- Cynical Indulgence - (Shmeng is not a Gothic site)Oct 17, 2021 - 09:05 PM  
Welcome to  Shmeng
 Home | Articles | Galleries | Forums | Site Info | Web Links | Reviews | Register 
Articles Section

Eye Candy
Newest Pic:
Fire yummy.
DragonSchizo

Random Pic:
mmmm, its good when canniballism can solve differeces.
Yummy


Who's Online
Currently no members online:)

You are an anonymous user. You can register for free by clicking here
We have 4 guests online !

   User ID:  Pass:        Forgot Password? click here or  Join here
Feature: Coming to Terms
Posted by daria_4 on Friday, March 31, 2006 - 05:19 AM PST

Experiences
Passive Suicidal Ideologies. Thatís what the doctor called it. I had gotten to a point where although I did not want to go through the act of killing myself, I would rather have been dead than have to keep going back to my job every day.


I realize Iím not the first person to ever be depressed (and I do mean clinically, thus sayeth a practicing Psychiatrist). I think I may be the first in my family to be diagnosed as such. This is definitely the first time Iíve ever been depressed.

Even before being clinically diagnosed with depression, I used to hate the way people threw around the term. No matter how angsty my teen years were, I knew I wasnít depressedóand neither were most of my friends.

The first time I met anyone with clinical depression was in college. I found out then just how many people were on anti-depressant medication(s). I never thought much of it until last January when my doctor suggested I go on Prozac. That very day, I picked up my prescription forty minutes after my appointmentóall done in time for lunchóbut I didnít take any pills that day. Suddenly, I was about to become one of ďthose people.Ē But who were they? Although I had known people on medication for depression, I had never made any negative judgments about their predicaments. And yet, with it happening to me, it became something badóanother skeleton for my closet.
I took my first pill the next day.

A friendóclose for the amount of time weíve known each otheróhad recently attempted suicide. We worked in the same place. I visited him while he was in the hospital. He wasnít in a padded room, but he was in a ward. He had to check out a pen from the front desk to be able to write in his journal. They wouldnít let him have the teddy bear I brought to him because it was considered an ďunsafeĒ item. Hell of a place.
Talking to him about what both of us were going through felt pretty good. Being able to laugh about it felt better, if a little strange. I began to think it wasnít so bad after all, getting help. It certainly saved Charlieís life. He was obviously so much happier with himself and the direction in which his life was now headed. It makes me wonder when he wonít be depressed anymore, when I wonít be depressed anymore.

I sometimes worry that if things are better now that Iím off the ship, maybe I wasnít really that bad off in the first place; maybe I could have made it those last few weeks and gone on to an awesome two-year shore duty instead of being on a temporary shore duty in limbo, waiting to find out if Iím being medically retired from the Navy or not. I should be happy; this is probably my early outÖ but instead I just doubt myself. Does the fact that I can even have these thoughts give weight to the ideas presented therein?

Despite what any of this may sound like, I donít want a pity party. I just want a little understanding of whatís going on with me. Iíve always been a fairly well adjusted person; itís a little hard not to beóparticularly now. Itís hard, but not surprising. When things were at their worst about five months ago, I remember ranting about being strong and responsible and mature for other people in my life, and wondering who was ever going to do those things for me. Just for onceÖ

I usually do insane amounts of research about anything medical that has to do with me. I probably knew more about my IUD than the doctor who gave it to me. Iím the kind of person who actually reads the entire insert that comes with tampons and birth control pills. While I did do some research on self-mutilation, I have avoided typing the words, clinical depression, into Google. Though I havenít even looked, Iím fairly certain thereís more information on depression than I care to try to sift through. Not as a matter of research, I watched the film but neglected to read the book, Prozac Nation. I donít remember if she actually said it or not, but I seem to recall the sentiment that while she was on Prozac, the main character still felt like herself, but not quite. Iím not sure thereís any better way to describe it, really. Iím still me, but Iím not exactly myself lately.

