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| Fiction: A strange little short story |
Posted by
EyeCandyRayce on Saturday, January 10, 2004 - 04:07 AM PST
They nailed her to the wooden cross and put her atop the highest hill. The hill she had laid with her husband on. The hill she had watched her children play on. The hill she had laughed and cried on. The hill above the beach she had waited for him on.
They dug a hole and they put the end of the cross into it and lifted her up. They lifted her up so that she was atop the hill. Facing the beach that washed away so many of her tears of sadness and joy. Facing the ocean were he would return from his sea voyage.
They pierced her with spears. The spears they had pierced the elderly with. The daggers they had sliced her childrens throats with. The swords they had killed her entire village with.
Then they left. They left her there to bleed slowly as she looked towards the ocean. They left her there to look towards the village that was now burning. The smoke all that was visible over the hill. She could no longer see her older sons blood pooled around his sliced throat. She could no longer see if they had found her other two children who had been hiding with the oldest boy. She could no longer see the bodies of all she had loved and cared for. All the elderly she had fixed medicine for and all the ladies whose husbands would be returning from the sea.
She looked back towards the blue ocean with tears in her eyes. "Please come home" she whispered with the last of her strength. If only the storm had not kept them they would have been here to defend their homes and family. If only the sea had not held them behind on their voyage he would be holding her now as their enemy lay dead on the dirt instead of her helpless children.
She looked again towards her home and breathed one last breath as one last tear ran down her face.
She felt her life go up and suddenly the world began to move in fast pace. She was floating above the scene of death and she felt sad. Before the smoke had cleared she caught sight of the ship as it moved in fast pace to the beach she once stood on with smiles of joy for his return. They knew. They could see the smoke rising from the village and their faces were sullen.
Then she saw him and the world slowed to a natural speed again. She watched him walk up the hill to the cross. She watched him stand a moment as tears of hatred run down his face and then she watched him lose control. He pulled out his great sword and began to chop at the base of the cross that the 'Holy Men' had nailed her to as a message to the other 'non-believers'. She watched him scream in agony as he pulled the nails from her hands and feet and held her lifeless body in his arms. She heard his silent thoughts as he cried out for revenge.
Then she was lifted away. And the story goes on and on and on from one life to the next. His soul getting more and more hateful as each life passes. His need for revenge eating away at that red headed man she had once loved so much. The man who had smiled and loved. The man who was now dark and cold. The man who had forgotten that life was about love and not revenge.
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Average Rating : 3.4
Total ratings : 7
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| A strange little short story | Login/Create an account | 6 Comments |
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| | Comments are owned by the poster. We aren't responsible for their content. |
Re: A strange little short story
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.com)
on Jan 11, 2004 - 08:08 PM
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I really really tried to find this strange, but I have to be honest hear. This simply came off as an outake from the gladiator, and I didn't think it was even thematically that unusual.
It's a nice story, but I think you could do a bit more with it.
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Re: A strange little short story
by MystryssRavynDarque (A1Mandi04@aol.com)
on Jan 13, 2004 - 09:44 AM
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http://kauai.vibechild.com/~amanda/
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"They nailed her to the wooden cross and put her atop the highest hill. The hill she had laid with her husband on. The hill she had watched her children play on. The hill she had laughed and cried on. The hill above the beach she had waited for him on."
I like reading writings that explain how each piece of the scene is significant, and I like to write like that too. Damn those "Holy Men".
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Re: A strange little short story
by Psychopixi (psyche.at.psychopixi.dot.com)
on Jan 17, 2004 - 03:33 PM
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I really liked this story, and didn't associate it with the film "Gladiator" until I read Domkitten's comment and thought about it. It was the right kind of angsty that I like, a story without a happy, fluffy ending, though it leaves you thinking "What happened to him?!" I must admit I did expect a happy ending - as in "she died, he died, they were happy together ever after". Nice read, are you going to submit some of your more recent pieces?
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