Actually, he's starting to bore me. There is only so much originality you
can put into insults before they go stale. *yawn* The act is old.
*getting up and walking out in the middle of the show*
____________________
Anya
Extreme Fanatic
Posts: 656 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
posted on 21/2/2004 at 10:05 AM
"Subject: dont ever Send on: Feb 20, 2004 - 04:21 AM
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----
You have the same name as my mum.
But you're not my mum.
So dont ever tell me what to do! I'll rebel against you.
Dont teach me etiquette .
You're not my mum.
You're not.
-----------------
Jameel
I'm glad that I'm not your mom, and you best be, as well. For all I know,
your mom did not do a good job raising you. Most decent mothers would at
least teach some respect to their kids. On the other hand, maybe you were
too mentally challenged to understand such...so if that was the case, I
feel really sorry for your mother. You should be grateful that you didn't
get an abortion done on you.
Zero
Fanatic
Posts: 459 Registered: 15/2/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 21/2/2004 at 12:57 PM
that's true meranda
repeating the same punch line only makes it stale.
I'll be waiting for some new material. Something original and nothing
obvious.
Otherwise you'll just become another has-been comedian cursing his audiance
for his own lack of talent.
Shmooth
Member
Posts: 76 Registered: 23/1/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 21/2/2004 at 08:03 PM
Oh god.. you people.. I feed off the energy of those that make me want to
insult them.
When I dont insult you, it's because you havent gotten me to the point of
wanting to offend you.
Im not gonna say anything, cause I know everything I say is up for debate
since every one of yall know you will be backed up by collective mentality.
:-D
Since Im an "attention whore" , and yall are such regulars of mine..Im not
gonna exert myself.
Zero,what's original about your repeated attempts to tell me Im a sucky
comedian?
None of what I said is part of my comedy. You want to hear my comedy,
you're gonna have to pay me. Sorry.
Anya, yes I am lucky I wasnt aborted. :-D
My parents had just separated before my mum became REALLY pregnant.
Actually my nick name is "Jam Bam". That's what my dad calls me..
why?
Because it happened kind of like "BAM!!"
I needed to let the world know that I was there, real fast.
By the way, my mum is the most beautiful creature on the face of the
earth.
And she is an AMAZING mother.
But my talent is immaculate.
ah Meranda..Miranda..name of one of the moons of Yranus.
You're so cute when you yawn.
*shoots Meranda in the ass with a BB gun*
____________________ Jameel
Shmooth
Member
Posts: 76 Registered: 23/1/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 21/2/2004 at 08:07 PM
"I'll be waiting for some new material. Something original and nothing
obvious."
Zero, this isnt Pizza Hut. Dont tell me what you want.
____________________ Jameel
Zero
Fanatic
Posts: 459 Registered: 15/2/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 21/2/2004 at 08:19 PM
Relax shmooth, I never said you were a bad comedian. i just said you're
beginning to lose your audiance. or are they same thing?
[Edited on 22/2/2004 by Zero]
Shmooth
Member
Posts: 76 Registered: 23/1/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 21/2/2004 at 08:35 PM
No.. It's just that I am The Jesus of comedians.
And the audience is like sheep.
And when some of the sheep stray , that makes me sad.
____________________ Jameel
Zero
Fanatic
Posts: 459 Registered: 15/2/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 21/2/2004 at 08:53 PM
I thought you were joking and this was all your act. Well can't we get a
free joke? maybe you'll win your audiance back. Or are you afraid that
everyone will tear you apart when you're really joking?
Shmooth
Member
Posts: 76 Registered: 23/1/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 21/2/2004 at 09:19 PM
hehehe..don get me wrong..It's all humour. But not everything that comes
out of my mouth is branded as a joke. Something has to be really good in
order for me to brand it "a joke".
Jokes arent like Pizza.. You cant just order them.
Then there's the element of me pushing the joke in your ears. I dont like
the feeling of supply and demand.
____________________ Jameel
Shmooth
Member
Posts: 76 Registered: 23/1/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 21/2/2004 at 09:25 PM
And Im really paranoid that some one will steal my jokes.. So I try not be
too funny. So I watch myself.
