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Author: Subject: Squid Roast

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 658
Registered: 27/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 21/11/2003 at 12:16 PM
Good stuff? Get the ball rolling, man! Yoo don't actually HAVE any "good stuff," do yoo, Feral? Keep on fronting!

 

____________________

i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to die so i could watch, and then me die.

-ickgirl

 

Fanatic




Posts: 287
Registered: 31/10/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 21/11/2003 at 12:26 PM
Yeah, why hold back? Is there a time limit or something?

It's hard to believe something that lives in the water could smell that bad...people hide before Squid gets here because his eau du rotting calamari scent arrives a good 45 minutes before he does...

Or maybe it's just the used underwear collection...hell, I don't understand it, since he doesn't wear underwear anyway...gotta wonder where those skid marks come from...and that's just in the ladies' underwear!

 

____________________
"To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 21/11/2003 at 10:47 PM
let''s start with here's your sign.

Cygnet: he couldna sting anyone... I mean, who'd go near that genetically inferior specimen...

I was asked to sum squid up in one sentence...I chose an elizabethan scheme... so here it goes thou are an artless base-court apple-john, a bawdy bat-fowling baggage, beslubbering beef-witted barnacle, a bootless beetle-headed bladder, a churlish boil-brained boar-pig, a cockered clapper-clawed bugbear,a clouted clay-brained bum-bailey, a craven common-kissing canker-blossom, a currish crook-pated clack-dish, a dankish dismal-dreaming clotpole,a dissembling dizzy-eyed coxcomb,a droning doghearted codpiece, an errant dread-bolted death-token, a fawning earth-vexing dewberry, a fobbing elf-skinned flap-dragon, a froward fat-kidneyed flax-wench, a frothy fen-sucked flirt-gill, a gleeking flap-mouthed foot-licker, a goatish fly-bitten fustilarian, a jarring half-faced hedge-pig, a lumpish hasty-witted whore-beast , a rank onion-eyed minnow, a spongy rude-growing pignut,a surly rump-fed puttock, an unmuzzled sheep-biting ratsbane,a yeasty weather-bitter wagtail. just to named a few.

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.

Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 21/11/2003 at 11:07 PM
ROUND TWO!!!

No one likes you - even your Mother sent you a Christmas card with "Die Bitch!" written on it.

You couldn't give an armless female Pygmy a fight.

I'm not surprised you feel compelled to defend a loser, as you feel your species is at risk.

You are the reason why geneticists say daughter/father marriages are a bad idea.

I'm not saying he's gay, but his favorite past time is to ride a saddle-less unicycle around his room.
You couldn't read anymore gay if you wrote in pink ink on a picture of Richard Simmons wearing nothing but a bow tie and a 'cum hither' look, you 47th rate fag with a poodle scat fetish and a penchant for midnight self-pleasuring excursions into city public parks.
His right hand later trapped itself in a machine and was amputated, rather than continue to have 'sex' with him.
They don't hardly make 'em like him any more - but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway.


His cock is so small, you need an electron microscope to see it.

Here's a tweezers. Go find your cock.

He has an in-grown penis.

If brevity is the soul of wit, your penis must be a riot.

You could screw mice with that cock.

There is more meat on a vegetarian's toothpick than on your cock.

Go tinkle with your winkle

Men Versus Cucumbers: The average cucumber is at least six inches long.

My vibrator is bigger than that, and it has a higher IQ too.

It's lucky for you that you have a hole in the end of your penis. Otherwise, oxygen couldn't get to your brain.

Sorry, I am not a computer. I won't accept a 3½" floppy.

Cement that gets hard faster than you.

He has an "R" tattooed on his cock - there wasn't enough room to spell "ROB."

You could fuck a hamster with that dick!

His penis smells suspiciously like the ass of a sheep.

His cock is an introvert.

The head on your cock resembles a wart on top of a toothpick.

Ants could use your dick as dental floss.

Is your penis depressed?

Wow! That looks like a penis - only smaller!

