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Author: Subject: Merry Christmas

Fanatic





Posts: 248
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 19/12/2002 at 08:53 AM
"The Night before Christmas" or
'A visit from St. Gothieness"

With somber and tormented apologies to Clement C. Moore



'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through our house
was blasting the "St. Vitus Dance" by Bauhaus;
Torn fishnets were draped on my forearms with care,
And two cans of Aquanet applied to my hair;
My thoughts were of graveyards, and horror and dread,
Black visions of pain and despair in my head;
And Bianca, whose face was as pale as the moon,
Had thrown up her arm for this evening's swoon,
When out by the gravestones there came such a clatter,
I sprang from the coffin to find out the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a ghost,
Expecting to find a dark devilish host.
The moon on the breast of the uncaring snow
Threw ominous shadows on objects below,
When, before my tormented eyes did traverse,
But a gorgeous black Crane & Breed carved-panel hearse,
With a gaunt, shrouded driver, who filled me with fear,
And eight skeletal creatures that might have been deer.
More rapid than vultures his coursers they came,
And his deep Andrew Eldritch voice called them by name;

Now, Murphy! Now, Morgoth! Now, Torment and Woe!
On, Dreadful! On, Lovecraft! Mephisto and Poe!
To the top of the gravestones where fog wisps its breath!
With a weight on my soul I consign you to death!

As dead leaves that before hellish hurricanes fly,
When they flutter like giant bats' wings to the sky,
So up to the crypt-top the coursers they leapt,
While dearest Bianca, like death, still but slept.
And then, to my horror, I heard on the roof
The clicking and scratching of each bone-white hoof.
As I drew in my arm, and was whirling around,
Down the ebony chimney he came without sound.

He was clad all in black, and he looked oh-so-goth,
A billowy ensemble of crushed velvet cloth;
His boots were knee-high, quite buckled and zipped,
And the Spandex and fishnets 'round his legs were ripped.
His eyes glowed with bluish fire, deathly and cold,
A black eye-liner'd face neither youthful nor old.
A broad lipless mouth drawn with torment and hurt,
And his sorrowful face was as white as my shirt.

A smoldering cigarette tight in his grasp,
Its smoke curling eerily 'round his cloak clasp;
His gaunt frame was topped with long ebon hair,
And a sharp scent of brimstone and cloves choked the air.
His arms were outspread in the shape of a cross,
And I quailed when I saw him, feeling sorrow and loss;
He narrowed his eyes with a twist of his head,
And I felt the full weight of his angst and dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his task,
Left some Dead Can Dance CD's; before I could ask,
A single tear fell across his aquiline nose,
And then, like an angel, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his hearse, to his team he then hissed,
And away they all drifted like early dawn's mist.
But I heard him intone, ere he vanished from sight,
"Gothic Christmas to all, and to all a good fright!"

 

____________________
My Life is like a porno-Without the sex-Just the weird music

 
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Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 19/12/2002 at 04:56 PM
LOL

That was grand

"Christmas at K Mart, Christmas at K Mart...
I feel like I died and went to heaven
Christmas at K Mart, Christmas at K Mart...
Cuz' Christmas is Hell at the 7-11...
Christmas at K Mart, Christmas at K Mart..."

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 893
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 19/12/2002 at 05:04 PM
*hoping that the K-mart across the street closes for Christmas, bringing property values back up where they should be*

 

____________________
Piggy's got the Conch!

 

Fanatic




Posts: 470
Registered: 23/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 19/12/2002 at 08:52 PM
what a magical christmas tale, I think I will share it with my students...someone has to corrupt the minds of the corruptable.

 

____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus

 

Fanatic




Posts: 241
Registered: 16/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 20/12/2002 at 10:02 AM
White Trash Xmas, everyone!

 

____________________
All stressed out and no one to choke...



 

Fanatic




Posts: 248
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 5/12/2003 at 08:25 AM
i thought I'd post to bring this topic back of front because its appropriate for the time of year.....I also have a punk rawk version if anyone would like to read it...let me know.

 

____________________
My Life is like a porno-Without the sex-Just the weird music

 

Fanatic




Posts: 289
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/12/2003 at 09:43 AM
Ooh yes please! "A visit from St. Gothiness" was too cool. Did you write these or find them somewhere?

