Anya
Extreme Fanatic   Posts: 656 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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 posted on 11/7/2003 at 07:39 PM |
I found these funny. Hopefully some of these will appeal to the residents
here. 
While I did not think ALL of the grammar was bad (then again, I'm not a pro
myself), the words were...heehe...misworded. Actually would not be
surprised if these were real quotes, hehe.
Schoolishness:
"Running is a great experience and I thank God for exposing me to the track
team."
"The Puritans considered every event a massage from God."
"It is rude to break your bread and roll in your soup."
"During his time as President, Lincoln only wore a tall silk hat."
School Excuse Bloopers:
"Please excuse Jimmy for being. It's his father's fault."
"Please excuse Chris from being absent. He was playing football and was hit
in his growing part."
"My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent the
weekend with the Marines."
"Please excuse Fred for being absent. He had a cold and could not breed
well."
"Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover."
"Teacher, please excuse Mary for being absent. She was sick and I had her
shot."
"Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend a
funeral."
"Maryann was absent December 11-16 because she had a fever, sore throat,
headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore
throat, her brother had a lowgrade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the
best either, sore throat and fever. There must be a flu going on around
school - her father even got hot last night."
"Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor."
Wholy Holy Bloopers: *thinks a lot of the site will love these, lmao*
"The ladies of the Church have cast off all kinds of clothing and can be
seen in the Church basement on Friday Afternoon."
"Please remember in prayer those who are sick of our Church."
"God is good, but Dr. Hargreaves is BETTER!"
"On Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defra the expense of the
new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the carpet will please
come forward and get a piece of paper."
"Thursday at 5 PM, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All
those wishing to become 'little mothers' will please meet with the minister
in the study."
"The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will
sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
*not in the book* "Bean supper will be held in the Church Hall. Music will
follow."
"Service will be closed with "Little Drops of Water." One of the men will
start quietly, and the rest of the congregation will join in."
"Today -- Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 1 PM - 8 PM.
Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity."
*not in the book* "Sermon this morning: Jesus Walks On Water. Sermon this
evening: Searching For Jesus."
*not in the book* "Want to know what Hell is? Come hear our choir this
evening."
*not in the book* "Peacemaking meeting cancelled due to conflict."
"The choir will meet at the Larson's for fun and sinning."
"Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help!"
Police Report/Accidental Bloopers:
"I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree that I never had."
"A truck backed into my windshield and into my wife's face."
"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. " *thinks that
one's classic*
"I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to
what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going
the opposite way."
"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished."
"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I
reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision, and I did
not see the other car."
"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backsdie. He then went to rest
in a bush with just his rear end showing."
"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a
big mouth."
"The telephone pole was approaching fast! I was attempting to swerve out of
its way when I struck my front end."
"As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddently appeared where no
stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid
the accident."
"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and
headed over the embankment."
"The guy was all over the road! I had to swerve a number of times before I
hit him."
"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."
"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front of me, I struck a
pedestrian."
"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the
road when I struck him."
"I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the hood
of the car."
"She saw me, lost her head, and we met."
"One wheel went into the ditch. My foot jumped from the brake to the
accelerator, leaped across the road to the other side, and jumped into the
trunk of a tree."
"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal
joint gave away, causing me to have an accident."
[Edited on 7/12/2003 by Anya]
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MystryssRavynDarque
Extreme Fanatic  Posts: 648 Registered: 24/9/2002 Status: Offline
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 posted on 12/7/2003 at 06:48 PM |
| Things like these will always be funny. I liked to read the ones in the
reader's digest magazine when i was in junior high. ____________________
"People always say what we are looking for is a meaning for life…I don't
think that's what we're looking for. I think what we're looking for is the
experience of being alive." -Joseph Campbell
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Dense
Member   Posts: 73 Registered: 5/6/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/7/2003 at 10:59 PM |
| Och cheaks hurt. ____________________
i am a misunderstood genius... Nobody understands that i am a genius!
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Anya
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 656 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 18/7/2003 at 10:58 PM |
Woot. I entertained some people. *beam*
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dead-cell
Fanatic   Posts: 344 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 19/7/2003 at 07:24 PM |
| I've got to try one of those excuses someday. ____________________
co-worker: "Your gay!?"
myself: "Didn't you see my rainbow pin?"
co-worker: "I just thought you liked skettles."
-(yes, it actually happened to me)
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Anya
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 656 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 1/8/2003 at 01:44 AM |
Here's two more that I have to sniggle about:
"The pedestrian ran for the other side of the road, but I got him!"
"The man was all over the road! I had to swerve a few times before I could
hit him."
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Abbadon
Fanatic  Posts: 499 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 1/8/2003 at 02:51 PM |
| Funny...yes... well... ____________________
Light is changing to shadow, and casting a shroud over all we have known.
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Alugarde
Member  Posts: 185 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 1/8/2003 at 10:56 PM |
I especially enjoyed the one about searching for Jesus.
Two translation errors:
For Pepsi, not sure what the billboard was supposed to say, but it ended up
saying that Pepsi could bring your ancestors back from the dead.
For Tyson Chicken, the billboard was supposed to say something along the
lines of "It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken." It ended up
saying something along the lines of "It takes a strong man to make a
chicken aroused." ____________________
l33t is the bastard cousin of contractions.
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Anya
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 656 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 2/8/2003 at 12:40 AM |
During MacArthur's time in the Japanese government reformation after WWII,
there was a translation on a sign that said, "We pray for MacArthur's
erection."
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