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Author: Subject: Dissin' yo mamma

Extreme Fanatic





Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/1/2003 at 03:47 PM
If there's ONE thing I get a kick out of, is some of the creative (emphasis on CREATIVE) ways I've been insulted. I get hell at work from every co-worker, all in good fun, mind you (and I often find it as funny if not FUNNIER than they do), and they've come up with some mighty fine slams, I have to tell you. Doesn't matter what I"m wearing, I get hell as "the vampire" (I fucking HATE THAT!). Here's some of the delicious antics they've come up with to bother my incessantly:

My boss's parents came in for a visit from california and wanted a group picture with their son and his whole staff. I didn't really want to get my picture taken because i wan't having a good day, and really, I just looked like CRAP. I asked if I could fix my makeup for ONE SECOND, to which the guy I'll call "cowpie" said : "Why bother? It's not like you'll show up on film anyway."

har har.

I invited anyone at work to get free beer and pizza if they helped me move.
MonsterVirgo: "Yah, she needs all the help she can get movin that giant ass coffin she's got in her basement. Oh wait, I forgot it's a double seater, she just got married"
Cowpie: "At leat we won't have to move any mirrors."
Boss: "yeah, but that big box of native soil is gonna be a BITCH"

har har.

Feeling sick I said "God, I feel like I'm going to fucking DIE!"
Cowpie: "Again?"

har har.

Customer: "man, it's freezing in here, don't you guys have a thermostat?"
Cowpie: "Yeah, but we gotta keep it cold to keep laurie fresh."

har har.

A coworker cut his hand. Being used to hurting myself and fixing myself, I offered to bandage it up. It was bleeding pretty bad.
Me: "C'mon in the back I'll fix it up for you."
MonsterVirgo: "NO! DON'T LET HER NEAR THE BLOOD!"

har har.

I showed up for work early, only to see my FAVORITE (sarcasm) sales associate standing behind the counter. He turned and looked at me, and said in all seriousness:
EmoPussy: "Shouldn't you be going somewhere? Like HELL?"

I have to admit that 90% of the time I find it extremely funny. And you have to admit that as long as the insult is funny, and made in all good fun, it can lead to nothing but good times. I really think that the ones come up with by my co-workers have to be the best I've ever heard, but there have to be more great ones out there. There's more, SO many more, but I can't remember them at this moment, I just brought you some of the best so far...and I'm sure there's more to come *ugh*

What's the BEST diss you've ever been dished? Yeah, you acted insulted and pissed at the time, but ADMIT IT...you were trying not to laugh.

the way I figure it, is if I can't laugh at myself as hard as everyone else does, I dont' have much liscence to laugh at them and the rest of the world as often as I do


 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 
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Member




Posts: 190
Registered: 6/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/1/2003 at 06:29 PM
As most of you know im in the US Navy and you cant imagine the rash of shit i get for it all the time. This happened to me the Christmas before i went into the Navy.

Christmas morning we are opening gifts. When i pick up one of my gifts my Uncle and my dad bolt out of the room. And as soon as I open the the box My dad and my uncle Tim bust in the door wearing and indian head dress and the other in a sailor out fit blasting "In the Navy" by the Village People, and what was my gift you ask....

SOAP ON A ROPE

yeah....merry fuckin christmas

 

____________________
"Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I".

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 893
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/1/2003 at 08:52 PM
That fuckin' sucks, Morte... Damn... I feel sorry for you.

Mostly I just get snide comments from my father.
He sees some kids in black: "Oh look, its your friends"
And he always has some sort of comment about me being a tree-hugger. Blah.
So what if I am?

 

____________________
Piggy's got the Conch!

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/1/2003 at 10:21 PM
AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA!

Morte that fucking RULES.

It's even funnier when someone at work flung a pinch of garlic at me off the top of their garlic bread.....just to see if I'd burst into flames *lol*

What a bunch of fuckers, but hey...at least they're GOOD at it!

