|
|
Currently no members online:)
You are an anonymous user. You can register for free by clicking here |
We have 50 guests online !
|
|
|
 |
 |
| Articles: Streams of Hope |
Posted by
Squire-of-Gothos on Monday, October 27, 2003 - 04:01 AM PST
Occasionally, we as people lose sight of where we're going. Individually, or in groups, we encounter turning points that make life seem like a crazy dream. When it seems like all is lost, and you try to find something in life that makes it worth it, and you come up empty. When you look around at yourself and you wish it wasn't your skin. When you think about yourself, and you wish you weren't you. Sometimes I feel like what I'm doing right now and every instant before and after it, is a total waste. But everything's not lost.
Sometimes, when I'm hoping I'll wake up in someone else's house, or someone else's arms, I almost miss those tiny streams of light. They're little pinpoints, little beams, and you can pass them by if your not care full. They're hope, and happiness, and good days, and they're your girlfriend when she smiles at you for no reason, when you smell something that takes you back, they're a jealous moon, they're a fulfilled heart, and sometimes, they're you. No matter how hard I try though, it seems sometimes, my world is too dark, too dim for those points of light. The black ether is taking control.
I never wanted to pass through it all, unnoticed. I try too hard sometimes to be liked, and I wish too hard sometimes to be loved. It's not all bad though; it never really is all bad. You can't put a finger on the feelings you get when you're where I am though. It's as if a cruel joke is played on you and you alone. It's really not anybodies fault. You see, I grew up wanting love. And now, love doesn't want me.
I hate story book love. With a vengeance I hate it, because it's all lies really. I believe in movie love. I always have, and it stems from my life being a movie, at least in my head. I believe in sweet glances, and stupid fights, and break ups that make the relationship stronger in the end, and girls next door being perfect, and all the jazz and glitter of the screen. When someone grows up as if he's on the silver screen, everything is theatrics. Fights, conversations, friend, school life, walking down the street, all of it is for the development of my character. Don't think I exaggerate or anything like that, no. I just see it all as being more important, and thus requiring appropriate bravado. One thing that was a serious matter though, was love. I wanted to fall in love, and wanted it to happen with funny, smart, sassy, sweet, exotic, down home, beautiful, average, nasty, crazy, normal, bohemian, illiterate, intellectual, interesting women, and I wanted them to love me too. Often times though, things are easier said than done.
When you fall in love with someone and they you, and then all of a sudden the calls disappear, what do you think? When you sacrifice what's dear to you to make someone happy, and they take more and more until you're dry like sand, what do you do? When all you want is to be happy and make happiness, and it feels like bullets in your chest, where have you gone? What if you find out you've held on to the hope for purity and closeness all your life, just to find out it almost doesn't exist, and there's nothing you can do? I suppose it helps that we adapt. We can change, we can recover, and that which does not kill us makes us stronger, right? In the end it all boils down to one thing: Which would you rather do? Change yourself for the world, or try and change the world, even a small part of it, and try to live happily.
When you dim yourself to let someone else shine, the whole world gets darker.
|
| |
| |
|
|
Average Rating : 3.0
Total ratings : 2
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Streams of Hope | Login/Create an account | 6 Comments |
|
| | Comments are owned by the poster. We aren't responsible for their content. |
Re: Streams of Hope
by Meranda_Jade (Meranda@mymind.com)
on Oct 27, 2003 - 08:32 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
|
That's why it's best to love for the sake of loving, and when that love is returned, treasure it, nurture it without stifling it, and hang on to it for as long as it lets you. Don't regret when it lets you go. Don't be afraid to love, but don't lose yourself in the process. When it's gone, you still have yourself. When you fall in love, fall all the way... don't hold back out of fear of pain. There will be pain eventually because when you feel all the way, you feel everything all the way, and pain is amplified as well as the sweetness of being in love. When the pain comes, feel it all the way until you come through it on the other side and start all over again.
There is never any reason to sacrifice yourself for the sake of someone else's happiness. A true lover wouldn't want you to make that sacrifice. If trying desperately to be everything to someone makes you unhappy, it's time to take a good look at the relationship. It's probably time to let go. If you're dimming your light to make someone else's light stand out, maybe you should look at the other person's motives. I personally am more likely to fall headlong into love with people whose brilliant light amplifies my own until we're all glowing so brightly that you can't see where the light is coming from.
|
Re: Streams of Hope
by callei on Oct 28, 2003 - 04:25 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://http://
|
Love (note the capital "L") isnt painful so much as the expectations that we put on ourselves and the other person/people when we are "In Love" (caps again).
It is totally crushing when you realize that they dont "love" you as you "love" them, but its not them that crushes you. its your imagination thta made you think you were having a relationship that fit your daydreams.
Me, Im all for changing the world, but then i have a HUGE ego. But changing the way that you let the world impact you is way easier than changing yourself or the world.
PS. sitting home brooding never helps (no matter how good it feels), so get out and whine about it, do things with your friends, and continue to live your life. Chances are you will run into another chance to "Love" much faster that way.
|
Re: Streams of Hope
by Squire-of-Gothos (Brian0049@hotmail.com)
on Oct 28, 2003 - 05:15 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
http://
|
|
I agree 100% with what you've all said, and I think this article really embodies how I felt about a year ago. Luckily I've realized by now a lot of what was mentioned by you people is true, and it feels good to know my mental changes mirror the ones suggested by you guys. I've always subscribed to the notion that you hurt your self a lot more by closing up, and so it's a good thing to try and be close to others, if only for a little while, and if only with inevitable failure in your future. I think that's why the format was that of a question. Any way, thanks for the comments, and good luck in all of your travels through the dark ether and shining streams.
|
Another Dashed Hope, Another Analogy
by LadyCygnet (whydoyouneedit@inane.com)
on Nov 01, 2003 - 12:18 AM
(User info | Send a Message)
|
|
Your article is good for reflection. However, when I think of lopsided relationships, I think of black hold binary star systems. One partner is spectacular, possibly a blue giant...and the other is an all-consuming black hole. The more the one gives, the more the other takes...and takes....until nothing is left but a hardened dull core of what once was something beautiful...
But I tell you, that core may be hard and unattractive, but it is free...and perhaps one day, some passing energy will be drawn into its gravitational field...and once again, it will be a thing of beauty, willing to share its space with another star...this time, making sure that it isn't a black hole in disguise...
It's not a perfect analogy...heck, maybe I should call it a gravity well instead of a black hole...but it fits pretty well for my past relationships...sometimes one is the star, sometimes one is the gravity well...but what matters is what one learns for the pairing...
|
|
|
