Well, I can’t sleep much and I’m trying to pull myself out of
depression-overdrive so I may as well share with you a little tale which
has happened today. (Keep in mind my family is a dysfunctional one, we
rarely have dinners at the same table/times together and when we do, funny
things tend to happen.)
My aunt is a once meat eater, now vegan. She refuses to eat any meat or
even enjoy honey for she believes that the bees are forced into slavery for
honey production...so you know she is greatly opinionated about her
vegetarianism.
*Which leads to my first little question, if she hates the taste of meat or
even the look of it then why she will by a tofu turkey (which tastes like
real turkey)?*
*Also don’t get me wrong, she’s a nice lady...just alittle bit strange, but
my father’s side of the family is like this.*
Anywho, the dinning room is right next the kitchen and we see this...My
grandmother decided to take the turkey off the dinner table before my aunt
comes into the house for she gets sick by the site of any meat. My
grandmother picks up the big plate with the devoured turkey on it and
begins to walk into the kitchen. There is food everywhere and she has no
place to hide it and so she is hastily walking back and forth with this
plate of turkey...and out of nowhere my vegan aunt walks through the
kitchen door and nearly plows into my grandmother with this plate of juicy
turkey in her arms...
And so the night continued with discussions from my father about how he
took my vegan aunt on tour threw the butcher shops of Cow Town...heh.
Have any stories of holiday high jinks? Share them here.
My family is slightly dysfunctional also. My mothers side are all snobby
and think they are better than everyone else, and most of them are southern
baptist *shakes head*. On dads side (not my biological father but he is MY
DAD) we have the drinkers..hehe woohoo that are so much fun to be around!
When I go to my moms side of the family to have get togethers it is never
any fun, other than getting to see my grandma. Everyone sits there and
talks shit about the rest of the family thats not there. Its always drama
and someone is doing something or another that they shouldnt. Who the fuck
cares what they are doing, why cant they leave them alone and not worry
about what it is they arent or are doing. Why cant we sit there and enjoy
seeing each other and talking about nice things. Is it really so hard for
people to do? If we get together with my dads side and its before 12 noon
then they have brunch....you know so it is ok to drink booze if its
brunch...lmao. I just love them and we always have alot of fun. My Uncle is
just kick ass anyway...we call him Uncle Rock-n-Roll. His bathroom is done
in all Rolling Stones stuff, even the shower curtain has slots in it where
he has albums by them.
I undrestand these times can be stressful with getting together with family
and trying to make everyone happy. I hope that you can get through this
depression and start feeling better. I have to battle with it myself
sometimes.
AloneSoul
Fanatic
Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 29/11/2002 at 12:13 PM
heh, thanks for your concern but I have bi-polar disorder among a list of
other things which create the various problems/movies within my head...but
this thread isn’t ‘bout me. heh. Oh and believe me my family doesn’t aim to
please each other but more to piss one or the other off.
Myrts (we call her by her name and not mom), she’s a one beer queer...or
should we say, a one wine cooler queer. She gets drunk fast. The old man
(the other name which speaks for itself, heh, we have names for eachother)
can take more. It’s a interesting spectacle really.
Example: Happy hour at the hotel in Puerto Rico two years back. Free drinks
for two hours. My father gets wasted from free Heinkins(?) and has a bottle
in each hand, he laughs, slams the bottle down on the table and has his
thumb over the opening. A explosion of foam fires from the opening and
squirting all over this monstrously built guy...since there was three of us
(pops, mike, me, all big built guys) and one of him, he didn’t say
anything.
My mom's side is the side that has all the mentally ill relatives; my dad's
side is cruel (but sometimes fun). My mom only talks to one of my aunts
and disowns the rest of the family. When my grandmother died last year
they fought over all the possessions that she and my grandpa (who died when
i was 9) owned. "The only ones who didn't betray us was your aunt and your
uncle. You should be happy that we have some good people in our family."
I just see them all as greedy either way. Last year on Christmas we
visited my grandma (my dad's mom). She didn't get my brother anything
because he didn't send her a thank you card the year before when she sent
him money for his birthday. She made it a point to embarrass him in front
of everyone. Nice, huh? We're not going back there either.
____________________ "Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"
Anonymous
Posts: 116 Registered: 14/4/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 29/11/2002 at 05:05 PM
anyone who claims to have a functional family is lieing.
AloneSoul
Fanatic
Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 29/11/2002 at 10:12 PM
heh, my pop's side of the family has the greater number of mental ill and
just plain strange folk...that's not to say my ma's side doesn't have their
share.
Aye, that kind of thing is going on with my family too, (from my fathers
side of the family this story takes place) one of my aunt in laws, she
wants a greater share of the inheritance from my grandparents. They haven't
died yet and she refuses to see any of us until she gets a bigger cut.