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 618
Registered: 27/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/1/2003 at 11:14 PM
*runs through the mental list of cute things said at work to her*

From customers:

*"Oh look the scary chick is working tonight."

*"You look like a witch."

*"So tell me are you a witch or a vampire?"

*"Are you ready early for Halloween?"

From Co-workers:

*"So can you still see yourself in the mirror these days?"

*(this one was when a new girl saw me get a burn on my hand and then it didn't blister like she expected) "Oh my god are you a vampire, cuz now I'm really scared." (I probably said yes just to scare her...*rolling my eyes*

*(when I was showing the some pics of my husband and me) "Oh wow, so you do show up in pictures after all." (ha ha)

But I must admit it's funny cuz I don't even try and still get the comments...I like it...no one screws with me.

 

____________________
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." ~Mae West


 

Fanatic




Posts: 213
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 14/1/2003 at 10:05 AM
I like my off-beat comebacks. Maybe the flouride in the water is fucking up everyone but me. Or maybe it's that nasty Pepsi blue shit. But hell, I have been on a roll lately.
Random Assholio: "Going for the dead poet look, eh?"
Me: "I'd have to be dead to put up with all you emo punker fags in crap doc martens."

Random Assholio: "James Dean called, he wants his jacket back."
Me: "Did you get my call? The one where I explained slowly how I fucked your girlfriend in the back seat cause she liked this James Dean jacket so much?"

Random Assholio: Shouldn't you put some duct tape on that so you have reflective stuff at night so you won't get hit by cars?"
Me: "Only duct tape I'll be using is to tie and gag you for when I sell you to the cannibals."

 

____________________
Make way for the bad guy!

 

Fanatic




Posts: 598
Registered: 24/8/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 15/1/2003 at 05:47 PM
In Balboa park, they have steps outside leading up to the giant water fountain. On either side of the steps, there are these man-made stream dealies, about a foot and a half wide. No biggie. When I was younger I would always jump across them. Whe you are four feet tall, jumping across them is quite an accomplishment.
I was in the park not too long ago with my father, and, because I am a goober and I could, I did my little jumping across act again. My dad watched me for a bit, and then asked me with a straight face, "Since when have you been able to cross running water?"

 

____________________
Okay, dazzle me.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 16/1/2003 at 08:49 AM
AHAHAHAHHAHAH!

That is PRECIOUS. Aren't dad's fantastic? Mine hasn't come up with anything good as of yet....he's a simple man, yes, that's what we'll call him.

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 598
Registered: 24/8/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 16/1/2003 at 03:12 PM
In all seriousness, my dad is great. He didn't even say anything when I mutilated my back with a largish tattoo. I just got a raised eybrow.

 

____________________
Okay, dazzle me.

 

Member




Posts: 189
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 30/3/2003 at 10:44 PM
My dad finally seen mine and all he said was "Im going to bed now"

muhahaha!

 

____________________
Guns are good, Guns are great...Kill the people that you hate!

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 30/3/2003 at 11:30 PM
*snicker* hey dads are NEVER too old to raise hell with. I like to go bother mine when he's outside my house selling equipment. With my bangs sticking up. Or preferably when I'm on my way to work and all dolled up. "oh yeah...this is my kid...uh.."

MY dad saw two tattoos he didn't know about right smack dab in the middle of my wedding. Like, takin my fuckin vows and all that. My shawl slipped down, my back was exposed, and I heard a "GAK!" then heard my mom slap my dad on the shoulder, kick my maid of honor, and motion for her to pull it back up *AHAHAHAHHAHA*
Leave it to me to give my poor long suffering father an aneurism right in the middle of my wedding! What I don't get is that he's seen the MUCH larger one on my arm...hell it covers half of it! But he spazzed over two little ones just because he didn't know about them? I have to admit, I'll always find it funny. As funny as making him watch as I stuck my finger through my earlobe up to the second knuckle. He gave me one of thos "I'm going to bed and pretend I didn't see that" looks too CGB ;P


OH...and ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement.
Last night, wearing flipflops and jeans, outside the fred meyer near my house, I was called a freak for the first time in TWO YEARS. Yes, it's been two years since I've heard that becon call. I had ALMOST forgotten what it was like *snort* AND I WAS WEARING FUCKING FLIPFLOPS AND FUCKIN DARK DENIM JEANS FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!!! Lesson in all of this?: It doesn't pay off to "dress down" to go to the store.

