IamSquid
Extreme Fanatic   Posts: 658 Registered: 27/5/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 18/12/2002 at 11:57 AM |
I recently realized that there needs to be a way of removing the turds that
float about in the gene pool in the tradition of the Colossium. Who better
to come up with such a social laundramat than we Shmenglings (because of
course, we're better than everyone else)? I came-up with the idea of a
combining the Special Olympics with the Darwin Awards and gave it the very
uncreative title of the Darwin Olympics.
Unfortunatly I need help coming-up with events which where yoo all come in.
How would yoo like to see the masses cleaned-up?
For example, a Russian Roulette event that requires competitors to play
with magazine-loaded 9mms. This is not that creative of course but it's a
start (my snese of humor needs to warm-up). ____________________
i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to
die so i could watch, and then me die.
-ickgirl
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Arthegarn
Member   Posts: 79 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 24/12/2002 at 12:45 AM |
Hand Grenade Tennis. A real classic
Standard diving. On an empty pool, of course.
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Domkitten
Fanatic   Posts: 470 Registered: 23/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 23/12/2002 at 09:17 PM |
Alright, how about the Darwin Rodeo, where the contestants have to drink
their body weight in beer and then attempt to ride wild deer. Any person
who manages not to be horribly disfigured or gutted loses of course...
Or, the Darwin skating competitoin, where contestants can skate across a
recently frozen lake, doing figure eights around the signs that say thing
ice.....
Oh, or how about the Darwin Skee-Doo race, where contestants can drive
their water vechiles in heavily trafficed shipping lanes, dodging oncoming
freigters and barges....And, they could all be on fire, per Dolo's
suggestion.
Hell speaking of fire, how about a walk through fire competition, where the
contestants can soak their clothes in alcohol, cause you know, it burns off
really quickly...person withtthe most severe burns wins...
____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus
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Ironboots
Extreme Fanatic  Posts: 893 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 23/12/2002 at 01:32 AM |
The hand is quicker than the eye...
Play the "which cup is the prize under" game with lawnmowers.
...except when the hand is severed.
Tag team wrestling with chain saws.
Russian roulette with a hand grenade
Tightrope walking in stilletto heels and a suit of steel plate armour
(cause I like armour)
Always add acid or always add water dilemma on an industrial scale
Interest Group Provocation - take your pick of the KKK, the Black Panthers,
the Communist party, the Moral Majority, or whoever else, armed with only a
good book of anti-them insults.
Elephant/Rhinoceros wrestling (bear wrestling is for wimps)
Saying 'no' to a deranged mob of teeny boppers.
Saying 'no' to a deranged mob
Around the world voyage in a skiff made from popsicle sticks and raw meat.
Dang, Dolo. I would have thought you were Dr. Evil or something with all
those flaming, electrocuting, shredding things... ____________________
Piggy's got the Conch!
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Dolorosa
Extreme Fanatic  Posts: 856 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 22/12/2002 at 07:03 AM |
Hrmm...a worthy idea, one I'm willing to throw in for, totally...
My toss ups...Pogo-stick marathon under an active helicopter.
Sac-in-a-Sack races...last one alive and still wearing his helmet wins.
Ameteur dentistry triathalon...with power tools.
Half-mile swim, in a pool, during a thunder-storm...with sharks...on
fire.
Greased pig catching contest, in which said pig is replaced with a starved
velociraptor hopped up on pcp...and lit on fire.
Barbed-wire wreathed mosh-pit contest.
Chainsaw-licking competition.
"How-many-lightbulbs-can-you-eat?" contest.
Immediatly after that one...follows the
"How-many-hits-to-the-stomach-with-a-baseball-bat-can-you-take" contest.
Blender-humping...
Greasing a guy up with meat sauce and sending him into a pit of ferocious
wild pigs...that are also on fire.
Sand-castle eating...
Saw-blade discus toss.
Hrmmm...need more...think think think... ____________________
In the valley of the Goats, the Goat Fucker is King
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IamSquid
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 658 Registered: 27/5/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 20/12/2002 at 08:35 AM |
| Winning OR imploding? Is there a differance? ____________________
i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else to
die so i could watch, and then me die.