-damn, that was kinda funny.. damn..Im cursed.
Humour is a desease manifested in me.
____________________ Jameel
Shmooth
Member
Posts: 76 Registered: 23/1/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 21/2/2004 at 10:03 PM
You see Zero.. There are two kinds of comedians when we're talking
intensity.
They are on two different sides of the road.
Guys like Jay Leno , that just joke by way of flow.Since he does that,he
can deliver every day. This kind of comedy isnt so intense, but it's
entertaining.
Then you get guys like Robbin williams, that have write things to script.
That kind of comedy is really intense.
Robbin Williams "Live on broadway" is a good example. It's intense.
Both kinds of comedians work just as hard. They are just different
kinds.
Well..then you get those other comedians..that are pretty weak in
delivery.
The kind of guys you see on comedy central.
The guys are funny (most of them) , dont get me wrong!
But they arent like Robin or Leno.
They are kind of a combination of both. So they never really get any
where.
They create the illusion of intensity, by having short routines.
So it's more a matter of flow, just packed together really tight.
Amateurs.
And if you've noticed..they audience at comedy central laugh at
Everything.
It's like the first time they're doing comedy seen by a bigger audience
(all the viewers).
So since it's the first time..
They just present it really tight. Like virgin pussy.
It's not the best, but it's appealing.
So rather than just to get in line like all those virgins..waiting to get
broken in by an "easy" audience..
I wanna make movies.
So what breaks me in, is a movie.
Then another movie. The second movie with standup comedy.
ya know.. Then I do standup comedy. I refuse to get in line like all those
guys.
So Im working hard on breaking myself in.. Writing a movie..Which Im sure
will be big..if I can produce it myself. I want to have part in making it.
I want to own it.
Most comedians go and do shows at comedy clubs. I don wanna do that.
Makes me feel trashy. Like any one can get my shit.
I can give people humour. But to me, joking is like sex.
And I have to really love some one to do that.
quote:
Shmooth wrote on Feb 24, 2004 - 05:56 PM:
I know the reason you think Im a douchebag, is because you think that if we
have sex I wont call you the day after.
Also, do you have any STD's I should know about?
Douchebag is as douchebag does. I had a discussion about the whole
"douchebag" word with a co worker once, and tho we decided that
doucheNOZZLE is actually the grosser part of the contraption, being the
"business end" and all, it doesn't have the same ring as doucheBAG.
____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.
Dunno the exact term for the business end, but when a kid I worked with
showed me the remenants of a douche-fight in a park he had the night before
with his friends(aaahhh dollar stores), it looks like a nozzle, and nozzle
is WAY more fun to say than "applicator".
And on the subject of STD's, tho my brain isn't being swiss-cheesed by
syphillis, and my crotch doesn't look like a raspberry, I'd like to remind
everyone that I'm highly carcinogenic.
____________________ Trapped in time. Surrounded by evil. Low on gas.
Squire-of-Gothos
Fanatic
Posts: 206 Registered: 1/1/2003 Status: Offline
posted on 26/2/2004 at 09:07 AM
Ah, those long hiatuses. I get to see the mass of shit that shmooth has
smeared on this forum. Luckily it's in the "other" section, but it looks as
if you've tainted the pseudo and work areas. Well lets kick this into high
gear.
"I accept you as my disciple"
Rich, very rich. I've been the "funny man" in my group for going on 7
years, and I certainly don't need the asistance of a chauvenist pig like
yourself to better my comic relief.
My girlfriend isn't confused my friend, she's right. She's not the uber
dyke, man hater you seem to have pegged in your mind. She's a mature girl
who helps for the equality of women, and she's invited both men and women
into our bedroom. I think it's trite and basic of you to bring my sex life,
and my sex ("Squire queer guy") into the argument, but hey, if it makes you
feel better.
I like that you continue to insult BEttie-x in the manner you see fit.
Look, if you think I'm some stuck up fuck who thinks women should be
treated like "angels" and jokes about them are "deplorable" you're wrong.