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Member




Posts: 189
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 31/3/2003 at 06:26 AM
hahahaha the joy of being called a FREAK, yes I had that happen also after going to this silly hip hop club with our friends Amy and Crystal. Then I got SCARRY....BOO! I turned around with my most EVIL look and said "Thats right fucker be scared!!" Just goes to show people are MORONS. That wedding story almost made me piss myself.....LOL I would have paid to see that!

 

____________________
Guns are good, Guns are great...Kill the people that you hate!

 

Fanatic




Posts: 463
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 31/3/2003 at 08:42 AM
I'm guessing it was the flipflops bettie. Everybody looks like a freak in them.

 

____________________
Sometimes I dream about dinosaurs shopping for cargo shorts at the Gap. Does that make me a bad person?

 

Administrator




Posts: 317
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Online

  posted on 31/3/2003 at 09:31 AM
Ever since figuring out one of my poly relationships, my dad now calls every girl I know my girlfriend. All of them. Always.

 

____________________
So Sayeth Me

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 759
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 31/3/2003 at 12:52 PM
My mom rocks, most of the time. She has it firmly in her head that i went to prom in a lovely dress and my converse hightops. I didnt wear the converse AT prom, just to it so that my feet would stay warm and dry.

But she took pictures of me with my battered, green marker and obscenity covered hightops and black and silver dress. I SHOULD have worn the darnded things, after all i had a mohawk at the time.
she shows the pictures to anyone that will hold still.

another time I was getting to go to go out clubbing with a bunch of frinds( like 10 people getting ready at my house and my step dad had locked himself in his room to not have to see us all running around partially dressed) and she asked sweetly if she should call a group of goths a misery or an orgy.

My dad was really weird about the way i dressed when i was a teen. He would rave about the length of my skirts, the holes in my stockings, try to make me change before i went to school, try to ground me for the stickers on my bookbag, all sorts of things.

But he had no problem, or never said anything about my hair. even when i dyed it blue. Accidentally. It was a coolaid acciddent with freshly striped hair and a toddler. I was upset about it, crying and freaking out because i KNEW that people would tease me (it wasnt dyed in some cool straight line of anything, more like dalmation spots) and he was soo calm about it. He said something like "if they have a problem with your hair they can talk to my lawyer about free speach and my gun about the rest of thier lives."

He did call me a smurf for a few weeks after that tho, even after i got the blue out of my hair.

 

____________________
Real goths wear silver and crosses to keep the werewolves and vampires away.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 31/3/2003 at 03:19 PM
a "misery" of goths *ROFLMFAO*
Ah prom...I went once. My senior year. With a 15 year old friend of mine that just happened to be mormon *snort* Michael is NEVER going to let me live it down, either. I remember sitting in his mother's pink (not kidding) living room with spongepaint roses around the tops of the walls and on everything else, the shrine to his eldest brother on his mission, in head to toe black, black leather jacket (pre vegan folks, shush), black nails, and spike heels. You wanna know the wierd thing? She fucking ADORED me. Never mind that I would NOT date her son (as I had to tell her myself), never mind that I was OUT of highschool (quit early for college) and that her son was, by their religious standards, too young to "go out"...the woman was insane and thought I was just the best thing around. And yes, I had him home by cerfew *snort*

Callei, as hard as it was with my dad, he was the same way with me. My dad is WAY laid back even, and when the principal of my old highschool pretty much hauled me out of lunch and TOLD me I was a drug addict, my dad told me on the way home that if he ever did that again (and he probably will, laurie, because of your clothes. When are you gona learn that only drug addicts dress lke that?!) that he'd bust his nose.