It hasnít started yet, but Iím supposed to go to some sort of group therapy. Dialectic Behavior Therapy, I think itís called. It has more to do with the self-mutilatory behavior than with the depression. Iím actually a little anxious for it to start. Although things are a million times better now that Iím out of that toxic environment, I still feel like there are things I need to talk about. Iím not entirely sure what those things are; I just know I need to talk. I suppose this article is a product of that need.

About ten sentences into this thing, I titled it. I think there was some sort of direction I meant to take it in after that, but Iím not sure I really have come to terms with my situation. Iíve accepted some things, but it still feels like a far cry from coming to terms with it all. Despite the relatively small size of my measly 20mg, Prozac is a hard pill for me to swallow.


Related links
· More about Experiences
· News by daria_4


Most read story in Experiences:
My First Threesome


Rate article
Average Rating : 5.0
Total ratings : 4

5 star


Coming to Terms | Login/Create an account | 14 Comments
Threshold
Comments are owned by the poster. We aren't responsible for their content.
Re: Coming to Terms
by callei on Mar 31, 2006 - 02:14 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://http://
D, I am there with you. There is a lot of information out there about depression and most of it is dry and clinical or ads for medications. But the fact that you dont want to research it indicated that you really do have bad depression. I have never known you to not want to learn everything you could about anything that involved you or interested you before.
my heart goes out to ya sweetie. I hope the pills are helping and that the therapy is helping and that being away from the toxic work environment is helping. I hope also that a virtual hug from me to you helps too.

*HUGS*



Re: Coming to Terms
by daria_4 (-) on Apr 03, 2006 - 05:01 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
The hug helps more than any of the other stuff. Thanks.


[ No anonymous comments ]

Re: Coming to Terms
by gothicmorman (litty_klj@hotmail.com)
on Apr 04, 2006 - 12:01 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.freewebs.com/gothicmorman
I am relatively depressed a lot of the time, my mom has been persistent about it and it kind of goes up and down in a great yearly cycle but i have avoided going on meds at all costs. With that I have avoided getting help at all costs. I don't want to get professional help because they will most likely put me on meds and that is it - i won't get any real help so im just trying to deal with it myself. its not really bad so im surviving. It would probably be good for you to research it. I always find researching problems (especially over the internet) brings me to find other people's stories of how they have struggled with problems and it keeps in mind that nobody is totally alone in the world.



Re: Coming to Terms
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.net) on Apr 05, 2006 - 08:14 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.saradevil.net
Um, frankly, you donít have to go on meds to see a therapist about problems you are having in your life. In fact if you are resoundingly against anything to do with meds than you can seek out the services of a psychoanalyst, who unlike a psychiatrist, cannot write a prescription for medication. Psychoanalysts are, as far as Iím concerned, the best kind of talk therapy, have a real way of getting to the root of ones problems, and help to teach you skills that you can apply that will be valuable ways of avoiding similar problem clusters in the future.

If you need help get help. If you need help and donít want to take meds then be upfront about it and say that. Donít lump every field of mental service into the category of ďthe only way to fix it is to take pillsĒ there are many ways to get help, and not all of them will prescribe meds.

Personally, I donít like the thought of using meds to balance out my brain chemistry. Iíd rather use alcohol.


[ No anonymous comments ]


Re: Coming to Terms
by gothicmorman (litty_klj@hotmail.com) on Apr 06, 2006 - 12:49 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.freewebs.com/gothicmorman
haha, yeah - alcohol unbalances my stomach though O.O

If I had the money for a psychoanalyst then maybe, I want to work it out myself though. I have been taken to counsellors (the ones my mother gets free through work type thing) the first one was buzzed when we got there and the second one was just crazy and didn't understand a word I said. I'm don't need it though, not reeeeeeally. Good friends and hugs are great support. My mom just pokes at me to go on meds, which is why i am so bitter.


