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Theories: Platonic Friends |
Posted by
Comedian on Tuesday, January 06, 2004 - 07:28 AM PST
I am a man (Sit down, shut up, and stop giggling. It's a bad way to start an article, but I love drama like a SoCal wino loves 90210.). I have a lot of male friends, but I also have a raft of female friends. Most of my female friends share the same pessimistic view of the ladder theory(http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html) and argue, rather hastily, that whenever I talk to any other one of them I'm trying to pick that one up(I am a dog, I will admit - Desperately Ogling Gentleman). Do platonic relationships really exist between men and women?
Probably my first real female friends came around in High School. Sure, I wanted to get in their pants - but it wasn't happening. So I gave up, fearful of the end result of the monologues of many comedians - that I'd wind up in the 'friends' zone. A bad place to be, for a guy, supposedly. But I wound up in the friends zone regardless - my own actions of withholding my luminous presence merely causing them to cling to me more. So, we continued to hang out, and I crossed over into the friend zone with little protest - after all, you've got eye candy and a good conversation - what's not to like?
College(Community College, to be fair, the Disco Club of Learning) proved to be another place to just sit and shoot the breeze with the opposite sex. A beautiful Argentinian girl became a good friend, having roughly the same vulgar, sexist and possibly quite prejudiced sense of humor as my own. Though I clearly fawned over her beauty, I couldn't bring myself to try and ask her out when she was showing me blatantly manipulated images of Osama Bin Laden getting his shift on with a donkey(It really is quite difficult for a 'player' to keep his 'game' on when a girl is making him shit himself with laughter). Other good friends came from my studies - the forced social contact of the terrible fear of failure driving people together despite whatever race, creed, or other beliefs would normally cause them to stab, rape, and bury eachother.
And then I entered the working world. Eye candy at work is something of a mixed social issue - "Don't dip your pen in the company ink," while at the same time you meet plenty of people who met on the job. The usual circumstance leads one to leave the job after the couple is together, and they continue dating afterward happily - because damn, you can't date your boss.
Or can you? At my first job, we had three couples that worked there - sure, the drunk ones would always get in fights and then one-half the couple wouldn't show up to work the next day, but, then again, I wouldn't think they'd show up to work hungover in the first place, even if a spousal imbroglio was underway.
Weighing the options, I opted out of the work/date pool - and just had friends. It worked out a lot better, and I got invited to a lot more parties - I just had to ogle the clientele of our fine establishment.
Back in College now, and working two jobs after a half a year on hiatus, and I have at least eight platonic and semi-available female friends on my cell-phone number list. I count them as friends, at least - I know the only saving grace is that I'm not eager to get my groove down with them. I try not to think of them as gorgeous bits of stuff - I treat them all like my drug dealer that I owe 200 dollars to.
But I'm still not convinced. Is it possible to have truly platonic friends that last a lifetime?
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Platonic Friends | Login/Create an account | 16 Comments |
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Re: Platonic Friends
by tallidaho (jadetater@yahoo.com)
on Jan 07, 2004 - 10:21 AM
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I think it's not only possible, it is fully necessary to do so. While the ladder theory may or may not prove true, in the end if we don't have friends of the opposite sex then we lose out on some of the best friendships possible.
Then again, also enter into this issue sexual preference-- can two gay guys be platonic friends? Two lesbians? Can a bisexual be platonic friends with ANYBODY? Obviously, the answer is yes-- and while the line between friendship and romance may blur at times, in the end I see nothing wrong or impossible about loving, totally platonically and as a friend, someone who you might be attracted to.
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Re: Platonic Friends
by MetalHurlant on Jan 08, 2004 - 11:46 AM
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Well, darling, I hope for your sake that it is possible. I'm a little thing, I don't want to wreck my vengance on eight different people.
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Re: Platonic Friends
by pandoras_choice (-)
on Jan 08, 2004 - 08:14 PM
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As a student in high school, I have not yet had the benefit of time to give me experience in this department. So far, however, I do believe in the rare platonic relationship. I've had two, but who knows what the future will bring?
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Re: Platonic Friends
by bettie_x (strangersangel@hotmail.com)
on Jan 11, 2004 - 10:54 AM
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I think it's possible, but a true platonic relationship where both parties have absolutely NO interest or the slightest thought whatsoever about the miniscule possibility of "hooking up"....rare. Even if one person has absolutely no interest, most of the time the other one is harboring even a little attraction. And also in most cases, if there was a shot for one person in that relationship to score with the other one, they would, even if it required booze, drugs, or extraneous circumstances.
I had mostly guy friends in highschool, but as I got a tad older (and not quite so ugly) I began to realise that I was the only one that thought I was "one of the guys" and that there wouldn't be any problems.
It makes my husband uncomfortable for me to hang around other guys (and I don't blame him) so out of respect for him I don't, and even tho I don't care if he hangs out with single girls, he doesn't do that either out of respect for me. In the rare occasion that I "go out", and on the rarer occasion I do it without him, if a guy is involved it's only if his girlfriend is with him. Tho I do think that wholly platonic relationships exist, even tho truly rare, I'd not risk my marriage or my saftey on it.
Women are usually the ones that swear by platonic relationships, because honestly, they can't or won't think like a guy. "We talk! We enjoy conversation! He's just a friend!" Ask that guy about his platonic relationship with the same girl and you'll get the equivalent of "Man, she won't shut up, yak yak yak, I hope she gets sick of her boyfriend soon or my balls are going to burst."
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Re: Platonic Friends
by Domkitten (saradevil@saradevil.com)
on Jan 13, 2004 - 03:53 AM
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I would say the answer specifically to Comedians question is pretty much staight up no. Look at the language he uses to describe is Platonic friends, their hot, beatuiful, semi-available, gorgeous bits of stuff.
At any point will you be able to have a truly platonic relationship with a beautiful hottie that you would screw given the chance, um, no?!
However, if you were to perhaps stop associating, or at least change the group of your circle of friends to include girls you like but would not do, than perhaps it might be true. It seems to me, however, that based on your current set of girl friends, however they may feel towards you, you certainly feel somewhat differently towards them when you say "just friends" (fingers crossed, waiting for boyfriend to leave the country).
I think the larger question here is why do you care? What's wrong with being friends with a girl your not having sex with, and remaining her friend even after you've acknowledge that your not going to have sex with her? She's your friend, you're hers, so why worry?
The only reason I can see for worrying about the "truly platonic friendship" is because deep down you have to admit that you are only willing to be the girls intellectual whore for so long before you will drop her off your list of contacts while looking for better, and potentially more greener pastures, in which case she's not your friend at all. In essence, the questions itself speaks for a world of guilt you will eventually feel.
My two cents.
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Re: Platonic Friends
by BlueLinn (jishin101@yahoo.com)
on Jan 13, 2004 - 07:04 AM
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yes all this seems to be true. However, when one truely is just a friend and remains in contact over the years without flirting, this is truely platonic. I have a friend who is a gamer,, well I have many friends who are gamers. But this one is truely just a friend. I've never dated him, never had thoughts and he never has had thoughts either. But I have known him for about 5 years. (however, he is also bi-sexual) But also, on that note, he has never propogated with anyone. He did have one girlfriend who he kissed, but that is about all that I have heard of.
This, is a truely platonic relationship. Where there is no attraction other than gaming and intellectual. Sex does NOT have to be a portion of every relationship formed in life.
Now, on another note, Eunics, as in the ones who guarded the harems of days of old. They could be truely platonic relationships, because they had nothing to think with other than their brains...
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