And devin, my family called every guy that was a friend over to my house my "boyfriend". I don't know if it was wishful thinking or not, because I think until I met and started dating michael they thought I was a lesbian. Especially my mom. "Oh, you aren't going over to his house looking like THAT are you?!" "why would he care mom." "well he's your BOYFRIEND isn't he?" or the usual "who's that?" "Oh that's laurie's boyfriend". GAAAAAARHHHHH! TO THIS DAY whenever they talk about old friends of mine I STILL have to fight with them to convince them that I DID NOT DATE ANY OF THEM.

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 598
Registered: 24/8/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 31/3/2003 at 04:00 PM
Aren't parents grand? Mine are both remarkably tolerant of me. I even managed to talm my mom into getting a tattoo when I went in for mine.
But man, that wedding story...hee hee hee. I don't think anything can top that. Because we all know exactly how that would have sounded. It's the shocked Dad noise. It's priceless!

 

____________________
Okay, dazzle me.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 1/4/2003 at 12:25 AM
LOL I know it's like "white noise" ...it's THAT sound *giggle* It's a sound only suprised dads make. It's a mix between "UNGH!" and "GAK!".

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Member




Posts: 63
Registered: 27/3/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 1/4/2003 at 01:06 PM
Hee hee. I'm suddenly looking forward to the next couple of years of tormenting my parents and teachers with my style, seeing as I'm only a freshmen, soon to be sophomore, in highshool.
But, I started getting gothy around the beginning of 8th grade when the teeny bopper virus finally fled. I had only gone outside very few times that summer and was a, for lack of a better word, freakishly weird shade of pale off-white. First day of school, dressed in all black, looking pale as a ghost, my mom looks me right in the face and says, Holy christ, Amanda. You look dead." and I looked at her as straight faced as possible and told her I was. She doesnt' look at me the same way anymore.
And then there was the few months she was convinced I was a satanists because, in her mind they're the only ones scampering around in all black with the morbid attitude and lack of respect for the ' normal ' people. that was fun because I let her believe i was.
And my dad is priceless. He gets his daily dose of comedy from making fun of my attitudes and how i dress. But I think the best thing ever was the time he was driving me to my friend Beth's house for her 14th birday ( she's 15 now ). Heather was gonna be there too, heehee * poeticchaos*
We were talking and out of no where he asks me, " so, what kind of spells are you and your friends going to be trying to do tonight? " I sat there and thought about it for a second and told him in my most serious voice, " oh, we aren't doing any spells tonight daddy, we're going to go find some chickens to sacrifice. then maybe go to heathers house and get the goat. " (think kentucky ) Silence for a few seconds, and we both started cracking up. My brother was in the backseat looking kind of scared. He totally missed the humor.

 

____________________
In my eyes, to be human is not to be able to live and die, but it is to feel pain, love, happiness, and all other things that keep our hearts from freezing over into the bloody ice that distinguishes man from the beasts of night.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 648
Registered: 24/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 1/4/2003 at 04:54 PM
Boy oh boy do I get ragged on by my dad and mom. My step-mom is one of those people that believes that Halloween is Satan's holiday, and that people that wear all black are generally no good. I have explained to her multiple times that it is not so, and some of it has sank in, but still she thinks it isn't right. I don't wear all black all of the time, only when I feel like it.

Just a few weekends ago my parents went to the Ren Faire alone. My mom told me that she had seen some of my friends there. I said "Oh who?" She said "I don't know who they were but they were in all black, looking goth." Boy oh boy!

I get ragged on for it, but I also get ragged on for being punk. My dad doesn't prefer either. I asked him which he would prefer I act like(sarcasm) and he replied "Neither." I said "Okay, so who do you want me to be. A cheerleader prep?" He in return "No, just yourself."

How the fuck can I be myself when I am not allowed to be?!

 

____________________
"People always say what we are looking for is a meaning for life…I don't think that's what we're looking for. I think what we're looking for is the experience of being alive." -Joseph Campbell

 
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