[ No anonymous comments ]


Re: Coming to Terms
by daria_4 (-) on Apr 06, 2006 - 05:32 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
I'd like to piggyback and say that while a psychiatrist CAN prescribe meds, they're not necessarily going to force them on you. When my doctor first suggested it, he said I didn't have to decide right then if I wanted to take them or not--I could wait until my next appointment, and even then, the choice was still mine. My next appointment wasn't for another three weeks, so despite the fact that I wasn't keen on taking meds, I was grasping for anything to help. I knew I wouldn't make it for another three weeks without something, so I opted to try the medicine. I could have said no, and even though I am in the military and my doc outranked me by quite a bit, he wasn't going to order me to take them.
Whether it's professional help or not, I hope you're able to maintain the support system you say you've got, gothicmormon. Best of luck.


[ No anonymous comments ]


Re: Coming to Terms
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.net) on Apr 06, 2006 - 06:30 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.saradevil.net
Three weeks!?!?!?!?!

That is crazy. When I was in therapy, when I first started anyway, I met my shrink twice a week. I can't imagine having managed to get through some of that without the very regular sessions. Even when we finally managed to get me down to once a week there were still times when I wished I could schedule an emergency session. I think considering the length there you made the right decision, that is a hell of a long time to wait. If you can find a more regular doc that would probably be very helpful.

The great thing about docs though, is they really do take your choice into consideration. Even though my therapist could not perscribe medications, she was very upfront with me in the first session, that if she felt I really did need something, she would have a second doctor sit in for a consult if she felt meds were required. I was very adament about not being on any kinds of drugs, and found a doctor that would not be able to prescribe, but even that did not completely eliminate the possibility.

Further, therapy, like anything else, requires time and patience. One should definately interview therapists to find one that will be right for you, and the free ones rarely are the ones you want to be seeing. You find one your comfortable with and you will know it. The results are truly worth it.



[ No anonymous comments ]


Re: Coming to Terms
by daria_4 (-) on Apr 06, 2006 - 07:24 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
I didn't have much of a choice on the three week thing. That was all he had, and if I wanted to see the same person, that's what I had to do. I don't exactly have a choice in who I see because of the military aspect (I've had a different person do my PAP for the last six years--sucks!). I really do like the Psychiatrist I have; that visit was an initial psychiatric evaluation. Considering what my goals were at the time, the three week thing made sense--I wasn't really in therapy yet.
I do have a counselor I can see more often who doesn't do meds or even see my medical record. In fact, other than having to tell my boss I'm going to an appointment, the Navy doesn't even track when I see her. I went to see her first, and she's the one who suggested the psych eval. I still see her now; she's awesome. Very easy to talk to; plus she's prior Navy so she knows what it's really like.
I found out recently that she's seeing 19 people from my ship... that's a really big deal since there's only 250 people assigned to it. She said she almost had that many once from a bigger ship (think, a thousand people). She brought it up to her chain of command that there is probably something seriously wrong with that ship, but I don't know if anything came of it or not.


[ No anonymous comments ]


Re: Coming to Terms
by Meranda_Jade (Meranda@mymind.com) on Apr 06, 2006 - 11:00 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
I've been late to post on this one because it's hitting too close to home for me at the moment.

I've been off and on depressed for years. There's no real reason I can point to... it's too late for it to still be postpartum, my life isn't nearly as crazy as it was in my childhood, I have all of my needs taken care of and no severe upsets in my life. I have friends, a decent social life, and a wonderful family, so I'm not emotionally isolated. There's nothing wrong.

Still, once in a while, I fall into a pit of loneliness and despair so dark and cold, it's terrifying. I rage against my family, become withdrawn from my friends, and feel incredibly hurtful toward myself. I cry a lot. I don't do myself actual physical harm... mostly because I'm really good at talking myself out of it. When I have an episode, I can actually feel my mental state deteriorating. It's like everything gets confused and all I can think is rage, hate, despair and unhappiness. I think all kinds of deluded thoughts, mostly ones that focus on the "fact" that no one really cares for me, that I'm a burden to everyone who knows me, that I have no real purpose here, and at the time, it all seems so plausible. I imagine that those who are closest to me, in fact, hate me and are using me or being mean to me. It all seems so real. And it hurts so much. And I have no idea what can be done about it. I don't even know where the real problem is. So, when I have an episode, I tell myself it's not real and that it will pass. And I get drunk. Getting drunk helps me not focus on how crappy I'm feeling. I also force myself to be out around people, intereacting with people who are simply out having a good time and who enjoy my company in an undemanding way really helps distract me from the bad thoughts.

