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Author: Subject: Tweekytime: Forgive me.

Fanatic





Posts: 254
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/2/2003 at 06:01 PM
Our Lord and Flavor has decreed the following http://www.shmeng.com/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file =article&sid=451
Tweekytime.
I have to admit, I do have the tendencies to be a little vicious and seem to snap at people. But anyone who knows me personally knows I am a pussy and I have a huge white fluffy underbelly underneath the steel-enforced, carbon fiber shell.
I am crazy; I am in full blown Tweekytime. I made this forum because there are things you canít tell simply by looking at the stupid fucking shit I have written recently. Hopefully I can illustrate this to all of you fully here and it will help in your much needed understanding. I have reviewed the scripture written by our Devin and I believe that I am no where near fabricated drama or calling wolf here.
Here are some reasons and symptoms for my being in Tweekytime goes as follows, you judge if I'm crazy or not:

1. I have accepted that I exclusively like guys for a whole measly three months now. I am in a transition period, and this shit is messy.

2. I am highly irritable (fucking obvious) and now I see that I am being a total asshole to everyone in my life; even the people in my beloved web community. I am endangering myself, pissing everyone off and being totally illogical.

3. I am trying to justify myself being gay in many bad ways (justification in this situation gets you nowhere and produces results like the Hitler forum). I donít want to be seen as weak or defective. Homosexuals are usually seen weak and defective by the mass of society. It is usually believed that homosexuality consists of feminized males or masculinized females. This is not the case, and nothing hurts a manís ego and whole sense of being by taking away his gender identity. Men donít want to be seen as weak; they donít want to be seen as feminine (not the same thing). They want to be seen as men; big alpha males, hairy, king of all existence with 10,000 mates and a sports car (at least to some degree). So I have been indulging in a lot of masculine bullshit among other things that I have never cared about before; hence my gender bending art and makeup.

4. Why am I upset? Hereís a taste: I know everything this man says in this book is dog shit but still it really hurt- ďBringing Up BoysĒ by Dobson, Chapter nine ĎThe Origins of Homosexualityí. Go to the library, read it in Barnes and Noble, but donít you dare buy that book, the fucker deserves none of your money. Itís amazing it was written in 2001, it is so fucking primitive itís an insult to amebas.

5. One of the ways I have been trying to justify my being gay, which is very destructive and stupid (as seen in this forum), is hatred of females. People say ďHeís gay because he was born that way.Ē or other things like ďHe just grew up that wayĒ... In other words, those statements say that I have no choice in the matter at all. I am just this defect that was thrown into society. So my shit headed response to that was ďItís not that I was born that way, I just donít like women.Ē This is not true at all: absolute bullshit. I have ALL female friends, and I fucking love them- Cashmere. Most of them went to college, others are busy with their lives. I have been out of my female circle, thus I have been alone with no one to talk to and no logic to bounce off of. I am just scared, confused and royally fucked up. Ignore me, and forgive me!!! I have eyes now!

6. I am a teenager- We come this way, and I promise to grow up fast and get over it.

7. I am under extreme pressure from grades and colleges. Itís driving me insane, I am so stressed out.

8. I am actually Tweeky, (keep in mind that this is my most vital and physically obvious proof that I am insane at the moment) I have been having twitches lately. Yes thatís right, I shake and twitch like a crack-whore who needs a fix and has had too many. I have facial twitches, abdominal twitches, and shoulder lunges. Some periods of twitching have been violent and scary. I have gone days where I would have one twitch a second. And all signs point to them being psychosomatic. In other words that are caused by severe distress and anger. I look like one of those creepy hobos that talk to themselves and collect shiny things. I am not happy about it and am trying to fix it. I made a doctors appointment and discussed it with my shiny new therapist (three weeks going now and hopefully progress will be made).
I beg this whole siteís forgiveness and understanding that I am in hell. I am so sorry, I am pathetic and will no longer justify the shit I have been saying because itís exactly that- TOTAL FUCKING SHIT!
I need to warn you all that I may do it again and I need you all to yell at me gently and remind me that I am having a Tweeky attack.
I love this web site, itís my home page as I am sure it is all of the ones concerned in this cesspool of insanity. I need people to talk with, something to read and occupy my time to kill some pain. This web site gives me all of what I need, and I am fucking that up and hurting the people I care for.
Monolycus please donít leave on my crazy account. I would rather refrain from speaking my mind for a while than for you to leave. You are an essential part of the Shmeng community, and I am but a maggot to you. Fuck me. Iím a crazy asshole who has lost almost everything and am about to loose the rest if I donít get my shit together.
I am in trouble, I need all of your help. I am sorry I was an asshole, I am sorry I am a maggot. I canít help the Tweekytime, but I can make it better and go away with your support. Hopefully, like our Devin said, I will come out of this the cooler maggot I have always been known for, maybe even better. If I stay this way, take me out an shoot me.

It is done. Forgive me!

