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Disillusion: the kiss |
Posted by
bunnyinwonderland on Friday, May 20, 2005 - 10:42 AM PST
I lifted a finger and ran it across the keys of the mindless piano. Turning towards the balcony I thought about what it would be like to jump off and hit the floor of the sands below.
I often fantasized about death and the repercussions that would follow. What a rivalry it would be to have some torrid being find your suicidal remains covered in a pool of blood. It really makes me think about how useful we really are in this embodiment always seeking but never found. A beauty lies within the darkness that many forsake as a persona gone awry or destruction that we are all doomed to. As I stand and face the hall light a single tear falls and I wipe it away before facing them all again.
Marisol approaches me with a look on her face that I would define as a mixture of concern and lust. The faint shimmer of cold across her face made her look like a child about to release excitement by way of screaming. The thought made me smile and wonder if she had been up to something else perhaps with some one else. She took my hand and placed it around her curvy waist as the skin beneath my hand began to radiate heat. I looked into her aqua eyes and saw the intent and brought the nape of her neck to my lips.
A resonating formed and floated about my ears. The skin beneath me tasted like roses smell crisp, soft and sweet. She pulled my face to her own and joined us together in a kiss. It felt like rain and tasted like rum as she mashed my hips into her own. I entangled my hands into her waist length brunette hair deepening the kiss. She seemed to be releasing me of this remorse yet I still felt grounded to this place. Finally I broke the kiss’s intensity to look into her eyes as they opened to greet me.
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Average Rating : 2.5
Total ratings : 2
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the kiss | Login/Create an account | 10 Comments |
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Re: the kiss
by callei on May 20, 2005 - 10:59 AM
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Everything that has survived the last few hard drive crashes and was sitting in the "slush" pile is being posted. I am not checking for spelling, grammar, cohesion, interest, point, or value of any kind.
All I am doing is adding some paragraphing so its easier to read that a page of solid text, and posting them.
On the bright side.... the next few chapters of toy dolls will also be posted over the next few weeks.
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Re: the kiss
by Merry_Widow on May 20, 2005 - 01:15 PM
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Is this an actual event, or is it fiction? I see that it is posted under the whole disillusionment bit, but I have my doubts as to the veracity of the episode.
There are a few things I'll pint out. First of all, tense shifts are best left to the pros. You are not a pro, so please, watch those shifts. Second you are using some metaphors and similes in here that are just bizaare and ultimately uneffective. Whats the use of having a descriptive comparison if it makes no sense whatsoever? For example, "The faint shimmer of cold across her face made her look like a child about to release excitement by way of screaming." Buh? Lastly, the single tear is just...well. Let's just say the last three stories I read that I would classify as virgin porn all had that single tear.
This needs work, bunny-me-boy.
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don't forget this little gem...
by Kira (mod_complex-at-hotmail.com)
on May 22, 2005 - 12:46 PM
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"What a rivalry it would be to have some torrid being find your suicidal remains covered in a pool of blood."
So, someone finding your remains somehow causes a competition?
"Dude, my suicide was SO more goth than YOUR suicide!"
"Well, at least mine was more torrid."
Holy bad vocabulary, Batman.
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