When I'm coming off an episode, I wonder if I ought to get help. That maybe it would be better for myself and more importantly, for those who have to deal with me on a regular basis, if I were to just go get drugged to my eyeballs so I don't make everyone around me miserable. Or at least go find a therapist to talk to and keep my head straight and maybe resolve some of the issues I've been trying to psychoanalyze out of myself for years. I never actually make that call. Part of it is that I'm lazy. Part of it is, like Daria, that I'm scared. I'm afraid of being drugged. I'm afraid of being one of "those people". I'm afraid of being like my mother. My mother is bipolar. She is constantly telling me that it's hereditary, and that she thinks that I and my daughter have it. She also thinks that I have Adult ADD. I might. No one will ever know what's really wrong with me, because I won't go to a doctor and find out. I'll just kick back and self medicate with alcohol and wait for the blow up that will permanently alienate my family and friends and leave me with nobody and nothing. Or die from liver poisoning.

I know I ought to get help. It's so hard to actually make that call, though. To admit, once and for all, that I don't have it together like everyone thinks I do. That I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am. It's like admitting defeat and thinking about it makes me feel worse than ever.

Thanks for posting this, Daria. I know that you're a strong woman who has it together. Thanks for showing me that it's not a weakness or something to be ashamed of to get help. I hope that your therapy helps you get through your pain quickly.


[ No anonymous comments ]

Re: Coming to Terms
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.net)
on Apr 04, 2006 - 03:33 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.saradevil.net
Daria,

This like everything else can be gotten through. Do you feel the meds are working for you now, and helping to even out everything?

Getting any kind of clinical diagnosis of not being complete right all around is freaky and doesnít do wonders for anyone, but it is sometimes nice to know that there is actually something going on and that you can do things for it.

I think your decisions about your future will end up working out the way they are supposed to, even if you doubt right now that you are making the best decisions. Transition periods are always the worst and it doesnít help when you know youíve got something going on inside your own brain and body on top of that.

Group therapy can be really wonderful. College for me, in many ways, was nothing but four years of group therapy. Did wonders for me, I tell ya!

I hope it all goes well. Keep us posted.



Re: Coming to Terms
by daria_4 (-) on Apr 05, 2006 - 06:23 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
Sometimes I can't tell if it's the meds or my life moving in a better direction that is helping--probably both, but I can't tell which is which at any given moment. I know that the meds are having some effect because there was a period of three days that I went without (not on purpose--had trouble refilling) while I was still on the ship and I was an emotional wreck by the end of that three days.

I'm looking forward to Group. It doesn't start until the 20th, but I have a counselor I will be seeing before then.

Thanks for the support. All in all, things are looking up. I'm just muddling through it better on some days than on others.


[ No anonymous comments ]


Re: Coming to Terms
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.net) on Apr 05, 2006 - 08:16 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.saradevil.net
I know how that feels, I once got put on birth control to balance out my cycle, instead it ended up breaking me into a balling heap of sucidial aggression, never would touch that stuff again after that.... Keep on doing what you need to do, you wil be okay. Be totally honest with yoru counselor, as that tends to help make everything else go smoothly.



[ No anonymous comments ]

Re: Coming to Terms
by Kira on Apr 07, 2006 - 10:39 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.livejournal.com/users/mod_complex/
I went through a similar period a few years back, and it really opened my eyes to how thin the line between "relatively happy, well adjusted person" and "near suicidal" can be.

