|
|
Currently no members online:)
You are an anonymous user. You can register for free by clicking here |
We have 38 guests online !
|
|
|
 |
 |
| Preach: Anatomy of a Human Sore |
Posted by
Schizo on Wednesday, May 19, 2004 - 12:02 AM PST
Once upon a time, not too long ago, there was a girl. This girl lived in a small town with a mom and a dad and a big sister and a little sister and a lot of cats. Like all kids, sometimes she had fun, and sometimes she didn't. Sometimes she was happy, and sometimes she wasn't. And she grew.
Oh yes, this girl grew. Like all girls do, she turned into a teenager. And like many teenagers do, she became rebellious. It didn't help that her mom was too busy with her boyfriends on the side to spend time teaching her daughters how to live. This girl was on her own, to figure it out by herself.
Well, this girl found a way to get the attention she craved. There was a reason why her mother could get all the boyfriends she wanted, and this girl inherited that reason. Long, reddish-brown hair, big blue eyes, tall and thin with legs up to there, she walked through town and the boys and men followed her everywhere with their tongues hanging out. And she got attention. God did she get attention. And she loved it. No longer just a middle sister, just another daughter. Now she was important. And damn did it feel good. She couldn't get enough of it. She was the town's wild child.
Now along came trouble, in the form of a young man. He was born in that town, and was just returning from Florida after the death of his mother. Edgy and mysterious, with a who-cares exterior and a world of pain inside, he caught her imagination. He was older, would have been barely out of high school if he hadn't dropped out, and he had a car, a job, and an apartment. He was danger and security all in one, and she wanted both. Her dad had just had enough of her mother's games and left them all, and she felt her entire world rock with the stress of that. She needed support, a new home to replace the old. And the pain in her called to the pain in him and claimed kinship.
This boy was raw with the pain of losing his mother, and dazed by the difficult task of making his way in the world alone. And that was the thing - he was so alone, desperately alone. And when the wild child came and cast her line, he fell for it, hook, line and sinker. She was his world and his reason for living.
But she hadn't changed. She still had all her followers, all her men, and she liked it, oh, how she liked it. She would do them in the back of a friends car, she would do them on the top of the mountain, she would do them anywhere. But she felt bad, because she knew it was wrong to do it behind her boy's back. So she confessed. And he left her.
But he came back. He had to - she was all he had, and he couldn't let it go. So they got back together, and swore they would never part, with the intensity of two children playing with love. And it was then that she decided. He would be the one. Her new family, her new life to replace the old, broken one. And so they had a baby.
Yes, how stupid was that. Children having children. You've heard the phrase, and there's a reason you've heard it. Because children aren't meant to have children of their own. They're meant to go to school, and learn, and be carefree. But don't try to tell it to these children, because they're the anti-couple, and they do things their own way. They know better. Don't we wish we all knew as much as them.
So she had a baby, her son, their son. And she dropped out of school to take care of the baby. And her mother, her very troubled mother kicked her out. So of course, she moved in with her boyfriend. He swore to her family that he would care for her. So he quit his job stocking at the grocery store, and got a new job at a factory, and worked his tail off to provide for her and their son.
She loved her new life. Her new family. But it wasn't enough. The wild child couldn't settle down. The men still followed her and the baby carriage up and down the streets, and now they followed her to her home while her boyfriend was away at work. And life went on.
But something new was happening. You see, she was still a teenager, and still rebellious. Without parents to rebel against, she had to find a new rebellion. So she turned on her lover. She flouted his advice, and mocked him at every turn. Every bit of angst and brattiness that would have been focused on her parents was now focused on the man she claimed to love. And it hurt him. It hurt him badly. It hurt him almost as badly as the growing knowledge he was gaining of her infidelities. And around the time that they decided to give their son a baby sister, he stopped talking to her. Stopped opening up, sharing his hopes, his dreams, his feelings with her. It hurt too much when she stomped on them.
This was not good. This was not what she wanted. Her new life wasn't turning out according to plan. But she would not admit her own fault in the matter. Rather than realizing that her harshness was turning him away, she labeled him as cold and uncommunicative.
You see, she could never admit her mistakes. She hated herself too much, and the hatred was not something she could face. The build-up of her mother's neglect and her father's abandonment left her feeling worthless. She grabbed franticly for feelings of false worth from the attentions of men. The power she gained from manipulating their feelings made her feel worthy. She would not sabotage that feeling by admitting failure of any kind. She stuffed her feelings of self-hatred deep inside, and covered it over with a thick veneer of self-importance to the extreme. She was the amazing herself, and let no one forget it.
But she was discovering a new power, one that helped even more to cover her self-hatred, even while it fed it inside her. She was discovering the power to make people feel horrible. To make them feel lower than insects. To make them angry, and sad. She was getting addicted to the power. No longer were her men kept around her for the attention, they were also there to make her boyfriend feel awful. And she pushed at him and prodded at him, deliberately stirring his anger, driving him mad, bringing out all the worst in him, feeding it and making his faults grow. She was intoxicated by the power.
And this fulfilled another need - the need for a scapegoat. She needed someone to blame for her failures. And who better than her nearest and dearest? Everything that was wrong with their relationship was his fault. Even her infidelities were his fault. All her self-loathing was projected on him, and a little on their son who resembled him so much. Besides, if she could prove everyone around her to be horrible people, then that meant she was better and more valuable, right?
The poor man was torn - torn between love and pity for this wreck of a human, and his own growing misery. The knowledge was growing on him that this life would not last. But what was his alternative? To leave his family, his children, and this relationship that, however diseased, was still all that was valuable in his life? To leave behind everything he had fought and worked for, that he had invested every bit of his life in? This was a decision he did not know how to make, so he stayed, growing angrier, and more depressed, and more hopeless.
