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Author: Subject: Who the word Schmuck was invented for

Extreme Fanatic





Posts: 648
Registered: 24/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/4/2005 at 11:33 AM
MRD
Hey, don't mind me, I'm a total random, from NZ actually. I just found that "Condemned to Eternal Hellfire" article you did at schmeng.com randomly off google and I was like "!!!!!". Tried to register quick so i could comment on it, but couldn't be bothered waiting. Point is, someone has to tell you, its the kind of thing one ought to know:

You are in SO MUCH DANGER.

Hell is REAL. How do I know this? I've BEEN THERE. It SUCKS. Like, HARD. Its the kind of thing that makes me go wide eyed thinking about, and start telling my mates that they're screwed without Jesus despite their giving me shit. Its really, really, scary. Like no pain you can possibly imagine, and like a horror movie no director could create.

You see, the universe is an ecosystem that rejects what is unhealthy to it. Like humans defecating. Like antibodies. And what is unhealthier to the planet than humans? What is the most dangerous animal on the planet? What is the core reason our planet is currently falling apart? Humans! We're living in 'sin'.

Theres this story in the Bible of Lazarus and the rich prat, you might have heard it. The rich prat was mean to Lazarus, a beggar - Lazarus ate the crumbs that fell from his table and the rich prat knocked him around. Then one week they died, the two of them. While Lazarus was in heaven cos he knew God (through Jesus) while he was alive, the rich prat didn't, and he was burning up. So the rich prat was like "Lord!! Please, let me go back to my mates and tell them about this horrible, horrible place!!!" and God was like "let me think... mmm, nah, they've got my prophets - if they ignore them thats their problem". So the rich prat was pretty guttered, and his mates and family joined him later.

BUT I'M STILL ALIVE!!! I'm not going back either!!! I'm going to the New Jerusalem to hang out with Jesus!! But not yet I'm not, I've still got some time to do what that poor old rich prat could never do - spread the gospel. I got another chance!! I'm back!! Praise God.

So if you've read down to here, and still taken me seriously, you might want to know that going to church doesn't do shit if you're not saved. You gotta be born again. You know why god is so hidden? He's spirit (John 4:24). And mankind is spiritually dead because of sin - so the one way that we might contact God is gone, because your spirit isn't working! You can't smell if you have no nose, so too you can't sense God without your God-organ, your spirit. You need to ask Jesus to fix that up.

This is the only thing that ever did or ever will matter in your life. Hell is real, I can almost still smell the sulphur. Just take my word for it, theres nothing to lose by praying this little thing here - nothing to lose, everything to gain.

"Whoa God - don't wanna burn Lord - thats some scary stuff. But hey, you died on my behalf, you love me that much? Well I can't turn down that offer Lord, I need your eternal life, Lord. Please, Jesus I need you, you're totally my only hope down here. Please come into me Jesus, heal my spirit Lord so I can know You proper! Oh thank you SO MUCH Lord, I'm so grateful!!"

Its quite a relief I gotta tell you. You won't regret it at all.

So email me back whether or not you just prayed that. Tell me to "fuck off you Jesus freak" if you want, I get that a lot, but I pray that I'll see you in heaven - if I see you there I'll buy you a beer, or do the heaven equivalent

K God Bless my friend,
Brad Mason

[email protected]

 

____________________
"People always say what we are looking for is a meaning for life…I don't think that's what we're looking for. I think what we're looking for is the experience of being alive." -Joseph Campbell

 
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Fanatic




Posts: 218
Registered: 30/4/2003
Status: Offline

  posted on 26/5/2005 at 11:40 AM
Maybe we should invite him... it has been a while since anything interesting happend here. Maybe some negitive influence can start a positive reaction and these forums might come back to life again! Sure they are alive now... filled with about 10 people who blabber on about the same crap over and over. Restating views etc. It is a constant monotony that I would rather like to avoid. I really believe we need new people... trollish or not. It's just become really boring. A little annoyance could become a rather bit more amusing than constant drivel. Though that is only MY opinion. Insanity can prove to be comic relief... at times. So long as it's not YOU being the subject of insanity.

 

____________________
Anata ga sabishii toki, bokumo sabishii n da yo

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 18/5/2005 at 04:47 PM
Woody you can do whatever the hell you want, what I'm telling you is that I'm not going to draw out an argument with you when my gripe is with someone else. I am nitpicking, and I'm nitpicking at someone who so joyously does it to others. The statements I make to other people are coherant to those I am speaking to, and if Abbadon takes it apon himself to nitpick, I'll gladly return the favor. Generally, I leave him alone unless he's instigated an episode, which until a year ago were merely little choice interruptions of "americans suck!" My statements aren't ambiguous, and neither was his, but he felt the need to be a prick over sentence structures directed in reply to someone else and I'm returning the favor. I will get back at people if I feel like it and when I can. It's my perogative, as it's his to needle and pick and be a jerk as his fancy strikes him. If he's got a problem with me returning his type of behavior, let him take it up with me.

