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Author: Subject: Holiday high jinks.

Fanatic





Posts: 522
Registered: 6/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 29/11/2002 at 02:11 AM
Well, I can’t sleep much and I’m trying to pull myself out of depression-overdrive so I may as well share with you a little tale which has happened today. (Keep in mind my family is a dysfunctional one, we rarely have dinners at the same table/times together and when we do, funny things tend to happen.)

My aunt is a once meat eater, now vegan. She refuses to eat any meat or even enjoy honey for she believes that the bees are forced into slavery for honey production...so you know she is greatly opinionated about her vegetarianism.

*Which leads to my first little question, if she hates the taste of meat or even the look of it then why she will by a tofu turkey (which tastes like real turkey)?*

*Also don’t get me wrong, she’s a nice lady...just alittle bit strange, but my father’s side of the family is like this.*

Anywho, the dinning room is right next the kitchen and we see this...My grandmother decided to take the turkey off the dinner table before my aunt comes into the house for she gets sick by the site of any meat. My grandmother picks up the big plate with the devoured turkey on it and begins to walk into the kitchen. There is food everywhere and she has no place to hide it and so she is hastily walking back and forth with this plate of turkey...and out of nowhere my vegan aunt walks through the kitchen door and nearly plows into my grandmother with this plate of juicy turkey in her arms...
And so the night continued with discussions from my father about how he took my vegan aunt on tour threw the butcher shops of Cow Town...heh.

Have any stories of holiday high jinks? Share them here.

 

____________________
but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
 

Member




Posts: 189
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 29/11/2002 at 10:15 AM
My family is slightly dysfunctional also. My mothers side are all snobby and think they are better than everyone else, and most of them are southern baptist *shakes head*. On dads side (not my biological father but he is MY DAD) we have the drinkers..hehe woohoo that are so much fun to be around! When I go to my moms side of the family to have get togethers it is never any fun, other than getting to see my grandma. Everyone sits there and talks shit about the rest of the family thats not there. Its always drama and someone is doing something or another that they shouldnt. Who the fuck cares what they are doing, why cant they leave them alone and not worry about what it is they arent or are doing. Why cant we sit there and enjoy seeing each other and talking about nice things. Is it really so hard for people to do? If we get together with my dads side and its before 12 noon then they have brunch....you know so it is ok to drink booze if its brunch...lmao. I just love them and we always have alot of fun. My Uncle is just kick ass anyway...we call him Uncle Rock-n-Roll. His bathroom is done in all Rolling Stones stuff, even the shower curtain has slots in it where he has albums by them.

I undrestand these times can be stressful with getting together with family and trying to make everyone happy. I hope that you can get through this depression and start feeling better. I have to battle with it myself sometimes.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 522
Registered: 6/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 29/11/2002 at 12:13 PM
heh, thanks for your concern but I have bi-polar disorder among a list of other things which create the various problems/movies within my head...but this thread isn’t ‘bout me. heh. Oh and believe me my family doesn’t aim to please each other but more to piss one or the other off.
Myrts (we call her by her name and not mom), she’s a one beer queer...or should we say, a one wine cooler queer. She gets drunk fast. The old man (the other name which speaks for itself, heh, we have names for eachother) can take more. It’s a interesting spectacle really.

Example: Happy hour at the hotel in Puerto Rico two years back. Free drinks for two hours. My father gets wasted from free Heinkins(?) and has a bottle in each hand, he laughs, slams the bottle down on the table and has his thumb over the opening. A explosion of foam fires from the opening and squirting all over this monstrously built guy...since there was three of us (pops, mike, me, all big built guys) and one of him, he didn’t say anything.

Ah free drink happy hour, how I miss you so...

 

____________________
SRC="http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/snes/ff6/images/characters/kefka.gi
f"> size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living

 

Member




Posts: 170
Registered: 6/6/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 29/11/2002 at 03:43 PM
My mom's side is the side that has all the mentally ill relatives; my dad's side is cruel (but sometimes fun). My mom only talks to one of my aunts and disowns the rest of the family. When my grandmother died last year they fought over all the possessions that she and my grandpa (who died when i was 9) owned. "The only ones who didn't betray us was your aunt and your uncle. You should be happy that we have some good people in our family." I just see them all as greedy either way. Last year on Christmas we visited my grandma (my dad's mom). She didn't get my brother anything because he didn't send her a thank you card the year before when she sent him money for his birthday. She made it a point to embarrass him in front of everyone. Nice, huh? We're not going back there either.

 

____________________
"Pity no one was there
No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"

 





Posts: 116
Registered: 14/4/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 29/11/2002 at 05:05 PM
anyone who claims to have a functional family is lieing.
 

Fanatic




Posts: 522
Registered: 6/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 29/11/2002 at 10:12 PM
heh, my pop's side of the family has the greater number of mental ill and just plain strange folk...that's not to say my ma's side doesn't have their share.