 

____________________
The OBOLISK is Divine.

 
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Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 893
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/2/2003 at 06:07 PM
I have no part in the matter, but I think you should be forgiven. You've made your point. Go and sin no more. And all that.

 

____________________
Piggy's got the Conch!

 

Fanatic




Posts: 254
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/2/2003 at 06:21 PM
3 hours of psychotherapy and a large amount of chocolate can help you see things in new light.

 

____________________
The OBOLISK is Divine.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 897
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/2/2003 at 06:22 PM
Goddamn, Sticupus! I wish I had known this before I tore into you so rabidly. Although for a non-tweaky person, everything I said would have been richly deserved, tweaky people fall into a different category.

So I have an apology myself - I'm sorry for all those snide comments tagging you as a woman-wannabe. While some of your comments DID seem mightily like sour grapes, I now see that it was the result of a confusion as to who the enemy is.

You are not less of a man because you are a homosexual. You are just a man with different tastes. I happen to like men, myself! Doesn't mean that I hate women - they're gorgeous, too. Just that I prefer to have sexual encounters with a Y chromosome involved.

I agree, Dobson is the fucking anti-christ. I don't think that I've read that particular book, but my old church used to be really big on Focus on the Family and shit like that. My mom gave me "The Strong-Willed Child" for my birthday, to help me in dealing with my boyfriend's untrained children. The man fucking annoys the hell out of me. I can only imagine what his bigotted views on homosexuality must be.

So, anyway, we'll put the whole Hitler fiasco behind us, and be a little more gentle with you next time the tweakyness makes you go ballistic. After all, we now know it's not us you're trying to attack, it's that nebulous mass of negative shit you have to face everyday that makes you feel like a mutated freak. It seems to surround you, so you hit everywhere in an attempt to make it go away. And end up thwacking your friends in the face. But we understand. You didn't mean to do it.

Hang in there. We're standing behind you. If you're brave enough to admit a mistake and give such a nice apology, you're brave enough to make it through with flying colors.

After all, it's not how you tweak, but how you recover that counts.

 

____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest of girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"

 

Fanatic




Posts: 254
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/2/2003 at 06:34 PM
Thank you Schizo, I am so sorry! I am crying and having jaw spasms as I type this.
And I'll probably have to start a separate "Fuck Dobson" forum just for us to play. He is the fucking Anti-Christ. Go check out that book I mentioned and put yourself in my shoes. It's like drinking acid, and not the fun kind (which I donít do by the way; Tweeky people and drugs donít mix).

 

____________________
The OBOLISK is Divine.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 897
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/2/2003 at 07:06 PM
There, there!

*pats Sticupus's back until he stops crying*

We all have our tweaky-times. You should have seen me in mine. I was a basket case. Not fun at ALL to be around. And I wasn't even a teenager at the time, which ought to be considered one big tweaky-time in general! I can't even imagine dealing with a tweak-causing situation AND teenaged hormones and issues all at once!

I'm in a minor tweak myself right now. Fairly controlled, but it shows itself as soon as I see a fight, cuz my tweaks are all based on how I've got some really sucky people in my life, and no good way to get them out. Since I can't fight them, I have to fight something. You were a very convenient outlet, I must say. I kind of have to thank you for that!

I just submitted an article about one of my tweak-causing issues. Maybe it will get published. The other is that psycho-slut I keep writing about.

I hope you get through your tweaky-time in one piece!

 

____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"

 

Administrator




Posts: 317
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Online

  posted on 7/2/2003 at 07:43 PM
1) Don't justify being gay, just be gay
2) Never alienate a fag-hag, collect them if you can
3) If you meet a girl you want to kiss, then kiss her - don't think now about whether you would or wouldn't - you haven't even met her - and if you never meet her, that's fine too.
4) There's no need for you to try and be girlyer than girls - there's boys that like all kinds of boys
5) Don't flirt with frat boys when their friends can see
6) Don't take any new advice till you're done tweeking (including this)

 

____________________
So Sayeth Me

 

Fanatic




Posts: 254
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 8/2/2003 at 09:29 AM
Thank you Devin.

 

____________________
The OBOLISK is Divine.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 618
Registered: 27/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 8/2/2003 at 07:37 PM
I hope you pass through your tweakytime quickly, and emerge feeling stronger.

 

____________________
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." ~Mae West


 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 856
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 11/2/2003 at 11:16 AM
That HAD to be cathartic.
It's all good...I can understand stuff like that. done it myself...

 

____________________
In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King

 

Fanatic




Posts: 254
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 11/2/2003 at 06:45 PM
You have done what exactly? You were in the Navy I remember.... he he he, I recall the tone of a certain Village People song.

 

____________________
The OBOLISK is Divine.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 856
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 14/2/2003 at 01:26 PM
-shrug- I think I've done everything I could come up with so far...I never believe in holding oneself back, or not trying something....at least once, probably twice.

 

____________________
In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King

 
 


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