Needles to say it's been a god sent. She is the most ANNOYING person you'd
ever had the displeasure of knowing. She has this “I am greater than you”
persona and she is a controlling woman(?)...with her monstrous mole on her
face and this god awful laugh. Reminds me of the wicked witch of the East,
except the nose isn't a large and the hair isn't green. heh.
I think she fell into this fit over money a few Christmases ago...keep in
mind her husband (my uncle) has over a million. Avarice is the root of all
evil, no?
to anonymous: you're just jealous that your family isn't as fucked up as
theirs. Sucks to be plain, huh?
My holiday was alright. We bought a bitchin tofurkey and ate our GUTS OUT,
talked about my grandma (who is long gone, died when I was 16), ate some
more, played with my nephew, ate some more, went to Michael's mom's house
and ate candy and BS'ed all afternooon, then came home and sat in front of
the woodstove and played on the computer.
As for tofurkey, it doesn't really TASTE like turkey...it sort of does, but
it's...different...sort of. Can't explain it. But tofurkey is the
SHIZZNIT. Also, even if it did taste just like turkey, it's not dead and
greasy and well....dead. That should explain the gross out factor...you
dont' have to put your hand up a butt it doesn't have and yank out body
parts it wasn't born with and it's not all slimy and cold and goosepimpled
and naked and it's not all greasy and gross and ....dead.
I'd eat tofurkey every day of the year if I could!
____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.
Monolycus
Fanatic
Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 29/11/2002 at 11:45 PM
Okay... I am not really following the "bees producing honey through slave
labour" argument. Bees produce honey for the benefit of the collective
hive, nobody holds a gun to their heads. Of course, if they wanted to
leave the hive and try to make it on their own, that would be up to the
individual bee. Unless you are growing, harvesting and preparing your own
food you are contributing to wage slavery which is a lot more open-and-shut
a case of exploiting the lower classes than what the bees are doing. Or
did your aunt imagine that people are born into low-paying agricultural or
warehousing/transporting jobs? Given the choice, I would take the hive
model over the grocery store any day.
My days of family dys"fun"ction are over. No more stories for me.
~Monolycus.
AloneSoul
Fanatic
Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 30/11/2002 at 12:48 AM
The grease is the best part! Mmmm, turkey innards. Heh, my older brother
and sister always try to eat the heart and liver before it’s gone to gravy.
But still, whatever floats your boat. One thing is certain, mashed potatoes
kick ass.
M, you’re speaking logic now, we tried that. Heh, we tried to explain that
to her but she’s alittle bit off her rocker. I wish I could videotape the
Thanksgiving “turkey vs tofu” and “bees aren’t in bondage” conversations,
it’s hysterical.
If you think the bee thing is bad enough groups of people are actually
organizing protest against the “slavery of bees.”
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HREF="http://www.pathetic.org/library.php?i_memberid=2042">
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size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
Mara
Member
Posts: 161 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 30/11/2002 at 04:21 AM
to anonymous: my family if perfectly functional during the holidays thats
is
my mom goes to work
my dad goes on his litte visit downtown to his favorite crack house
my brother stays out side playing
my sisters go to my aunt house down the street
my relatives stay in their house waiting for my family to stop by for
20mins and make a nice space on the couch for me to sleep till we go home
and i stay home in bed or on my computer till i have to visit
relatives
why is this funtional you say?
NO ONE IS AROUND EACH OTHER LONG ENOUGH TO PISS EACH OTHER OFF!!!
isn't that what a funtional family one that is not pissed off and that
sounds pretty funtional
____________________ Alot of people have good stories that take place at a lake with friends and
boats and noodle salad just not anyone here
shadow_in_the_darkness
Occasional Poster
Posts: 15 Registered: 4/11/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 30/11/2002 at 12:04 PM
Welllll........here's what my family did:
I get up, go online, wish all my im's happy thansgiving(corny). I then call
all my friends that I can and do the same. same to my relatives that I
won't get in long-distance with.
My family wakes up gradually about an hour from then.
My sisters watch parade on tv. My dad calls the relatives I can't call on
his cell phone. my mom smokes, then joins my sisters. I stay online.
We all get ready, decided we were going to ryan's to meet relatives, all
you can eat turkey for 5.99, etc.....
Relatives call at 11 am, got there at 10:30, saying they're almost done
eating......
we decide to screw that, we go to Top China Buffet, eat sushi, crab,
shrimp, tofu, so on.....
We then go to the movies, see Treasure Planet because my sisters wanted to
see it, goddamn best disney movie I've ever seen......
We then go home, then go shopping to all stores that are open, go home, go
to my grandparents' house, get the pie my grandma baked, go home, go to
sleep.
The good thing is that I was too busy to argue. lol.