I've always heard that when you have a relationship that ends, it often takes at least half the time the relationship lasted to get over it. I think it may be true for traumatic experiences as well. Give yourself some time, and don't be too hard on yourself.

You're an amazing person. Big hugs.


Re: Coming to Terms
by blackrose (-)
on Dec 22, 2007 - 07:09 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
Daria,

I have just only made arrangements myself for the same thing.It's becoming too much for me to handle.I'm getting diagnosed next week.I've got a feeling it may be more than clinical depression though.I'm a little scared,but I'd rather know what's going on for certain than to be stuck in limbo.Please take care of yourself.I'll be waiting to hear how you're doing.


 Home | Articles | Galleries | Forums | Site Info | Web Links | Reviews | Register 
All logos and trademarks in this site are property of their respective owner. The comments are property of their posters, the rest © 2001 by VibeChild.com Add shmeng_syn to your Live Journal Friends List. If you have a website check the webmasters section - You can get this site on your Palm Pilot using This link - By using this website, you are agreeing to abide by our Terms of Use. If you are a bot thinking of spamming members, get your email addresses here
Buy Viagra Without Prescription
Buy Vigra Without Prescription
Buy Viarga Without Prescription
Buy Cialis Without Prescription
Buy Clomid Without Prescription
Buy Levitra Without Prescription
Buy Propecia Without Prescription
Buy Kamagra Without Prescription
Buy Accutane Without Prescription
Buy Zithromax Without Prescription
Buy Amoxil Without Prescription
Buy Zovirax Without Prescription
Buy Deltasone Without Prescription
Buy Topamax Without Prescription
Buy Lexapro Without Prescription
Buy Flomax Without Prescription
Buy Flagyl Without Prescription
Buy Synthroid Without Prescription
Buy Inderal Without Prescription
Buy Tenormin Without Prescription
Buy Keflex Without Prescription
Buy Diflucan Without Prescription
Buy Lasix Without Prescription
Buy Celebrex Without Prescription
Buy Doxycycline Without Prescription
Buy Zocor Without Prescription
Buy Premarin Without Prescription
Buy Celexa Without Prescription
Buy Norvasc Without Prescription
Buy Hydrochlorothiazide Without Prescription
Buy Nexium Without Prescription
Buy Cytotec Without Prescription
Buy Misoprostol Without Prescription
Buy Neurontin Without Prescription
Buy Levaquin Without Prescription
Buy Zyprexa Without Prescription
Buy Astelin Without Prescription
Buy Zetia Without Prescription
Buy Diclofenac Without Prescription
Buy Antabuse Without Prescription
Buy Arimidex Without Prescription
Buy Phenergan Without Prescription
Buy Paxil Without Prescription
Buy Differin Without Prescription
Buy Nizoral Without Prescription
Buy Valtrex Without Prescription
Buy Plan B Without Prescription
Buy Fosamax Without Prescription
Buy Diovan Without Prescription
Buy Betapace Without Prescription
Buy Reglan Without Prescription
Buy Rhinocort Without Prescription
Buy Cozaar Without Prescription
Buy Accupril Without Prescription
Buy Septilin Without Prescription
Buy Zyrtec Without Prescription
Buy Aldactone Without Prescription
Buy Benicar Without Prescription
Buy Flonase Without Prescription
Buy Atacand Without Prescription
Buy Hytrin Without Prescription
Buy Ditropan Without Prescription
Buy Rumalaya Without Prescription
Buy Prinivil Without Prescription
Buy Medrol Without Prescription
Buy Revia Without Prescription
Buy Naltrexone Without Prescription
Buy Parlodel Without Prescription
Buy Atrovent Without Prescription
Buy Aciphex Without Prescription
Buy Zelnorm Without Prescription
