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| Articles: Lamentations of a retail whore |
Posted by
Kira on Sunday, August 25, 2002 - 04:11 AM PST
Yes, I successfully found a part time job to last me out until the end of the summer. It is at a national chain of fabric shops, so basically I cut fabric and ring people up all day. While the first week was wonderful I am now starting to remember why I simultaneously love and hate retail:
The customers.
My day would go so much more smoothly if only everyone I waited on had worked retail for just one day of their lives. So for those of you who haven't, I present this informative essay.
"How to be a good customer"
1. If you have a question, feel free to ask me at any time. That's what I am here for. However, I cannot explain to you nuclear physics, Chinese algebra, or even how to construct a dress in 15 minutes. Remember there are other customers waiting for my help. I would recommend reading a book on the subject first. (gasp!)
2. Apparently living to be 80 years old entitles you to many things. But sorry, being served before the kid who was there before you is not one of them. You'd be surprised how many old ladies are baffled by this. If I waited on old ladies first all day, there would be a line of people who weren't old ladies lined up outside the door, seeing as to how they make up 55% of clientele. Yes, you're very old. Now wait your fucking turn like everyone else.
3. As a clerk it is my job to offer you fast and accurate services. However, this is not McDonald's. I can't help it if the person in front of you needs 100 yards of fabric cut and you have to wait. They were first. That's how taking turns works. Sometimes a nice person will say "Go ahead, she/he only has one thing" and then I am happy to oblige. But it is the exception, not the rule. And seeing as to how I am not management, it isn't my fault that I'm the only one working. Don't complain to me or walk out, file a complaint with a higher up and actually make a difference. Trust me, I would love it if they put one more person on shift.
4. Don't roll your eyes at me when I ask for your ID at the register. Either sign the back of your fucking credit card or don't pay with one. By asking I am doing my job.
5. Our store is not a playground, nor am I your babysitter. If you can't control your kids, then do not bring them in. Period. You decided to have them, you can't control them, then leave them at home and NO EXCUSES! If I had a dollar for every time in a shift I hear "Oh, swweeeet little Brandeihnly is just cranky because she didn't get her nap today!" [and that's why I can't put her in the cart and forgot she was wondering around and let her knock over a whole stack of clay statues and by the way, you really shouldn't put those breakable statues where children can reach them!!] And yes, this example happened. Really.
6. Again, parents please don't let your children run in the store, grab some candy off the shelf and start slobbering all over it, and then hand it to me at the register to ring up. You may think slobber is precious, but I don't. Especially from your kids. There is no reason they can't wait until something is paid for to eat it. Plus it's just gross.
7. I don't make the rules, I just work here. I have no idea why people buy so many things they don't intend to keep. Our return policy is pretty typical and pretty easy to understand, and yet every time I see a return coming I panic. I'm sorry you have to fill out a receipt to get your $.99 back. Hey, I scrimp for money too but by the time you drive to the store you've probably already spent that $.99 in gas and time. Next time maybe you should think "Hmm, do I really need this?" before you take it home. And DON'T complain to me about the hassle of returning it. See first sentence above.
8. Don't ask me why certain things aren't on sale, if/when they will go on sale, if I can cut you a deal on them, or if you can speak to my supervisor so *she* can cut you a deal on them. This isn't a flea market. We are a corporately owned, publicly traded company and unless something is damaged, chances are slim you get to haggle on the price. If you can't afford it full price, then maybe you don't need it or should wait until you can afford it. Don't bitch at me about it. I don't make the sales up, and I don't set the prices.
9. Everything has a price. It is usually stuck on the item on a little label. Sometimes it is on the shelf. If you can't find the price, you can ask me and I will find it for you. Sometimes things are more expensive than you would think, so just check before you get a whole cartful, I get you all rung up, and then you are abhorred by the total. What, you can't add?? I then have to void everything, get a manager to sign, and put everything you bought back on the shelves. Meanwhile the line of nasty old ladies grows and grows. And of course, their wait is MY fault...