 

____________________
It is only through the lack of sex that humanity derives the need for an all encompassing blind love. And in that moment of extreme horniness with no relief in sight, in that moment can be found the birth of religion.
-Me

 

Occasional Poster




Posts: 23
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/12/2003 at 10:38 AM
That was completely awesome. Happy Holidays to all of the Shmengers

 

____________________
Free your mind and your ass will follow

 

Member




Posts: 58
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/12/2003 at 12:18 PM
Heh, I love that. It's from somewhere else though. http://www.deadlounge.com/xmas/gothicnight.html i

If it is originally from somewhere else the it is not cited

 

____________________
"Truth is always on the move. It is always somewhere, but never in the foreground, never on the surface."
-Franz Marc

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 656
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/12/2003 at 01:42 PM
Hahaha. That was great. Happy Christmas/Yule to everyone.


 

Fanatic




Posts: 248
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 9/12/2003 at 10:20 AM
yea it is from somewhere else....i couldn't remember from where though....I like the punk version as well..."A visit from St. Vicious"



A Visit From Saint Vicious

'Twas the night before New Year's, when everyone's drunk,
Not a rocker was stirring, not even a punk;
The baggies were hung by the phono with care
In hopes that Saint Vicious, yes Sid, would be there:

The Ramones were sold-out, so we stayed in our sheds,
While visions of slammers still danced in our heads;
Suzie with hash pipe and I, dressed in black,
Had just settled down for a long playing track

When out in the alley there arose such a clatter
I crawled from the couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I lurched with a crash,
Tearing a poster I'd had from the Clash.

The strobe light, the acid, the new-snorted snow
Gave a luster of Day-Glo to objects below;
When what to my unfocused eyes should appear
But a miniature stage, and a band I could hear,

With a singer who danced; by the pogo he did
I knew in a moment that it must be Saint Sid.
More rapid than Springsteen, their rhythm it came.
And he snarled, and he shouted, and called them by name:

"Now Strummer! Biafra! Now Joey Ramone!
On Bators! On Patti! On Cook and on Jones-
To the top of the amps, kick over the wall!
Now anarchy, anarchy, anarchy all!"

As punks that before a rock concert got high,
When they all started to pogo, mount to the sky,
So up to the window, the rockers, they flew
With powerful speakers, and Saint Vicious, too.

And then in a twinkling I heard on the trunk
The swearing and cursing of each famous punk.
As I drew on my pipe, and was turning around,
Down the vent shaft Saint Vicious, he came with a bound;

He was dressed all in black from his head to his toe,
And a chain ran from his shoulder to regions below.
A black leather jacket was flung on his back,
And he looked like a heretic freed from the rack.

His eyes, how they flashed! His smile, how merry!
He staggered right in, and his breath smelled of sherry;
His darkly blue hair was drawn up in a spike,
And the rest of the punks were attired alike.

A portable mike he held tight in his hand;
"Holiday in the Sun" issued forth from the band,
To be followed by "Anarchy in the U.K.",
"God Save the Queen", "EMI", and "My Way".

The band played so loud, albums fell from my shelf,
And I gasped when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye, and some dope for my head
Soon gave me to know, I should pogo instead.

He spoke but a word, and that was "Ramones",
And gave us all tickets, and hash for the day!
Then putting white powder inside of his nose
And spitting it out, he said: "Fuck all discos!"

He sprang to his stage, to the band gave a shout,
And away they all jammed, 'til Saint Vicious passed out;
But I heard him exclaim, with the last of his might,
"SCORCHING PUNK ROCK TO ALL AND AN AWFUL GOOD NIGHT!

http://jjorg.chem.unc.edu/personal/monroe/twas/twasallmain. html
this site has over 700 parodies of twas the night before christmas- a lil something fer everyone

 

____________________
My Life is like a porno-Without the sex-Just the weird music

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 618
Registered: 27/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 9/12/2003 at 12:42 PM
I stumbled across a website with some Yuletide songs for Pagans. Here's the addy if you wanna check it out: http://sanfords.net/Pagan_Humor_and_Thoughts/Pagan_Yule_songs .htm

 

____________________
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." ~Mae West


 

Fanatic




Posts: 246
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 16/1/2004 at 04:08 PM
If anyone has seen the Smokers, they had a very interesting twas the night before christmas on there.

 

____________________
When the world is over, will we wonder how it began?

 

Fanatic




Posts: 248
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/11/2006 at 08:41 AM
Once again time to bring the Christmas stuff up top....Anyone seen any new ones lately?

 

____________________
My Life is like a porno-Without the sex-Just the weird music

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/11/2006 at 08:47 AM
FEH!!!!

no christmas shit till december!*hides*

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.

Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Fanatic




Posts: 248
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/11/2006 at 12:55 PM
Its after thanksgiving...it mind as well be december....XMAS shit is every where now..... People were putting up xmas trees after their dinners lastnight!

 

____________________
My Life is like a porno-Without the sex-Just the weird music

 
 


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