Buy Motrin Without Prescription
Buy Avandia Without Prescription
Buy Tetracycline Without Prescription
Buy Epivir Without Prescription
Buy Lamisil Without Prescription
Buy Sinequan Without Prescription
Buy Levlen Without Prescription
Buy Levonorgestrel Without Prescription
Buy Anafranil Without Prescription
Buy Seroquel Without Prescription
Buy Acai Without Prescription
Buy Micardis Without Prescription
Buy Aleve Without Prescription
Buy Claritin Without Prescription
Buy Nimotop Without Prescription
Buy Toprol Without Prescription
Buy Colchicine Without Prescription
Buy Cipro Without Prescription
Buy Tofranil Without Prescription
Buy Zanaflex Without Prescription
Buy Tizanidine Without Prescription
Buy Remeron Without Prescription
Buy Cardura Without Prescription
Buy Femara Without Prescription
Buy Provera Without Prescription
Buy Desyrel Without Prescription
Buy Imitrex Without Prescription
Buy Famvir Without Prescription
Buy Clarinex Without Prescription
Buy Buspar Without Prescription
Buy Lotensin Without Prescription
Buy Exelon Without Prescription
Buy Combivent Without Prescription
Buy Ventolin Without Prescription
Buy Diabecon Without Prescription
Buy Cymbalta Without Prescription
Buy Prilosec Without Prescription
Buy Omeprazole Without Prescription
Buy Flovent Without Prescription
Buy Noroxin Without Prescription
Buy Glucotrol Without Prescription
Buy Plavix Without Prescription
Buy Glucophage Without Prescription
Buy Bactrim Without Prescription
Buy Myambutol Without Prescription
Buy Dostinex Without Prescription
Buy Aricept Without Prescription
Buy Actos Without Prescription
Buy Lukol Without Prescription
Buy Rogaine Without Prescription
Buy Ampicillin Without Prescription
Buy Lamictal Without Prescription
Buy Retin Without Prescription
Buy Lipitor Without Prescription
Buy Chloroquine Without Prescription
Buy Arava Without Prescription
Buy Adalat Without Prescription
Buy Strattera Without Prescription
Buy Cleocin Without Prescription
Buy Relafen Without Prescription
Buy Crestor Without Prescription
Buy Maxalt Without Prescription
Buy Singulair Without Prescription
Buy Allegra Without Prescription
Buy Protonix Without Prescription
Buy Vermox Without Prescription
Buy Estrace Without Prescription
Buy Coumadin Without Prescription
Buy Advair Without Prescription
Buy Diamox Without Prescription
Buy Coreg Without Prescription
Buy Avapro Without Prescription
Buy Leukeran Without Prescription
Buy Prevacid Without Prescription
Buy Requip Without Prescription
Buy Zantac Without Prescription
Buy Erythromycin Without Prescription
Buy Zyvox Without Prescription
Buy Prednisolone Without Prescription
Buy Amaryl Without Prescription
Buy Actonel Without Prescription
Buy Evista Without Prescription
Buy Vantin Without Prescription
Buy Starlix Without Prescription
Buy Luvox Without Prescription
Buy Abilify Without Prescription
Buy Depakote Without Prescription
Buy Lozol Without Prescription
Buy Xenical Without Prescription
Buy Lotrisone Without Prescription
Buy Betnovate Without Prescription
Buy Risperdal Without Prescription
Buy Methotrexate Without Prescription
Buy Wellbutrin Without Prescription
Buy Mobic Without Prescription
Buy Altace Without Prescription
Buy Augmentin Without Prescription
Buy Effexor Without Prescription
Buy Nolvadex Without Prescription
Buy Biaxin Without Prescription
Buy Detrol Without Prescription
Buy Zyban Without Prescription
Buy Elavil Without Prescription
Buy Lioresal Without Prescription
Buy Allopurinol Without Prescription
Buy Lanoxin Without Prescription
Viagra pills canadian
Buy cheap viagra online now
Buy viagra usa
Buy viagra online no prescription
Canada viagra generic
Canadian women viagra
Viagra online without a prescription
