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Author: Subject: workplace idiots

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Posts: 185
Registered: 31/12/1969
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  posted on 21/6/2002 at 08:40 PM
I created this topic as a place to post stories about people at work who have gone above the usual level of idiocy. The ones who warrant special mention but aren´t long enough for a seperate article or forum topic.

Today someone gave me a $50 bill for an order she made, and the $20 I gave her back had been ripped and taped. She complained that it had been ripped up and asked for a different $20. An odd complaint, but nothing too bad by itself. I told her that I couldn´t open my register unless an order was being made but that she could exchange it for another one at the box office as I handed her the $20 back. She say ok. She stands there for a few moments, and then says "Well aren´t you going to go get another one?".

The other day as I was about to help a customer someone who was either just barely in or out of (dont remember) my peripheral vision said "excuse me, I was first". If you´re not in the fucking line, you aren´t first.

Sometimes games stop working. Sometimes we turn a game off because they stop working. Sometimes people are too stupid to realize that a game is off and put their money in it. One fellow lost 50 cents and wanted it back. We can´t give money back if a game was turned off. He decided he wanted to go about 15 minutes with every other sentence out of his mouth being "can i have it back now?", he was told the game was off, he plugged it back in and asked for his money back, he was told it was unplugged for a reason, he unplugged it and asked for it back, he asked to talk to the manager, he was told that he already was talking to the manager and he asked for his money back, things continued until he threatened to stand outside the theatre and tell people not to go in because he lost 50 cents, and he insulted and threatened the manager before finally leaving.

I hate people.

 

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  posted on 21/6/2002 at 08:54 PM
oh brother, do I have a zillion for you...but let me pick just ONE for now...hmmm...a difficult choice.
Aside from people coming in and asking (if you could call it that) "HAY yo, you guys pierce tounges and noses and sheets here?"
Uh no.
I think my pet peeve is people that come to someone opposite side of the store and say "hey, can I get that shirt?" "What shirt are you looking for?"
They point to a wall on the opposite side that contains 50 shirts in various styles and colors.
"That one up there..."
Walk them over, and ask, "which one is it?"
"that black one" and wave their finger around an area that contains at least 10 black shirts.
I point. No. I point again. No..."THAT one" they insist.
Or the trailing question "hey, do you think icouldge....." and sort of point at a display case.
"what´s that?"
"could you please get me....."
point.
"Would you like to see an item in the body jewelery case?"
the get all excited like a dumb dog that sees a bone when I understand them...or they get real snotty "UH, YEAH"
WEll fuckwad, then SAY IT.
Or the 14yr olds that come in with a saftey pin through something, it´s swollen, red, crusty, and they ask what sort of jewelry to put in it.
I tell them they don´t need jewelery, they need a doctor´s visit, a tetanus shot, and antibiotics.
and a life.
"Man, this place was sooo much nicer before they added a DOOR..."
~SNL "jeffery´s" skit

 

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Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

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  posted on 21/6/2002 at 08:56 PM
Oh, and I almost forgot, the APPLICANTS.
"HEY (usually when I´m dealing with a customer) you all got some motherfuckin applikatons?"
I turn, look, and reply "I´m sorry, sir, our mother fucking position has been filled. Try back in a few months."
Or
"you got any fuckin applications or something?"
I´m sorry, we´re out of fuckin applications, would you like a regular one instead?

 

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Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

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  posted on 21/6/2002 at 09:42 PM
Heeheeheee... that´s what´s so great about being a teenage computer worker.... While all your friends are working at burger places, you´re tucked away behind your computer, far, far away from -people-.

Sure, your boss might be an ass, but at least its a constant you can depend on. God knows what the hundred customers are going to be like today...

On the flip side, however, is my dad. He works as a charge nurse (the captain of the ER). In ER. At night. In the bad part of town. Not a lot of einsteins there. They really don´t get that -EMERGENCY- room is for emergencies. Not for your runny nose. Not for your cold that you´ve had for three days and just now (at freakin´ two in the morning!) decided to come in. And not because you want to have a warm bed to sleep in for the night!
Also, it´d be nice if the english-speaking person in the family (yes, they come in groups...) would stick around, so that we know what is bugging his friend.
Also, if you happen to warrant a bed, please do not get up and wander the ER. We don´t need that.
If you check into the waiting room, and are told to sit down, do not leave (for three hours) then come back and demand to be served immediately. We missed you, we really did. Do not pick fights in the waiting room. Do not slash my father´s tires (it happened several occassions. He suspects security did it) Do not ticket my father´s vehicle. He works there. See the little card hanging from the mirror?
If you are a nurse and decide to take a break, do not try to weasel another one when the next charge nurse comes on duty. If you are a nurse and go on break, do not stay on break longer than you need to. Others need to take their breaks, too. And please tell the charge nurse before you go on break. It helps. If you are a nurse and see something that needs to be done, get off your lazy ass and do it. Don´t complain to the charge nurse that it needs to be done. Make it so.
-whew-
That was just a little release of all the tales I have heard from him. I´ve got to learn when to stop typing...

