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| Articles: Three to a bed |
Posted by
Devin on Tuesday, January 13, 2004 - 04:05 AM PST
Sleeping in a bed with two other people is different from sleeping with one other person - Much different. It is natural for people who are not used to this kind of sleeping arrangement to treat it the same as sleeping with one other person. This usually leads to it not happening again. If you would like more people in your bed on a regular basis, here are some things you might want to think about.
The Middle
Choosing who gets to sleep in the middle can be an interesting dilema. If you just jump in and claim the middle, you will probably be making several mistakes, as well as looking extremely selfish. Generally for a couple sleeping with a new person, it's best to put the new person in the middle. Putting the new person there is a good way of keeping them from feeling like the outsider and feeling like they shouldn't be there. Since both halves of the couple have presumably snuggled each other countless times already, this gives each of them the opportunity to snuggle the new person. It also avoids problems that can arise if the half of the couple in the middle inadvertantly rolls over in the middle of the night, giving the outside person the cold shoulder.
If two of the three people are not a couple, then you'll need to find another way to choose the middle person. Ideally, two people will be side-sleepers, and one person will be a back sleeper. The back sleeper should always be in the middle if there are no other deciding factors. Other deciding factors would include a mixed sex triad where one of the same-sex people is not bisexual, or any triad where two of the three have less of an attachment to each other than to the third person. If none of these apply, consider body temperatures, and how often each person usually gets up in the middle of the night.
Rolling over
Most people roll over a few times during the night. When sleeping with one other person, this is not a big deal, but with two, it can create issues. If the person in the middle rolls over to face one person or the other, the person they turn their back to may feel like they are getting the cold shoulder. It's easier to be diplomatic when awake, but when sleeping, people tend to snuggle in the direction of the least tension. If there are any unresolved issues between the middle person and one of the outside people, the middle person will most likely spend most of the night facing away from them. This almost always causes the issues to be twice as bad in the morning. Resolving all issues before bed is far more important when sleeping this way.
Of course, sometimes people will sleep one way or another just for the sake of comfort. If these will be your regular sleeping arrangements, I'd recommend the outside people switch places every other night to avoid anyone thinking the above dynamic is happening when it is not. Also, if the middle person wakes up enough when rolling over, they can try to remember to grab the hand of the person they're turning away from and either hint for them to roll with them (into a spoon position), or just keep holding the hand. Just the reminder that nobody is being ignored can be enough to ward off any bad feelings in the morning. The outside people can also use this when rolling away from the middle person to remind them that they are just getting comfortable, and not giving the cold shoulder. Of course, if they really are giving the cold shoulder, it's a good indication that one of the people in the bed should be on the couch.
Temperature
One thing that is rarely given much thought is that the person on the inside will get warmer than the outside people. When you're only sleeping with one person, or are on the outside of a three person bed, you can move the blankets half off of you without disturbing anyone else's comfort. When you're in the middle, you would have to pull the blankets off of one of the outside people to cool off. Pretty much all you can do is keep your arms out of the blankets, and maybe your chest if you can. The outside people need to keep this in mind. If you're on the outside, it is considerate to expect to be a little colder than you are used to in order to keep the middle person from overheating. Lifting the blankets every once in a while to let in some cooler air is a nice thing to do. The middle person may be sleeping or otherwise distracted, so if you notice them sweating when there is no strenuous activity going on, do them a favor and cool them off.
Smut
I'm not going to get into the possibilities for sexual combinations offered by this sleeping arrangement. That subject is best left to the imagination of the reader. However, I think it's prudent to bring up a few points. If it was easy to choose the middle person based on the hints above, then there should be no problems. Otherwise, you'll need to be careful to make sure everyone gets the proper ammount of attention. It might be a good idea to start the evening with a different person in the middle if one person requires more sexual attention than sleeping snuggle attention. Making sure everyone gets enough sex will go a long way towards discouraging cold shoulder issues later in the night. Unless there is a specific reason not to, it's good to plan on putting each person in the middle at some point during your play.
Sleep
Presumably the reason these sleeping arrangements were chosen is so that some sexual activity could occur. For the first few nights, everyone will probably agree on when, and for how long this will go on. However after the novelty wears off, it is likely that one person will need more sleep than the other two. If one person has to wake up early, it is polite to wait until they leave to have sex without them. Fooling around can usually be done without waking the third person up, but if it leads to other things and you are sure the sleeping person doesn't want to wake up and join, consider getting up and going to another room. Just be sure this is ok with the sleeping person beforehand.
Sleeping with two other people can be far more rewarding than sleeping with one person (in all kinds of ways). However it can be much harder to do on a regular basis. If you avoid thinking that it should be the same as sleeping with one person, you should have a much easier time. Hopefully these hints will be of some help. If you have any other suggestions, please post them in the comments.
