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pleonasm
Occasional Poster Posts: 11 Registered: 1/3/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 12:39 AM |
Hello all.
Squire and I have been interested in having someone join us in the
bedroom for quite some time. He says having men join is acceptable to him.
Being that he's had sexual experinces with men, I'm assuming that's why he
felt comfortable enough with that idea.
I, on the other hand wasn't so keen on (having never done anything like
this before) letting women join. Not that I'm closed to the idea, just that
if it's my first time being with a woman, I'd like to do it by myself.
Having someone watch me fumble around and blush would just make it even
more uncomfortable than if I was alone.
Also, I'm not sure how I'd feel watching the love of my life make love to
another woman. He tells me I'm being unfair, and I suppose I am. He'll let
me make love to another man, but visa versa is unsettling to me. I'm
getting so confused, and now Squire and I fight all the time about it.
Should we just forget the whole idea? I NEED advice from someone who's
"been there" We really DO want to do this. Just don't know where to start.
Thanks so much for listening.
____________________
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callei
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 759 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2004 at 06:51 AM |
congrats guys. reemmber to talk about it. lol. yeah i mean like ya know
talk and stuff. ____________________ Real goths wear silver and crosses to keep the werewolves and vampires
away. |
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Rogue
Member Posts: 199 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2004 at 06:21 AM |
You guys PHILATED?!?! Usually when I am naked, the last thing I think of
doing is collecting stamps.
Congrats to you on your achievement, and on having the necessary
communication. |
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Domkitten
Fanatic Posts: 470 Registered: 23/9/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2004 at 04:18 AM |
I'd like to give Devin some kind of award for the best use of anal sex as a
metephore.
____________________ It's like kegel exercises for your throat.~Monolycus |
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pleonasm
Occasional Poster Posts: 11 Registered: 1/3/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 12/3/2004 at 03:33 AM |
wellll!
squire and I did it.
he night started a little off. Alex, the lesbian in question, came over for
small talk and drinks. Becuase I wasn't getting around to the subject at
hand, squire made the mistake of whispering, "your failing' into my ear.
Which, naturally hurt a lot. But he was pretty smashed, and felt horrible
about it afterwards. Essentially, I wasn't ready to break such a sensitive
subject to an old friend who's reaction could be horrible or good. So she
left without us talking about it. I figured squire was just anctious to
start, so i asked him if he would be just as enthusiastic about a man, too.
He said he didn't mind, and since i was in, he called an old friend of his,
Manny.
Manny is gay, but he's very open, and as I learned, very sweet and nice. he
came over and we served drinks, and talked, and he and squire caught up.
Later on, squire broached the subject of our idea. He told Manny about
Alex, and about how we wanted to try new things, and discussed our
fantasies, and Manny's fantasies. Manny was very helpful, understanding
both my and squire's ideas and feelings. He was also rather attracted to
the two of us. Eventually, we got to the fact that Squire had had a crush
on Manny for some time. I told Manny that Squire wanted to kiss him, and
Manny took the lead by grabbing squire and kissing him. From there we moved
into the bedroom.
Manny and Squire got onto the bed and and continued kissing. While this
happened I stripped, and then stripped them. They philated each other,
while I kissed and sucked and bit. Then I took turns on them, while they
kissed and sucked. Squire started having sex with me, while I philated
Manny. A bunch of different positions later, and we we're all laughing and
talking. It was one of the best, sexiest, and most comforting feelings of
my life. I'd have to say the experience was really amazing. Not only was
the sex great, and much different (and better) than I'd imagined, but I met
a really great new friend. Manny was a really great person to start a
threesome with, and I hope I can find a women who will nearly as
understanding and open.
Now for the serious bits. To answer the initial questions, Yes it was
really soon, I know. I'm sure that it could be seen as a bad idea. But
honestly, there was a ton of talk, and it felt right, even before the
horniness set in. There was also a lot of talk afterwards, which was great.
Squire was very supportive, and I hope it can all stay that way.
