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Lemmings on Parade: Memoirs of an Unremarkable Man: my first memory |
Posted by
feralucce on Saturday, January 14, 2006 - 04:31 PM PST
My first memory
Some people say they can remember their own birth, and others are unable to remember their childhood before puberty. My first coherent and complete memory is one of terror – not at the situation, but at the actions of those around me. A gator, common in the southern united states, had found its way into the yard - which was not surprising considering the yard bordered the bayou. The small (no more than a foot and a half long) was sunning itself on a rock several feet from me. We had an understanding in those days – me and the animals I mean. They didn't bother me and I didn't bother them and my mother ruined all of that in one rash action.
Screaming like a banshee of Irish myth, she cam flying down the back stairs of the house. She approached the small reptile with the intent to frighten him away. Instead, millions of years of evolution told him that she was of no threat and he just sat there. The critter had the decency to open one eye in surprise when she started yelling, but that was all. Without thinking, she ran back into the house and came back out with a broom. With a mighty downward swing smacked that gator with it.
A yelp of pain met her efforts and spurred her into a frenetic flurry of motion. The poor thing tried to flee, mostly out of surprise, but she would have none of that. She was primal woman defending her cub with the ferocity bred into her by millions of years of uncivilized living in the wilderness. The primal woman-beast would not let her leave the poor creature be, in spite of my cries for mercy.
Each step brought another blow, and each blow brought another yelp of pain. Each blow also slowed him slightly, till his flight was nothing more than a weak limping crawl, and eventually, stillness. Still the beating continued, long after the fleeing had ceased, and long after the heart had stilled. She had killed it for nothing more than enjoying warmth of a summers day.
She tried to console my wailing cry, but that would not happen. My tears of anger and dismay were hot and fat, streaming down my dirty face, making small rivulets of mud where they traveled. I was too young then for the words, but I wanted her to leave me alone, never to touch me again for the casual brutality visited upon an innocent creature. That night, I had my first nightmare because of that. A fat female gator was staring at me asking “Why?”
“Why?” Words edge with pain and tinged with rage.
I didn't have words, but intent was read clearly in this dream. “Why what?”
“Why did you let her do that? My child, my brood, my blood – dead, and you did nothing to stop her. Why?”
“She's big, I am small, i could do nothing.”
“Excuses. The divine, the primal god in all things, gives us the power to do what is right. Choose to do right, or choose to die.”
In a rush so fast that it was nothing more than a blur, she ran forward and tore into me. I understood that night, that what my mother had done was wrong. I didn't know it then, but I hated her for it. And I still do.
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Memoirs of an Unremarkable Man: my first memory | Login/Create an account | 6 Comments |
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Re: Memoirs of an Unremarkable Man: my first memory
by Psychopixi (psychopixi.at.hotmail.com)
on Jan 15, 2006 - 07:55 AM
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That's such a sad, and yet profound memory. I really had to choke back tears while reading that.
I feel somewhat hypocritical that I responded like that though. Your article highlights the fact that killing an animal, when it's doing nothing more than living its life; not threatening you is wrong... but I still kill spiders.
Reading over that it half sounds stupid for comparing a spider to an alligator, because so many people dislike spiders, and see them as trivial little things, but the other half of me feels stupid for thinking like that, because the whole point is that they're still living things.
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Re: Memoirs of an Unremarkable Man: my first memory
by gothicmorman (litty_klj@hotmail.com)
on Jan 16, 2006 - 12:33 AM
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Very sad.
It reminds me of a story by Dr. Seuss - Horton Hears A Who. The main message is that "a person's a person, no matter how small"
I think on of my first clear memories is my mom and dad fighting. at least they didn't kill each oither though. I'll be thinking about the alligator for a while now.
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Re: Memoirs of an Unremarkable Man: my first memory
by Starlight on Jan 23, 2006 - 09:35 PM
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I felt real pain when I read this exerpt from your life. I'm sorry that it happened to you, and I thank you for sharing it with us.
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