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 355
Registered: 5/8/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 18/5/2005 at 12:55 PM
If you can call it when you see it, then surely I can call it when I see it. What you saw, however, was an oppertunity to get back at someone by misreading a post. There was no ambiguity about his statement, and the phraseology was a standard one.
Nitpicking is one thing, but planting a nit and then removing it is quite another.

 

____________________
Eritis sicut Deus scientes bonum et malum.

And the third angel sounded, and a troll army did descend upon the world.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 499
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 18/5/2005 at 06:20 AM
Continue what, exactly?

 

____________________
Light is changing to shadow, and casting a shroud over all we have known.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 8/5/2005 at 08:52 AM
How gentlemanly of you. Let Abbadon man his own guns. The only reason it was brought up is that Abbadon seems to have a problem with the way I occasionally construct sentences in reply to other people who have no problem with understanding what my sentences "suggest", and hence he asked if I was "five". His message was perfectly clear, but from someone who likes to nitpick and egg people on as his mood hits him for whatever reasons, he should practice what he preaches. If we're going to play the game of what posted sentences "suggest", then he has no argument, gripe, or reason to complain with me. If not, then it's tit for tat, and I'll call it when I see it. So, if he wishes to continue, I'll continue with him about this, not with you.

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 355
Registered: 5/8/2004
Status: Offline

  posted on 7/5/2005 at 10:50 AM
Since Abaddon doesn't seem to be manning his guns I'll pick up his guns for a bit.
The sentence written was 'What exactly is it that hell sucks.' Not 'Why does hell suck?'
This means, as the sentence suggests, 'Upon what does hell suck, exactly?'
It is hardly criptic.
Assuming that he meant 'what makes hell suck is like me assuming that feral, in his last post, meant 'When they asked me a question my reply was, ''Naked'' and so their orgasms ceased, then they remained without climax for the remainder of their visit.'
Are you thirty five?

 

____________________
Eritis sicut Deus scientes bonum et malum.



And the third angel sounded, and a troll army did descend upon the world.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1810
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 5/5/2005 at 04:09 PM
they stopped coming to my door when I answered naked, and then stayed that way the entire visit.

 

____________________
The earth turns on a tilted axis - just doing the best it can.

Hohenheim of Light~Full Metal Alchemist

 

Fanatic




Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 5/5/2005 at 01:09 PM
The Mormons came to my house one day... they started off asking if I wanted to hear about The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and I said, "No." They asked why. I then went on my standard litany about how I lived in Utah for five years and that since Utah History class is a polite way of saying "Mormonism 101" and that I was force-fed the religion in middle school, and not only that, I'd been to the Temple in Salt Lake with a youth group (they were shocked about that, no non-mormons are EVER allowed in there, but somehow they overlooked me) as well as had read the book of mormon out of idle curiosity, I was very certain that the path of the Mormons was not for me. We ended up talking about basketball, as I had gone to high school in 10th grade with Shawn Bradley (really, he was the first person I saw when I entered the building, and I damn near walked right back out again. The top of my head reached his navel. I can just hear the dirty jokes now, you perverts.) Anyway, after that conversation, they smiled and waved as they left, and I haven't seen a Mormon darkening my doorway since. I guess word gets around.

 

____________________

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/5/2005 at 07:05 PM
He could have just been curious, but if he'd gone any further towards harassment you should get his name and badge number. They have to provide it when asked. Plus, most people don't know the difference, so if he was nice about it or just curious, that's one thing, but if he was bein a dick, tell his supervisor.

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 248
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/5/2005 at 03:45 PM
You know I haven't gotten them comming to my door in a long time but I just moved not to long ago I'm sure they will re-apear but apparantly I look like I need jesus...I work at Wendy's and everytime I work the "Hole" the first window that takes your money and your order yea everytime I am back there without fail someone hands me a damn tract and it pisses me off....Granted I have piercings and tattoos and not natural red colored hair but do I look like that much of a freak! Oh and while I am ranted get this right...My car had broken down one morning while I was on my way home from taking my to work....it was a bad day anywho a cop comes over and is like your moms sending a tow truck and then the cop looks at me and goes are you a satan worshipper and I am WTF dude where the hell did you get that from! Turns out he thought my anarachy tatoo on my hand between my thumb and index finger was a pentagram and we all know that pentagrams are satanic! *note the sarcasm* yea ok I'm done hehe that feels better I think I just lost like 10 pounds!

 

____________________
My Life is like a porno-Without the sex-Just the weird music

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/5/2005 at 09:35 AM
I never get door to door religious folks where I live. I do see them ride by on their bikes time to time, but they never stop. All I get are people who crash in front of my house and need a phone, and local crazies that wander the highway and want to stack my firewood for ten dollars. Hooray for cheap schitzopherenic labor.