I never knew they measured dicks in the negative integers.

He named his penis because he wanted to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes his decisions.

Your cock is so small, you couldn't find it with a telescope and a map.

Is that your dick or have you jammed your finger up your ass?

How do you piss without getting soaked?

Act your age, not your dick size!

I'd castrate you if you had anything to remove.

He has to stick his dick in the freezer to get hard.

All right! A treasure hunt. Let me go get the tweezers.

I'm not saying he's a pervert, but he whiles away his spare time by harvesting the milky bounty from lactating newts.

Without imported made-in-Gaywana latex Richard Simmons life-size dolls with silicon-filled gyrating cocks, you wouldn't have any sex life at all.

The closest you ever came to pussy was last Halloween when you stole the pumpkin off the porch of that pretty girl who lives across the street and drilled a hole in it, placing slices of warm roast pork and real hair around the opening and poking it with your pimple dick.

You're what happens when a guy masturbates into a tank of spawning fish.

My sex life is a disaster. Last night, the Red Cross showed up with coffee and doughnuts.

He tried phone sex once and needed a surgical operation to remove the Nokia.

You chronic self-inflictor of love hickies.

You couldn't beat your meat to The 200 Best Playboy Centerfolds Ever, you uber-impotent fuckwit.

You are what happens when the sperm bank also deals in monkey semen.

The last time he had sex, he sprained his wrist.

I typed "Cyber Sex Whore" into a search engine and your name came up.

He has got plenty of hands-on experience of sex.

He's very polite. Every time he has sex he says, "Thanks Mum!"

He asked his last girlfriend what he was doing wrong in bed and she said, "Do you want the list alphabetically?"

He's better at sex than anyone - all he needs is a partner.

You're like disposable diapers: always getting dumped.

He used to pose for Playboy, but they kept throwing him out of their offices.

I stuck up for you today. Someone said you weren't fit to fuck pigs; I said you were.

The Venus de Milo gives better hand jobs than you.

It's good to see you again - back in men's clothing.

With a face like that, you're just asking to be a life-time vibrator user.

Save your breath. You'll need it to inflate your date.

You couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with a fistful of twenties.

You couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a fistful of pardons.

He's the kind of guy who masturbates to The Sound of Music.

How is your wife... and my kids?

The last time you got a piece of ass was when your hand slipped through the toilet paper.

He's trying to pick up a friendly, open-to-experimentation partner for a threesome with the family dog.

Sorry, that was a low blow. Speaking of low blows, how's your wife?

Jack be nimble. Jack be quick. I’d still prefer the candlestick.

All bullshit aside, I bet the last time someone other than your actually touched your nuts, Jesus Christ was still breast feeding.

If it weren't for pick-pockets, he'd have no sex life at all.

Tell your mother to stop wearing different colored lipstick. I'm getting a damn rainbow around my dick.

His best pickup line is "You've got the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen on a Down Syndrome patient."

I'd tell you to go fuck yourself and the horse you rode in on, but looking at that stupid grin on your face, I'd say you already have.

Is your "Masturbator's-elbow" making it difficult to type?

Even his own hand turns that ugly fuck down.

His idea of a sex holiday is visiting a safari park.

You're such an asshole. Kissing any part of you would be fairly termed 'rimming.'

His last girlfriend sprung a leak

He gets loads of types of sex. In fact, every type except human.

Even sheep won't have sex with you.

He's so negative. In fact, the only positive thing about him is HIV.

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.



Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/11/2003 at 03:07 AM
ROUND THREE!!!
Listening to you is like being viciously assaulted by a perfumed parakeet in a goddamned Parisian bordello.

If you'll stop telling lies about me, I'll stop telling the truth about you.

I'd insult you with wit but it'd be wasted on you, so instead, go poke yourself in the eye with a fork.

He puts pubic hairs between his teeth just to make it look like he gets laid.

All you do is moan and whine like a $10 whore who just got offered a top offer of $5 bucks.