I've pull out the 'non trust of a bleeding but not dying organism' joke,
when worded corectly. I know this is confusing, but it
means that you use it in context, and make it clear that you're being
funny. It's kind of bad for a "comedian" like yourself to have to pull
moves like:
So I hit him with a pole. No, no, folks, I'm joking, I'M JOKING!
You shouldn't have to explain to people you're being funny. But hey, you're
a BAD FUCKING COMEDIAN.
Oh yes, I joke with women. Dirty jokes, clean jokes, social commentary, it
doesn't matter. I do it well. I'm a funny guy, and a writer, and I don't
believe you realise that you actually suck at what you do, and that no one
likes you here. But, I guess that's what your going for. Nothing like
throwing a match in an ant hill and watching them scurry. And thats the
equivalent of what your doing; massive difference in size substituted for
the internet. You have what you want: A whole forum post defoted to you,
everyone with there dicks in a twist, blah blah, blah.
Well, you tire me my friend. You make me mentally and physically tired,
becuase I'm reminded that your type can still get the better of me. One man
laughing isn't a comedian, it's a jerk off artist with words instead of his
right hand. But you don't care, because you still cum. The sweet mental cum
of watching others flounder over you.
Becuase you've got me Shmooth. You really have me. I'm utterly destroyed by
you. You're aces, a scholar kid. Best bastard I ever knew. Just that you a
phony. You think, somewhere in that cellous grey goop of a mind, that
because we voice our disguist of you pissing on this site, you really have
our goat. WRONG. Ever so wrong. Because I can log the fuck off, Shmooth. I
can laugh at hom muvh of a failure you are, that this is your only outlet.
Awful lot of posts, Shmooth. Lot of time on your hands, Shmooth?
Whatever.
I know that this little diatribe will be rebutted by you, very simply. I'm
a fag, I dont get it, et all. I've heard you repeat the same credo of
inocence, like the press secretary of the white house repeating "These
document prove, these documents prove, the president served on these days,
he served, he serv....." He's an asshole too, Shmooth.
Think my bad language is a sign of defeat? Think it's me at the end of my
porverbial rope, straining and spewing the last bits of anger and disgust
my fingers can handle. WRONG, again, my fair, fair, fellow. I'm smilling.
I'm happy. Because as I write this, is I realise, that you a but a single
person, throwing your filth at all these people. But we, well.....We don't
give a flying fuck about you. Keep spewing shit shmooth, because I've saidf
it once, and I'll say it again: When this ugly spitefull world swallows you
up, and you tell it to "suck your dick", It'll stomp your cock in the dirt.
I've enclosed in an envelope, a bag of sea urchins. For full enjoyment, put
one each hand and squeeze.
-Squire (aka) Queer guy.
Shoot me.
____________________ “The only thing that can alter the good writer is death.”
“You know that if I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a buzzard.
Nothing hates him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat
anything.”
Faulkner
Shmooth
Member
Posts: 76 Registered: 23/1/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 26/2/2004 at 11:18 AM
Squire. I was only speculating about your girlfriend! etc.. Squire.
From the bottom of my heart, SORRY, alright?
I never meant to hurt you. I am sorry.
If I could have understood how hurt you were, I wouldnt had kept up my
game.
Look, I dont take myself seriously. I never thought you would.
I am very intuitive.. and when I use that in "comedy" and exaggerate it, I
guess..evidently I can hurt people. I am sorry.
I thought I was just speculating,and teasing.
Squire, kick me if you're mad. I can take it.
............................................................
This is no fun Squire. You're not supposed to get hurt. You werent
supposed to.
You're wrong about something though Squire. I dont take pleasure in what
you think I do.
Maybe if you were to look through the Forum lately, you would see. I dont
take myself seriously. And it doesnt feed my ego to see somebody taking
offence.
Dude,I wouldnt even mention you if I didnt think you were cool to fool
with!
I guess..my "comedy" calls for something like they have in wrestling..
Like tapping with your hand 3 times.
You take yourself seriously.. Which is alright.I have nothing to say about
that. I just think that's sad. Since I had no intention of ever "getting
the best of you".
