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Author: Subject: Where are you now?


Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 15/10/2009 at 08:11 AM
My goodness, it's been a while hasn't it?

We all seem to have scattered to the four winds, gone about our business, some of us have grown up, some of us have grown apart. We've migrated to MySpace and Facebook and some of us have stayed in contact that way.

It's hard to remain a community, however, when we aren't all hanging out at the same place, sharing stories, fears and dreams.

So, if you're still popping in for old time's sake- tell a little bit about where you are and what you're up to and how you've changed since becoming a little Shmengling.

As for me, I've finally come to terms with my life and found a happy place. I've thrown off past shmeng, resolved a lot of issues that were holding me back and worked myself into something that I'm satisfied with. I'm no longer as wide-eyed and fluffy bunny as I used to be, but I managed to stop the slide into mean-spiritedness that I was getting into. It wasn't who I wanted to be. I haven't had much in the way of major adventures, but some of the minor ones have been pretty damn cool.

I've become shy about sharing much, which is one thing I want to fix. So, if there's still anyone out there who wants to start talking, I'll be watching for you and I'll respond. Once the ball gets rolling, I feel pretty sure I'll open up, too.

Let's start talking again.



Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 16/10/2009 at 11:58 PM
Speaking of adventures...

I was at the fabric store today with my 15 year old daughter, buying odds and ends for Halloween, and she and I were talking to one another...

And the checkout lady says, "Wait, she's your daughter??"

We both said, "well, yeah!"

She said, "Oh my God, I thought you were SISTERS!"

I said, "Lady, you just made my day."

She told my daughter: "You better hope you inherit whatever she has."

I just smiled as I went out the door.


Extreme Fanatic

Posts: 897
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 17/10/2009 at 10:15 AM
Hmmm... this could end up longish. Life has been pretty eventful for me since I last did much of anything around here. How long has it been, a year or two?

The big thing that happened in the past year was the finalization of my divorce - a hideous fiasco that started with my ex's threat to take away our daughter, went on to the notification for the first hearing arriving three days after the hearing, so the judge temporarily awarded him all he asked for. Which luckily was not all he was threatening to ask for. I managed to get a redo, but the morning of that hearing, I awoke to an epic ice storm that cut power to my area for almost a week. I still tried to make it to the hearing, driving around fallen trees and over downed power lines, only to find the hearing was cancelled. *sigh* The end result was, we ended up with joint custody, in a stressful final hearing where I had no lawyer, and his was willing and happy to lie for him. I'm really just glad it's all over, and if that is the price of freedom, then it is well worth the price, and I do find it fairly amusing that he had to hire a professional to lie for him, just to prove to the lawyer that he is as good a parent as I am. Things aren't ideal, but I can work with what I have, and he really didn't end up taking much more than I would have given him freely if he had ever shown any interest in it before.

But of course that was a huge stress, and I had several other huge stresses simultaneously, touching just about every area of my life. By last spring, I was at the absolute end of my rope, having anxiety attacks constantly, broke, exhausted, and with a looming deadline to have to move, and no clue where I was going to go. There was scarcely a part of my life that was not in a state of absolute deconstruct. By the end of May, I was quite literally about to sit in a corner in my apartment, rocking myself back and forth, for my landlord to find, and let him deal with removing me and my belongings, and I didn't really care what he did with them, or me, either. But luckily, I had some family in the area that stepped in and helped me pack and move, and an old friend with some extra room in her home who is letting me room with her.

About this time, when I started to realize that I was about to hit bottom, I did a lot of soul-searching, to try to figure out what I needed to do to turn things around. The thing about a period of deconstruct, like I was going through, is, that when the dust settles, you have a clean slate to start from, and you can rebuild from scratch, and do it right this time. I really wanted to do it right this time. But I was also very afraid to do anything, because by now I was sure that everything I touched would go wrong, and there was nothing but misery for me, no matter what.

But I decided to take a leap of faith, and chose one of the areas I've been burnt the worst in - relationships. I took a step to open myself to the possibility of finding someone, while at the same time being completely terrified of love, because it had brought me nothing but misery in the end. And the moment I did that, it was like someone turned a spotlight on me. I've always been kind of a wallflower. I don't seek attention, and I don't get it either, and I'm mostly fine with that. But now, I had requests for dates pouring in, I had guys walking up to my friend and asking about me. I had one weekend where, in that one weekend, I doubled my lifetime score for guys I'd gone on dates with/ had shown serious interest in me. It was totally flattering, but more than a little overwhelming.

Luckily for me, the guy behind door number one turned out to be the kind of thing where life hits you over the head with a two-by-four and tells you to pay attention. We've been dating every since, and I can tell you, he is awesome, and just what I needed. Doing me worlds of good. The anxiety is gone, the stress is gone, and I'm having so much fun.