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 618
Registered: 27/9/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/5/2005 at 12:31 AM
MRD posted the angry young man's name and email addy in the original post of this thread, so Abbadon can contact the young man and chat about hell with him to his lil heart's content.

Personally, I don't know if it's that his hell sucks so much, as it must just suck to be him. *shrugs*

On a side note, I waved off a pair of door to door Mormons the other day. I thought I'd try the finger wave method and see how it worked. I heard the knocking and doorbell ringing...closed two of the snaps on a robe (decided they didn't need the free boobie show)...moved the curtain on the door back...saw the nametags, etc...waved my right index finger side to side a few times...then closed the curtain back...and they went away.


 

____________________
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." ~Mae West


 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 1570
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 3/5/2005 at 11:19 PM
Seeming how you're on a grammar and typing accuracy kick, I'm assuming you mean "what exactly makes hell suck?" or "why exactly is it that hell sucks?" And being unladylike to match your ungentlemanly ways of late, are you five?

And the answer to your question lies with the kid. I'm sure if you ask MRD nicely she'll hand over his IM or email address.

 

____________________
Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 499
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 3/5/2005 at 05:38 AM
What exactly is it that hell sucks?

 

____________________
Light is changing to shadow, and casting a shroud over all we have known.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 233
Registered: 11/7/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 2/5/2005 at 06:48 PM
personally i would say that it is not the over zelous attitude toward the strong set of beliefs that he possesses or even the way he presents them that is so infuriating or annoying or whatever it makes you feel. to me it is the simple fact that he does not respect the fact that other people might be just as secure and 'zelous' about their own set of beliefs. that is the one and i think only thing that bothers me about christians is the fact that they (or at least most of them) try to force their beleifs on others as if it was the one and only way of being and though most are not so adament about it as this brad character they all hope that everyone will turn christian and they all try to spread the 'good news'

like bettie said:
quote:
If he emailed her and said "I read your article on blah blah blah, and as a christian I'm worried about you, why do you feel how you do?" it would be different. If he had attempted to engage in conversation about his views and her views instead of a diatribe going "OMG dude like jesus" that really offers no other response than "whaaaa?", then perhaps it could have been an open discussion. He might occasionally change someone's views on religion and "save a soul" if he tried a different approach. His email left no room for discussion, no room for real reply, and is off putting. It was "this is how it is, you can call me a jesus freak or convert and be saved". THAT is what is so "bad" about it.


the whole pushyness and 'this is the only way attitude' only puts people off the religion.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 897
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 2/5/2005 at 02:41 PM
Oh, I know all about this sort of stuff from the inside, having had "evangelism class" shoved down my throat when I was 19, I think. Hated it, even back then. It was all about how to bend any conversation around to the subject, how to look for an opening, how to "appear" concerned, how to "deal with" any objections, how to not be "dragged into" arguments. All very artificial and nauseating. And the poor students were never told how very invasive and rude and pushy and just plain psycho they were going to sound to anyone with a trace of discernment. I remember fellow students putting me down for not spreading the gospel enough, for not jumping at the chance to man the phones at the Billy Graham crusade, for not taking tracts with me when I went shopping, but damn it if deep down I just couldn't bring myself to be such a poor salesman. If someone came to me and asked me about what I believed, I answered their questions, and my close friends always knew where I stood, and respected me for it. But I could never play the second-rate recruit officer. It just felt all wrong.

 

____________________
"You can tell by the scars on my arms and the cracks in my hips and the dents in my car and the blisters on my lips that I'm not the carefullest of girls." - Dresden Dolls, "Girl Anachronism"

 

Fanatic




Posts: 598
Registered: 24/8/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 2/5/2005 at 09:31 AM
Initially pissed me off, I mean. So I was already scowling by the time I got to his attempt to evangelise. I'm all for honest faith and convictions, but to unload all that on a person, without knowing anything more about them. Woof.

 

____________________
Okay, dazzle me.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 598
Registered: 24/8/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 2/5/2005 at 09:29 AM
I think it was the "couldn't be bothered waiting" bit that pissed me off. If he couldn't be bothered to take the 5-10 minutes to register, then why should anyone have to be bothered with him?

 

____________________
Okay, dazzle me.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 856
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 2/5/2005 at 12:17 AM
Oh I started on him simply because I'm a zealous hypocritical asshole. Heh, I hold no allusions, I hate his kind...for which I am sure are good reasons, I just don't plan on exploring them...that takes time away from finding ways to hurt him. I am not a wise man, but I am very fucking good at what I do.

And I think, just for fun...I'll start a fanatical group of christies, get 'em all hopped up on the j-dawg...tell them what they want to hear, wrap them up in a whole buncha' crap and send 'em all spiralling straight into their own self-envisioned hells. Just for the sheer unadultrated fuck of it.

I am a bad, bad man.
wheeeee.

 

____________________
In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King

 
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