 

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  posted on 21/6/2002 at 09:57 PM
I got it easy. Shade is my only co-worker and he is a cuddle monster and too cute for words. but we do have clients. I like to call them demonspawn sometimes, but that is just when they forget to pay for a month and a half. Or send me threating emails on friday afternoons saying to call them immediatly. invaribly they leave the office the minute they hit the send button and i get to spend the weekend stressing. By monday they have gotten over it, or forgotten, or have received a brain transplant, or in 2 cases quit.
but i cant complain tooo much as i work form home with my blue haired boy at my side. my work isnt complicated or high priority. i get paid well and i get to goof off when ever i want ( i am "the boss")
neener neener neener?

 

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Real goths wear silver and crosses to keep the werewolves and vampires away.

 

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  posted on 21/6/2002 at 11:46 PM
Oh where should I start? When I was night manager at a convient store, the GM (the most rotten born-again I´ve ever met) hired a "good Xian worker" who would "take care of the little jobs while (I could) take care of the big ones." This man was named Ralph he was 300 lbs, about 55-60 years old (I think he used to do alot of acid in the 60s) and entirely incoherent.

I would say "Ralph it´s going to be slow until about 5, could yoo go stock the cooler now?" and he got in his car and left (he thought I told him to go home). He would mop the floors without ringing out the mop and pushed the mop in front of him as he walked forward. It took him 5 minutes to ring-up a pack of gum if someone was paying with exact change! He smelled like funk (I swear one time he shit on himself) and would always drink this mysterious amber liquid from the same bottle every night. And he always tried to talk to mee about philosophy (which I normally love) but his premise was confued and his arguments in way resembled logic (and normally there was Xian Fundamentalist ethics involved). I scheduled him to work for the days I was off as much as possible.

One night though it was almost worth working with him, I was ringing-up customers while he was sweeping (badly) and there was a line going all the way to the back of the store and around the wall when 2 stupid frat boys who were 3rd in line snottily say "hey man, where´s yor fucking help?" I grinned, what a wonderful idea "Ralph, could yoo atend to these gentlemen, please?" He slowly made his way to the register and I swear this is true, the fratboys actually applauded him "Yea Ralph, yea!!!" All they wanted was a frozen pizza and a pack of cigarettes and he wasn´t finnished with them until five minutes after I had gone through the entire line (which was still growing).

Otherwise, there was the time my whole store including my first GM (with the exception of myself and one other employee) scammed 30 grand out of the store and then... Well, that´s along but action packed-story. If yoo want to hear it, tune in next time. Same Shmeng time, same Shmeng channel.

 

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i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to die so i could watch, and then me die.

-ickgirl

 

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  posted on 22/6/2002 at 09:19 AM
I still remember this one with a bit or terror. Callei and I worked at a telemarketing firm at one point, and the day started out nice and normal. I picked up the phone dialed the number and started my spiel. "Hi, this is Shade do you have a moment?" the response was "not right now son, I have to beat my handicapped son" I froze. I slowly apologized and hung up the phone. apparently I looked white as a sheet when I turned arounf to ask for the child protective services number (I had this dudes phone number and address right in front of me). The floor manager looked at me and asked what was wrong, so I told him. I swear I will never forget his response when he leveled a straight face at me and asked "so? what´s wrong?" When I clearly and slowly repeated what the guy had said he started laughing. I was horified until he explained that when I had repeated it he had thought I´d said "feed his handicapped son" and that chances were that was what was originally the statement. I thought about it and replayed the conversation in my head, turns out that was what the guy had said, but I still needed a break before i was willing to pick up the phone.

 

____________________
It is only through the lack of sex that humanity derives the need for an all encompassing blind love. And in that moment of extreme horniness with no relief in sight, in that moment can be found the birth of religion.
-Me

 

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Registered: 31/12/1969
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  posted on 23/6/2002 at 03:38 PM
Every so often we get a customer who we refer to as "The Mad Whacker" because of his tendency to go into movies and masturbate. Apparently a year or so ago he did this sitting behind a group of girls and one of them told her mom who said that if it ever happened again to get up and make a big scene in front of the entire theatre about it. Some months back it happened again. And she made a scene. And he ran for the door. Must have been hard for him to run though.