Well I realize that there is a lot I'm missing, and there will be tons of
questions, advice, and maybe even scolding (hehe), but I feel great about
it all, and I can't wait to hear ehat you guys have to say.
____________________
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Kira
Member Posts: 149 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 11:43 PM |
Ok, i'll fess up to that one, even though it *said* I was logged in! ____________________ Wind me up and make me crawl to you, tie me up until I call to you. |
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Anonymous
Posts: 116 Registered: 14/4/2002 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 11:42 PM |
Hahahahahaha.....Devin, as always you are one step ahead! |
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pleonasm
Occasional Poster Posts: 11 Registered: 1/3/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 08:36 PM |
*blushes*
you guys are swell. ____________________
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Shade
Fanatic Posts: 289 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 06:38 PM |
hey Dev,
Yes they're Legal, and yes they are cute! And Callei has dibs ____________________ It is only through the lack of sex that humanity derives the need for an
all encompassing blind love. And in that moment of extreme horniness with
no relief in sight, in that moment can be found the birth of religion.
-Me |
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pleonasm
Occasional Poster Posts: 11 Registered: 1/3/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 06:28 PM |
we think so!
and yes
____________________
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Devin
Administrator Posts: 317 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Online
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 06:16 PM |
Ok, since you don't want a poly relationship that eliminates a lot of
things you'd need to work on. It sounds like the biggest obstacle to you
both getting what you want is still pleonasm's first time with a girl.
Squire, you're saying that you wouldn't mind watching them make out at a
party. Why don't you try that? Looking at the sex thing from where you
are now leaves all kinds of things to the imagination. It might not look
nearly so scary when you think about it after watching how they are
together just making out.
It's like anal sex. Most people when they first think about it will be
like "no way something that size is going in there - maybe a finger but not
something that big". If you just leave it at that, nothing ever happens.
But if you try a finger, pretty soon it's "ok, maybe 2 fingers". After
knowing how that feels, it's a lot easier to imagine something bigger.
Just because you guys aren't ready for this yet, doesn't mean it can't
happen. If you take things one step at a time, it'll make it a lot easier
though. The hard part is identifying the steps to take. I think watching
her make out with the lesbian would be a good first step on both sides.
And I don't know why nobody's posted this yet - I know everyone's thinking
it. 2 questions:
Are you guys cute?
Are you guys legal? ____________________ So Sayeth Me |
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pleonasm
Occasional Poster Posts: 11 Registered: 1/3/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 05:31 PM |
Thankyou Devin
Alright, first to Devin. No, we don't want a poly relationship. Although,
Alex (the perspective addition) is a close friend. She's a little crazy,
sleeps around, does a lot of drugs. Just not the kind of person I'd
consider relationship material. You're definitely
correct in saying we need to talk more.
Shade. haha, wow, thanks man! This will probably help Squire and I get to
talking. I think our problem is that we just dont know what to say, or how
to say it. We're both new at this, confused, and dont know how to address
or confront things well.
Ok, here are our answers.
1. Squire - 3rd person as a couple / Pleo - same answer
2. S - No / P - No
3. S - Both wanted it even before we were together / P - Agrees
4. S - Yes / P - Yes
5. S - Yes / P - Yes
6. S - Yes / P - Yes
7. S - Yes / P - Yes
8. S - Yes / P - No
9. S - No / P - No
10. S - No / P- No
11. S - No / P - No
12. N/A (niether of us want a open relationship)
13. S - Yes / P - Yes
14. S - Yes / P - Yes
15. S - Yes / P - Yes
16. S - Yes / P - Yes
17. S - No / P - No
18. S - No / P - Yes
19. S - No / P - No
20. S - No / P - No
____________________
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pleonasm
Occasional Poster Posts: 11 Registered: 1/3/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 05:13 PM |
Squire`"Well, I just don't think thats the kind of set up that we want to
have. I mean, if she was with Alex alone, it could possibly make me feel
secure to be with someone else, simultaneously, but as I said before, I
don't think that's the setup we're looking into. This is important to her,
because she's never been with a woman, and I've been with a man many times
before. If was in another room while they went at it, then I think it would
be even worse for her. I think she'd feel like I was just screwing someone
else to make it 'even'. The setup we want, is essentially not 'open' or
poly, as much as we want to bring partners into the bed, in a three way, or
so one of us watches the other. As long as both of us are involved. If
she's at a party of something with Alex and they make out, well, I don't
have a problem with that, because she needs to build a comfort zone with
the same sex. After that, I don't think we'll be having a lot of stuff
going on alone. I think we'll do that stuff together, i.e. We're at party,
she sees a pretty girl/guy, we flirt, they kiss, we kiss, and someone comes
home. I feel a little selfish, like I'm forcing myself to intrude on a
thing that her and Alex are having, and it shouldn't include me. But should
it? ____________________
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Devin
Administrator Posts: 317 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Online
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 05:05 PM |
I agree. It seems you can say what would bother you about it. You
wouldn't want to just be sitting around while she's playing with the girl.
