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Mistress Manners: Attention Whores |
Posted by
callei on Sunday, April 18, 2004 - 08:41 PM PST
As many of you know, there are lots of attention whores on the planet. They come in all flavors from the asshole to the zeitgeist (look it up). Generally seen as antagonistic, apologetic, and asinine, they are boring, banal, and bothersome at the best of times. At the worst of times, they are capricious, constipated, and corny. Or is that dull, disastrous, and deranged. Anyhow, here are some of the types that we see here the most.
The perennial newbie: always shirks blame because they are still "new" and wants to be praised constantly for managing to not break a rule, managing to comment on something, or read their email. These are probably my least favorite since they try to raise ignorance to a virtue. These find their forums deleted and their comments gone if they try it too often.
The “me too-er”: comments a lot, but the comments just say me too. Doesn’t matter if they contradict themselves (often the best way to spot them and differentiate them from other kinds that use this same method) or even know what the comment was about. They cry when you call them on it. I always imagine them with huge lips and small stubby wings. It makes it more fun.
The “holier than thou”: pretends that they know what you meant, no matter what you said and that it was some sort of attack on all they hold dear. Tries to expand an argument to include everything under the sun no matter how unrelated or bizarre. They can be pompous or sarcastic, but are always hard to read. Skip every third word for added fun in reading.
The blathermouth: runs on and on in posts. Often unrelated to the article or forum and full of way too much TMI. Takes everything, tries to make it personal and about their pain. Then wants to tell us all about that pain, post after post. Try using a celebrity’s name in place of “I” in their posts.
The diarist: tells everyone what kind of day they are having, everyday. It’s always bad. Different from the blathermouth because they start new forums to tell you about it and write articles about it, instead of hijacking someone else’s forum. This makes them easy to skip over.
The wanna-troll: often off topic and off their rocker. Thinks that posting Steven Wright comments makes them look smart. They want to start fights so they can get negative attention, feel like they are in control, and be important. This sort of attention whore is bothersome, but if ignored, they go away really fast.
The sex abuser: hits on everyone, no matter who they are just to have done it as a way to ignore the article or forum and focus attention on themselves. Doest flirt well and would never actually have sex. I really dislike this kind since it reinforces the idea that sex is a weapon and I don’t like to be assaulted with other people’s sexual problems. Their comments are more fun if you pretend they are saying it to dragon. And not Pixie’s dragon.
The screamer: is constantly mad about everything and wants to tell everyone about it, but can’t since they lack communication skills, interpersonal skills, and a point. Their comments are full of froth and vim, but tend to lack any sort of cohesion or focus. I imagine them with funny hats sitting at a table in a cheap pizza parlor. I don’t know why, but it makes me laugh.
The will o` wisp: flits to and away from the site and tells you about their return every time, so that people will KNOW how they fun their real life is. They are like the perennial newbie in that they ignore the rules and are pointless, but differ in their logic. They don’t know the rules because they aren’t here enough to have read them, but they want to be treated like they are the co-founder of the site.
The gother than thou: wants to project their angst onto the world and make it all as black as their poor, little hearts. They have all the interest of the holier than thou with the forum-jacking skills of the sex abuser. And they are trendy. Try adding “because god told me so” to the ends of their posts. It makes them stranger.
The poet: wants to make other's eyes bleed. Wants to be loved for their most unlovable traits, wants to be accepted as an artist, despite being bad even at finger painting. We deal with these by restricting poetry to the shooting gallery and making fun of anyone with poetry in their sig line. Oddly, they don’t read anything from other poets.
The attention bandit: wants to be the center of attention, but only if they can steal if from someone else. They post long things about how they are cooler than the person that started the forum, try to rewrite the rules, or claim personal attack to get sympathy. Ignoring them does make them stop, at least for periods of time.
The kiss-up: follows the pantheon around telling them they are great and trying to get special info or favors from them. Tends to only post on their favorite member's stuff and then to just say me too or attack anyone that disagrees with their personal Jesus. Shunning is about the only thing that works.
The prophet: likes to prognosticate the outcome of all articles, conversations, and inter-relations. It’s always bad. Like the gother than thou, they want the world to be a “bad” place where “good” things happen, abet rarely, and that everyone is driven by hate. Except themselves, they are above all the weak human behavior. In elementary school, these were the kids that played next to the yard duty.
The quiz whore: posts quizzes so people will read their score and think they are cool. Probably the least bothersome of the attention whores, they are nonetheless a pain. The underlying ideology of “self-acceptance through outside judgment” (I am cool because other people think I am cool, and I will be cool and long as I can find other people that say I am cool) keeps them from accepting themselves or anyone else. Self-esteem is not a democracy.