 

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  posted on 24/6/2002 at 09:34 PM
ooo here´s a favorite memory of mine...
I had this particularly unattractive 30ish woman come in around halloween and wanted to try on a vinyl flare bottom club dress...it´s very short. So was she...and about 250lbs. Now before any queen sized ladies get pissed, I have no problem with the larger than life ladies...they´re perfectly lovely and three of my closest friends are "queenly" so there..
That aside, we picked out size for her (a large, if you can imagine) and I had to tactfully suggest an xl to take with her "just incase the large isn´t comfortable...comfort is key"...to which she replied "oh that doesn´t matter, I won´t be wearing it for long, it´s for THE BEDROOM" and giggled like a horny teenager. She also took an ultra short plaid skirt...I again suggested a comfortable larger size just in case, saying they tend to foof out at the bottom, which she also replied was a "good thing" cause again, it´s "for the bedroom".
I shuddered and proceeded to the dressing room.
She squeezed into the large (again, cringing, dreading a busted seam or stretched vinyl resulting in a mark out of stock due to being unable to sell it in that condition)
Her tits were bulging out. Her BACK tits were bulging out. Her excessively dimpled ass and thighs were bulging out. "My husband will LOVE this! It´s for the bedroom, you know (yes, I fucking KNOW *scream*)" then walked OUTSIDE the fitting room to get her DAUGHTER´S opinion (14 and dressed like a ho)....I tried casually to divert the other shoppers while she thudded around half clothed. Got her back in. She bought it, which is a godsend, as it WAS stretched beyond belief.
and she stunk up my dressing room.
BAD.
It´s called deoderant lady...go discover it.
Or perhaps closely followed by a young male mallrat with crossed eyes who had been wearing a trenchcoat in 80 degree weather, who tried on a $90 dress to be "funny" and skanked it up so bad I had to douse it with febreeze and hang it in the backroom for THREE GODDAMNED DAYS before it was safe to return to the sales floor. I ALSO had to febreeze the curtain of the dressing room AND close it for about an hour to get the smell out.
Fucking SICK. What, is there some sort of B.O. trendiness that I´m out of the loop on? Is it cool to smell like undigested fried onions and ass? Beats the fuck out of me.
Or....the strippers. Bless their hearts. Why is it only the ugly ones that make sure EVERYONE within hearing distances knows that they strip? "Uhm, hi, I need an outfit, sort of school girl or goth or something" I show them something. "Oh no, that won´t work, it doesnt´ come off easily" "Alright" I say and move on, not questioning ´cause I already know and don´t fucking care, "WELL *sigh* I´m a stripper and I need things that come off easy cause that´s what I do because I take off my clothes for a living cause I strip at the strip club cause I´m a stripper"
*blank look
Find them an outfit. Listen to them tell you again how they are strippers. Figuring they work at dejavu ´cause they´re fucking ass end ugly. If you see an ugly girl in federal way driving a nice ass car, she´s a stripper at the vu.
Most of the time, our stripper custies are pretty tame and quiet about it, they know us and we know them and what they want and need. Usually the attractive ones keep it on the downlow not out of shame but out of common desency not to blast to the world that they shake their moneymakers for a living. usually they make their point with "I´m a dancer, and I need......fill in the blank." Simple.
Some of my best customers are strippers. Some of my worst are the ugly ones.
I did have a bunch of strippers actually start stripping in the back of my store once and trying on clothes in the open. I mean butt assed naked. In my store. Kids around.
"Uh, ladies, could you please wait for the dressing room?"
"Oh, we´re okay, we´ll be quick"
"okay, let me rephrase that. Put your clothes on and wait for the dressing room"
"Oh we´ll be fast, don´t worry"
"Ma´am PUT YOUR FRIGGIN CLOTHES ON AND WAIT FOR THE DRESSING ROOM THIS IS A *FAMILY* STORE".
I got a full face of plastic boobies once too. I was going to slip an item past the curtain to the girl within and she just yanked the curtain open wearing nothing but a playboy thong and a tube top, said "THANK YOU!" yanked her tubetop over her head and I about got a facefull of DD silicone funbags.
"MA´AM PLEASE WAIT TILL THE CURTAIN IS CLOSED"
"oh but I have to get my boyfriend´s opinion"
"MA´AM HE CAN LOOK WHEN YOU´RE DRESSED CLOSE THE CURTAIN OR PUT YOUR TOP BACK ON. PLEASE"

Most would see that as a dream come true, but I had nightmares about strippers for a week straight thanks to her.