Nothing wrong with that. Go do someone else.
There's some comments in the "Spice in the vanilla rack" article on exactly
this topic.
Now that you've identified what you don't like about the idea, you can
either be grumpy about it, or you can think of what else you could be doing
while she's doing that. There's gotta be something else that would
distract you enough.
And no, it's not cheating unless you tell her not to do it and she does it
anyway. Muffin Munching is not cheating just cuz you're not there to
watch.
I still say neither of you is ready for this. You've both got a few issues
to work through before you're going to be able to do this without a lot of
damage and drama. If I were you, I'd stick with safer things like kissing
and flirting with other people for now and leave sex out of it. The only
good those fantasies are going to do for either of you right now is to
motivate you to figure out what those issues are, and fix them so you can
get on to getting sweaty and slippery.
____________________ So Sayeth Me |
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callei
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 759 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 04:42 PM |
i'll ask you the same thing i asked her. why would you just sit there, why
wouldnt you be out with someone that you wanted to bang? ____________________ Real goths wear silver and crosses to keep the werewolves and vampires
away. |
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Squire-of-Gothos
Fanatic Posts: 206 Registered: 1/1/2003 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 04:33 PM |
I think a few matters should be cleared up, before we go any further. It
has been a fantasy of mine, as of many other men, to have sex with two
girls. It has always been a fantasy of mine, as with some men, to have sex
with a girl and a guy. Because of pleo's fantasy with multiple men, and a
woman, I figured that she would be comfortable indulging in my fantasy, as
I was with her. But this is where we differed initially, becuase she felt
hurt by the idea of me with her and another woman. But as she thought these
things over, and factored in her upcoming (hopefully) experimentation with
Alex, she became comfortable.
The thing of the matter is, and I guess I'm being selfish and overbearing
here, but she wants to be alone with this girl, a hardcore lesbian, while i
sit around in a living room somewhere, waiting. Now like I said, maybe I'm
being unreasonable, but as this isn't really a poly relationship, isn't her
being with someone else, and me not being there, or helping, or watching,
or jerking off, isn't that essentially cheating, and I aren't I just being
pushed aside? I thought this was a couple who wanted to add a person for
fun, but now, it's one of us doing there thing, and the other being hosed? ____________________ “The only thing that can alter the good writer is death.”
“You know that if I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a buzzard.
Nothing hates him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat
anything.”
Faulkner |
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callei
Extreme Fanatic Posts: 759 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 03:28 PM |
even for a casual threesome, a practice partner before might be a good
idea. its embarassing to have not idea what to do or how to do it. and it
is easy to sorta get left out when that happens. (yes personal experience
here). that is where the practice flirting thing comes in (see the articles
about getting laid for more details).
____________________ Real goths wear silver and crosses to keep the werewolves and
vampires
/>
away. |
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Shade
Fanatic Posts: 289 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 03:28 PM |
Hi Pleo, just a few things to add to the heap, mostly questions. You can
answer these here, where it will help us give better answers, but most
importantly, you need to start by answering them for yourself, and then
getting Squire to answer them and then the two of you need to talk about
your answers. And as a bit of advice, both of you answer them on paper
first before you share your answers. because this is a new topic, and
because this is becoming such a mine field for the two of you, you need to
do as much to avoid answering to please the other person as possible.
