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Author: Subject: Choose your own death

Extreme Fanatic





Posts: 893
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/9/2002 at 08:45 AM
Alright, I was really inspired by Xaoswolf´s post of a choose your own adventure thing, but since the Question Game kinda died off, I thought I´d make a new discussion. You answer the previous person´s post, and then write up three (or so) choices. Remember to include page numbers!

--Transcript of existing adventure--
As you walk through the cave you hear the rattle of a deadly rattle snake

To tip-toe past the snake, turn to page 75
To beat the snake with your whacking stick, turn to page 18
To talk dirty to the snake, turn to page 102

Page 18: You decide to beat it with your stick. As you move towards the snake, you realize that the snake is dead. Wondering what could have killed the formidible snake, you stand in the grove for a while. Out of the corner of your eye, you see little people gathering. They don´t look friendly.
To try to make friends with the little people, turn to page 21
To blow them up with your rocket launcher, turn to page 83
To talk dirty to them, turn to page 60

Oh yeah, don´t kill yourself, please? :roll:

 

____________________
Piggy's got the Conch!

 
Visit User's Homepage

Fanatic




Posts: 254
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/9/2002 at 11:08 AM
Page 60: You decide to talk dirty to them, and you start reciting the Marquis De Sade as well as your own vile sexual filth. This gets the little people excited and they confess they are Christian plushies coming from a star wars convention. Of course they are small because they are dressed in ewok clothing minus the mask.
To join the little people in repenting for their sexual sins, turn to page 88.
To eat peyote and trip out with the plushie Christians turn to page 56.
To run out of the cave naked into the black forest of immortal doom turn to page 73.

 

____________________
The OBOLISK is Divine.

 





Posts: 116
Registered: 14/4/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 4/9/2002 at 10:09 PM
Page 56: You secretly save the peyote buttons for later, and when the little people are not paying attention you whack the beejezus out of them with your snake-whacking stick. Cleaning your stick off on their robes, you hear a sound in the black forest of immortal doom; a sound much like the marching of a thousand crazed chipmunks.
To run into the forest to investigate shouting, "HELLO!?!?" turn to page 23.
To eat the peyote, turn to page 999.
To silently creep to the edge of the cave and hide like no true ewok-killer, turn to page 54.

 

____________________

 

Member




Posts: 190
Registered: 6/5/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 5/9/2002 at 06:02 PM
Page 999: You decide to eat the peyote, after the vomiting you have insane hallucinations. You sit there and talked to God (or the snake beating stick) for 13 hours. After you wake up from the 72 hour coma you:
page 235: Throw on a cowboy outfit and run into the forest.
Page 342: Travel back in time and try and save a kingdom from the undead (boom stick baby)
Page:143: Eat more Peyote.

 

____________________
"Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I".

 

Fanatic




Posts: 580
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 5/9/2002 at 07:11 PM
Page 342: By chanting and swinging the snake beating stick, you successfully tear open a small hole in the fabric of the space-time continuum. You step through it and fall through the soft thatched roof of a hut. The inhabitants of the hut do not speak the same language that you do, but you are quickly able to gather that you did not appear at a time in history where hordes of the undead are waiting around for someone to vanquish them. As a matter of fact, the only things that seem to be going on at this time are the building of thatch-covered huts and what you recognise as a futile attempt to domesticate the cornish game hen. The proto-people speak amongst themselves and seem to come to the conclusion that you are not Tlolotoxlotloxtryx (the regional god of rain and falling from the sky through holes in the space-time continuum) after all and advance menacingly towards you with cornish hens-of-war in their hands.

To attempt to repel the proto-people by singing N´Sync covers at them, turn to page 8.
To try to impersonate another local diety, turn to page 712.
To flee into the mist-covered Bog of No Return, turn to page 33.

 

____________________
"I believe that woman is planning to shoot me again."

 

Fanatic




Posts: 254
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 5/9/2002 at 08:29 PM
Page 8: Singing off key, you begin to chant the sounds of hell. The proto-people stop in amazement at the first note you make. Suddenly they hold their heads in severe pain and crouch to the ground as if a position can relieve their immense suffering. Blood trickles out of their ears and nostrils as you continue through the sweet teeny girl melting words. The blood begins to gush out of the proto-people’s every pore and they collapse and die, emptying their bowels in the process. You remove their heads with their Cornish hens-of-war, and take them the main part of their village.
The village people desperate for their lives bow to you, destroy their former iconic deities, and present you with 301 virgins. You are hand fed sweet bay plums and honey from the virgin’s soft untouched hands, while the villagers suicide in your honor.
Page 54: Enjoy the supple virgins.
Page 30: Wake up in a puddle of vomit and piss from a crazy peyote trip.
Page 21: Wake up, in your bed, on a nice sunny day, covered in maggots.