*sigh*
being a retail diva is not as glamorous as some would think sometimes.....
*sigh*

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

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  posted on 25/6/2002 at 10:36 AM
"Can you see my scars?" Bettie, you just reminded me of one of the more fun episodes selling leather and lace on Bourbon. We had a sort of no holds barred gonzo method of determining when people could or could not take their clothes off in front of us at the pand bearm nostly based on whether they could get them off before or after we pointed out the dressing room.

A large portion of our clientelle was the stripper crowd and one of them came in on a slow day and was very clear with us, "I need a barely there bra to hide the scars because I just had breast surgery and the scars haven´t faded yet." We started by reminding her that you´re not supposed to wear a bra for at least three to six weeks after ´augmentation´ so that your body can adjust to the weight naturally and the bra straps won´t damage the freshly bruised ligaments that hold the breasts up. She insisted she knew and just needed it to cover the scars during her routine. So we picked out a few bras, most of which were immediately disregarded because they still covered too much. To give you an idea, these things were about a half inch of lace or vinyl sewn to the underwire, and she was sporting DDs. Finally she found one she liked and went back to the dressing room to try it on. two minutes later she walks out of the dressing room wearring the bra and her skirt. I had to spend the next three minutes putting her through her paces and looking at her boobs from every angle we could imagine her being seen from. All while keeping my professional face on. After she left Callei and I had to close the top floor while I died laughing.

 

____________________
It is only through the lack of sex that humanity derives the need for an
all encompassing blind love. And in that moment of extreme horniness with
no relief in sight, in that moment can be found the birth of religion. />
-Me

 

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  posted on 25/6/2002 at 10:40 AM
I have this one guy I work with at the post office that really and truly drives me raw. I mean, the guy is my rank, and he´s been in three times as long as I have for starters...plus he has that annoying laugh, and doesn´t shut up...but worst of all...I swear this kid takes a shower once a fucking week.
And he´s sitting like three feet away from me right now...I can smell his wicked funk.
Earlier today I told him that if I ever smelled him before I saw him again...I´d break his neck. I wasn´t kidding. In light of recent events...I think he took it rather well. I doused him with some of that Drakkar stuff immediatly afterwards.
I really can´t stand stinky people...I mean, I can if you stay clean...but this guy is just a bag of walking smashed assholes...*eck* Yuck yuck yuck yuck!! And he thinks it´s amazing that I get edgy and fidgety when I don´t get laid every three days or so...
I´m surprised if this guys ever even seen a boob...porno mags would get grossed out if he looked at ´em. Bleagh...I just wanna´...wanna´ bash him in the HEAD! (hold on a sec)...

 

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  posted on 25/6/2002 at 08:49 PM
Perhaps he´s tried but it burst into flames in his grip.
Shade I´m so glad you can understand. I mean she FLUNG open the curtain, grabbed what was in my hand, and OFF *WHOOOP* came her top and her tits were literally, IN MY FACE.
I´ve also had people come in to find body jewelery, and one woman didn´t know what size her nipple ring was so she TOOK OUT HER BOOB and said "what size do you think this is?"
"Well, ma´am, I can´t tell with my eyes closed. Pick something from the case and hold it next to it and YOU tell ME...and please put that away. Family store, ma´am, family store."

 

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Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

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  posted on 22/7/2002 at 08:37 PM
The air conditioning is broken in one of our theatres. Some woman came up and asked if she would be able to get her money back if it was too hot. Now I know customers can exchange their tickets for something else if its too hot, but I wasn´t sure about a refund. I opened my mouth and didn´t say anything while I thought about the answer. Before I even said anything her daughter said "WHYNOT??"

About a week ago a group of ditzy girls came in wanting to see some movie that had already started. They made a hyper sugar-rush commotion about trying to get their money out and get their tickets bought so they could get into the theatre as fast as possible. I rang up their tickets (I think there was three of them) and told them how much it was. Despite all their hurry, they STILL wanted to pay seperately.

 

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  posted on 22/7/2002 at 08:43 PM
the majority of females in my grade are like that. They constantly ask questions, and when you reply with a question as "why" they don´t get it.
I don´t exactly have a job, too young, but I was in culvers (getting a malt) where my sister works and some old lady with too much make up on came in. She stood there for about 6 minutes mumbling things like "mmm, um...i think i´ll have the.......ummmmm." finally, when she ordered and walked off her friend looked at my sister and said, "she is the weirdest lady i know." what a day. what a day.

