...

[Edited on 12/25/2003 by Anya]

 
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Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/12/2003 at 02:04 AM
fuck em

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.

Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Fanatic




Posts: 287
Registered: 31/10/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/12/2003 at 12:27 PM
*hug* Hang in there, Anya. The ones mature enough to be honest with you are the ones worth knowing. *soft smile*

My holiday only sucked in the fact that my ex's parents imposed themselves on us, then left quickly after arriving early, unannounced, and to an unclean apartment. My ex and I still live together to save on expenses until May. I stayed away, and I was glad they did, because they said some very hurtful things about both of us. Although he pisses me off a lot, my ex didn't deserve to be treated like that.

Then, they had the nerve to call him and say that they were coming back to help us clean the apartment. Truth be told, they just wanted to bitch at the ex some more. He actually stood up to them for once, which was a really good thing.

We made a horrid couple, but we're still good friends, and he's still welcome in my family, so long as he refrains from flinging shmeng, grows up, and repects people's boundaries. Hell, my family has taken in worse. *shrug*

 

____________________
"To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey

 

Member




Posts: 50
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/12/2003 at 01:55 PM
There will always be the dumb-asses who don't know how to be honest. When you find the few who will be honest with you, though, they will be worth all the shit you have to put up with in everyday life. *huggles* I know it doesn't seem like it, but there are those out there who won't backstab. And if they do... like feral said- fuck 'em. They aren't worth a friend as intellectually beautiful as you.

 

____________________
Being Passionate is the only way to survive

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/12/2003 at 06:42 PM
actually... don't fuck em...*snickers* that's an honor accorded friends...

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.



Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 656
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/12/2003 at 10:02 PM
Eh...my mood is somewhat calmed now. I still do not condone what has been done, but I do not think they intentionally meant to hurt me. Either way, I'm not going to back down on the cut-off of the string until at least the water is under the bridge. That will take a while. Time heals things quite well.
 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 656
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/12/2003 at 10:04 PM
Though on the other hand, time tends to make me build more borders.


*hugs everyone* Thanks for hearing me vent. I normally hate doing things like this, but sometimes I need to do it before I literally hurt someone. I'm not always one to be pissed off, but when I am, it's scary.


 

Fanatic




Posts: 287
Registered: 31/10/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/12/2003 at 10:20 PM
Oh, sharing it here is a lot better than sharing it elsewhere, or giving in to violence.

I'm still quiet and reserved in public because I'd rather not get struck for speaking my mind. It's happened more often than I'd care to admit. *sigh*

 

____________________
"To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 656
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/12/2003 at 12:01 AM
Oh, as I mentioned before, I still practice reservation. For example, I'm not going to outright tell everyone I think is ugly is...well, ugly. If they ask, I'll be honest, but not in a blunt "You're fugly!!" manner. When someone is irritating me, I'll keep quiet in public and confront them in private if it's an issue. I understand no one is perfect, just since I am the type who will respond with an honest answer or will confront problems if needed, I expect people to do the same or it tampers with my patience.


 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/12/2003 at 12:52 PM
I am all for the up front "hey fuckwit...knock it off!!!

Feral

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.





Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Fanatic




Posts: 287
Registered: 31/10/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 27/12/2003 at 02:33 AM
Four letter words are fun and all, but one can get a maessage across without resorting to using them.

On the subject of backstabbing friends, my best frind from college is getting married today. I'm going to go and be a good, supportive friend, of course...but a little part of me will still be whining, "It should have been me!"

Thank God it isn't, though.


[Edited on 27/12/2003 by LadyCygnet]

 

____________________
"To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 759
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 27/12/2003 at 06:38 AM
To the original post: Sometimes the problems we have with other people are actually problems we have withoutselves and there is no point in telling the other person because its not something they can change, explain, fix or alter. I mean what if one of your friends suddenly found themselves being jelious of you because they found out that the person they are crushing on actually wants you? they have to mope and work thru that some before they can tell you about it, or you are going to have to listen to alot of stuff that they dont really think, dont want to say, and does neither of you any good.
that said, Im with Feral on this one; moody people that pull a bitchy sulk and then REFUSE to talk about it while acting out all over the place trying to get to make them talk about it suck. " if you dont know what is wrong then im not telling you" means " i want to be pissed off and i made something up that i can hold against someone so leave me alone to be pissed." to me. I know they mean it more like " I need you to prove your love and adoration to me by groveling" but since they are trying to make thier ego issues into my problem, I tend to back away. I dont like being badly manipulated.

and for all the other various reasons that someone would say "there is nothing wrong" and sulk and be all tweeky at you, well let em sulk. they will either get over it or they wont. If it is that important they will tell you about it someday. If not, then maybe all they needed was some good sulk time. It is the holidays after all and lots of people like to sulk at this time of year.

