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Articles: Dad
Posted by Comedian on Thursday, July 13, 2006 - 12:09 AM PST

Whining
This isn't about Shmeng or goths or not goths or anti-goths or ranting. This is about family.
Giles Ferguson Rider - May 19, 1945 - March 28, 2006

The first time it really hit me was driving down to Reno with a couple of friends the other day. The iPod in the front of the car was cycling tunes, and it finally hit on a Led Zeppelin streak - maybe five, maybe six songs in a row - and I realized I had never asked dad what he thought of Led Zeppelin. That was his era - his younger years. He probably would have said something like, "Who? Whining limeys!" Perhaps it would have been something else equitably offacious. But he wasn't there to say it.

I haven't stopped crying since. Ten thousand questions I never got to ask him - probably the same amount of things he wanted to tell me - and now the time for us to share those thoughts is gone. My intimate connection to the generation before me is gone.

Reconciliation comes with the knowledge that he stuffed me so full of so many beautiful things and understanding and lessons in the time I had with him on this earth - all of which he found to be the most pleasing to him. P.G. Wodehouse, good food, sincerity and sarcasm enough to get through the day. He imparted his passions to me and lucidly told me the 'why' of those loves. In his world, where 'the best was hardly good enough,' he gave me his best.

I miss him intensely. I don't dream of his spirit coming to me, I don't wish for him to be here on this earth suffering in the same manner he was before he passed on. I miss that he will never again instill my imagination with the best dreams, or show me the foolishness of having answers without questions.

The only man I ever admired or truly respected is gone. Now, I have to become that man.

He only ever told me he was proud of me. Thanks, Dad.



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Dad | Login/Create an account | 6 Comments
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Re: Dad
by Carmine (-)
on Jul 16, 2006 - 12:43 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
(Cautiously de-cloaking as a newcomer): A legacy of heart and mind becomes a work of art when it is treasured, passed on and added to with each passing. It is a form of immortality. Thank you for reminding me about what we owe to those of our elders who pass on courage, conscience, creativity and appreciation. Grace be to you and your father.


Re: Dad
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.net)
on Jul 20, 2006 - 08:09 PM
(User info | Send a Message) http://www.saradevil.net
I think that is one of the things about death. It never hits you so much at the time, as it does later, when you least expect it. You put that sentiment so beautifully into words. Thank you for sharing it.


Re: Dad
by Nie (simim23@gmail.com)
on Jul 29, 2006 - 01:39 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://mistresschaokaomiao.deviantart.com
It's taking me a while to come to terms with my grandfather's death. He's always lived with my grandma down the street from me, and it's odd to realize that it's not "Nana and Papa" anymore, but just Nana.

I don't think it's hit me quite fully yet.

I couldn't even compare it to losing my father. It's not even close.

Through death, however, comes revelation. Sometimes, it takes something like death to make you think of all that you haven't fulfilled in your life, and you live life just a little more fuller than before.


Re: Dad
by Dolorosa (SixOfSwords@IU.zzn.com)
on Aug 06, 2006 - 07:55 AM
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I haven't yet run into this myself...and I severely dread the day that I do.

There's a very honest and heartfelt sentiment here and I do admire that.

Good luck with carrying the legacy dude, sounds like your starting out with your heart in the right place.


Re: Dad
by Schizo (Aranea@Spidersdance.com)
on Aug 06, 2006 - 10:18 AM
(User info | Send a Message) http://
When my uncle died of cancer ten years ago, I somehow unable to cry or feel grief for quite some time, even though I was in the house when he died, and everyone around me was crying. It hit me maybe 6 months later, though, and I suddenly found myself crying my eyes out in the middle of the night at a friend's house.

And when my father was in a near-fatal car accident a couple years ago, it was much the same. I am not close to him, and feel very little emotional bond. I thought that I was going to be fine until a couple weeks later, when I surprised myself by breaking down at work.

It seems that events like these often put people into emotional shock. Delayed reactions don't mean a lack of feeling - often it designates too much feeling for the person to deal with at the moment.

It is only later, when the shock wears off, and the strangeness of the new loss gets more familiar, that we start to realize and notice the little ways that the change in our life affects us, and this can trigger sudden expression of grief that can catch us off guard. And often this goes with less sympathy or emotional support than grief that is expressed right at the time of the loss. It is unfortunate.

My heart goes out to you in this new realization of your loss.


  • Re: Dad by Shadows_of_Death on Oct 24, 2006 - 09:33 AM
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