Of course, this wouldn't be the life of Schizo if there wasn't some sort of drama going on. You see, this dude is poly, and he has been living with a woman 10 years his senior for about 18 years. And last year, she was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a terminal cancer. Her only hope is a stem cell transplant, where they will replace her immune system. They're actually going to do it twice, back to back. This (hopefully) will send her into remission for a few years, and our hope is that, as fast as research is developing on this cancer, that they will find a cure, or at least a better treatment, before the cancer returns. But that's a big if, and those transplants are no joke - the slightest infection could kill her. So if anyone has a prayer to say, or some energy to send her way, that would be much appreciated. She is an amazing woman, and I want to get the chance to know her NOT sick and exhausted from this awful disease.

So yeah, that's the drama in my life now, but at least it's just the sort of random drama that life likes to throw at the unwary. At least I'm no longer choosing to associate myself with people who create their own constant drama! I am learning!

Some of the smaller things I have been occupied with are, planning a route to get myself into a more stable financial place - mostly involving deciding to start taking some college classes - I'm thinking anything and everything to do with computers, because that's been fascinating me lately, and I also want to get back into languages - I used to love to learn languages, and I want to do that again. There's got to be some good career opportunities for someone working with computers, who can speak several languages. I'm also learning to spin fire poi (see my new picture in the galleries!) which is truly amazing! It's like making living art, and an adrenaline rush all at once. And good exercise. I'm also getting into belly dancing, and recently discovered that I have a knack for making jewelry. If anyone would like me to make them a rosary, with a cross made from a bullet and watch hands, I'm really good at those, and I'd love to make one to order for someone.

So that's my recent life in a rather large nutshell. In short, my life went BOOM, and I am now picking up the pieces, sorting them out, and rebuilding a new, much better life. And I am hopeful, and happy. Which is good.


"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest of girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"



Posts: 100
Registered: 13/2/2007
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/10/2009 at 09:13 AM
I'm back for the first time in around two years. I was taken out of foster care and now I live back at home with my parents and siblings.
I'm going to an accelerated school so that I can graduate on time this year and I am officially single for the first time in two years and am looking forward to new and better things.

Hello, to all those of you that I know and have had grand conversations with.

Nice to meet you, to the new friends I havent yet spoken to.


[[Ive learned too many things to let life pass me by now. Ive grown up and learned my lessons, this is the beginning of the future]]


Extreme Fanatic

Posts: 897
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/10/2009 at 06:10 PM
Hey there, LGG. Welcome back to these deserted realms.

For anyone who happens along and is remotely interested, here is the link to a video of me firespinning in the rain at a friend's Halloween party.



"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest of
girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"



Posts: 96
Registered: 29/7/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 8/11/2009 at 07:56 PM
I'm not sure where I left off here.
In any case, I'm not dead in a ditch anywhere and I will be starting grad school in January. Life without the Navy is great.


"I've told you before, I don't comprehend religion, although conviction is a concept I'm beginning to get. In any case, a person with a real religious conviction is, I propose, a religious convict, and deserves locking up."


Extreme Fanatic

Posts: 658
Registered: 27/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 20/1/2010 at 10:35 PM
Hmm, well I'm not much different. I still have tentacles and I still like to frighten children. I still enjoy telling jokes about cruelty. I'm still very active in occult circles and I still attend Burning Man. I'm still a vegetarian, I'm still sober, and I still prefer public transportation. I'm still an EMT and still not employed as such. I'm also still in my 20s but only barely.

What different about my life? I'm going to school to be a nurse and after that I plan on attending med school. I have a beautiful young GF and am in a monogamous relationship with her (and I LIKE IT, crazy, eh?). I have grown to the point that I am disgusted by philosophy (I'm intersted in what can be demonstrated to be true, not what somebody imagines to be true) although, I still fall into the old habits from time to time.

I don't come to Shmeng much anymore (obviously) but I do keep up with a few people from this website by other means. In 2009 I saw Andree, Ickgirl, and Kira in person. And talked to Court, Bettie-X, Tofu-Fetish, and one or two others on the phone. I believe I talked to Monolycus online as well.



i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to die so i could watch, and then me die.




Posts: 470
Registered: 23/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 10/3/2010 at 08:13 PM
Somehow, someway, I'm still in South K?

It's the squid.

And the schoolgirl uniforms.


It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus



Posts: 598
Registered: 24/8/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 13/3/2010 at 08:43 PM
I took a break, figured a few things out.
Figuring things out involved going back to school and getting my MA, finally getting the tattoo I've been thinking about for seven years, getting engaged, committing myself to leave San Diego and move to Eugene, OR, and have started taking part in a local pit bull rescue, which includes adopting a large gray puppy.
Life is chaotic, and I seem to be broke constantly, but dammit, I'm finally happy with myself and I have a good idea of where I'm going.