Aye, that kind of thing is going on with my family too, (from my fathers side of the family this story takes place) one of my aunt in laws, she wants a greater share of the inheritance from my grandparents. They haven't died yet and she refuses to see any of us until she gets a bigger cut.
Needles to say it's been a god sent. She is the most ANNOYING person you'd ever had the displeasure of knowing. She has this “I am greater than you” persona and she is a controlling woman(?)...with her monstrous mole on her face and this god awful laugh. Reminds me of the wicked witch of the East, except the nose isn't a large and the hair isn't green. heh.

I think she fell into this fit over money a few Christmases ago...keep in mind her husband (my uncle) has over a million. Avarice is the root of all evil, no?

 

____________________

SRC="http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/snes/ff6/images/characters/kefka.gi


f"> HREF="http://www.pathetic.org/library.php?i_memberid=2042">
size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 29/11/2002 at 11:08 PM
to anonymous: you're just jealous that your family isn't as fucked up as theirs. Sucks to be plain, huh?

My holiday was alright. We bought a bitchin tofurkey and ate our GUTS OUT, talked about my grandma (who is long gone, died when I was 16), ate some more, played with my nephew, ate some more, went to Michael's mom's house and ate candy and BS'ed all afternooon, then came home and sat in front of the woodstove and played on the computer.

As for tofurkey, it doesn't really TASTE like turkey...it sort of does, but it's...different...sort of. Can't explain it. But tofurkey is the SHIZZNIT. Also, even if it did taste just like turkey, it's not dead and greasy and well....dead. That should explain the gross out factor...you dont' have to put your hand up a butt it doesn't have and yank out body parts it wasn't born with and it's not all slimy and cold and goosepimpled and naked and it's not all greasy and gross and ....dead.

I'd eat tofurkey every day of the year if I could!

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 580
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 29/11/2002 at 11:45 PM
Okay... I am not really following the "bees producing honey through slave labour" argument. Bees produce honey for the benefit of the collective hive, nobody holds a gun to their heads. Of course, if they wanted to leave the hive and try to make it on their own, that would be up to the individual bee. Unless you are growing, harvesting and preparing your own food you are contributing to wage slavery which is a lot more open-and-shut a case of exploiting the lower classes than what the bees are doing. Or did your aunt imagine that people are born into low-paying agricultural or warehousing/transporting jobs? Given the choice, I would take the hive model over the grocery store any day.

My days of family dys"fun"ction are over. No more stories for me.

~Monolycus.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 522
Registered: 6/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 30/11/2002 at 12:48 AM
The grease is the best part! Mmmm, turkey innards. Heh, my older brother and sister always try to eat the heart and liver before it’s gone to gravy.

But still, whatever floats your boat. One thing is certain, mashed potatoes kick ass.

M, you’re speaking logic now, we tried that. Heh, we tried to explain that to her but she’s alittle bit off her rocker. I wish I could videotape the Thanksgiving “turkey vs tofu” and “bees aren’t in bondage” conversations, it’s hysterical.

If you think the bee thing is bad enough groups of people are actually organizing protest against the “slavery of bees.”

 

____________________


SRC="http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/snes/ff6/images/characters/kefka.gi





f">
HREF="http://www.pathetic.org/library.php?i_memberid=2042"> />
size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living

 

Member




Posts: 161
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 30/11/2002 at 04:21 AM
to anonymous: my family if perfectly functional during the holidays thats is
my mom goes to work
my dad goes on his litte visit downtown to his favorite crack house
my brother stays out side playing
my sisters go to my aunt house down the street
my relatives stay in their house waiting for my family to stop by for 20mins and make a nice space on the couch for me to sleep till we go home
and i stay home in bed or on my computer till i have to visit relatives

why is this funtional you say?
NO ONE IS AROUND EACH OTHER LONG ENOUGH TO PISS EACH OTHER OFF!!!
isn't that what a funtional family one that is not pissed off and that sounds pretty funtional

 

____________________
Alot of people have good stories that take place at a lake with friends and boats and noodle salad just not anyone here

 

Occasional Poster




Posts: 15
Registered: 4/11/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 30/11/2002 at 12:04 PM
Welllll........here's what my family did:
I get up, go online, wish all my im's happy thansgiving(corny). I then call all my friends that I can and do the same. same to my relatives that I won't get in long-distance with.
My family wakes up gradually about an hour from then.
My sisters watch parade on tv. My dad calls the relatives I can't call on his cell phone. my mom smokes, then joins my sisters. I stay online.
We all get ready, decided we were going to ryan's to meet relatives, all you can eat turkey for 5.99, etc.....
Relatives call at 11 am, got there at 10:30, saying they're almost done eating......
we decide to screw that, we go to Top China Buffet, eat sushi, crab, shrimp, tofu, so on.....
We then go to the movies, see Treasure Planet because my sisters wanted to see it, goddamn best disney movie I've ever seen......
We then go home, then go shopping to all stores that are open, go home, go to my grandparents' house, get the pie my grandma baked, go home, go to sleep.

The good thing is that I was too busy to argue. lol.

 

____________________
I have one big yellow furry monkey ball.....yellow furry monkey ball.........yellow...*slaps self* oh forget it, its useless, they'll never understand.....