Honesty is the only way these things work (both questionairres and a poly
relationship). OK, here's the first batch of questions, I say first because
I know Callei and Dev and probably Rogue or Meranda will have a few more to
add. Also, I'm going to try to make these as yes/no or single answer as
possible. Open ended questions are great for conversastion, but for the
moment let's start with thte basics. Oh, and there are no wrong answers.
1: Do you want to sleep around or do you want to sleep with a third person
as a couple?
2: Do you actually want to sleep with anyone besides your S/O?
3: Are you contemplating this because your S/O is asking it or because when
they mentioned it you thought "Hey this sounds like fun." or because you
thought of it first?
4: Are you actually factually interested in sleeping with a male?
5: Are you actually factually interested in sleeping with a female?
6: Can you be honest with yourself about you intentions?
7: Can you be honest with yourself about your reactions?
8: Do you think this will make your relationship better? (Note: i know I
said there are no wrong answers, but as has been said on this site before,
if you answer this one yes, AND you mean that you think being poly or
swinger will "fix" your relationship, you're fucked)
9: Are you considering sleeping with a male just so you can bag a
female?
10: Are you considering sleeping with a female just so you can bag a
male?
11: Are you considering a threesome just so that you can later suggest an
open relationship?
12: Are you considering an open relationship just so that you can later
suggest a threesome?
13: Have you thought about what you envision happening? (Yes or No)
14: If "Yes" have you actually visualized the sharing part? Did it make you
feel horny?
15: Is the thought of four hands on your body erotic?
16: is the thought of having your hands be two of four on another body
erotic?
17: are you ready to be thefirst person to fall asleep?
18: Are you doing this/considering doing this because you think it will
mean more sex?
19: Are you doing/considering this because you are not currently getting
enough sex? (BE HONEST)
20: Are you doing/considering this because you are not currently getting
enough emotional sex (love, hugs, cuddles, etc...BE HONEST)
I think I'll leave off there for the moment. I know I said no open-ended
questions, and I hope the ones I've listed are nice and clear and either
yes or no, or I've made the options clear. There are of course always other
answers including a perfectly valid "I don't know." If that is the case, I
leave you with one more question, are you ready to answer the questions? ____________________ It is only through the lack of sex that humanity derives the need for an
all encompassing blind love. And in that moment of extreme horniness
with
no relief in sight, in that moment can be found the birth of
religion.
/>
-Me |
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Devin
Administrator Posts: 317 Registered: 31/12/1969 Status: Online
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 03:13 PM |
It sounds like you guys need to be a little more clear on some things that
you might not be thinking about.
Do you want to have 'a threesome' - or do you want to have a poly
relationship?
If you want to have 'a threesome', you'd probably be better off finding
someone new that you could play with together and neither of you would see
them again.
If you want a poly relationship, you might be on the right track - it seems
like your next step would be finding a way for him to be comfortable with
letting you play with your girl. This might involve you helping him find
another girl to sleep with that you're not involved with. Are you ready
for that? It's probably not going to be nearly as scary as it sounds to
you right now - especially if you already have a girl you're interested
in.
You guys need to be talking about this stuff. You need to make it clear to
him that you need the privacy just the first time. If you guys can't learn
to talk about this stuff better, it WILL break you up. If you can, I think
you'll be fine no matter who you're getting slippery with.
You're welcome to message me too ____________________ So Sayeth Me |
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pleonasm
Occasional Poster Posts: 11 Registered: 1/3/2004 Status: Offline
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posted on 11/3/2004 at 03:06 PM |
Oh, and Callei, Rouge thanks for offering to speak with me further, i
really appreciate/need it. Devin you're advice was great too. I often
wonder if all this threesome shit is just a pipedream. Squire said you
three would be the best.
thanks again.
____________________
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