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Author: Subject: Insults, the Passive-Aggressive's Nuclear Arsenal.

Extreme Fanatic





Posts: 856
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/12/2002 at 07:54 AM
Ok...lets share some of our best, most beloved and cherished insults and threats. As generally non-violent folk, a great many of us can literally turn someone to sheer urine-soaked mush with but a few, or more than a few words, properly leveled, with or without vehemence. What I wanna' see, is what we're all packing so to speak. How many of us out here need to acquire more arms, or are the verbal equiviliant of a nuclear-capable nation (*cough-cough-Bettie-cough*). So hear's the deal my friends...let fly, and may our ears burn and our fragile minds sunder with our mighty curses!

I'll start with my all time personal favorite...

"I'm going to kill you...and after that, I'm going to kill your mother, your children, you're wife and her lover...I'm going to kill your dog, I'm going to kill your fucking Mailman. Then I'm gonna' kill everyone who knows you, everyone who's ever seen you, anyone who's ever seen anything you've done...and after that, I'm gonna' bust up your tombstone and burn your corpse...so not even god knows you existed."

 

____________________
In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King

 

Fanatic




Posts: 254
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/12/2002 at 10:06 AM
Well, being that I am a veteran of Satanic chat rooms on MSN for years, Christians would come in and insult every fiber of our being. Our ideas, our 'life styles', our knowledge, our intelligence were all trash to them, for the torching. Then they would ask us to "Find Jebus!" and see the light. Therefore I had a list of insults ready for their bias, cruel punk asses, that would make every conservative's head spin. And keep in mind that this was a last resort after we talk logic, history, theological fact with them for hours..... when they don't listen:
Ahem,

"EAT SHIT AND ROT INSIDE!"
"EAT ME RAW!!!! Eat me till I bleed, scab over, heal and bleed again!"

"Jesus who?
"Oh, the lawn guy, why should I worship him? "
"Is he hot?"

"Go fist yourself" (that works quite well, unless you have to explain fisting to their sheltered asses.)
It's good fun.

 

____________________
The OBOLISK is Divine.

 

Member




Posts: 161
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/12/2002 at 11:15 PM
Bite My ass

oh yes you are speacial ..... the kind that rides the short bus

(for the pudgey male) *hand on belly* let me feel the baby kick
(for the skinny) don't turn sideways you keep dissappering


for the dumb jesus freaks
you need to be like jesus
then i'll be a jew

jesus is you way to heaven
nah i'll just do what the gold diggers do go for the father he gets you what you want faster

you need to find jesus cause you're living a life of sin and you're going to hell
after you ..... then remind them that the bible says you're not suppose to judge or condem anyone

 

____________________
Alot of people have good stories that take place at a lake with friends and boats and noodle salad just not anyone here

 

Fanatic




Posts: 463
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/12/2002 at 12:40 AM
"Piss me off, I garuntee that your credit rating will be shit in the morning." is a good one. It helps if they know you are a computer nerd though.

"I won't kill you today, first I will be the cause of your down fall. I will laugh at you as your world tumbles down around you and all your loved ones abondon you. Then someday, when you have gone as low as you can, you will look up from the gutter and see me. On that day, I shall end your life, and you will thank me for it."

I find that the best threat is to look at someone, then say their name, followed by their social security number, then their address, keep going with any other info you have.

 

____________________
Sometimes I dream about dinosaurs shopping for cargo shorts at the Gap. Does that make me a bad person?

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 893
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/12/2002 at 01:08 AM
My favorite is stolen from Baldur's Gate I.

"I've had about enough of you foul-smelling, wagon-pillaging, iron-mongering, swill-drinking n'er-do-wells! If you have ONE straight answer in that tiny head of yours, you better spout it REAL quick, or else I'll have to shove a large blunt object, roughly the size of Elminster AND his hat, up a crevice so seldom seen not even the denizens of nine hells would touch it with a nine foot crusty halberd! Do I make myself PERFECTLY clear?"
The first two sentences are kinda paraphrased, as I'm working from memory. But the last is more or less accurate.

Myself, though, I usually just plot revenge while muttering 'asshole'. I'm not one for thinking up grand insults in heat. (no, not that kind of heat)

Of course, with any decent discussion of the fine art of insults, you cannot omit The Secret of Monkey Island!
That game had more good insults than you can shake a pirates stump leg at!
"You have the sword skills of a dairy farmer!"
"How appropriate. You fight like a cow!"

Ah... Good old Monkey Island.

 

____________________
Piggy's got the Conch!

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/12/2002 at 02:25 AM
Bah dolo, remember, I'm only TRYING to come off that way...
I'm really quite socially acceptable *lol*

"I'm sorry, I'm really quite busy, feel free to talk to my lawyer" *holds up middle finger*

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 522
Registered: 6/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/12/2002 at 05:11 AM
“Drink urine.”
“Thirsty? How about a nice cool glass of shut the hell up.”
“Eat fuck you fucking fucker.”

Basically, my cherished insults consist of many insults tied in one pretty package.

 

____________________
but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
 

Fanatic




Posts: 376
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/12/2002 at 05:50 AM
"By the time I'm through with you you'll be nothing, a nameless, faceless gravestone. No-one will miss you and no-one will care that you died the slowest, most painful death that I can think of."

"I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man."

"On the day that you die I'm going to visit your grave, and I'm going to spit on it and curse the day you were born. I'm sure while I'm standing there I'm going to have to let loose other bodily fluids as well."

"Why don't you kill yourself while you can still contribute something to the world - fertilizer."

 

____________________
Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 293
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/12/2002 at 09:17 AM
its funny, but.. i really cant write them down.. ive said so many wonderful things.. but they really are best used in the moment...