10. We all have bad days. Don't take it out on me. I understand that I am an easy target because I can't defend myself without getting fired. Trust me, I would rip your yuppie housewife/nasty old lady ass to shreds with a smile on my face the whole time if my job didn't ride on it. If you can't be civil then maybe you should go home and run errands another day.
Ah, there may be many more but I am feeling better. I know the situation goes both ways with crappy employees, but I really feel like I am doing my best to deal with everyone. Did I fall asleep and suddenly everyone in the world is immediately entitled to whatever they want?
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Note: I thought MANY of us could relate to this, either because we've been there, or we're there now
-ick |
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Average Rating : 4.5
Total ratings : 2
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| Lamentations of a retail whore | Login/Create an account | 14 Comments |
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Re: Lamentations of a retail whore
by Alugarde (SoulCiphyr@aol.com)
on Aug 25, 2002 - 12:32 PM
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Too bad you can't post that in the store...
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Re: Lamentations of a retail whore
by AloneSoul (AloneSoul@hurting.com)
on Aug 25, 2002 - 12:35 PM
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This is why I work at construction sites and or fix computers.
If I worked in a retail store, before the day is out, I'd probably have stabbed a costumer in the eyes with my fingers.
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Re: Lamentations of a retail whore
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Aug 25, 2002 - 07:52 PM
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Oooo kira you hit it right on the HEAD.
Being a retail diva myself, I totally understand.
I sell clothes.
Clothes to teenagers.
Clothes to teenagers in a store their parents hate.
Parents that by proxy hate ME.
That is, if they don't give me a chance...usually they DO like me if they spend about 5 min with me...but that's besides the point.
I get the opposite...KIDS that think they're "cool" enough not to have to wait in line...fucking 13-16 year old mallrats that cut right past a big line to an open counter and demand to be rung up...
"I'm READY"
"Well, that's GREAT...you'll be ready when you've waited in LINE"
*looks at the line*
"MAN, that's a LONG ass line, I don't wanna have to wait in THAT long ass line..I could read a BOOK in that line...WHY do I hafta wait in that line"
"Well darlin cause you're not a snowflake, and you're not special, and you get to wait in line like everyone else. I hope you brought something good to read."
You see, everyone thinks their special, and important...when in reality they are just one more person in your day...not less or more important than anyone else.
ANd to all the rude assholes that look at me and ignore me when I greet them...this is for you.
I DON'T REALLY GIVE A GOOD GODDAMN, THEY PAY ME...YOU HEAR ME? THEY PAY ME!!! SO THERE!
Sorry guys, back to school is in full swing and my brain is in a knot and so is my attitude...
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Re: Lamentations of a retail whore
by Tiresias on Aug 25, 2002 - 11:49 PM
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"My day would go so much more smoothly if
only everyone I waited on had worked retail
for just one day of their lives."
I often say that there are certain jobs that everyone should have at some point in their lives (preferably sooner rather than later). I think that society would run much more smoothly if everyone knew how shitty a lot of shit jobs can be. I'm compiling a list, and slowly working my way through it. I have retail, waiting tables, and tech support down already...
Of the three, I'd have to say retail was pretty bad, but I think that was just because of the clientele of that particular store. Tech support was the worst for pointlessly frustrating, annoying, and stressful. Cubicles suck, Call centers suck worse. I got so jaded with the human race I had to quit both places because they made me too antisocial (and I don't think I need any more of that).
Anyway, the point I set out to make was that I think after doing these shitty jobs, I'm quite a bit more understanding of how much they suck, so I'm not one of those irritating customers (I hope). Maybe if everyone had to work in a record store in the ghetto, they'd understand why having your child blow their nose on a CD before handing it to the clerk would be a bad idea (yes, this actually did happen to me, unfortunately).
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Re: Re: Lamentations of a retail whore
by Mutant_Duckie on Aug 26, 2002 - 12:11 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.halspages.cjb.net | AMEN!!!!
I just quit my job at piggly wiggly (grocery store). my last day's tuesday.
My new job thankfully is NOT customer service. YUCK!
