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LadyCygnet
Fanatic Posts: 287 Registered: 31/10/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 20/1/2004 at 06:58 AM |
*Sigh* Why do I care? I always get so attached to people, and then I
worry when they do stupid things, get sick, or paint themselves fuchia and
roll in chicken feathers (qualifies as just plain weird rather than
stupid).
I just found out that my mother, who is just turning 50 in april, is having
tests done to rule out a heart problem. She listens to me, yet she keeps
these thigns to herself. I don't know what to think. Some dickhead with an
axe to grind tried to blame her for his own stupidity yesterday. I'd like
nothing better than to put his head on a pike and plant it by the ER
entrance. Bastard.
My mom's mom died when she was 66. She had heart problems. It's more than
enough to give me pause.
My father. We hadn'st spoken since I told him I was filing for divorce.
He was angry. He apologized a few days ago. His work is killing him. The
woman he loves is killing him. She doesn't love him, and her attittude is
like arsenic. If anyone could die of a lack of love, I think he would. I
guess maybe it's karmic retribution and all, but I hate it. He suffered
enough when he was a kid to more than make up for what he did as an adult
years and years ago. He's too weak to fight anymore. It makes me sad.
That fire that could have done so much for him has been snuffed out.
My sisters. Heh. One sister has 3 kids and is married to a workaholic who
is desperate to move out of state, in spite of the fact that it would mean
that she she wouldn't get to see her oldest daughter as often as she needs
to. My oldest niece's stepmother is a dyed-in-the-wool bitch, so she needs
her mother more than ever. My other sister insists on staying married to a
guy who treats her oldest child badly and demeans my sister and her daugher
every chance he gets.
and then there's my brother, who has been hurts so badly and needs love so
much...and people just don't understand him, and often don't try. He's a
great guy,very intelligent and funny...he's just not someone who fits the
status quo.
and then, I have friends with all sorts of problems, from being stuck in
places they'd rather not be (there are a lot of them in that position) to
trying to figure out who they really are.
The point being, all of them have problems that I can do very little about,
do to financial contraints, the fact that I can't control other people, or
their own stubborn tunnel vision.
I know there's nothing I can do, but I can't help trying to think of
something.
I don't know if they can feel that I care, but I do. I don't know if they
understand how much I love them, but I do. I don't know if they can feel
me sending them strength and prayers...but I do that too.
Worry is clearly a spectator sport...but I can't help but do it anyway.
I guess I put this here for people to post without worrying about Karma.
Do you worry? Do you think worry is a funny word? Do you think I'm an
idiot for worrying?
Meh, it's all good. I worry so much, I wonder that I don't have
worrywarts, grey hair, or a series of nervous breakdowns. *wry grin*
Now that that's off my chest, I think I'll stop worrying and try to
sleep.
____________________ "To Live is to Annoy." -- Rev. Lambert Reilly, Archabbot, St. Meinrad Abbey |
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