 

____________________
The OBOLISK is Divine.

 

Extreme Fanatic




Posts: 893
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 6/9/2002 at 12:27 PM
Page 30: You wake up in a puddle of your own vomit, realizing that all 301 virgins were nothing more than a drug trip, and that you are currently laying next to a furry monster. You do not try to remember what took place between you and the furry thing, however, as you would probably regret it.

To vomit some more, turn to page 99
To try to find the damn Christan plushies so you can get more peyote, turn to page 31
To investigate the furry animal, turn to page 28


Wow... that was -such- a typical Sticupus post.

 

____________________
Piggy's got the Conch!

 

Fanatic




Posts: 254
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 10/9/2002 at 01:20 PM
Page 28: You in a psychedelic stupor, rise to your feet to take a closer look at the furry animal. Your blood shot eyes yield a blurry image, until you realize it is the plushies: all collapsed atop of one another from a exhausting hardcore fetish orgy. You pull the condoms out of you anus and slip on some hot pants discarded by one of the sleeping plushies. You feel not very hygienic at the moment, and you feel like vomiting some more at the thought of your participation in bisexual contact with fetish thriving Christian ’little people’. However, you still manage to gather up some left over peyote and stumble towards the cave exit. You smell bad, you feel dirty, you are dirty and you are wearing teal leather hot pants. Yes life is hell, but peyote you have gathered makes up for it. You decide to save it for later in your pocket when you really need it. Toward the black forest of immortal doom you proceed.
To walk into the black forest of immortal doom out of curiosity turn to page 30.
To smear yourself with feces and make a wig out of dry dead grass and call yourself Fabio, proving the peyote has done irreversible damage to your mind turn to page 166.
To hurriedly find a place in the forest to bathe and cleanse yourself of the vile acts you have committed turn to page 227.

 

____________________
The OBOLISK is Divine.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 289
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 10/9/2002 at 01:34 PM
Page 227
You stumble bleary-eyed and stinking across the field and into the woods where you think you can hear the sound of a river. When you come out of th woods into a forest clearing you see a waterfall and the prerequisite swimming hole beneath. You rub your eyes, sure you are just too bleary eyed to see the required naked blond bathing herself in the center of the river, but to no avail. With a sigh you strip down and wash yourself. when you are cleaner you rinse the teal hotpants in the river and spread them out to dry. Just as you are drifting off for a nap you hear a gasp and look up to see a beautiful brunette standing above you wearing a peasants dress and looking very stereotypical.
To leap up and ravage her turn to page 69.
To cover yourself and enquire about her name turn to page 50,
To act apologize and slip back into the woods, turn to page 225.

 

____________________
It is only through the lack of sex that humanity derives the need for an all encompassing blind love. And in that moment of extreme horniness with no relief in sight, in that moment can be found the birth of religion.
-Me

 





Posts: 116
Registered: 14/4/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 10/9/2002 at 03:56 PM
Page 69: You, like a stallion, pounce the unsuspecting peasant girl. The carnal pleasures she is about to receive will be monumental. You tear past her blouse, and another, and another followed by a petty coat, and a corset and another blouse. (these puritan-esque women sure do wear a lot of clothes). Suddenly you reach her pale pure skin, teaming with sweat and pink with passion.
You look into her eyes. There is something peculiar about her gaze. She is focused on nothing, still eyed like a doll.
Quickly her skin turns from white to purple. Her chest heaves, with her eyes still with that death glazed look to them. Then her whole body bisects, tentacles wrap around you, followed by a disgusting stench! They search out your orifices, tunneling deep inside. They cover your eyes, all you see is black, black......
When you awake, you struggle; kick and heave to get free! But nothing seems to be restraining you anymore, it is effortless to shake off the matter around you. When you crawl to the light outside, it burns your eyes. As they adjust you see colors of red, yellow and orange. The trees have changed. Is it autumn? It was summer just only a few moments ago...
You look back at the carcass, it is a dried mound, with the dehydrated crusty head of the woman attached to one end. It appears to be a cocoon.
You look down to inspect your body. In the middle of your chest, you find a growth with an eye ball.
To take the nearest rock and gouge out the eye ball while screaming like a prepubescent girl go to page 259.
To name, nurture, love and cherish the lump in your chest go to page 337.
To go look for more peyote and lots ( I mean lots) of alcohol go to page 345.