I bet you get perfect hemorrhoids because you're the perfect asshole.

Shut up before I come over there and kick your nuts so hard they dislodge your tonsils into where your eyeballs used to be right before I grabbed your mother's dildo out of your father's ass and used it to poke your brain out through the back of your gimp cranium.

Must you always enter a room mouth first?

You gin-sodden pitiable excuse for anything other than a rancid fuckweasle!

Thanks, I always wondered what chicken-shit, horseshit and bullshit would smell like if it were all mixed together in one rambling sentence. Now I know.

Isn't there a power point somewhere close by that you can plug your tongue into?

Button down that flapping upper lip of yours, goofy, before I staple it to the ceiling and watch you spin around like a fart-powered ceiling fan.

He learned all he knows about the human mind from studying his psychiatrists.


Here is a useful tip: eat 2lbs of spicy Indian curry and then fart your head back out of your ass.

You couldn't create a fire in a room full of pentane if you had a flamethrower and 50 fucking pounds of gasoline.

He's like a bowling ball - people pick him up, finger him, then chuck him down an alley.

Why don't you grab a tall glass of "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" and a mouthful of these nuts, stupid?

If you aren't an escaped mental patient, you are doing a first-rate impression of one.

Haven't you inflicted enough humiliation and embarrassment upon yourself and 14 generations of your ancestors for one night?

Setting you a task that requires subtle discernment is like looking for the epicenter of the Big Bang with a pair of binoculars.

You would make an excellent sideshow attraction.

He's had so many sailors that her lips are in sync with the tide.

If you sucked anymore than you already do, you'd implode.

Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you?

We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view - now shut the fuck already!

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.





Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/11/2003 at 03:16 AM
ROUND FOUR!!!

I'm not saying he's a slut, but he seems to wear his ankles like they were ear rings.

I'm not implying that he's inbred, but his DNA is shaped like a pretzel.

I doubt you get the opportunity to cheat; unless it's on your right hand with your left.

He sits on her vibrating cellular phone and calls herself.

He look likes he's breast fed an elephant.

He looks like a 'X' lying down.

He has Velcro strips on her underwear to save time.

He’s has been kissed more times than the Blarney Stone.

He's so horny that the crack of dawn had better be careful.

He's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard.

He's seen more ceilings than Michelangelo.

They call him radio station because she is so easy to pick up.

He is so horny he looked as if he could suck the color out of a marble.

You were born with your legs apart. They'll send you to the grave in a Y-shaped coffin.

I've wanted to go out with you ever since I read that stuff about you on the men's bathroom wall two years ago.

He can suck a turd straight out of an asshole.

His crotch draws more flies than a Honduran outhouse.

I like that dress that you are almost wearing.

He's got a pair of lungs like an industrial vacuum cleaner.

You're quite cute. What can I get for a twenty?

His mouth is dirtier than a wicker toilet seat.

Fox Television is doing a show on him called; 'When White Trash Dates.'

He sauntered up to Friar Tuck, and said "I'm horny, wanna fuck?"


He's like a cold in winter - easy to pick up.

His morals are lower than the fluff in an earthworms belly button.

He's such a slut, he swims after troop ships!

He dresses on credit and undresses for cash.

His two favorite words are, "I do".

How's life peeping through keyholes?

You're so slutty, you could suck-start a Harley.

You're so slutty, you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch ball.

He's like a doorknob - everybody gets a turn.

He's like a postage stamp: you lick him, stick him, then send him away.

Is that an accent, or is your mouth full of sperm?

The difference between you and a rooster is that a rooster says 'cock-a-doodle doo', and you say 'any-cock'll do'.

If sex were fast food, you'd have an arch over your head.

I bet even your own hand refuses to fuck you.

Don't tell him that you like seafood or he'll give you crabs.

Your idea of safe sex is a padded headboard.

He's a lot like train tracks - he's been laid across the country.

his sexual inhibitions are tied with a slip knot.

Humans and dolphins are the only creatures who have sex for pleasure. If humans don't want to have sex with you, what is the chance that dolphins do?