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| Three to a bed | Login/Create an account | 19 Comments |
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Re: Three to a bed
by Cashmere on Jan 13, 2004 - 06:21 AM
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The size of the bed itself can be an issue. While normally two people can be in a smaller bed with no issues, try to work out if the sleeping area is large enough for everybody to sleep comfortably. While the main idea is sleeping together, each person will at some point need room to breathe and/or turn over and/or cool off without disturbing the other two. Consider how everyone sleeps in this matter, and it may be necessary to determine the sleeping arrangements before going to sleep. If not everyone can fit comfortably on the bed a new sleeping arrangement might be required. Also, how many windows are there, and how much light comes through them in the morning? Can curtains be drawn? Are there sliding glass doors? Sunlight can be extremely irritating for late risers, and this might affect where each person will sleep.
The same consideration for turning in sleep is required when fooling around with only one person. Make sure the other partner knows that they are not being ignored. A kiss on the hand or cheek can be extremely comforting, preventing loneliness then and in the following hours. It is very easy to make someone feel ignored, so be considerate with everyone involved. In some situations, like when one couple has been together for a long time and a third has been added, it can come up that one person may need more cuddling or more fooling around time than another. Try and figure out who needs the most physical contact and with whom; catering to this saves a lot of hurt and is more important than many people realise. If two people are fooling around and the third is a light sleeper, it may be necessary to move if they do not want to join. It is very rude to ask the sleeping person to move so that the other two can share the bed. If using the couch or another bed is not an option, improvisation may be in order. These things should be weighed in when determining where each person will sleep in relation to the other.
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Re: Three to a bed
by BlueLinn (avilinn@yahoo.com)
on Jan 13, 2004 - 01:09 PM
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When I was dating my ex-boyfriend, several times we would go over to his friends house to game till all hours of the morning, and in doing so, several times there were three or four of us to a large futon. However in none of those circumstances was there any "smut" although I always did get the warmest position in the middle.
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Re: Three to a bed
by Starlight (elenmea@hotmail.com)
on Jan 13, 2004 - 06:34 PM
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I enjoyed reading this Devin. It's rather like you've refined the issue of three to a bed into an art form. Unfortunately not enough people care enough about their bed partners to be as considerate as you obviously are. It's refreshing to see someone who actually concerns themselves with ensuring that all involved are comfortable and getting enough attention.
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Re: Three to a bed
by Shade (Shade@Gothcult.com)
on Jan 14, 2004 - 06:52 PM
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Something else to keep in mind when choosing who will sleep wher in the bed is 'incline-ation' not as in sexual inclination, but do you and the others involved sleep facing up- or downhill. Unless the matress you are sleeping on is extremely new and very firm, the persion in the middle will end up in a valley regardless of thier weight. This will lead to the people on the edges sleeping either on their backs at a tilt or on their sides facing downhill (towarsd the center of the bed) or facing uphill (facing out). If this kind of knowledge can had before the actual sleep portion of the night's events occurs, again, much of the fear that can come from the "am I getting the cold shoulder?" question can be alleviated. Also, this can help with the decision not only of who sleeps on the outside, but who will be sleeping on the right/left.
If one person sleeps uphill and has to get up earliest, and the middle person sleeps on their left, perhaps putting the uphill early riser on the right hand side of the ped will be well advised because that way the early riser will not be trying to slide out from under the yummy sleepy hugs of the person in the middle and potentially waking the whole trine.
As an addition to the temperature points, find out who needs the most warmth and who gets the most easily overheated in the night. If you are prone to kick one leg out from under the blankets even on the coldest of nights, maybe you aren't the perfect candidate for the middle if it is in fact that freezing night out. If it's a nice warm night on the other hand, chances are everyone will get a big hot and sweaty and you can dispense with the sheets all together. These, in my opinion are the best kinds of nights, but I like it hot.
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Re: Three to a bed
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.com)
on Jan 14, 2004 - 07:37 PM
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Devin this is a very fun article. The science of sleeping together. The only thing about it is that the actual end product is more difficult to solve then say a rubics cube. I can't imagine the kind of quantum physics one would have to use to figure out an 8-some.
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Re: Three to a bed
by Arthegarn on Jan 15, 2004 - 02:27 AM
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Now, this is one of the coolest posts i ever read.
Consider this: Devin is SO DAMNED COOL he is not just explaining the best way to sleep with two people at the same time, something that qualifies as most males' and many females' primary sexual fantasy. He actually explains it as if it was the most natural thing in the world, as if it was something as ordinary as scratching one's back. And the best thing is he is so cool he is not pretending! And no one of us doubts it!
Yeah, I missed the Devin Polish... :P
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Re: Three to a bed
by callei on Jan 15, 2004 - 08:16 AM
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Something else to keep in mind is that when one person falls asleep, let them stay asleep. Dont go waking them up jsut cuz the other two feel frisky or want thier attention. Let your partners get some sleep and they will be much happier and more playful the next day.
IF two people are still awake and want to play, and the third is already deeply asleep, then dont wake them and make them move. That is mean and rude. Play quietly so as not to wake them, or go in another room yourselves. if you do wake them, say you are sorry, and mean it.
IF you are the one that falls asleep, be forgiving if you get woken up. Smut happens and chances are they werent doing it to wake you or leave you out. If the other two are obviously going to be awake for awhile more and you really want to sleep, kiss them and leave the room. Let them know you arent mad and then go sleep.
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