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Author: Subject: Darwin Olympics

Extreme Fanatic





Posts: 658
Registered: 27/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 18/12/2002 at 11:57 AM
I recently realized that there needs to be a way of removing the turds that float about in the gene pool in the tradition of the Colossium. Who better to come up with such a social laundramat than we Shmenglings (because of course, we're better than everyone else)? I came-up with the idea of a combining the Special Olympics with the Darwin Awards and gave it the very uncreative title of the Darwin Olympics.

Unfortunatly I need help coming-up with events which where yoo all come in. How would yoo like to see the masses cleaned-up?

For example, a Russian Roulette event that requires competitors to play with magazine-loaded 9mms. This is not that creative of course but it's a start (my snese of humor needs to warm-up).

 

____________________

i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to die so i could watch, and then me die.

-ickgirl

 
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Fanatic




Posts: 580
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 18/12/2002 at 01:14 PM
Goodness knows that I am not one for organised athletics of any form, but if I were me, I would host the 500 yard lemming dash (in which contestants ran to be the first person to fall over the side of a cliff) or possibly the weightpressing event (much like weight lifting, except that the contestants would lie down to see which one of them could withstand the greatest weight before rupturing their internal organs). Hope this has helped. I am

~Monolycus.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 463
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 18/12/2002 at 01:29 PM
How about the hammer catch. Sorta like the hammer toss, only they throw a hammer to a team mate. And by hammer, I mean of the claw variety. Upon catching, they take a step back and go again. Whoever gets the farthest without braining their teammate wins.

 

____________________
Sometimes I dream about dinosaurs shopping for cargo shorts at the Gap. Does that make me a bad person?

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 893
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 18/12/2002 at 03:29 PM
Hmm... I'm thinking an obstacle course.
Obstacle #1 Hair Dryer placed next to a bathtub.
Obstacle #2 Car in need of tooling around, suspended on single flimsy jack.
Obstacle #3 Lightining storm overhead with plenty of 'sheltering' trees nearby.
Obstacle #4 Room filled with flammable fumes. Strong urge to turn on the lights in the dark room.
Obstacle #5 Free for all: Fireworks, gasoline, high voltage lines, and pressurized containers scattered about.

 

____________________
Piggy's got the Conch!

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 658
Registered: 27/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 18/12/2002 at 03:44 PM
The Darwin Biathalon:

tumbling down a mountain and then getting shot

 

____________________


i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to
die so i could watch, and then me die.




-ickgirl

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 658
Registered: 27/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 19/12/2002 at 08:48 AM
Another event: Bear Taunting!

This event calls for 2 cages: a large cage in which the competitor is placed with a mother grissley, and a small adjacent cage for the mother bear's cub. The Olympian is given a pointed stick with which he attempts to inflict as much damage to the baby bear as he can before meeting his untimely doom!

 

____________________



i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to />
die so i could watch, and then me die.






-ickgirl

 

Fanatic




Posts: 470
Registered: 23/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 19/12/2002 at 08:56 PM
How about the Darwin Drag Race were all the participants can drive pickup trucks outfitted with rocket blasters down long stretches of road into a mountain. Person incinerated on contact wins...

 

____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus

 

Fanatic




Posts: 344
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 19/12/2002 at 09:39 PM
When I first saw the words "Darwin Olympics" the sporting event of Piano-wire Polvoting came to mind. Need I elaborate? I think I will go seek inspiration from Darwin Awards.com

 

____________________
co-worker: "Your gay!?"
myself: "Didn't you see my rainbow pin?"
co-worker: "I just thought you liked skettles."
-(yes, it actually happened to me)

 

Fanatic




Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 20/12/2002 at 12:24 AM
Xaos, when I saw your post about the hammer catch, it reminded me of the time I went to Circle,and they were throwing the 'ol hammer around int he tradition of the Norse. When it came for my turn, I threw the hammer... straight into the sky. You should've seen the people scatter... they never let me handle a hammer after that. Great memories, all in all..
 