 

Member




Posts: 170
Registered: 6/6/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 30/11/2002 at 12:20 PM
I got into a few fights with my dad this Thanksgiving, and I ended up throwing one remote at his head and busting the other one on the table all while screaming about how much I hate him and other pleasant things. I guess I caught him by surprise because he just stared at me even while I walked away. No one came over for Thanksgiving except my sister's boyfriend and they left after we ate.

 

____________________
"Pity no one was there

No angels in the air

And the morning paper ran

One more suicide"

 

Member




Posts: 190
Registered: 6/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 30/11/2002 at 07:27 PM
I am completly anal when it comes to Christmas. I get so fucking pissed when shops have Chistmas shit out before Holloween, Radio playing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving...etc. I started ranting in the middle of store about how they put Christmas Tree Ordiments up in the middle of October and the Manager of a Military PX took down the display in 5 minutes. hee hee...it reall pisses me off to jump holidays early. But the day after Thanksgiving im totally mellowed out....sorta

 

____________________
"Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I".

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 893
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 1/12/2002 at 12:13 AM
Hmmm... My family really doesn't do anything story-worthy... The grudging members of the family have learned already to spend their holidays separate.

And now I won't grow up to be well-adjusted like you guys...

 

____________________
Piggy's got the Conch!

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 658
Registered: 27/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 1/12/2002 at 01:58 PM
My Thanksgiving would have been terrific:
I had just gotten home from Europe and my parents let mee take care of their big creepy house while they went to Chicago to visit my sister.

Unfotunatly my "friends" had to spoil it by spreading rumors about my date.

And for the record I think those who don't have "dyfunctional" families (living a sheltered 1950s TV nuclear family life) are just as fucked-up as the majority of us. I'm not going to say my family is a bad family (I have friends who had sex with Daddy, I've nothing to bitch about) but everybody does have issues.

 

____________________

i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to die so i could watch, and then me die.

-ickgirl

 

Fanatic




Posts: 522
Registered: 6/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 1/12/2002 at 02:19 PM
Ah Christmas time, I remember the fist fights on Christmas morning over some stupid shit to the days of isolation before it, I hate Christmas...except for the gifts.

One thing I greatly hate are those Christmas songs...and the memorabilia...and the advertising blitzkrieg, it all tends saturated me easily to the point of sickness.

- Also the only good things I find from the Chinese buffet are the noodles, yellow rice, chicken and those little donuts. That’s good eat’in!

 

____________________



SRC="http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/snes/ff6/images/characters/kefka.gi









f">

HREF="http://www.pathetic.org/library.php?i_memberid=2042"> />
/>

size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living

 

Member




Posts: 170
Registered: 6/6/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 1/12/2002 at 04:36 PM
I hate the songs and advertisements too. I remember when I was younger we'd go to my grandma's and they'd try and make my cousin and I sing, and we'd just walk away. Yeah, yeah, we were little brats (good times ) This year I'm extremely sickened by the advertisement, especially since there were advertisements even before Halloween. The spiritual side has been sucked dry therefore Christmas means presents and Yule means time to honor the 'death' of my god..I get a little of both I guess.

 

____________________
"Pity no one was there


No angels in the air


And the morning paper ran


One more suicide"

 

Member




Posts: 190
Registered: 6/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 1/12/2002 at 08:39 PM
I cant belive me ears!!!!! or eyes, what ever.....

How can you HATE Christmas songs....your telling me you dont like a Charle Brown Christmas or the sound track!!! The Movie a Christmas STORY!!! god damn....i need to spank some christmas cheer in you two. Alone, You know that ive always had alot of respect for you, but now its time for the flogging....bend over.

 

____________________
"Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I".

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 893
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 2/12/2002 at 10:01 AM
Yeah! A Charlie Brown Christmas! I remember when we got that video. We were driving north to Oregon, to visit my grandparents for Christmas. Shell gas stations had a promotion going on with the video. I think it was in Modesto or Redding that we bought it... My family and I in a clunky old Volkswagon Vanagon... The memories...

But I love that movie. Especially when Linus does his recitation of the nativity. That part was so great...

Ah... Christmases were so wonderful when I was young and innocent. Now they've lost the magic...

 

____________________
Piggy's got the Conch!

 

Fanatic




Posts: 522
Registered: 6/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 2/12/2002 at 12:08 PM
BAHUMBUG!

Mort, I hate Christmas. During this time EVERYTHNG goes wrong. Each year, bad luck, bad memories...the advertisements, crappy songs, crappy movies...if I am forced to watch A Christmas Story again I will run head first into the TV.

Maybe I should get into the spirit of the season...but I won't. Just today my computer crashed, I lost everything in my hard drive and my tape deck broke. *boo hoo* heh, Mondays on a December...

*hugs j* we got plenty of pessimistic cheer.

 

____________________




SRC="http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/snes/ff6/images/characters/kefka.gi














f">


HREF="http://www.pathetic.org/library.php?i_memberid=2042">
/>

/>


size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living

 
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