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Author: Subject: Feral Fry

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Posts: 317
Registered: 31/12/1969
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  posted on 5/12/2003 at 12:14 PM
Since the Squid Roast has petered out, I think it's time for our next victim. The clear winner was feralucce. His prize? He's next.

The rules seem obvious, but I'll restate them:

1) Feral cannot fight back, he can only taunt you into frying him harder.

2) Whoever frys him the most brutally is next. By frying him, you consent to this and can not change your mind later.

3) There is no rule against Squid participating in the feral fry, or in feral participating in subsequent games.

It's open season on the poor defenseless bastard, fry the fucker.

 

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  posted on 5/12/2003 at 12:20 PM
*sets the fryer to 375...*
Let's see who a) has the balls and b) who can make fun of me more than I...

I hope squid takes the first shot... I mean... he kinda deserves it..

Feral

[Edited on 12/5/2003 by feralucce]

 

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Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

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  posted on 5/12/2003 at 11:39 PM
Feral's from the "show-me" state, which has gotten him into more trouble with flasher laws in other states than anything...

Feralucce actually means "wild Mexican wrestler", which explains why he is on administrative leave with the INS.

He actually fellated the Thomas Jefferson statue at the U of M-C.

Feral is who they are talking about when they call New Orleans "the BIG Easy"

He once dropped his pants in front of some maternity nurses, and they said "ooh, look, an 'Inny'!"

When the preacher says, "love thy neighbour", he didn't mean his own wife.

What's eight-foot-twelve and smells like ass? Well, it's either Siegfried's favourite tiger or Feral's in town.

What do most women say about Feral? His camera lens is the biggest thing about him.
(Squid disagrees, though.)

He thinks Missouri is spelled with an "a" at the end.

He knows what's knee-high by the fourth of July.

He thinks the major four food groups are beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

He speaks of Dayton, Ohio as "the big city out East."


 

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  posted on 6/12/2003 at 12:21 AM
I wouldn't say Feral's talkative in person, but the last time I was able to get a word in edgewise, I had to use a ball gag, a pickaxe, and some duct tape.

 

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  posted on 6/12/2003 at 12:40 AM
Rogue: snickers... I'm from new orleans man... just live in missouri

 

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  posted on 6/12/2003 at 12:53 AM
cygnet: the ball gag was supposed to be a secret

[Edited on 12/6/2003 by feralucce]

 

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Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

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  posted on 6/12/2003 at 03:43 AM
Careful Feral, remember no defending or explaining yourself. Just taunting...

It looks like rogue wants to be next so far - lets see who else chimes in...

 

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  posted on 6/12/2003 at 04:02 AM
Oh, come on, Feral; the ball gag was the best part!

You like it and you know it.

Anyway, the best part of being in the same state as Feral: Instead of the "Raggle Taggle Gypsies," we get the "Ragin' Cajun Gypsy."

Feral can take an inside joke better than anyone; he's twice the man anyone here is just by being himself.

 

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  posted on 6/12/2003 at 06:25 AM
Feral certainly is twice the man of most men here, and three times the woman. After all the man is what 12 feet tall or something.
he once said " look me in the eye when you say that" to me and i had to go get a ladder.
feral is a bright lad, dont get me wrong, but every time he trys to dye his hair, it fades back to blonde in a matter of days. There is even a song about it... "cuz Im a blond"


 

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  posted on 6/12/2003 at 02:31 PM
I know what you mean, hon; he said the same thing to me, and I had to tie a 50 pound weight in my hair just so my head would tilt back that far.

As a matter of fact, Feral's so tall that he's worked as a body double for the Jolly Green Giant. He quit after he found out that they didn't make cajun turkey.

Feral's got some really sweet ink. On his back is the most amazing rendering of a phoenix with what he said were the Chinese symbols for life and death on each wing.

I looked it up, though, and Feral got cheated. The characters really say "free beer" and "cheetos."

And he wonders why people follow him around.

 

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  posted on 6/12/2003 at 02:47 PM
thought that was taunting... Oh well

 

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  posted on 8/12/2003 at 12:43 AM
Feral..... feral...... feral...... i....like.....the...way... you...type...