Those who know me will know that this is where I came in. Those who know me will know how I fought long and hard to give this man the strength to break away and build a new life. To redeem the mistakes of the past and fulfill the potential that was being held down.
The question is now, what do we do about this wreck of a human, this little hurt girl who lives to hurt others? This human sore? Do we pity her? Hate her? Both? What do you do with someone who so desperately needs help, but only wants to destroy her helpers? And how do people become like this? Why will one person take the pain of life and become strong and beautiful in response, and another will become weak and poisonous? Is it something you are born with? Something you are taught? I really wish I knew.
|
| |
| |
|
|
Average Rating : 4.0
Total ratings : 2
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Anatomy of a Human Sore | Login/Create an account | 15 Comments |
|
| | Comments are owned by the poster. We aren't responsible for their content. |
Re: Anatomy of a Human Sore
by IamSquid (undisclosed)
on May 19, 2004 - 11:28 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://www.goodandevilgoround.com
|
I admire yor need to see things from where the enemy stands. Sympathy is an important feat for a person to master. Everybody has a story to tell. Her and though it's important to have sympathy, history does not justify a person's actions.
People are the way they are because they have learned how to use what they have to get what they think they want. People become miserable because they realize what they have is not what they want. How they chose to behave when their miserable is when things become chaotic. Often the "misery loves company" cliche comes into play.
It is unfortunate that this is how much of the world opperates: people who have something to prove to themselves that is projected onto the rest of the world. Oh how painful it is to change, maybe it's just easier to change the world.
I realize this girl has wronged yoo and perhaps being sympathetic to her situation would benefit yor situation. Just make it clear yoo that will not give her an opening to fuck yoo through.
|
If it is a boil then we should certainly lance it.
by Dolorosa (SixOfSwords@IU.zzn.com)
on May 20, 2004 - 08:03 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
|
Your such a sweetheart girl. I doubt I would have bothered to even attempt a deeper look into the machinations of someone who gave me trouble. Your rara avis no doubt.
Still...I'd turn the knife a few times just to make sure.
Don't let your sympathy get in the way of knowing when to throw down. A lot of good people lose bad when they hesitate to give some dirtbag a chance.
Shit can have a thousand reasons for being shit, and every one of them can be great reasons...but it doesn't change the fact that it's still shit.
You're gold Schizo, without a shadow of a doubt, and you demonstrate it every time you talk.
|
Re: Anatomy of a Human Sore
by Squire-of-Gothos (Brian0049@hotmail.com)
on May 20, 2004 - 04:20 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://
|
|
It's that god damned human condition again, lurking around, kicking people in the lungs and making them forget they could even breathe in the first place. When you have someone who has so lost the ability to realize the reality of what they do to people, it almost impossible to see any solution to the problem except dropping them down the same dark hole they put others in. You could just orchestrate a massive fallout of the girl's social enviroment: Let all the guys in town know she's a diseased scourge, make her friends think she's a backstabber, let her family know the truth. That has a surpirising tendency to turn a hate mongering retch int a bawling infant in a few weeks. And if I've learned anything from this country, it's that if you don't have someone else to blame, hate and fear, what good are you? At least when you've reached the point of total atrophy towards compassion.
|
Re: Anatomy of a Human Sore
by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com)
on May 20, 2004 - 05:44 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://www.hotelshade.com
|
|
Honestly? Give her to Devin, if anyone can straighten her out he can, and he is the best of all of us at drawing on the exxxperience and wisdom of the family we have created here on Shmeng. Between the bunch of us, if she is redeemable, we could do it, and if there is one person who can bring it all together to make it work, Devin is that person.
|
Re: Anatomy of a Human Sore
by callei on May 20, 2004 - 07:36 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://http://
|
I say
get a rope!
no seriously, some rabid dogs just need to be put down before they can infect anyone else. People become like this because it works, not in the long run, but in the short term. it is easier than fighting and some people take that route.
If and when she does break it will be catastophic for her, and her kids. the woman they call mom (if they even do) will die and someone else will be in that body. and unfortunately it will probably be even worse that the person in there now.
|
Re: Anatomy of a Human Sore
by gothicmorman (litty_klj@hotmail.com)
on May 23, 2004 - 02:33 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://
|
i have a friend so much like yourit is frightening. I have no advice to give you because i don't know what to do myself. All I can think of is to stay friends and hope she has an epiphany along the way. Return harsh words with kindness and don't let her make you feel like shit, if you don't let her control you then you have the power and im just guessing that it will drive her up the wall. break her then you can fix her right? its just like they say, "If it's not barouqe, don't fix it!" (sp?)...
the ruthless
|
Re: Anatomy of a Human Sore
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.com)
on Jun 07, 2004 - 09:00 PM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://www.saradevil.com
|
When you read something like this it becomes completely apparent why you are the mother confessor. You can even see into people who don't confess to you.
Unfortunately you're tied to this girl in a way that makes it very difficult to do something like pack up and move away. At the same time there is not much you can do to help her, and there may not be much you can do to help the kids. But, if you're going to try, I'd say do what you can to give the children a sense of self-respect, and responsiblity. With a mother like this all they will ever see is instability, fear, self-loathing, and chaos. Even if they can't get affirmation from her, if there is another source for it, it will give them the strenght to become something more.
There is no easy answer Schiz, and your writing, and answers to all the post shows that you know that, but I do hope it will come out well for you in the end.
|
|
|