Administrator




Posts: 317
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Online

  posted on 20/12/2002 at 03:18 AM
It's not an original idea or anything, but I always liked the concept of Landmine Baseball

 

____________________
So Sayeth Me

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 658
Registered: 27/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 20/12/2002 at 05:28 AM
I don't know if this one's any good but I like the idea of an event called "Collect the Shiny Things!" Basicly, a long trail of shiny objects would be laid out for the competitors to collect, leading them to a wood-chipper or something. I still need to work the bugs out of this one.

 

____________________




i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else
to
/>

die so i could watch, and then me die.








-ickgirl

 

Fanatic




Posts: 470
Registered: 23/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 20/12/2002 at 06:03 AM
how about a darwin diving contest where all the contestants strap on rocks or put them in the pockets to see how fast they can get to the bottom of the marinara trench...person who gets there first wins or implodes depending on the kind of pressure they are under...

 

____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 658
Registered: 27/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 20/12/2002 at 08:35 AM
Winning OR imploding? Is there a differance?

 

____________________





i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else

to

/>


die so i could watch, and then me die.










-ickgirl

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 856
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 22/12/2002 at 07:03 AM
Hrmm...a worthy idea, one I'm willing to throw in for, totally...

My toss ups...Pogo-stick marathon under an active helicopter.
Sac-in-a-Sack races...last one alive and still wearing his helmet wins.
Ameteur dentistry triathalon...with power tools.
Half-mile swim, in a pool, during a thunder-storm...with sharks...on fire.
Greased pig catching contest, in which said pig is replaced with a starved velociraptor hopped up on pcp...and lit on fire.
Barbed-wire wreathed mosh-pit contest.
Chainsaw-licking competition.
"How-many-lightbulbs-can-you-eat?" contest.
Immediatly after that one...follows the "How-many-hits-to-the-stomach-with-a-baseball-bat-can-you-take" contest.
Blender-humping...
Greasing a guy up with meat sauce and sending him into a pit of ferocious wild pigs...that are also on fire.
Sand-castle eating...
Saw-blade discus toss.
Hrmmm...need more...think think think...

 

____________________
In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 893
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/12/2002 at 01:32 AM
The hand is quicker than the eye...
Play the "which cup is the prize under" game with lawnmowers.
...except when the hand is severed.

Tag team wrestling with chain saws.
Russian roulette with a hand grenade
Tightrope walking in stilletto heels and a suit of steel plate armour (cause I like armour)
Always add acid or always add water dilemma on an industrial scale

Interest Group Provocation - take your pick of the KKK, the Black Panthers, the Communist party, the Moral Majority, or whoever else, armed with only a good book of anti-them insults.

Elephant/Rhinoceros wrestling (bear wrestling is for wimps)
Saying 'no' to a deranged mob of teeny boppers.
Saying 'no' to a deranged mob
Around the world voyage in a skiff made from popsicle sticks and raw meat.

Dang, Dolo. I would have thought you were Dr. Evil or something with all those flaming, electrocuting, shredding things...

 

____________________
Piggy's got the Conch!

 

Fanatic




Posts: 470
Registered: 23/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/12/2002 at 09:17 PM
Alright, how about the Darwin Rodeo, where the contestants have to drink their body weight in beer and then attempt to ride wild deer. Any person who manages not to be horribly disfigured or gutted loses of course...

Or, the Darwin skating competitoin, where contestants can skate across a recently frozen lake, doing figure eights around the signs that say thing ice.....

Oh, or how about the Darwin Skee-Doo race, where contestants can drive their water vechiles in heavily trafficed shipping lanes, dodging oncoming freigters and barges....And, they could all be on fire, per Dolo's suggestion.

Hell speaking of fire, how about a walk through fire competition, where the contestants can soak their clothes in alcohol, cause you know, it burns off really quickly...person withtthe most severe burns wins...

 

____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus

 

Member




Posts: 79
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 24/12/2002 at 12:45 AM
Hand Grenade Tennis. A real classic
Standard diving. On an empty pool, of course.


 
 


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