 

____________________

 





Posts: 116
Registered: 14/4/2002
Status: Offline

  posted on 10/9/2002 at 03:57 PM
I wrote that^ (no duh eh?). He he he he :-D

 

____________________

 

Fanatic




Posts: 254
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 10/9/2002 at 03:59 PM
I mean... Grrrrrr..... :evil:

 

____________________
The OBOLISK is Divine.

 

Fanatic




Posts: 580
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 10/9/2002 at 05:14 PM
Gee. No. Really. The hell you say.

 

____________________
"I believe that woman is planning to shoot me again."

 

Fanatic




Posts: 580
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 10/9/2002 at 05:31 PM
Back off the personal attacks, little one. That is number three by my count.

 

____________________
"I believe that woman is planning to shoot me again."

 

Fanatic




Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/9/2002 at 06:47 AM
You realize the eye growing out of your chest marks you as "The Chosen One". Chosen for what, you have no bloody idea. Feeling particularly inspired, you name the growth "Eye" and walk on. You are extremely hung over, and so much freaky stuff has happened in the past few days that you are continuously overstimulated. You want a nap. You need a nap. All hopes for a nap go flying into thin air when you see the large army of giant prairie dogs at the top of the hill.

To climb a tree and hope they don´t notice you, turn to page 60

To charge blindly into their midst in a desperate attempt to die foolishly so you can finally get some rest, turn to page 302

To sigh and pick up your snake whacking stick and patiently wait for something even weirder to happen to miraculously save you, turn to page 498

 

____________________

 

Fanatic




Posts: 580
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 12/9/2002 at 03:28 PM
Page 498: Trusting your fate to higher powers and the solid comfort of your trusty snake whacking stick (which you are only now noticing bears a striking resemblance to a young Charles Nelson Reilly), you stand in the full view of the prairie dog army. The prairie dog field marshal sees you and rallies the troops. In no time at all, you are completely surrounded by the militant rodents.

"Friend or foe?"

You blink. The prairie dog field marshal seems to be addressing you. After a moment you respond. "Were those my only options?" You ask.

"At ease, men." The field marshal commands and the army of rodents lower their pointed teeth and begin grazing at the turf. "Sorry to stand on the formalities, mate, but in these times one can never be quite sure."

You agree, these seem to be very difficult times indeed if the beasts of the field get to have their own militias. The field marshal cuts off your observation.

"We haven´t always been prairie dogs, mate! We were changed into prairie dogs by the evil sorcery of Queen Gwynhilde. You see, we used to guard this valley and all its plushies until she came and assumed power by trickery and prairie dog making spells." He notices the eye on your chest. "That´s a handsome eye you have there, mate. Had it long? I only ask, you see, because third eyes like that mark someone who is able to defeat the evil Gwynhilde according to an ancient legend that I just made up." He hands you a pair of Birkenstocks.
"These Birkenstocks are magic sandals that confer the power of invisibility to their wearer. Accept them as a gift to aid you in restoring this land to peace and order, mate."

To accept the magic Birkenstocks and seek to defeat the evil Queen Gwynhilde, turn to page 344.
To join the prairie dog army and work your way up from the bottom to eventually become the prairie dog quartermaster, turn to page 5.
To take the magic Birkenstocks and try to return them without a reciept in exchange for store credit, turn to page 712.

 

____________________
"I believe that woman is planning to shoot me again."

 

Fanatic




Posts: 511
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 17/9/2002 at 11:18 PM
page 344
You take the birkenstocks, knowing that to refuse would mean your certain death sometime in the future. You ask the prairie dog for directions to Oueen Gwynhilde´s place, and he points you to a dirt road just beyond the hill. "Is there any good way to defeat this evil queen?" you ask.

"Well, it´s said that the only weakness she has is a strange fascination for currants. The only currants around here grow in a bog filled with carnivorous plants that will surely kill anyone who ventures into their midst. There is no known way to harvest these currants, and we don´t really know why they´re her weakness... those are things you´ll have to figure out. Good luck!" he smiles and waves cheerfully as you meander down the road, still unsure of what you should do.