The nitpicker: rips comments apart on the basis of bad grammar, exaggeration, or hyperbole. Doesn’t contribute much beyond personal attacks because they fear someone else will do the same to them. So of course, the prophecy becomes self-fulfilling because people start to hate their wheedling, whining, abusive comments.
The lush: posts when drunk then claims that they aren’t responsible for their comments the next day. And no, I am not talking about the people that have had a few and post, just the ones that use that drinking to excuse random posts telling everyone how drunk they are. Is only distinguished from the perennial newbie and the will o’ wisp by the excuse of “but I was drunk”.
Now, lets all be honest and admit that sometime we all attention whore. There is no shame in it. Everyone wants a hug now and then and some praise. Everyone has a bad day, a bad mood, or a bad boss from time to time. What I am talking about here are the people that are always having a bad day, mood, boss, past-life, dinner, dream, love life, shoes, hair, grade, plumbing, sibling, news, job, career, movie, or anything else; the people who never see the bright side, laugh at themselves, or fix it for themselves.
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Average Rating : 4.7
Total ratings : 10
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Attention Whores | Login/Create an account | 39 Comments |
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Re: Attention Whores
by feralucce (Iwouldliketokillyou@gofuckyourself.com)
on Apr 18, 2004 - 11:09 PM
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::What I am talking about here are the people that are always having a bad day, mood, boss, past-life, dinner, dream, love life, shoes, hair, grade, plumbing, sibling, news, job, career, movie, or anything else;::
Callei... I thought these were the things you loved the most about me!!!
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Re: Attention Whores
by Dolorosa (SixOfSwords@IU.zzn.com)
on Apr 19, 2004 - 12:55 AM
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Cool, cool. One thing I've noticed is that folks can be more than one type at once...which is bad, cuz now I'm trying to figure out if I can actually be all types at once, sort of an Uber-Whore.
Very fun to read, as always Callei...even if it wasn't entirely meant to be fun. You should seriously think about writing booby-trapped slef help books...it'd be awesome.
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Re: Attention Whores
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.com)
on Apr 19, 2004 - 06:59 AM
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Could we say that attention whores lack empathy?
Most of us, in our weaker moments are certainly whores to the crowd, god knows I've been there, but it seems that the reason many of us never stay AW is because we realize that others don't always appreciate it. Or at least that while writing poetry might be fun when your stoned, it's cruel to assume that others would want to be subjected to it, and so we should stop before we start.
If the AW were at some point able to climb out of the numbing self-centered attitude of how bad it's own life is, it could then perhaps evolve pass whore.
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Re: Attention Whores
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Apr 20, 2004 - 12:32 AM
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Holy shit batwoman I've fallen into a category of attention whores! I'm indulging in it at this very moment despite my very proper grammar and spelling......now your fun is guessing which one.
PS~ does it count when I've been hitting the rum and think, ACTUALLY BELIEVE, that I'ma pirate?
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Re: Attention Whores
by dead-cell (freaksworth01@netscape.net)
on Apr 20, 2004 - 11:01 PM
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Perhaps this site will help:
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/forumfun.html
In case words ever fail you.
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Re: Attention Whores
by KittyGoesMrow on Apr 22, 2004 - 03:58 PM
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It's kind of funny when I read this its hard to find someone who isn’t one of these.... but I suppose sometimes its rather human nature to be one of these things at one point of time or another for either long or a short time... depending on current life situations even though the old saying goes "Life is what YOU make it and not what everyone else does" even though that statement even contradicts itself ever so often. I don’t always find myself brilliantly inspired by anything to comment on an article too often but when I do I sometimes go on and on... I remember being a big poetry whore a few years back... but it don’t think that is entirely unhealthy.... Or even keeping a diary... I assume you will have to be one of these things at some point for the sheer fact a person can write out their problems to feel better. Or brag about them to feel better. Or in a constant goal to feel anything sometimes they will do a combination of several but I don’t think we should judge them... but to merely see around that to who somebody really is. I mean. Do you hate someone forever just because they have one bad day and aren’t the nicest person for that one or maybe two days? No. Unless you a stuck up prat...(which there are several of here lol) I don’t quite understand this article.... it states obvious things about human nature and the retarded way people self learn to make themselves feel accepted by the masses or to get away from the masses... it works both ways... and often time i think we should have to go through this to learn more about ourselves and to find the right way to be accepted... to make a person constantly happy... you cant make EVERYONE happy all of the time. (Unless you’re a Gemini in some cases =P) So. To bring this to a close I have already experienced many of these traits and passed on from them... its a base of trial and error I assume and you would have to be some form of whore to think people are going to be perfect: P (love you… not trying to be a bitch *hug cuddle!*)
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