____________________ I have one big yellow furry monkey ball.....yellow furry monkey
ball.........yellow...*slaps self* oh forget it, its useless, they'll never
understand.....
DarkMistress
Member
Posts: 170 Registered: 6/6/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 30/11/2002 at 12:20 PM
I got into a few fights with my dad this Thanksgiving, and I ended up
throwing one remote at his head and busting the other one on the table all
while screaming about how much I hate him and other pleasant things. I
guess I caught him by surprise because he just stared at me even while I
walked away. No one came over for Thanksgiving except my sister's
boyfriend and they left after we ate.
____________________ "Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"
MorteAscendo
Member
Posts: 190 Registered: 6/5/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 30/11/2002 at 07:27 PM
I am completly anal when it comes to Christmas. I get so fucking pissed
when shops have Chistmas shit out before Holloween, Radio playing Christmas
songs before Thanksgiving...etc. I started ranting in the middle of store
about how they put Christmas Tree Ordiments up in the middle of October and
the Manager of a Military PX took down the display in 5 minutes. hee
hee...it reall pisses me off to jump holidays early. But the day after
Thanksgiving im totally mellowed out....sorta
____________________ "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I".
Ironboots
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 893 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 1/12/2002 at 12:13 AM
Hmmm... My family really doesn't do anything story-worthy... The grudging
members of the family have learned already to spend their holidays
separate.
And now I won't grow up to be well-adjusted like you guys...
____________________ Piggy's got the Conch!
IamSquid
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 658 Registered: 27/5/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 1/12/2002 at 01:58 PM
My Thanksgiving would have been terrific:
I had just gotten home from Europe and my parents let mee take care of
their big creepy house while they went to Chicago to visit my sister.
Unfotunatly my "friends" had to spoil it by spreading rumors about my
date.
And for the record I think those who don't have "dyfunctional" families
(living a sheltered 1950s TV nuclear family life) are just as fucked-up as
the majority of us. I'm not going to say my family is a bad family (I have
friends who had sex with Daddy, I've nothing to bitch about) but everybody
does have issues.
____________________
i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to
die so i could watch, and then me die.
-ickgirl
AloneSoul
Fanatic
Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 1/12/2002 at 02:19 PM
Ah Christmas time, I remember the fist fights on Christmas morning over
some stupid shit to the days of isolation before it, I hate
Christmas...except for the gifts.
One thing I greatly hate are those Christmas songs...and the
memorabilia...and the advertising blitzkrieg, it all tends saturated me
easily to the point of sickness.
- Also the only good things I find from the Chinese buffet are the noodles,
yellow rice, chicken and those little donuts. That’s good eat’in!
size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
DarkMistress
Member
Posts: 170 Registered: 6/6/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 1/12/2002 at 04:36 PM
I hate the songs and advertisements too. I remember when I was younger
we'd go to my grandma's and they'd try and make my cousin and I sing, and
we'd just walk away. Yeah, yeah, we were little brats (good times ) This year I'm
extremely sickened by the advertisement, especially since there were
advertisements even before Halloween. The spiritual side has been sucked
dry therefore Christmas means presents and Yule means time to honor the
'death' of my god..I get a little of both I guess.
____________________ "Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"
MorteAscendo
Member
Posts: 190 Registered: 6/5/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 1/12/2002 at 08:39 PM
I cant belive me ears!!!!! or eyes, what ever.....
How can you HATE Christmas songs....your telling me you dont like a Charle
Brown Christmas or the sound track!!! The Movie a Christmas STORY!!! god
damn....i need to spank some christmas cheer in you two. Alone, You know
that ive always had alot of respect for you, but now its time for the
flogging....bend over.
____________________ "Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I".
Ironboots
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 893 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 2/12/2002 at 10:01 AM
Yeah! A Charlie Brown Christmas! I remember when we got that video. We were
driving north to Oregon, to visit my grandparents for Christmas. Shell gas
stations had a promotion going on with the video. I think it was in Modesto
or Redding that we bought it... My family and I in a clunky old Volkswagon
Vanagon... The memories...
But I love that movie. Especially when Linus does his recitation of the
nativity. That part was so great...
Ah... Christmases were so wonderful when I was young and innocent. Now
they've lost the magic...
____________________ Piggy's got the Conch!
AloneSoul
Fanatic
Posts: 522 Registered: 6/7/2002 Status: Offline
posted on 2/12/2002 at 12:08 PM
BAHUMBUG!
Mort, I hate Christmas. During this time EVERYTHNG goes wrong. Each year,
bad luck, bad memories...the advertisements, crappy songs, crappy
movies...if I am forced to watch A Christmas Story again I will run head
first into the TV.
Maybe I should get into the spirit of the season...but I won't. Just today
my computer crashed, I lost everything in my hard drive and my tape deck
broke. *boo hoo* heh, Mondays on a December...