-ickgirl
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Domkitten
Fanatic Posts: 470 Registered: 23/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 20/12/2002 at 06:03 AM |
| how about a darwin diving contest where all the contestants strap on rocks
or put them in the pockets to see how fast they can get to the bottom of
the marinara trench...person who gets there first wins or implodes
depending on the kind of pressure they are under... ____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus
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IamSquid
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 658 Registered: 27/5/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 20/12/2002 at 05:28 AM |
| I don't know if this one's any good but I like the idea of an event called
"Collect the Shiny Things!" Basicly, a long trail of shiny objects would
be laid out for the competitors to collect, leading them to a wood-chipper
or something. I still need to work the bugs out of this one. ____________________
i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else
to
/>
die so i could watch, and then me die.
-ickgirl
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Devin
Administrator  Posts: 317 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Online
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posted on 20/12/2002 at 03:18 AM |
| It's not an original idea or anything, but I always liked the concept of
Landmine Baseball ____________________
So Sayeth Me
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Meranda_Jade
Fanatic  Posts: 511 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 20/12/2002 at 12:24 AM |
Xaos, when I saw your post about the hammer catch, it reminded me of the
time I went to Circle,and they were throwing the 'ol hammer around int he
tradition of the Norse. When it came for my turn, I threw the hammer...
straight into the sky. You should've seen the people scatter... they never
let me handle a hammer after that. Great memories, all in all..
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dead-cell
Fanatic  Posts: 344 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 19/12/2002 at 09:39 PM |
| When I first saw the words "Darwin Olympics" the sporting event of
Piano-wire Polvoting came to mind. Need I elaborate? I think I will go seek
inspiration from Darwin Awards.com ____________________
co-worker: "Your gay!?"
myself: "Didn't you see my rainbow pin?"
co-worker: "I just thought you liked skettles."
-(yes, it actually happened to me)
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Domkitten
Fanatic Posts: 470 Registered: 23/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 19/12/2002 at 08:56 PM |
| How about the Darwin Drag Race were all the participants can drive pickup
trucks outfitted with rocket blasters down long stretches of road into a
mountain. Person incinerated on contact wins... ____________________
It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus
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IamSquid
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 658 Registered: 27/5/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 19/12/2002 at 08:48 AM |
Another event: Bear Taunting!
This event calls for 2 cages: a large cage in which the competitor is
placed with a mother grissley, and a small adjacent cage for the mother
bear's cub. The Olympian is given a pointed stick with which he attempts
to inflict as much damage to the baby bear as he can before meeting his
untimely doom! ____________________
i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else
to
/>
die so i could watch, and then me die.
-ickgirl
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IamSquid
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 658 Registered: 27/5/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 18/12/2002 at 03:44 PM |
The Darwin Biathalon:
tumbling down a mountain and then getting shot
____________________
i wanted to die, and then it progressed into wanting everyone else
to
/>
die so i could watch, and then me die.
-ickgirl
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Ironboots
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 893 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 18/12/2002 at 03:29 PM |
Hmm... I'm thinking an obstacle course.
Obstacle #1 Hair Dryer placed next to a bathtub.
Obstacle #2 Car in need of tooling around, suspended on single flimsy
jack.
Obstacle #3 Lightining storm overhead with plenty of 'sheltering' trees
nearby.
Obstacle #4 Room filled with flammable fumes. Strong urge to turn on the
lights in the dark room.
Obstacle #5 Free for all: Fireworks, gasoline, high voltage lines, and
pressurized containers scattered about.
____________________
Piggy's got the Conch!
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Xaoswolf
Fanatic  Posts: 463 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 18/12/2002 at 01:29 PM |
| How about the hammer catch. Sorta like the hammer toss, only they throw a
hammer to a team mate. And by hammer, I mean of the claw variety. Upon
catching, they take a step back and go again. Whoever gets the farthest
without braining their teammate wins. ____________________
Sometimes I dream about dinosaurs shopping for cargo shorts at the Gap.
Does that make me a bad person?
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Monolycus
Fanatic  Posts: 580 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 18/12/2002 at 01:14 PM |
Goodness knows that I am not one for organised athletics of any form, but
if I were me, I would host the 500 yard lemming dash (in which contestants
ran to be the first person to fall over the side of a cliff) or possibly
the weightpressing event (much like weight lifting, except that the
contestants would lie down to see which one of them could withstand the
greatest weight before rupturing their internal organs). Hope this has
helped. I am
~Monolycus.
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