 

____________________
"Thou shalt not be afraid of the dark, nor of graveyards nor ghosts nor the devil, for thou art scarey and mean." -The Goth commandments

 

Fanatic




Posts: 248
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/12/2002 at 09:41 AM
usually i tell them how it is from the heart and i just randomly blurt something out with out thinking wich usually works or I go off in german which confuses the hell outa people so I will do my best to recreate :

Your mother was a cum infested herpe from which you were bore, if I didnt know anybetter I would say that you my friend are a cum guzzling gutter slut and if you dont shut that mouth of yours in one half of a second I will have to do it for you and believe me you don't want me to if you think your petty insults get to me you are wrong becuase I will come to you in the middle of the night and if you dont kill me first I will cut you open and rape the festering wound, yes I understand that my biological makeup does not give me a penis but I will grow one for the occasion, or with pleasure I will take a board with a nail on it and rip your flesh open from you belly button to your neck and crack open your ribcage taking out all your internal organs while your still alive mind you and fill your carcus full of gasoline and light a cigarette watching you burn now I am pretty sure that you want to kill me first but I swear you better get rid of everything of my being because if you even leave a fingernail my fingernail will make its way into your room and your gonna step on me and I am gonna cut your foot open and bury myself within and infect you with some diease that your not gonna like and your gonna die a slow pain ful death now runn along and have a nice day

 

Member




Posts: 170
Registered: 6/6/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/12/2002 at 11:22 AM
"fuck you you fucking fuck" which I got from my brother, and he probably got from a t-shirt or something.
"you are a pathetic little piece of slutty, pampered shit that should be burned on your own doorstep, you deserve to be choked by your own eyeballs which I will personally rip out and shove down your throat. If you don't leave me alone I will tear your arms out of their sockets, and shove them so far up your ass they will stick out where your eyes used to be. I will stab a spike through your abdomen and let the flies consume your decaying body. No one will help you."

I've only said that one time to someone and it's not even that scary.

 

____________________
"Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"

 

Fanatic




Posts: 470
Registered: 23/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/12/2002 at 08:50 PM
I generally find that insults that are just a string of swear words very rarely work...More or less of the time I just tell people something along the lines of:

"I could take the time to insult you but I might have to use big words...."

Generally for the short one I like:

"You virigin"

For proselytizing Christians I there are so many different things one can say...When it comes to just being insulting though nothing really does cut it, I usually go with:

"My Gods are older than your God, and their more considerate of my free time."

 

____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus

 

Fanatic




Posts: 470
Registered: 23/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/12/2002 at 08:56 PM
Oh, I almost forgot, for the whole anti-homo crowd...heh, there are so many good ones there, but my favorite is men who like to tell me I'm a dyke because I haven't found the right one....heh, god they are so much fun to torment....


"Yeah, we both like to fuck women, and at least I'm getting laid."

 

____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus

 

Fanatic




Posts: 580
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/12/2002 at 10:02 AM
In days of olde, when armies would line up on the battlefields across from one another, there were people whose job it was to ride out to the front and taunt the opposing army. This practice died off when they realised that, if their side lost, they were the guys the enemy looked for first. Still, I can only imagine the gems that must have come from a professional taunter.

Personally, I view myself as a vessel through which insults flow as they are needed. I only carry one of them on my person and I only use it for those occasions when I really, really want there to be no other outcome to a situation than a thoroughly kicked ass. It involves asking my opponent if they have ever had sex without hearing the words "No, Daddy! Stop!"

~Monolycus.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/12/2002 at 10:19 AM
Ooo damn...that's gotta burn *lol*

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 470
Registered: 23/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/12/2002 at 07:23 PM
Oh, I dont think that's nearly as good as listening seriously to a feminist rant on and on about the evils of men, then calmy putting your hands up and squeezing her boobs...

 

____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 856
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/12/2002 at 07:32 PM
"Cock-chaos!!"
"I laid eggs in your head..."

I knew I wouldn't be disappointed...you guys are beautiful...

Psychopixi, I think my favorite so far is Refusing to get in a battle of wits with an unarmed man...but everyones doing admirably.

 

____________________
In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 658
Registered: 27/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/12/2002 at 01:42 PM
Well besides "Eat shit and die!" I generally think insults should be custom made in addition, I can never think of any on the spot.

Well my favorite person to insult is my sister (there's about a decade age differance between us):
"Is that new grey?"
"Tick tick tick tick..."
"Calm down before yoo break a hip!"
"Shut-up or I'll beat yoo to death with yor own walker!"
arg! I know there's more, gimme a minute...

 

____________________

i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to die so i could watch, and then me die.

-ickgirl

 

Fanatic




Posts: 376
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/12/2002 at 04:05 PM
*Grinz* Glad you appreciate - though I don't know where the hell I got that one from, I can't take credit though; some smart person thought it up and I pinched it. I loved Domkitten's approach to homophobes, reminds me of the line "I'm a bisexual polyamorous pervert, but I still won't sleep with *you*!" (David Gerard) Other good ones are "Grasp your ears firmly and pull - you just might be able to get your head out of your arse." and "Please breathe the other way - your opinions are bleaching my hair." Or you could just go to the alt.gothic flame quotes page: http://members.tripod.com/~Medakse/agflames.html

 

____________________
Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 893
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/12/2002 at 03:32 PM
Ooh, Squid... Those are pretty good...
*scribbling them down so he can recite them later to a 'crotchety' old lady he knows...*
Hee hee....
But I think Monolycus takes the cake. His was low down and dirty, and hits -just- the right spot. And its not so overused as to lose its power...

 

____________________
Piggy's got the Conch!

 
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