 

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  posted on 8/12/2003 at 12:02 PM
Feral likes his women young and spry so they can jump to reach him!
Feral likes to chace the Shmeng women around, maybe it is the energy from the leptoprine.
I wouldn't say Feral exaggerates....oh hell maybe I would.
Feral: The big albino asian from Missoura
Feral is the reason the locals call Missouri "Misery"
Feral is always trying to get people to touch his gothmobile... to stroke his gothmobile.... to caress his gothmobile.... to worship his gothmobile


 

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"People always say what we are looking for is a meaning for life…I don't think that's what we're looking for. I think what we're looking for is the experience of being alive." -Joseph Campbell

 

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  posted on 8/12/2003 at 12:08 PM
Cummon people... you have *pointing to himself in the mirror* this to work with and that's the best you can do?

*wonders what squid is waiting for*

[Edited on 12/8/2003 by feralucce]

 

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  posted on 8/12/2003 at 12:27 PM
Ok, I'll give this a try...

Feral Feral Feral, you do such good digital art with those tarot cards, but did you really have to model all the naked women after your mother? You like your women like you like your milk: chucky and rotten. I bet the reason why the world is so screwed is because Feral ate the primoridal soup and then shat it back out. You might be wondering how he was able to do that? Well, Feral was once a demon in hell who was so boring that the devil sent him to earth. Either that, or his girth was taking up too much space in hell. If thats not true, then he must be the illegitimate offspring of Fezzik and The Sicialian: hes big and thinks hes the shit, but every time he tries to do something he is "hoist with his own petard." And besides, hes paler than the Ice Queen in the Chronicles of Narnia. Snowmen buy tanning lotion with lower sun protection! And have you seen his wardrobe? I'm sure if he tried to donate it, Goodwill and the Salvation Army wouldn't even touch it with a twenty foot pole. That is assuming they could touch it without having is disintegrate. I mean, his style must've come out of the Dark Ages. He probably stole the clothes off of Black Plague victims. Due to all that cajun cooking though, he remains immune to such diseases as the bubonic plague, the pneumonic plague, and cultural improvement. If Shakespeare wrote a play about your life, it would be such a tragedy that the original manuscript would be burnt. Of course, if he wrote about your love life then it would be a comedy of epic proportions, for none have tried as much as you and failed as much as you. Its really sad that your name is associated with impotence, incompetence, and general ignorance. You're like the Fat Bastard of Shmeng, "I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat." And I bet you haven't seen your thing over that stomach in years either. I'm sure, because you're a white guy, that you have some EXCELLENT dancing skills (like the rest of us) but Dance Dance Revolution is made for people UNDER a ton. And besides, if you moved any faster than you already do, it might strain your heart, and Lord knows we don't want you to die anytime soon. We're having too much fun making fun of you!

But seriously Feral, you're a good guy. You'd kick my ass if we even got into a fight. Of course, thats because yours would take up the arena, because thats what we'd need to duke it out. If we fought on pay per view, it'd only cost $1.99 because no one wants to see a man suffocate under your mounds of flab. I'm sure the excuse you use is, "its all muscle" though, because something has to make up for your lack of intellect. MAybe you should move to some imporverished country of cannibals, because they could feed off of you for several years. On the other hand, if you died then they would be out of jobs making all the twinkies that you eat. And speaking of food, from what I've heard cajun food sets your tongue on fire, as well as your ass afterwards, even more than gay sex. I'm sure you know about such things, so perhaps you'd like to enlighten us? You probably couldn't enlighten a frog though, because you'd be too busy kissing it trying to find a fairy princess. If you had any more bad luck with romance, then I'd advise you that your mom is married, and that you should move on.

Ok, I think I'm done. Sorry Feral, but this is a roast. Please don't hurt me

 

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  posted on 8/12/2003 at 11:52 PM
LMAO

 

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/>

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  posted on 9/12/2003 at 12:37 AM
Chameleon, Feral LOVES pain. Ask any of his ex-lovers.

If you really want Feral to suffer, ignore him. Feral's so stuck on himself, he's theme song is, "I Wanna Talk About Me," though he'd never admit to listening to Toby Keith.

Feral has the right to feel like the center of his own universe. After all, he does have enough of a gravitational pull to shift Earth's gravitational fields. Heck, he's big enough to use the Van Allen Belt to hold up his pants.

The leptoprine is helping, though. He told me the other day that his cock was getting longer. I told him that that usually happens when a man's gut gets smaller.

I will miss the excess weight, though. Feral's the only man I've ever known that had bigger breasts than mine.

Truly, Feral does have a dizzying intellect. Trouble is, he forgets half of what he knows until it comes out at irrelavent moments. A couple of months ago, someone asked him what the cube root of 81 is. He didn't remember until he was horizontal with his latest victim, -erm, lover, yelling, "THREE! THREE! THREE!" five weeks later.