Hang in there :) whenever the old ladies get you down, just think about your paycheck and try to smile.... sort of.. maybe.
Quack! |
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Re: Lamentations of a retail whore
by Comedian (eccentrically_long@yahoo.com)
on Aug 26, 2002 - 01:51 AM
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Selling candy is the best retail of all.
Why, you may ask?
Because even if you fuck up what they want, chances are quite good they won't give a shit.
Everyone is on a level playing field. Everyone smiles at you.
Because you have chocolate.
And chocolate is milk cocaine.
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Re: Lamentations of a retail whore
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Aug 26, 2002 - 10:35 AM
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WHenever it gets tough, I just think of that saturday night live scketch "Jeffery's"...you know, the upscale snobby clothing store that jimmy fallon and whatever guest (usually pierce brosnan) work at...wearing tight black sweaters and have flock of seagulls hair and buddy holly glasses...just standing there lamenting how the place "was so much nicer before they added the door" and "this job wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the customers" and give air high fives.
"run along chubby, we dont' have anything for YOU, I'm sure there's a nice half eaten meatball sub in the back seat of your EL CAMINO...run along"
*enter customer*
"ACTUALLY, it's a BURRITO SUPREMEO in my TERRCE-ELLL"
I love that skit...*snicker* it makes my day go by far more easy...
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Re: Lamentations of a retail whore
by feralucce on Aug 28, 2002 - 06:05 AM
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Snickers* the only one of these things I don't have to deal with is children... I am an assistant store manager for a branch of a retail smoke shop chain... and if a child so much as TOUCHES anything on the store when there with their parents, I get to make them leave!!! *MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!* This... is good and funny shit...
Feral
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Re: Lamentations of a retail whore
by forthemoment on Aug 28, 2002 - 08:19 PM
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Pro wrestling...You get to beat people senseless.
And if they get on your nerves just kick their ass, it's all proper.
And if you're sick of doing the usual, do something new and you get to amaze people.
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Re: Lamentations of a retail whore
by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com)
on Aug 29, 2002 - 09:57 AM
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That is too funny, and accurate. Just add lots of booze, and make everyone uptight because just by their purchase they ar4e admiting to you that they have sex; and you have Callei's amd ,y old gig on Bourbon. It was amazing how many of them seemed to believe that just because they bought a vibrator or whip it meant they had to have sex with us.
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Re: Lamentations of a retail whore
by ThatOneWastedChick on Sep 02, 2002 - 09:24 AM
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Awww, I wish I could say I can relate and I understand but I cant cuz I dont. Never have I once worked in retail and from reading this I don't think I'd want to. Although I cant understand you have my pity. Thanks for posting this so the next time I go to a store I'll be a better customer and hopefully make a differance in someones day... Hey wait a tick... I got a new idea fo ra holiday. NATIONAIL RETAIL EMPLOYEES DAY! Where ever person who works in retail gets to say whatever the hell they want to nasty ol' lady customers and housewives with snobby kids etc. Sound good ne?
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Re: Lamentations of a retail whore
by darclight (an_impression_of_sound@yahoo.com)
on Sep 04, 2002 - 07:59 PM
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ah yes. i sell computers at best buy. so, not only do i have to wear a monkey suit consisting of a bright blue shirt and khaki pants, i also have to be cheerful and responsible for sales. a thousand dollar sale is a failure...in general, for every thousand dollars a customer intends to spend, i'm supposed to tack on *at least* another two hundred in shit. a lot of customers don't want to hear about this shit, let alone buy it, so work can be quite fun.
if i've learned one thing about my last year in retail, it's that i hate customers. they can all die and go to hell and burn there for eternity. i tell myself this silently as i smile back at them, assuring them they really do need that two hundred dollar service plan, and those hundred dollar speakers, and that eighty dollar uninterruptable power supply.......
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Re: Lamentations of a retail whore
by burn1311 on Apr 05, 2003 - 09:39 AM
(User info | Send a Message) | | see, with my job i dont interact with may people. i act on my citys equivlent to broadway. my onty bad things are evil directors and memorizing lines. |
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