 

____________________
Real goths wear silver and crosses to keep the werewolves and vampires away.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 27/12/2003 at 02:29 PM
people that use them excessively or as their sole means of communication show a lack of depth... I believe that lnaguae is meant to be used... SOOOO... use them when appropriate...

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
/>





Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Fanatic




Posts: 287
Registered: 31/10/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 28/12/2003 at 04:12 PM
Feral, that's very true; however, I try to reserve those words for important frustration.

Callei, I really like your take on the situation. Sometimes it's game playing, and sometimes it isn't. Sometimes, especially at my job, people ask "what's wrong?" just so they have something new to gossip about. "Gee, can you believe that loser ________? She's all [insert random bit of exaggerated news here]."

To share what's troubling a person is to share a bit of one's soul. Dishonest gossips just aren't worth the time.

However, if someone has an issue with me, I'd prefer it if they'd lay the cards on the table, so I know if it's something that I can do something about, or if it's just an aspect of my personality that irritates them. I think it helps me become a better person, when I have more than one perspective to work with.

 

____________________
"To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey

 

Fanatic




Posts: 246
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 16/1/2004 at 02:57 PM
we love you... :smiles: :holds up a peace sign:

 

____________________
When the world is over, will we wonder how it began?

 

Member




Posts: 76
Registered: 23/1/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/1/2004 at 08:40 AM
Hey Anya. Relax hun.
Learn to relax.
You are smart.
You just need to relax sweetie.
If you relax..what do you think will happen? The world will eat you alive?
Chances are, your pants are too tight.
Losen them, and breathe deeply. :-D

The world is like a pair of shoes. Wear them until they fit you comfortably.

Eat eggs--vitanutrients ;-)
And smile. You'll feel better.
I dont explain my advice to you.
The trick is to make things simple, but not simpler.

holla

 

____________________
Jameel

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 618
Registered: 27/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/1/2004 at 10:12 AM
I rather enjoy the idea of being intimidating just by being yourself

When I really have a problem with someone or something, I tend to try to tactfully approach the problem. If I get quiet, then it means I'm trying not to say something I really would rather not say at that moment that might really hurt someone's feelings when I don't want to hurt their feelings. I don't sit and brood and make some bullshit excuse to bitch about something that isn't even what is bothering me...and consequently I don't tolerate people who do that very well. I spit it out when it's bothering me, and I expect other people to do the same.

There is a huge difference between being reserved and trying to spare someone's feelings (because the moment will pass and your words are better chosen) and being a dipshit who just wants to find something to hurt you behind your back with (normally hugely exaggerated or downright false stuff anyways).

I agree with what callei said about not liking to be badly manipulated. It's okay to let someone think they are "getting their way" when they aren't doing it in a ridiculous manner or hurting someone in the process...after all that is just compromising...and if they view it as manipulating the situation...good for them. However, when people go and try to hurt someone to get their way by backstabbing them, and then smiling at your face, I have very little patience with those situations.

 

____________________
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." ~Mae West


 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/1/2004 at 10:20 AM
I refuse to be maipulated... most of the people who do it assume stupidity on your part... now who is the greater manipulator... he who does so... or he who plays along?

Feralucce

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
/>
/>







Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 618
Registered: 27/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/1/2004 at 10:43 AM
I feel certain that the one who "goes along" is actually the greater manipulator. There's nothing wrong with manipulating well...it's when it's badly done that it sucks.

 

____________________
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never
tried before." ~Mae West




 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 618
Registered: 27/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/1/2004 at 10:51 AM
The "going along" part is mainly to let the boss at work think he/she has manipulated you into doing things their way...it's a form of sucking up...which is occasionally necessary out in the big bad world of workplaces.


 

____________________
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've
never

tried before." ~Mae West






 
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