You make me sad Squire. I AM SORRY!
You're sensitive. I get that. No fun in pointing that out.
I dont know what world you live in, but in my world ,Im not taken
seriously.
I've been careless,and I've hurt you,and Im sorry.
And Im not gonna go press secretary of the white house ..since that really
doesnt get anywhere.
And I cant blame you.
Look, Im getting delerious here.. and Im sad.
You obviously just think that Im a rotten guy,and that I just want to get
to you.
You know what? wow..you're a nice guy. Sincerely.
Simplified, you think I think you're corny , and you think Im a chauvenist
pig.
I AM VERY SORRY THAT I GET TO YOU. Because I have gotten to you in an
unintended way. And it's quite possible that you can not understand in
what way it was unintended. You seem to be in a different dimension from
me.
You are in a different league.
I didnt mean to analy rape you with my comedy.
"Oh yes, I joke with women. Dirty jokes, clean jokes, social commentary, it
doesn't matter. I do it well. I'm a funny guy" ..
Alright..Yes...Im sure...*nods freneticly*..And Im sure you'll be a famous
writer some day. It must appear to you that I am constantly just making
fun of you. I am not. You're just going to have to take my word for it.
I realise that the "comedy" that is most present to me , is very remote to
you.
I am truly sorry I couldnt "see" that sooner, and just drop it.
I never meant to hurt you.
I think I see where you are coming from. And Im sorry.
Without trying to sound like the press secretary, I did make it clear that
Im into mirrored ridicule. Which is why you shouldnt take offence!!!
See..this is the reason you dont see comedians like John cleese on Deaf
Comedy Jam.
Though you indicated that I shouldnt try to explain..since it makes me
sound like the press secretary.. I cant do anything else than "try and
explain". lol
You think I think lots of things about you! I dont! So stop it! This is the
reason I call you Queer!!
Has nothing to do with anything else. Do you understand????
It's because you get on my fucking nerves by setting the level of thinking
the way you do. Then I respond with more..desperately trying to show you,
and then you get more offended and keep !
And now, since I feel compelled to explain, you make me look like your gay
lover trying to explain his infidelity. :-D You asshole!
You are just such a nice guy,and you just do not get it!!
"You make me mentally and physically tired, becuase I'm reminded that your
type can still get the better of me. "
You make me mentally and physically tired!!! Because Im
reminded that there are so many kindhearted people that are identyfied as
egos!
I dont think you dont joke with women!! ok????
You wanna know what I think??
I think you think that I think things that I dont really think. !! f!!
And now he starts talking about getting everybodys goats n shit.
Do I look like A mOtha fuckin shepherd to you??
What kind of urchins? The purple, the red, or the green?
Again, Im sorry. I'll give you a hug, but dont try any gay shit.
____________________ Jameel
Zero
Fanatic
Posts: 459 Registered: 15/2/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 26/2/2004 at 12:01 PM
"Just when thought I was out...."
As I read that, I thought that you were gonna finally give a whole
hearted apology.....I was so wrong. That's so dissapointing. But you keep
doing this to yourself. Aren't you tired of being the black sheep all
ready? Dude, give it a rest for a while. Don't you think you're better then
this? Is everyone right about you? Is this an act or is it your reality?
Are you having fun yet???
Shmooth
Member
Posts: 76 Registered: 23/1/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 26/2/2004 at 12:19 PM
ZERO!! MAN!!! THAT WAS A WHOLE HEARTED APOLOGY!
BUT YOU DONT SEE THAT! SERIOUSLY!!
Dont just read what I say. Really READ it!
____________________ Jameel
Shmooth
Member
Posts: 76 Registered: 23/1/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 26/2/2004 at 12:21 PM
When I really am serious, you dont see it! That's what Im tryna say!!
____________________ Jameel
Zero
Fanatic
Posts: 459 Registered: 15/2/2004 Status: Offline
posted on 26/2/2004 at 12:30 PM
So do you really feal bad or not, about what you said? You have to admit
that it's hard to figure out.