To find out what the birkenstocks actually do by putting them on, turn to page 987

To follow the road in search of carnivorous currants, turn to page 673

To go into the inn you see up ahead, turn to page 367

 

____________________

 

Fanatic




Posts: 213
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 18/9/2002 at 01:10 AM
Page 367 -- The Inn of No Good Sleep

As you wander towards the inn you notice a series of spinal columns used as warnings of treacherous beds ahead. Undetered, you proceed forward with the bravery of a young person who could probably sleep on the floor without blankets or a pillow of neccessity demanded it of you. The closer you come the more you can her the cries of the damned, cursing sealy and their false claims of "posturepedic" perfect futons.
You finally reach the inn and open the front door. Immediately your vision is drawn to a small, glowing box in the corner. The words "Oprah Book Club Recommendations" are embalzoned upon this luminescent cube, and you turn and flee, terror permeating every pore of your body. The repulsing power of Oprah to someone with half a brain is indeed powerful. It would be wise not to confront the amazing prowess of this Oprah Demon again.

TO attempt to re-enter the inn, turn to page 368.

To attempt to farm currants of doom and possible misleading information, turn to page 673.

To check your shoes for bark leeches and baby ticks, turn to page 987.

 

____________________
Make way for the bad guy!

 

Fanatic




Posts: 580
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 18/9/2002 at 04:20 AM
Page 368: Staring down the road contemplating your next move causes you to realise that you need at least ten hours of uninterrupted sleep, food and fluids to replenish your body after your peyote bender, some clue as to what you are doing and a sense of inner peace... in no particular order. Daytime Television demon or not, the inn is your best shot. Evil witch queens, talking prairie dogs and man-eating vegetation will just have to wait.

You think about how to get past the demon and then remember the magic Birkenstocks. This seems to be your best chance to sneak in past the loathsome thing, and you were kind of curious about what would happen if you put them on anyway. You put on the Birkenstocks and the world seems to shimmer around you. It takes you a moment to realise what has happened. You are not invisible per se, but the Birkenstocks have made you become so boring as to be practically unnoticeable.

(Unknown to you, hundreds of miles away, the two Shoewraiths stir. Once mighty kings of footwear, Doctor Scholl and Doctor Martin, the power of the One Pair has drained away their will and entrepreneurial spirit until they became servants of the Dark Overlord whose name should not be uttered, but we will call him Chuck Taylor anyway. They have spent the ages playing state capital games in the cold mists of a strip mall while awaiting the time when someone would try on the One Pair. They stop everything, irresistably drawn to the dark magic of the Pair; they must find the Shoe Bearer and bring him or her to the Dark Overlord whose evil hand forged the Birkenstocks from the bowels of Mount Shoe. They hiss in the ancient tongue:
One left Shoe to walk upon
One right Shoe to match him.
Some argyle socks might not look bad
But in the end we´ll catch him.)

You re-enter the inn and discover that you are now so boring that not even the Oprah demon gives you a second glance. You have no difficulty raiding the kitchen and then stealing a bed both for yourself and your snake whacking stick. In the night you hear a shriek.

To get up to discover what the shriek is about, turn to page 114.
To call out to the shrieker to keep it down because you have to be at work in the morning, turn to page 115.
To ignore it and plan to write a nasty letter to the management when you are better rested, turn to page 116.

 

____________________
"I believe that woman is planning to shoot me again."

 

Fanatic




Posts: 499
Registered: 31/12/1969
Status: Offline

  posted on 19/9/2002 at 11:37 AM
page 114: You step out of bed only to realise that you have shrunken to the size of a gerbil´s testicle. You fall what seems like 3 kilometers out of bed and luckily land in the cushiony softness of the complementary slippers. Unfortunately having fallen 3 kilometers you have reached terminal velocity and when you hit the slippers the friction causes the slippers to ignite. You begin despirately to find your way out of the burning slipper. Finally you find a piece of mould which appears to have been growing in the slipper for some time, you can see it has weakened the structural integrity of the shoe and so kick your way out through the side. You now have the vast expanse of bedroom to cover to reach the door, and hopefully help.

However at that moment a large cartoon cow appears above you and begins to plummet earthwards. In your surprise at seeing a 2 dimensional image existing within a limitlessly dimensional space you instinctvly pull out you pocket notebook and begin working out the physics behind this incredible supernatural phenomenon. Only at the last minute to realise the potentially dangerous situation and dive to safety. The cow lands with a might thump and begins mooing hysterically. From your evening classes you have learnt cow and though this particular cow appears to be mooing in a jersey dialec you manage to gleam that it has seriously injured, if not broken its leg.

To pull out your scout first aid kit (which is clearly too small to be any use whatsoever) go to page xii
To spontaniously combust go to page 62
To give in to your scatological cesires and journey to the cows anus and take a good smell go to page 111 1/2

 

____________________
Light is changing to shadow, and casting a shroud over all we have known.

 
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