Overnight viagra
Cheap viagra usa
Cheap viagra 100mg
Cheap viagra onaline
Viagra 50 mg
Cheap viagra no prescription
Best price viagra
Buy cheap online viagra
Viagra canada
Cheapest prices viagra
Generic viagra online
Viagra pfizer online
Viagra pills
Lowest price viagra
Viagra for sale
Canada no prescription viagra
Buy viagra in usa
Viagra generic
How can i buy viagra online
Buy viagra in canada
Buy viagra no prescription
Canadian viagra online
Overnight canadian viagra
Buy viagra online
Female viagra pills
Discount viagra online
Canadian generic viagra
Generic viagra canada
Cheap canadian viagra
Viagra low price
Viagra canada online pharmacy
Buy viagra online now
Viagra price comparison dosage
How get viagra
Generic viagra overnight
Viagra buy online
Generic viagra price
Viagra how fast does it work
Buy discount viagra
Viagra buy viagra online order viagra
Viagra online
Cost viagra online
Viagra in canada
Viagra online deals
Purchase viagra
Purchase viagra overnight delivery
Viagra for women
Cheap viagra now
Buy viagra
Viagra price
Cost of daily viagra
Viagra brand online
Viagra tablet weight
Viagra buy
Buy viagra on line
Viagra paypal
Viagra no prescriptions
Buy viagra online canada
Viagra online canada
Cheap viagra without a prescription
Buy cheap viagra
Viagra delivered overnight
Buy viagra online usa
Viagra soft tabs online
Buy viagra uk
Cheap viagra pills
Viagra drug
Viagra online no prescription
Generic viagra professional
Order generic viagra
Natural viagra
Buy viagra online wthout prescription
original brand viagra
Buy viagra professional
Low price viagra
Best viagra price
Buy cheap canadian viagra
Next day viagra
What is viagra professional
Viagra from canada
Levitra vs viagra
Buy cheap viagra usa
Viagra lowest price
Generic cialis canada
Cialis generic
Cheap canadian cialis
Cialis 100 mg
Cialis low price
Canadian generic cialis
Cialis pills
Best price cialis
Cialis canada online pharmacy
Cheap cialis usa
Buy cialis 20mg
Buy cialis online now
Cialis price comparison dosage
Canadian women cialis
How get cialis
Generic cialis overnight
Cialis buy online
Generic cialis price
Cialis how fast does it work
Buy discount cialis
Cialis buy cialis online order cialis
Cialis online
Cost cialis online
Cialis in canada
Cialis online deals
Buy cialis online no prescription
Purchase cialis
Purchase cialis overnight delivery
Cialis for women
Cheap cialis now
Discount cialis online
Buy cialis
Cialis 5 mg
Cialis 50 mg
Cialis price
Cost of daily cialis
Cialis brand online
Cialis tablet weight
Cialis buy
Buy cialis on line
Cialis paypal
Cialis no prescriptions
Buy cialis online canada
Cialis online canada
Cheap cialis without a prescription
Buy cheap cialis
Cialis delivered overnight
Buy cialis online usa
Cialis soft tabs online
Buy cialis uk
Cheap cialis pills
cialis drug
Cialis online no prescription
Generic cialis professional
Order generic cialis
Natural cialis
Buy cialis online wthout prescription
Buy cheap online cialis
original brand cialis
Buy cialis professional
Low price cialis
Best cialis price
Buy cheap canadian cialis
Next day cialis
What is cialis professional
Cialis from canada
Levitra vs cialis
Buy cheap cialis usa
cialis lowest price
Buy cialis online
Cialis pills canadian
Buy cheap cialis online now
Buy cialis usa
Canada cialis generic
Cialis online without a prescription
Overnight cialis
Cheap cialis onaline
Cheap cialis no prescription
Cialis canada
Cheapest prices cialis
Generic cialis online
Cialis pfizer online
Lowest price cialis
Cialis for sale
Canada no prescription cialis
Buy cialis in usa
How can i buy cialis online
Buy cialis in canada
Buy cialis no prescription
Canadian cialis online
Overnight canadian cialis
Female cialis pills