Your 'sexual prowess' lies in your right wrist movement.

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
/>





Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Fanatic




Posts: 470
Registered: 23/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/11/2003 at 03:24 AM
Um, feralucce, give the rest of us a chance to poke him, geesh.

 

____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/11/2003 at 10:34 AM
snickers: He asked for em though!!!

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
/>
/>







Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Fanatic




Posts: 287
Registered: 31/10/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/11/2003 at 01:30 PM
Scheisse! The calamari's hit the fan and sprayed in an infinite number of directions.

I almost feel sorry for Squid...in the same sense that I would feel sorry for a guy who asked a football team to assfuck him, only to complain about shitting cum for the next two weeks...

If he asks for it, ream him...*grin of infinite evil*

 

____________________
"To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey

 

Fanatic




Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/11/2003 at 05:26 PM
it looks like Feral really, REALLY wants to be next...

 

____________________

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/11/2003 at 05:52 PM
it's a ROAST...*winks* gotta roast the boy

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can. />
/>

/>









Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Fanatic




Posts: 287
Registered: 31/10/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/11/2003 at 06:03 PM
M_J: I agree, even though he may deny it.

Feral: We've gone from roast to deep-fat fry...*gratuitous tongue wiggle*

Back to the topic...

Squid's the hole in Darwin's theory.

 

____________________
"To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/11/2003 at 09:04 PM
I'm not implying he's gay, but he and his poodle even have matching perms.

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.
/>

/>


/>











Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Fanatic




Posts: 344
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/11/2003 at 08:43 PM
What have you all given up Squid? Damn, I figured Dolo would have been here by now.

Squid is better than anyone at sex, now all he needs is a partner.

Being an invertebrate Squid can see the world like no else, through his own ass.

Squid loves the ocean, in fact if you stand close enough to him you can hear it.

Q: What did the blonde say to Squid? A: I'm blonde whats your excusse?.

The only time Squid has been in a pussy is when the doctor shoved him back into his mother's uterus.

Q: Whats Squid's favorit game? A: pocket pool.

Squid did get laid once, but the sheep said it was a baaaaad mistake.

[Edited on 11/24/2003 by dead-cell]

 

____________________
co-worker: "Your gay!?"
myself: "Didn't you see my rainbow pin?"
co-worker: "I just thought you liked skettles."
-(yes, it actually happened to me)

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/11/2003 at 09:51 PM
DC: wouldn't that be the only 8 handed game of pocket pool in history? I wonder if he played pairs...

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 658
Registered: 27/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/11/2003 at 10:15 PM
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Feralucce knows how to give a roast. Unfortunatly, he's wrong, I do not lick toes.

 

____________________


i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to
die so i could watch, and then me die.




-ickgirl

 

Fanatic




Posts: 344
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/11/2003 at 11:44 PM
So..That means Feral is right about everything else, even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff?

Bettie: I'm guessing at least one was in his back pocket shooting for a hole in one.

 

____________________
co-worker: "Your gay!?"

myself: "Didn't you see my rainbow pin?"

co-worker: "I just thought you liked skettles."

-(yes, it actually happened to me)

 

Fanatic




Posts: 470
Registered: 23/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/11/2003 at 04:23 AM
Feral: I'm all for roasting, I just think it would be more interesting if those were a little more thought out, I suppose....but I'll save it for your roast.

Squid: That's right, you don't lick toes, you are prone to hoof licking instead.

 

____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/11/2003 at 09:59 AM
well... domktten... I was venting spleen... an it felt good*grins

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can. />
/>


/>



/>













Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 658
Registered: 27/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/11/2003 at 02:14 PM
Okay, so everybody already knows that Ferals going to be the next roastee, that means everyone should feel free to get as nasty as they want with mee since they have nothing to fear. Unless of course yoo want to compete with him, in which case yoo had better get started right now.

 

____________________



i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to />
die so i could watch, and then me die.






-ickgirl

 
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