Feral believes in the priciples of Discordianism, which explains a lot about his love life.

Feral's also a big fan of Andromeda. He claims that it's because he enjoys the storyline, but he really just likes the way Kevin Sorbo's ass looks in that uniform.

Is that any better, Feral? *squish*

 

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  posted on 9/12/2003 at 11:26 AM
better... still not good enough...

 

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  posted on 9/12/2003 at 12:32 PM
I wanna win this just to see what people can dig up on me dammit!

Discordianism? You mean Feral's life philosophy is whining incessantly while listening to accordian music? Well, if happiness is determined by bulk, then Feral might be on to something... (you know, one can only make so many fat jokes...)

This whole bag gag thing, I have a vague idea what its about, and I would like to see if my theory is correct: in Pulp Fiction, Feral was the stunt double for Marcellus Wallace right? I mean, sure hes white, but Michael Jackson was once black right? Ah, now there's a pair that would get along beautifully together, Feral and Michael Jackson. Feral'd probably say hes just trying to get to Latoya, but we all know that "misery doth acquaint a man with strange bedfellows," and they don't get any weirder than these two! Feral is miserable enough to screw anything that mildly resembles a human being, anyway. But see Feral, everyone knows you have an overactive libido, and so does Michael Jackson, so I think that between the two of you and every minor child within a ten mile radius you two would be set until Doomsday. Just so long as you don't make 3D kiddie porn and post it on Shmeng...

He likes pain you say? Its a shame hes too fat to fit into an iron maiden then. On the other hand, its not like the spikes could pierce the mounds of flesh that protect his black heart. Hey Feral, if pain is a way of life for you then why odn't you become a flagellant? There's nothing funnier than a fat man whipping himself for eating all the food in Eithiopia. It'd be good for you to experience the pain we feel when our parents tell us to eat when children are starving, because just a brief visit to Egypt caused a two year famine, as well as several missing person reports. Seriously Feral, I know it takes alot to feed that gut or yours, but cannibalism isn't the answer. You probably don't know where half those people have been, and you probably don't want to know. It wouldn't matter to you though, because when it comes to personal hygiene, you do the bare minimum hooker's routine: ass, crack, crotch, and teeth. ALL WITH THE SAME BRUSH. But as for pain, you should know by now that the clap and gonnnorhea hurt like a bitch. Those sex ed teachers that visited your school weren't kidding. THat didn't mean you had to screw them to find out though.

You can only inflict so much physical pain on such great girth, so I think I'll go into the mental aspects of our fried fat friend Feral. You need so much therapy that Sybil would shrink away in terror. When they made those laws that patients couldn't have relationships with their therapists, they were thinking about you. I bet your mom not only didn't hug you enough as a child, but forced you to watch bad art films endlessly.
They've obviously fucked you up more than Lady Chatterly. Speaking of strange literature, I'd say you're the modern incarnation of Oedipus Rex. Now if only you had the balls to poke out your own eyes and stop ogling at the Shmeng women... But I digress, while you undress, in front of another man. See, this behaviour, as the shrinks would say, is because you feel sexually inferior to EVERYONE and you take what you can get. This is caused by grievous amounts of child molestation by a father figure, probably your mother's eigth husband. By that time, he had to find some fresh meat because sloppy seconds times four is just... ugh, I don't even want to think about it... Simply put, you're just fucked up. I would say sheep had something to do with it too, but your not Scottish. Considering you're from New Orleans, I think crawfish might be a viable substitute. I guess beastiality isn't illegal in Louisiana. Those poor poor crawfish... No wonder gumbo is so thick... When the Frenchman said, "your mother was a hamster" I think he was referring to you.

Being stuck on yourself isn't such a bad thing Feral. Wait, are you narcissistic, or did you just forget to wipe your dick off last time you played with yourself and reached down there a second time? Remember, it could be worse: you could be stuck on George W. Speaking of politics, do you have any relation to Boris Yeltsin? You're both fat, drink alot to drown your sorrows, and most people don't really care what you say.

See, when I try to roast someone, I don't use stupid one liners that most people have heard before. I try to be as original as possible, and not spew out a list of redundant and vaguely similar razzes, because being original requires TALENT. By the way, kudos to everyone who knows what I randomly allude to

AND WHERE THE HELL IS SQUID? He should've said SOMETHING by now...

 

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It reflects but does not hold. Therefore, the perfect man can act without
effort.

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  posted on 9/12/2003 at 01:08 PM
Squid got roasted...
 
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