Okay, dazzle me.


Extreme Fanatic

Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 23/3/2010 at 10:24 AM
Let's see...

After I left, I had a complete breakdown and spent 8 weeks in a mental hospital. Certain things were confirmed and other things were rediagnosed. (Mild aspergers, severe mixed bi polar with a couple things thrown in). I did get confirmation that I think differently. As a result, I have been placed on disability.

In my copious amounts of free time since then, I have finished the story I put on here, and have written the two sequels and am seeking representation to get them published. I have a couple other novels I am working on as well (including a bdsm novel).

I have made numerous short films (Some of them are available on youtube http://www.youtube.com/feralucce)... and started production/finished filming my first feature film (http://extraordinary.myplus.org) and competed in several 48 hour film festivals.

Moved from missouri to west virginia, from WV to orlando fl, and finally back to new orleans. It still tears me up to see the devastation that STILL exists in new orleans, but i am home.

We're getting ready to start a couple new web series "Re-writes" a sitcom and "Savage Beating" a film review show; starting a new short film called lonely; and as soon as the funding comes in, we're filming a zombie film called genesis.

Overall, my need to create drives m.

I miss a lot of you...


The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.

Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist


Extreme Fanatic

Posts: 897
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 11/4/2010 at 05:35 PM
Merry, I'm glad you are happy with yourself. So am I. Life is good, even if it isn't easy.

And Feral, I know at least one of us misses you too.


"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the />
dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest

girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"



Posts: 149
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 25/4/2010 at 09:39 PM
I log in here once every blue moon when something makes me think of Shmeng. I miss this place too! So many things have changed in my life since I first joined, it really feels like eons ago. In that time I have survived my 20s, finished 2 college degrees, remodeled a house, been married and divorced, and (I think) met more people IRL from this site than any other Shmeng member.

I still live in Cincinnasti, but I never really forgot New Orleans and I'm still considering it as my next living destination. I still do web design and graphics, but I was laid off from my corporate hell job last year. I've been freelancing since but am considering doing something else for awhile. As mentioned above, my relationship with Paris also ended last year after 10 years together. I'm currently doing a lot of personal exploration (wink wink nudge nudge) and dating someone wonderful. I feel more confused about life at 30 than I did at 20, but I am having just as much fun so it's ok.

Anyone wanting to keep in touch who isn't - look me up on facebook (.com/carriepie) or for the kinky set on Fetlife (sukibound).

Oh...and Squid, I owe you a phone call!! Bigtime!


Wind me up and make me crawl to you, tie me up until I call to you.



Posts: 376
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 5/6/2010 at 06:53 AM
I graduated university two years ago with a degree in computer science. My boyfriend and I have been together just over six years, and bought a house together just over three years ago. I currently have three cats, one dog, five tattoos and twelve piercings. I've been working in the toy shop for five years while waiting for inspiration to strike regarding a more rewarding job. I quit smoking six days ago and am on here trying to keep myself entertained without a nicotine fix!


Do not fear death so much, but rather the inadequate life.


Extreme Fanatic

Posts: 856
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 17/6/2010 at 04:41 PM
What a long strange road this has been.


In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King


Occasional Poster

Posts: 41
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 31/7/2010 at 02:45 PM
It has been ages - but I believe I am in the same place I've always been. To me, in my life, it feels like nothing changes. But I tend to fear change, so maybe that isn't a bad thing. Has it really been so long since I last read these forums? I am reading "updates" that are years in passing and I wonder where I have been. Apparently not here, but I had to have done something in the past decade that is note-worthy...


When nothing is left - what are you standing on? - Drake of LS



Occasional Poster

Posts: 13
Registered: 29/6/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 15/8/2010 at 02:58 PM
You guys probably don't remember me anyhow, I was a modest participant nearing 10 years ago at the most active.

Since then I have graduated from High School, and graduated from Florida International University with a Bachelors in Fine Art - Sculpture. I worked two jobs for a long time- MTV Latin America on Miami Beach as a video technician and at a MArket Research company in Miami part time. Oddly, the market research company offered me a great job supporting their technology division and I am now at work in their corporate office in Nashville. My girlfriend of 1 year (as of last weekend) moved with me to TN and won't let me forget that she gave up a $45k per year job to be with me.

I am very happy here- Nashville is the most beautiful place I have ever been, save for Quebec City. It's so cheap to live here, and everyone is nice beyond belief.