 

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No angels in the air
And the morning paper ran
One more suicide"

 

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  posted on 22/7/2002 at 09:21 PM
My third day working at the Sony Shipping Department I was put on stacking duty. I’d take boxes, stay them in a 6 (rows) x 8 (boxes) fashion. At the last row, the boxes become highly unstable and start to sway back and forth...a lot. Each box weights about 50 lbs.

My ex-asshole-boss Frank is showing us how to stack them properly. As I’m nearly finishing up my second skiff I see the last box needs to be placed on top, in the center of a side row of three. The asshole comes by and I ask him “won’t these boxes fall if you’re too rough on the top row?”

He replies with a snooty “no, no, no they’ll be fine.”

So he walks away and I slide it in till the side box starts to fall. I grab it, the center box falls on my face, the corner hitting my nose. I slap it back in and finish the skiff. A lot of the guys new to this are experience the same problem.

A half a hour later a guy in the fork lift spills a stack on the floor. 48 boxes scattered on the floor, we pick em up and stack em. (Keep in mind that after doing a few stacks your muscles are pumping acid, especially when it’s about 95 degrees in the factory. You’re expected to do 5 stacks a hour for a 8 hour shift, 5 days a week.)

This goes on for about five more times till the guy is moved down to stacking duties the next day.

The next day, a new idiot in a fork lift knocks over my stack. I must have given him the death stare or something because he picked up faster than you could imagine.

What’s the point to this unfunny story? Working in shipping factories SUCK when you’re stuck in a shitty job such as packing and shipping.

 

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but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living
 

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  posted on 22/7/2002 at 09:24 PM
Oh, I forgot to mention that mixing concrete, building walls and cleaning abandoned houses is worse. I’m amazed though I was never sun burnt. No funny stories there though. heh.

 

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SRC="http://www.rpgclassics.com/shrines/snes/ff6/images/characters/kefka.gi
f"> size=1> but at least you know, just how much pain there is in living

 

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  posted on 18/8/2002 at 01:41 AM
I´m not sure how accurate the minor details of the following are, but the general idea of it is accurate:

It was towards the end of the 8:00-10:00 round, and we had one hot dog left on the hot dog machine and wouldnt be putting any more on for the night. Two dumbshits came up to the hot dog machine, started to reach around the hot dog machine when my manager saw them, walked up to them, picked something up off the counter, nodded to them, and then walked about 10 feet back the way he came and just stayed there watching them. They first tried to pick up the ketchup and mustard and squirt it onto the hot dog. They got it all down the side of the hot dog machine. They then tried to reach around the sneeze gaurd and pick the hot dog up but it was too hot for them. They dropped it down the side of the hot dog machine. Apparently they didnt think they´d need a bun. Then they claimed that they didn´t do it. Then they said they´d pay for the hot dog. Then they said they were paying for a hot dog and wanted a hot dog. When they were told that we didnt have any more for the night they said they wanted something else for the same price and they were told they couldnt have anything else. Then they were just kicked out.

 

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  posted on 18/8/2002 at 02:08 PM
You may think this is just another excuse to insult the American voter. But... the American voter is almost as stupid as the idiots they vote for.

 

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Light is changing to shadow, and casting a shroud over all we have known.

 

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  posted on 18/8/2002 at 02:10 PM
Oh look at me mix my singular and plural, I´m almost as stupid as an American voer. Har har har!

 

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Light is changing to shadow, and casting a shroud over all we have known.

 





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  posted on 20/8/2002 at 02:06 AM
Well it´s hard to vote well when you´re constantly lied to. It´s a popularity contest, like it is everywhere else in the world.
That´s why MY "wasted vote" goes to the green party....
SOMEDAY...maybe...okay never, but I won´t cast MY precious ignored vote on an idiot...I´d rather waste it on a HIPPY.
America is a place of ideals and idealists, profit and profiteers, and it is very hard for most to tell the difference. And there is.
As for work...don´t get me started. It´s peak back to school shopping season and I"m at my rope´s end.
Just wait for xmas and I"ll have some rip roaring stories for you I´m sure.
And I´ve GOT to start taking off my name tag when I"m out for my smoke break. No we aren´t hiring. You were wearing black before it was cool? How wonderful. Would you mind getting your three toothed face out of mine?
Oh get this...there is a new crazy guy at the mall.
We call him cornholio. Wears his sweatshirt up around his head so only his face peeks out. Sweatpants hiked up around his knees. Mutters to himself in korean.
Looks like he got dressed half a foot too high.
I love the mall.

 

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