Currently, most of my free time is spent playing Dungeons and Dragons, woodworking, and beer hunting. As of today, I have rated 903 different beers in 18 mos. I am most active on Ratebeer.com

My website: http://www.rustyham.com
My Account on RateBeer: http://www.ratebeer.com/user/75350/


"Goths were first introduced to children with the invention of Darkwing Duck. If it weren't for his vanishing in a puff of smoke and his dark purple cape, I wouldn't be who I am today."


Extreme Fanatic

Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 19/10/2010 at 08:50 AM
update: Provided the budget comes through, I am going to be the director of photography on a 2 million dollar film


The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.

Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist


Extreme Fanatic

Posts: 648
Registered: 24/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/11/2010 at 06:17 PM
It's been six years since I moved from Florida to Seattle and five years since I moved from there to Hawai'i. I love the pace of life here, it really suits me. I've definitely been allowed a lot of space in which to grow up. While I'm still doing that, and we are all constantly doing that, I am definitely the same little MRD as always. I still am seen as the innocent one, the sweet one, and I am still blonde. But, I will always be all three of those things (unless I can commit to dying my hair another color). I will always be the little one here on Shmeng.

I finished my A.A. in spring of 2009 in liberal arts. I took a year of culinary school after that, but I decided it really wasn't for me. I didn't want to go to school for a job, I wanted to go to school to learn about me and the world in which I live. Callei told me years ago that that would be a decision I'd have to make, and by golly she was right.

I am now in the first semester of my B.A. in interdisciplinary studies (fancy for liberal arts) and I have to choose my major soon. I don't know what the hell I will do with my degree, and it doesn't matter. Most people don't use theirs directly anyway.

I'm still with Devin, and we've had a few girlfriends. The end is coming on the one we've most recently been in, and the longest as well. Hopefully a friendship can be maintained in the long run.

My sister went through her mid life crisis early, so my parents now see me as the responsible one. It looks like I'll be the executor of their will when that time comes.

So, that's where I'm at. I miss you all. It's good to see so many old avatars floating around on here again (well, I can't say it's nice to see your faces can I?).


"People always say what we are looking for is a meaning for life…I don't think that's what we're looking for. I think what we're looking for is the experience of being alive." -Joseph Campbell


Extreme Fanatic

Posts: 618
Registered: 27/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 11/11/2010 at 06:25 PM
I am right where I want to be, and I am doing exactly what I want to do. That might seem a bit simplistic, but it is the truth. I think the number one most freeing thing, that I have ever done for myself, is to have stopped apologizing for being me.


"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." ~Mae West



Posts: 79
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 18/11/2010 at 11:18 AM
OK, I’ll try to make a long story short.

Last time you heard from me I worked as a lawyer, quality consultant and college professor, was engaged to a Texan who was coming to live to Madrid and was looking for an apartment in downtown Madrid to leave my parents’. I found the apartment. I got a full scholarship for LaSalle’s IMBA, which meant I had to quit my teaching at the university. My bride moved in with me. The company I worked for told me that they wouldn’t be needing me anymore in 2006. In December 2004 I went basically unemployed (luckily I had got my bride a decent job at Baker&Mckenzie as a secretary). When it had been five months of active job search, and finding myself overqualified for half the positions and with not enough experience for the other half, I started cutting down my resume. I came up with the “Ridiculum Vitae” in which (for instance) I had never been a lawyer, but a legal assistant. That finally got me a job, two weeks before my wedding, as a P.A. to the C.E.O. of a telecommunications company. It turned out they made porn. I married. I quit the job and went unemployed again (luckily I had saved a lot during the good years). I got another job as a secretary / bilingual coffee machine in a construction company, where I got to take coffee to people who had been my students a year earlier (and who were ashamed of the change and kept calling me Prof.). It didn’t take and went unemployed again. I got a job as a logistics officer. I have good reason to think my wife cheated on me. Then she emptied our savings account and sued for divorce. I started a romance with somebody else (HOT ten-years-younger-than-me goth chick) that didn’t take. Thus ended 2005.

In 2006 I got a job at Rothschild’s Bank. Not as a lawyer, mind you, but as an administrative assistant. I met Rustythoughts, a half-English, quarter Scot, quarter Romani who made a very strong impact in my life. I started a relationship with my current girlfriend, an old friend from old times. We moved together. I left Rothschild for Clifford Chance, once again not as a lawyer but as the P.A. of the Real Estate department director. I got an offer from a different law firm, but CC counter-offered. I got promoted. I read The God Delusion and lost my faith, which still pains me. I got into BDSM. I got promoted again. In 2009 I regained the financial status I had four years earlier. I made excellent friends amongst the lawyers at CC, from trainees to senior partners with five or six-digit equities. In January 2010 Ana told me that she COULD have babies, something we thought was impossible. I decided I needed more money and left Clifford Chance for my current job at a Danish giant of the wind energy sector, once again not as a lawyer (even if here my contract has lawyer status).

And here I am.

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